Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Not a single one of those in either list has occurred in my relationship, except for her telling her doctor she wasn't a virgin, and the awkward 19 year old thing... but those will happen no matter what age you lose it :S I think you are being somewhat judgmental, particularly as you've never had sex. It would be like me commenting on driving a formula 1, when I've never done that (and never will). Sex is a beautiful, joyous thing, meant to bring 2 people closer. Sex with the person you love is the greatest feeling in the world and we both have an amazing glow afterwards that makes the rest of the day so pleasant. To the OP: do as you wish, it's your body. My advice to you would be don't give it up for just anyone, but if you start dating a nice guy who treats you well, then there is no point waiting till marriage. If you feel in love and you are both commited then go for it. However, not many would wait years just to have sex for the first time. I know I wouldn't, and none of the guys (or girls) I'm friends with would either. Just letting you know now. i wonder why your girlfriend has lost interest in sex?
Chubbi Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 The people talking about sexual compatibility are older, I would say 25 plus. Let's really put in on the line people. I must be one cynical 22 year old, because let's be real, folks If you are a 19 year old girl, the guy trying to get in your pants is not worried about whether you guys are sexually compatible or not. In fact, he probably doesn't give two ****s whether the girl is comfortable or sexually satisfied. He's all in for himself, because many, many men at that age are immature, egocentric little crapshoots. It gets worse the younger the OP is. Say she's a 14 year old and the 15 year old is like, "Hey, we have to have sex because I want to know if we can work great together," Umm.. no stop right there. No 15 year old boy is going to think that at all. He will think one of three things 1. The girl is easy because she slept with him 2. The girl is normal, but he wants to try other women 3. The girl gets respect because she did not sleep with him This mentality for men will persist until he is about 23. All the while, the 19 year old girl is having sex for the following reasons 1. I want to get it over with 2. I really want him to like me and we're going to make babies, and get married, and my parent's will love him 3. I get a lot of attention from guys The only time a MAN is thinking about sexually compatibility is when he gets older and mature, and he can define a girlfriend, by age 24. By then, he has had his experiment girls, and is now looking for the one. The girl meanwhile is regretting her decision to be his experiment girl and she has gotten her head out of the Twilight Zone, and now says things like, "Let's wait awhile" 3
Eclypse Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 i wonder why your girlfriend has lost interest in sex? It ebbs and flows. Last week was really good. Week before, not so good. There are other issues at play also. Namely depression and some conflict of interest over certain issues. I highly doubt that all women hate sex. The majority on this site love it. On Sunday me and my gf were doing it and she was so close to orgasm when her grandmother rang her. Such a mood killer, but you should have seen the way she pounced on me the second that she hung up... restored my faith.
carhill Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 OP, is there anything in particular you're interested in? I'm old enough to easily be your father but did carry the belief well into my 30's. Since, I've had LTR's and was married for a decade so I might be able to address some specific questions. The sum total of experience has evolved into a relationship style which is either compatible or incompatible with potentials; in my generation and experience, largely incompatible. The totality of experience has also taught the lesson of acceptance. Your path will be your own. I wish you well walking it.
Els Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 And sex is not beautiful and joyous. If the person is a woman, sometimes sex can be beautiful and joyous; other times, sex is a chore, tedious, frustrating, lowering of self-esteem, a job, messy, degrading, humiliating, tiring etc. You have to acknowledge the gender difference. If sex with a particular person is like that to you, certainly that would be an extremely good reason to stop having sex with that person!
FredRutherford Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I must be one cynical 22 year old, because let's be real, folks If you are a 19 year old girl, the guy trying to get in your pants is not worried about whether you guys are sexually compatible or not. In fact, he probably doesn't give two ****s whether the girl is comfortable or sexually satisfied. He's all in for himself, because many, many men at that age are immature, egocentric little crapshoots. It gets worse the younger the OP is. Say she's a 14 year old and the 15 year old is like, "Hey, we have to have sex because I want to know if we can work great together," Umm.. no stop right there. No 15 year old boy is going to think that at all. Spot-on. All this hysterical grumbling about "compatability" is a bunch of crock.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 ofcourse i was being judgemental in that post. and my judgement came from everything that was thrown at me, earlier in that thread!. shall we have a contest to see who can be more judgement Mr Eddie? Didnt I ask you why you arent looking for dating sites for virgins, and non-premarital sex dating sites?
Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 OP, is there anything in particular you're interested in? I'm old enough to easily be your father but did carry the belief well into my 30's. Since, I've had LTR's and was married for a decade so I might be able to address some specific questions. The sum total of experience has evolved into a relationship style which is either compatible or incompatible with potentials; in my generation and experience, largely incompatible. The totality of experience has also taught the lesson of acceptance. Your path will be your own. I wish you well walking it. no thank you, i dont really have any questions. the original reason i made this thread to find people, who are in the same place as me, and ask how they handled, being made fun off, but the whole thread just took different direction, im good with it now. its piece of information that i will be careful to share with to peers. i do understand all the difficulties i may face, i have given this years of thinking. its good for me, im happy this way.
Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 I highly doubt that all women hate sex. The majority on this site love it. no one is saying women hate sex, im just choosing how and under what circumstance i would like engage in it. how i would be most comfortable, its a personal choice.
Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Didnt I ask you why you arent looking for dating sites for virgins, and non-premarital sex dating sites? you did indeed and i ignored it! i dont need dating site i get plenty of offers, in real life, i even got a marriage proposal at 18 but i was to young.
Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Have you ever been really tempted? Made out for a while and then had the urge to go all the way, but stopped? Or does the whole idea of going all the way make you uncomfortable? Not something you look forward to? I might wait for marriage if it was the perfect girl. I'd push pretty hard for her to elope with me and get hitched that week though. i have my boundaries, and i stick to them, i have self control, i dont get caught in moments of heat. no i haven't ever been tempted
ThaWholigan Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 no thank you, i dont really have any questions. the original reason i made this thread to find people, who are in the same place as me, and ask how they handled, being made fun off, but the whole thread just took different direction, im good with it now. its piece of information that i will be careful to share with to peers. i do understand all the difficulties i may face, i have given this years of thinking. its good for me, im happy this way. Yes, don't volunteer it to anyone except the one who intends on being with you. I have never been made fun of for my virginity so I am lucky in that regard. I've been prompted to lose it, but nothing more than that. Stick to your guns, and choose wisely 1
carhill Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Yes, don't volunteer it to anyone except the one who intends on being with you.On that sub-topic, I can add the first woman whom I made love with, who was divorced with teenage children, never knew, nor did I disclose, that I was a virgin. I had made my peace with the belief at that point and decided a LTR was marriage enough. It might be different for the younger folks, especially young ladies, but a man of that age in my generation would have been laughed out of the bedroom for such honesty. 20 years of peer experience at that point had taught the lesson regarding that type of transparency well.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) you did indeed and i ignored it! i dont need dating site i get plenty of offers, in real life, i even got a marriage proposal at 18 but i was to young. Yes but from what you said, it was all offers from guys that just want to hook up. So since that isnt working for you, wouldnt it make sense to proactively finding virgins like yourself that want to wait for marriage...or maybe I should ask, where are you looking. Edited June 1, 2012 by Eddie Edirol
d'Arthez Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 no one is saying women hate sex, im just choosing how and under what circumstance i would like engage in it. how i would be most comfortable, its a personal choice. And that is what really matters. People need to do what they feel is right, and stick to their beliefs about sex and sexuality. No point in ridiculing anyone for believing this or that. i have my boundaries, and i stick to them, i have self control, i dont get caught in moments of heat. no i haven't ever been tempted Those people are there, even among men in Western Europe. Like OP, I have been raised as an atheist, and I have done a bit of reading on various religions (though I must say I am more drawn to mysticism and Buddhism), and I'll always remain an atheist. Even if (and that is a big if) OP's first sexual relationship (after marriage) does not work out, I don't think there is a real risk for her that she will feel jaded or change her stance on how she wants to experience her sexuality; she is doing this for herself rather than anyone else, or to fit in with a crowd. Based on my personal experience as a man: I can say that since my 5.5 year relationship ended, that I don't find it difficult to deal with a lack of sex. I don't have any desire to look out for something easy, as that goes against my nature, and I hate to violate my personal integrity. But that is a personal thing, and different for everyone. The bit that I miss more is the companionship. OP comes across to me as someone who goes about life in her own way. I doubt she will ever define herself in terms of her sexual prowess. To some people, that is a highly attractive thing in itself. 1
ATrainofAngels Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 no because only reason for that are religious based and I think religion is completely asinine, if you want me to be honest
JoeyArnold Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 no because only reason for that are religious based? is that your opinion?
FredRutherford Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) OP, stick to your guns. You are not alone. WE (guys) like that, are out there, just not as pompous/noisey as the guys peacocking trying to get laid. PS: you will never find me in a bar, ever. if that helpsREALLY?? I could swear that you have posted about your sexual life more than one time here. But you're waiting for marriage like the OP? Haven't read all his posts, but with his screen name, would assume he's straightforward here... He considers himself a Good Guy and doesn't (as a habit) press women for sex.... He may once in a while "stumble" or "take advantage" of an opportunity, as many of us did (regrettably), but all in all, is a Good Guy who cares more about the woman's feelings, getting in a relationship first vs. using a woman for his selfish sexual desires.... Edited June 1, 2012 by FredRutherford
FredRutherford Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Originally Posted by Eddie Edirol Didnt I ask you why you arent looking for dating sites for virgins, and non-premarital sex dating sites? you did indeed and i ignored it! i dont need dating site i get plenty of offers, in real life, i even got a marriage proposal at 18 but i was to young. .... i have my boundaries, and i stick to them, i have self control, i dont get caught in moments of heat. no i haven't ever been tempted OP -- as you're looking for virgin men, or guys that haven't slept with every girl they date, consider attending church. You don't have to believe everything they say, but there's nothing wrong with going to a church and getting involved in the church's singles groups. They won't "pressure" you or make you believe things you don't want to. Lots of guys that aren't necessarily agnostics or atheists, but may not consider themselves Christians, go to church looking for women... and date Christian women. Many go to church bec. they know they'll meet good women there, ones (like you) that have some modesty and ones that don't sleep-around or give their vaginas to just anyone.... So should work the other way around, right? You don't have to attend the service, but can participate in the group's singles activities. Groups like that often meet in the a.m. before services or have functions like get-togethers other times of the week. On church, stick to the larger "mainstream" denominations. Some of them are more like "social clubs" over doctrine-focused anyway.... OP, stick to your guns. You are not alone. WE (guys) like that, are out there, just not as pompous/noisey as the guys peacocking trying to get laid. PS: you will never find me in a bar, ever. if that helps Same here.. The bar scene isn't great for guys like us. Edited June 1, 2012 by FredRutherford
JoeyArnold Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 He may once in a while "stumble" or "take advantage" of an opportunity, as many of us did (regrettably) should we regret regret?
FredRutherford Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 should we regret regret? Regret's fine, Joey, just like guilt is a good thing... it points us to things we've done wrong and warns us not to do them again. Like in my mid-20s when feeling particularly lonely and unlucky with women... took advantage of some "opportunities" that presented themselves.... Felt horrible doing the casual sex and vowed to never do that again... ...even turned-down some "offers" I later got. One was a Christian girl who "offered" herself to me if I didn't break us up.... but couldn't see having sex with someone I didn't have feelings for. No one knows who were really are in these thread... and am not gonna reveal the HS girl's name... but regret can be good...
JoeyArnold Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Felt horrible doing the casual sex and vowed to never do that again you regret and wish you never made those mistakes?
wwwjd Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 My personal life is no one else's business. YES, I have shared private info on here. Has nothing to do with my beliefs in or about something. And, I don't recall in my initial post in this thread I CLAIMED to be a virgin. Nothing I said goes against anything I've said here or elsewhere and has nothing to do with the perspectives in this thread. Only virgins are allowed to believe in "no sex before marriage"? wait, what? I know this is a crazy "religious nut-job" way of thinking, but I DO FEEL it is possible to grow into loving someone with zero sexual involvement. And there is a whole level of connection and intimacy that is no longer seen as we get out there and try and conquer higher numbers. Can you imagine NEVER having to even consider the possibility of comparing someone with someone else? That is hard to fathom in todays world. Not worrying are you good enough or stack up to memories of the past? Zero, clean slate, both learning, experiencing, experimenting at the same time, at the same pace, together communicating, grow more in love over the process. Sounds like fiction anymore, but is totally possible. The OP deserves that option. And it does exist.
Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Yes but from what you said, it was all offers from guys that just want to hook up. So since that isnt working for you, wouldnt it make sense to proactively finding virgins like yourself that want to wait for marriage...or maybe I should ask, where are you looking. OP -- as you're looking for virgin men, or guys that haven't slept with every girl they date, consider attending church. You don't have to believe everything they say, but there's nothing wrong with going to a church and getting involved in the church's singles groups. They won't "pressure" you or make you believe things you don't want to. Lots of guys that aren't necessarily agnostics or atheists, but may not consider themselves Christians, go to church looking for women... and date Christian women. Many go to church bec. they know they'll meet good women there, ones (like you) that have some modesty and ones that don't sleep-around or give their vaginas to just anyone.... So should work the other way around, right? You don't have to attend the service, but can participate in the group's singles activities. Groups like that often meet in the a.m. before services or have functions like get-togethers other times of the week. On church, stick to the larger "mainstream" denominations. Some of them are more like "social clubs" over doctrine-focused anyway.... ^^ im not really looking for anything right now, im busy with studying, and trying to find a summer job. thank you everyone for your responses, the last few pages, have turned very positive, saved my faith in all you Loveshakers.
RedRobin Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) ............................. Edited June 1, 2012 by RedRobin
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