truth_seeker Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Nope. There's no guarantee you will get married.
DuchessKaye Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 anyone else on loveshack, who also doesnt believe in sex before marriage? these days i feel like im the only one at my age I don't believe in 'no sex before marriage' since I already had 3 men that I had sex with without being married, but I know a lot from my cousins in the Philippines, they were raised by my conservative aunts and uncles. And most of them are virgins before marriage. I have 2 female cousins who married virgin men also, and guess what? They were already 6 months married before they had sex. Weirdos!
ASG Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 yes that is the risk. its not something i have control over. so ill just try to minimize as much as i can. hopefully i wouldn't have to. So... what? Cause you didn't answer my question. Would you not have sex ever again? Or would you only have sex with another husband? What?
Author irin Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 So... what? Cause you didn't answer my question. Would you not have sex ever again? Or would you only have sex with another husband? What? i dont know yet, im not in that situation, i dont how i would feel after i get a divorce. how can i predict how my view would change and which direction they would take. all i know is right now, the present that i am living!
Author irin Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 I hope that experience hasn't closed you off to others, what he did was close to attempted rape. On a personal level i would think you have a big physical or mental block, and i would like to know why that is so. why would i have mental/physical block? what you mean?
RedRobin Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 your idea of virgin marriages lasting longer isn't true. you tell us why you believe what you do and we give you examples of why you're wrong, that's how this works, lol. Statistics please. Most of my family (US born and raised) married their high school sweethearts and are still married to this day. Very happily too. It is anyone's guess whether they were technically virgins before they were married, but I know that most of them were each other's first. Even the few that divorced later can count on one hand the number of partners they've had in their lifetime. Now, consider the number of people who end up divorced after having numerous sexual partners. The ones who live together especially. Contrary to popular opinion, those who live together before marriage have an 80% chance of divorce. Yep. You can virtually guarantee you will end up divorced if you live together first. But, since most here have little or no intention of getting married to anyone unless it involves zero hassle or risk to them, it is a moot point. Commitment is a mind-set. Those who don't believe in commitment are arguing from a whole different place when it comes to sex. I'd say the arguments regarding sex before marriage for most of you criticising the OP are pretty much irrelevant, since most of you have no plans on committing to anyone anyway.... The concept of needing or wanting to be in love with the person you have sex with is a completely foreign concept.
RedRobin Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 why would i have mental/physical block? what you mean? I don't think you have a mental or physical block. I think you've chosen the wrong forum to ask questions like this. Most of the people here can't even bring themselves to commit to 'dating' one person before having sex, much less marriage. You might as well live on another planet if you want anything approaching objectivity from the folks who seem to let their genitals rule their lives. That said, it does make for some entertaining reading here. All the drama these folks seem to manage to get themselves into with all the bed hopping. Never ceases to amaze me. I won't tell you necessarily that waiting until marriage is the absolute best way. I will say that waiting until you are sure of his values and ability and willingness to commit to marriage is the bare minimum.
InJest Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Just because a couple isn't getting divorced, doesn't mean they're happy. The same cultural pressure that is put on abstinence is likely to be there as stigma with divorce as well.
Author irin Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 i must admit this whole thing has become rather amusing to me. at first i was shocked at the responses i got, i felt very attacted, in real life, so i came here like most people seeking comfort and advice then got attacked even more, then i regretted opening this subject. but its all good to me now. i am, who i am, i choose, what i choose. :)
FredRutherford Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 i live in the UK right now. im in a very large university town, so even the few guys that i have come across who where interested in relationships, they were usually put of by my no sex rule. they seem to think they can trick me into it. someone even tried to get me drunk to have sex. and the harder they tried the more i became resistant. Your no-sex rule is fine. That's your boundary and a respectable one, IMO. It might surprise some here that it isn't only "religious" people who hold such views. Dated two women in my late 20s. One, a never-married non-virgin (but limited experience) Christian in her mid-30s. She wouldn't have sex with me. The other, a 28 y.o. virgin agnostic, also wouldn't have sex with me. Both, however, engaged in some very heavy "everything...but." Yes, admit I tried to change both's stances but in the end, respected their views.
FredRutherford Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Originally Posted by thatone not pointless, to make yourself feel better by looking down on everyone else. as polite, judgmental, self righteous people do. she just drew her answer out of you. how am i looking down on anyone? please explain? im not being judgemental, i simply asked if there was anyone else like myself OP, Don't put too much weight on what some posters state. One in this thread like bragged how he made his Christian GFs put aside their faith and become subservient to HIS selfish sexual desires. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/spirituality-religious-beliefs/320617-religious-people-did-you-feel-any-guilt-when-you-lost-your-virginity-4.html#post4009329 Originally Posted by thatone the only way i can protect my own interests, so to speak, in dealing with women i date who are believers, is make my demands obvious by my actions/advances...that i am not a believer and i am only willing to date them if they are ok with sex outside of marriage and ok with the fact that i will never participate in their religion. .... so in short, i'm only tolerant of their religion if they are ready and willing to pick and choose what parts of it to abandon to be with me? haha, sounds terrible when i type it out, but then again i'm dating a christian right now and we are having sex on a regular basis. so there you have it. okay, i made this thread, because at uni the topic of sex came up. i was asked my opinion, i said i didnt know because i was a virgin, then everyone laughed thought i was joking. they said but your not ugly. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. i have never said anything about them. yet they turned around and judged me for my choice. so i came on loveshack to find people who are going through the same thing as me. so i didnt came here for a fight or to looked down on people, if anything ive been looked down upon. but it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im. Your views are fine and IMO admirable. Am not putting virgins on pedestals. It's more about doing what's right and avoiding casual sex. it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im. The ones that didn't wait crowd, some of them get highly defensive when they see posts by good women like you. Have had it both ways -- casually (2X 19-30) and in love with my future wife in my 30s. From experience can tell you ..... it's sooooooooooo much better to ML --- where you put your heart, soul and passion into the other --- vs. just having sex. There is a difference. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. Early sex isn't so great and not what it's cracked-up to be. If someone gave me a "mulligan" (or do-over), it would be to not have had sex in HS, which I think messed me up some and scared me away from productive relationships with women during most of my 20s....
gaius Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 i have no problem with physical touch, affection, kissing, just stay away from lady bits, and i stay away from your man bits, Have you ever been really tempted? Made out for a while and then had the urge to go all the way, but stopped? Or does the whole idea of going all the way make you uncomfortable? Not something you look forward to? I might wait for marriage if it was the perfect girl. I'd push pretty hard for her to elope with me and get hitched that week though.
wwwjd Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 OP, stick to your guns. You are not alone. WE (guys) like that, are out there, just not as pompous/noisey as the guys peacocking trying to get laid. PS: you will never find me in a bar, ever. if that helps
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 OP, stick to your guns. You are not alone. WE (guys) like that, are out there, just not as pompous/noisey as the guys peacocking trying to get laid. PS: you will never find me in a bar, ever. if that helps REALLY?? I could swear that you have posted about your sexual life more than one time here. But you're waiting for marriage like the OP?
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 OP, I think it is wonderful for you to be true to yourself. Don't let people push you about sexual things, ever. It's not a thing to be taken lightly. You do, however, need to steel yourself for a fair bit of rejection. There are not very many guys (or girls, for that matter) who are planning to wait until marriage to have sex. Part of having a relationship is having sex for many of us, so those people would not be getting their needs met with you. You might get your feelings hurt quite a bit … I think that religious fellows would be your best bet. Congratulations on being clear with yourself about what is right and wrong for you, and having boundaries in order. 3
Eddie Edirol Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 i dont know yet, im not in that situation, i dont how i would feel after i get a divorce. how can i predict how my view would change and which direction they would take. all i know is right now, the present that i am living! Ever try looking at virgin dating sites, or no sex before marriage dating sites? Orthodox Judeism would be good for you if you want a religion that values no sex until marriage. Their marriages have a low failure rate.
Author irin Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 -the points made on threads had very little effect on my believes. mostly because they sounded ignorant, with no logic, most of them were judgemental. so i guess loveshack is not really a place where i would take opinion on serious topics, even though some of the poster are quite helpful and respectful, the rest are pretty ignorant, and self-righteous, and rude. and i didnt leave because its quite entertaining. - despite most people thinking i was raised religiously, or was brought up with this rule, its actually not true, until i was about 18 i didnt even think i would ever want to get married. but having witnessed, so many teenage pregnancy, and all dramas, i decided that i wont become sexually active until im an adult and after 18 i realised no guy was worth me sharing intimacy with, who didnt love me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. i have no interest in all the heartache, jumping from guy to the other, because all the failed relationships, STD's, im frankly not mature enough to deal with the possibility of pregnancy. no method of contraception is 100%. i dont need all that headache. - i dont think people on here will have an understanding of my mindset maybe because they havent had a good marriage as an example, my parents were each others only partners, they went through absolute hell together. they survived war, poverty, un-fair imprisonment, lived apart for years. moved around the world. illnesses. and managed stay together and raise five kids. :love::love: people on here break-up because their partner got fat, or they got bored.
Stupid Girl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 so i guess loveshack is not really a place where i would take opinion on serious topics, even though some of the poster are quite helpful and respectful, the rest are pretty ignorant, and self-righteous, and rude. and i didnt leave because its quite entertaining. - i dont think people on here will have an understanding of my mindset maybe because they havent had a good marriage as an example, my parents were each others only partners, they went through absolute hell together. they survived war, poverty, un-fair imprisonment, lived apart for years. moved around the world. illnesses. and managed stay together and raise five kids. :love::love: people on here break-up because their partner got fat, or they got bored. Nope, not judgmental at all
Chubbi Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 OP, you are not alone. I am 22 and I am a virgin. However, I am not waiting for marriage. I have also never had a relationship; no one's really came unto me like that honestly. Will I wait for marriage? I don't know. Sure, I get hit on a lot, but not by any of the guys I'm interested in. I am also not unfu**able ugly, and neither are my friends. As I have said before, I was surrounded in college with never-been kissed virgins so I can't tell where you come from. My friends would come out to each other; it really felt like coming out of the closest, and then we'd be surprised when everyone would say, "Me too!" I went to Princeton. One was an Indian guy, a white guy, me, my two Asian friends, my white friends and all of us were virgins. I figure maybe I will wait for engagement. Then, we will see how things goes when I'm engaged; sometimes you get really horny though, but not horny enough to get it on with anyone.
Chubbi Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 OP, you are female right? Let me tell you what you actually missed out on by waiting to have sex 1. Having to fake your orgasm 2. Wanting for the sex to be over 3. Having a drunken encounter 5. Having a date rape or sexual assault 6. Awkward sex by awkward 19 year old boys 7. Having your naked photos showed to his friends or placed in the Internet 8. Having to pay for birth control because your partner doesn't want to wear a condom That is what the majority of young girls go through; this is the fun and fulfillings things you missed out on. Poor you 3
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 -the points made on threads had very little effect on my believes. mostly because they sounded ignorant, with no logic, most of them were judgemental. so i guess loveshack is not really a place where i would take opinion on serious topics, even though some of the poster are quite helpful and respectful, the rest are pretty ignorant, and self-righteous, and rude. and i didnt leave because its quite entertaining. - despite most people thinking i was raised religiously, or was brought up with this rule, its actually not true, until i was about 18 i didnt even think i would ever want to get married. but having witnessed, so many teenage pregnancy, and all dramas, i decided that i wont become sexually active until im an adult and after 18 i realised no guy was worth me sharing intimacy with, who didnt love me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. i have no interest in all the heartache, jumping from guy to the other, because all the failed relationships, STD's, im frankly not mature enough to deal with the possibility of pregnancy. no method of contraception is 100%. i dont need all that headache. people on here break-up because their partner got fat, or they got bored. Wow, Not judgmental at all, doesnt even know shes judgmental, and completely ignorant as to how people work, but doesnt want to find out why.
Chubbi Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I can go on and on 1. Having a pregnancy/STD scare 2. Having to answer awkward questions about your sexual history to the doctor when, if you are a virgin, you can just answer, "Im a virgin" and you will get praise and skip an entire sheet of questions 3. Pretending like you like to give oral sex 4. Having your vagina pounded by a guy who thought sex was like porn 5. Having a guy critique your body/ compare it to other girls 6. Having a guy pump and dump 7. Having a guy who slept with you call you a s*** 8. Having to tell your great, new partner when you are older, how many other men you've slept with Again, this is for young women ages below 23 years old. You cannot deny that a good majority of them go through these awful numbers 2
Author irin Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Wow, Not judgmental at all, doesnt even know shes judgmental, and completely ignorant as to how people work, but doesnt want to find out why. ofcourse i was being judgemental in that post. and my judgement came from everything that was thrown at me, earlier in that thread!. shall we have a contest to see who can be more judgement Mr Eddie?
Eclypse Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I can go on and on 1. Having a pregnancy/STD scare 2. Having to answer awkward questions about your sexual history to the doctor when, if you are a virgin, you can just answer, "Im a virgin" and you will get praise and skip an entire sheet of questions 3. Pretending like you like to give oral sex 4. Having your vagina pounded by a guy who thought sex was like porn 5. Having a guy critique your body/ compare it to other girls 6. Having a guy pump and dump 7. Having a guy who slept with you call you a s*** 8. Having to tell your great, new partner when you are older, how many other men you've slept with Again, this is for young women ages below 23 years old. You cannot deny that a good majority of them go through these awful numbers Not a single one of those in either list has occurred in my relationship, except for her telling her doctor she wasn't a virgin, and the awkward 19 year old thing... but those will happen no matter what age you lose it :S I think you are being somewhat judgmental, particularly as you've never had sex. It would be like me commenting on driving a formula 1, when I've never done that (and never will). Sex is a beautiful, joyous thing, meant to bring 2 people closer. Sex with the person you love is the greatest feeling in the world and we both have an amazing glow afterwards that makes the rest of the day so pleasant. To the OP: do as you wish, it's your body. My advice to you would be don't give it up for just anyone, but if you start dating a nice guy who treats you well, then there is no point waiting till marriage. If you feel in love and you are both commited then go for it. However, not many would wait years just to have sex for the first time. I know I wouldn't, and none of the guys (or girls) I'm friends with would either. Just letting you know now.
Chubbi Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Why can't people wait 2-3 years (how long it takes to get married) to have sex? If people hit sexual puberty at 13, and most people lose their virginity around 18, doesn't that mean people waited 5 years to have sex with anyone. 5< 2 And sex is not beautiful and joyous. If the person is a woman, sometimes sex can be beautiful and joyous; other times, sex is a chore, tedious, frustrating, lowering of self-esteem, a job, messy, degrading, humiliating, tiring etc. You have to acknowledge the gender difference. If you don't believe me, look up the stats. It's actually dismal for women. Women were less likely to say they had sex because they were pleased, and more likely to say they did it to please their partner (young women) or they did it to get power over their partner (married women).
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