Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Exactly. But, he might not make this expectation until AFTER you get married, and then where will you be? Sexual compatibility is things like If he wants sex everyday, maybe 3 times a day, can you keep upIf he is physically too big and its too painful for you to have sex and enjoy itIf he is too small for you to enjoy sex - cant really feel itIs he really physically attracted to you or did he marry you for other reasons, like he couldnt find someone be liked betterWill you realize you dont like sex with him after you have it the first time and the relationship is ruineddoes he know how to turn you on for sex, or do you get turned off because he nags you about it, making you want it less.Watching porn while you have sex is the only way he enjoys itHe doesnt try to make you climax or doesnt care that you climax (You basically have to climax or theres no point to sex)He likes Bondage and discipline sex but didnt tell you until after youre married You cant wait until youre married to find out these things. These are the types of things people find out while dating to make sure they are compatible BEFORE marriage. Look in the Sexual & Reproductive Health and Practices secsion of the forum to see just how many problems people have with sexual compatibility. Its a very big deal. Thats why everyone says waiting for marriage is a BAD idea, and why its based on ignorance. Have you even done any research on sexual practices, or were you just going to "wing it"? im very sexually aware i actually regularly post on that section. i know about almost most sexual practices, im very open-minded.
thatone Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 my body belongs to me and i choose who i share with. doesn't mean that's all i have to offer, actually i have many things to offer. im very talented, educated,, speak 5 five languages, i have people that rely on me for emotional support, im told that im a good friend always there for people, i have a lot of love to give, im kind, i care for people. but you are defining your relationship worth by sex alone. you want to start a marriage based on fear? actually divorce is almost non-existant where im from and people dont engage in sex before marriage. the only people i know that are in unhappy marriages, are divorced, are people who had sex before they married, and had numerous relationship prior to marriage. in my whole extended family there is zero divorce, also they all didnt believe in sex before marriage. and the above proves my first statement. marriage isn't magic. it's a legal contract, nothing more.
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 im not pretending to know everything, ofcours im naive, im young and inexperienced. i simply have a believe, a principal, that i will be sticking by despite the risks, there's no guarantee that i will be in happy marriage if i have sex before hand either. No there isn't but there is more of a guarantee that you will be happy if you understand your partner better. There are no guarantees for anything in life. actually divorce is almost non-existant where im from and people dont engage in sex before marriage. the only people i know that are in unhappy marriages, are divorced, are people who had sex before they married, and had numerous relationship prior to marriage. in my whole extended family there is zero divorce, also they all didnt believe in sex before marriage. It sounds to me that where you are from originally divorce is taboo. That's the reason why no-one divorces. In our society you are free to chose therefore people tend to exercise their choices more. You appear to make a lot of presuppositions that don't stand up to scrutiny
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 im very sexually aware i actually regularly post on that section. i know about almost most sexual practices, im very open-minded. But you have no experience of it. You don't know how it feels. You don't know what makes you feel good and what makes you feel uncomfortable. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I wonder if you can find that out BEFORE ordering husband from Russia.... I already ordered a couple to lock them up and keep as slaves
january2011 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 there's no guarantee that i will be in happy marriage if i have sex before hand either. No, there are no guarantees. You have to figure out what works for you and what you feel is important in your relationship. As long as you can come to a mutual agreement with your partner, then you're off to a good start. Having been through the experiences that I've been through, I learnt that sexual compatibility is a key factors that is important to me in a long-term relationship, which may include marriage. And as Eddie pointed out by his list, it's not just about having sex or not having it but a whole myriad of sub-factors that underpin sexual compatibility that I also discovered are important to consider.
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 No there isn't but there is more of a guarantee that you will be happy if you understand your partner better. There are no guarantees for anything in life. It sounds to me that where you are from originally divorce is taboo. That's the reason why no-one divorces. In our society you are free to chose therefore people tend to exercise their choices more. You appear to make a lot of presuppositions that don't stand up to scrutiny divorce isn't taboo there people who get divorce. just people are raised to work on things rather then give up so soon. for simple things.
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 This is really not the same thing as divorcing because you find yourself 'sexually compatible'. Not to say that such divorces have not happened, but this is a rather poor example of one. They divorced because she cheated, period. Excuses used for cheating are usually only attempts at justifications of the act. Ok I'll explain. The post I replied to questioned how many people divorce due to sexual incompatibility. This notion has come from the fact that many of us argue the danger of sexual incompatibility when you marry as a virgin. It is true that in Pierre's case it was curiosity that made his ex wife cheat, not incompatibility, however her curiosity stems from the fact that she was a virgin when they got married therefore 100% relevant to the thread. Better?
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 need to check out the merchandise first. but i think this depends how sex is important to you, if you're a person who doesnt care about sex or doesnt prioritize sex then this might be a really great deal for you.
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 But you have no experience of it. You don't know how it feels. You don't know what makes you feel good and what makes you feel uncomfortable. physicality i don't know but mentally i know what turns me on. im willing to take that risk. thank you for informing me.
veggirl Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I'm wondering about those who wait, on principal, til they are married to have sex. Then they get divorced. Do they wait til they re-marry to have sex again? Anyway, OP I don't know anyone in real life who is waiting or has waited until marriage, including the most religious folks.
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 divorce isn't taboo there people who get divorce. just people are raised to work on things rather then give up so soon. for simple things. So you are telling me that in your community none of the people that are virgins before they get married ever divorce even though that wouldn't be an issue, while the only people that will have some cases of divorce are the sexually experienced ones? You know all of their sexual history? Sorry but your group of people are either religious where your elders frown upon divorce and it's not permitted in your community or you are lying.
MrDDuck Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Irin? Meet a guy and do great things together. Let it slowly grow into something worthwhile. After a year or so, when you feel good about the two of you, make love to him. You don't have to jump his penis right away.
Els Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Ok I'll explain. The post I replied to questioned how many people divorce due to sexual incompatibility. This notion has come from the fact that many of us argue the danger of sexual incompatibility when you marry as a virgin. It is true that in Pierre's case it was curiosity that made his ex wife cheat, not incompatibility, however her curiosity stems from the fact that she was a virgin when they got married therefore 100% relevant to the thread. Better? No, actually. Cheating is cheating. If someone cheats because their partner, say, put on weight after a pregnancy, it wasn't the pregnancy that screwed their marriage over, it was still cheating. Cheating is a choice. Circumstances that led to cheating are only circumstances, that are most often only dredged up as justifications of a morally unsound act, nothing more. That being said, it seems the OP only created this thread to debate and defend her position, as from the time I last checked, she has only ever responded to people who want to debate it. So, I'll happily bow out of this thread and leave y'all to your debate.
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 So you are telling me that in your community none of the people that are virgins before they get married ever divorce even though that wouldn't be an issue, while the only people that will have some cases of divorce are the sexually experienced ones? You know all of their sexual history? Sorry but your group of people are either religious where your elders frown upon divorce and it's not permitted in your community or you are lying. sorry i come from a different place to where i live now. i live in the uk now, where generally people practice sex before marriage. but where i originally come from people mostly have my believes and divorce rate is less than 10%
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 That being said, it seems the OP only created this thread to debate and defend her position, as from the time I last checked, she has only ever responded to people who want to debate it. So, I'll happily bow out of this thread and leave y'all to your debate. i did not create this thread to debate. i was simply wandering if there other people here who where also in the same place as me. but i felt a bit attacked by some of the responses, so i became i little defensive. if you read my original post i wasnt asking for people to agree with me, or disagree, but i welcome all responses, and at the same time i will defend myself.
kaylan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 OP, youd have a hard time finding a guy who would be ok with that unless you live in a very conservative place already. Personally I couldnt do it because Im a very sexual person and I also like to know we are compatible physically before Id commit myself to you in marriage. ** Grabs popcorn takes a seat ** lolol you beat me to it.
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 OP, it depends on what you define as sex, I guess. At what level does it stop being 'making out and foreplay' and becoming 'sex'? If you mean technical intercourse, I actually know plenty, because of the culture I come from. If you mean nothing at all, not even making out, not that many. There are some Christian couples who claim they didn't, but most of those whom I've spoken to on a very honest level admit that they did at least make out. i have no problem with physical touch, affection, kissing, just stay away from lady bits, and i stay away from your man bits,
thatone Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 yes but why? your idea of virgin marriages lasting longer isn't true. you tell us why you believe what you do and we give you examples of why you're wrong, that's how this works, lol.
Imported Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 OP, do what feels right to you. In the US, divorce rates sored along with casual sex. People that cheat, cheat. Saying they were virgins before marriage and became curious as to why they cheated is a cop out. Plenty more people were not virgins beforehand and still cheat on their spouse. If you love someone enough to marry them, than you'll love them enough to learn how to please them. This talk of "incompatability" I don't understand, unless they mean she wants to see the size of the guys cock first.
CMH78 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Irin, stick to your guns. A lot of men will wait and don't let others tell you otherwise. A myth is all of these men are very religious or conservative. Our society has gotten hyper sexualized to the point where those who don't jump in bed are ridiculed. Some men have to have sex early on, some prefer to wait a some months, some a year, some to engagement, and some not until marriage. Several couples in my circle waited until marriage and several more waited quite a while and you know what, they are all happily married most have children and no complaints about their sex lives. 1
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) yes but why? your idea of virgin marriages lasting longer isn't true. you tell us why you believe what you do and we give you examples of why you're wrong, that's how this works, lol. why what? its not my idea i simply used it as example because everyone was telling me that id end up divorced if i don't have sbm. im not an expert on marriage i simply wanted to make a point that there is no guarantee either way. its not about wrong or right, why are you so determined to prove that im wrong im not criticising people who have sex before marriage, its a choice, you live how you wish why i decide to stay a virgin till marriage? - because the idea of having multiple sexual partners doesnt appeal to me. its choice i have made, and i dont feel comfortable having sex with someone without being married to them first, and no i dont think marriage is magic, i simply like formal commitment. whether i succeed or not, i dont know, but id like to at least try to stick by my principal. Edited May 29, 2012 by irin
irc333 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) Right, casual sex seems to have spoiled people these days, just for the sake of getting their rocks off and nothing more, people tend to bore easily and not only that divorce is on the rampage. Tired of your wife...get a new one. Sick of seeing your boyfriend too many times....time for a replacement. I think society has been spoiled with so much casual/ pre-marital sex..that the above mentioned is more likely the outcome. So I would think it would be a unique spin to do what you intend on doing OP. :-) Usually people like yourself have patience, discipline, and fortitude to do what you're doing. It reflects the future and what you're willing to do. OP, do what feels right to you. In the US, divorce rates sored along with casual sex. People that cheat, cheat. Saying they were virgins before marriage and became curious as to why they cheated is a cop out. Plenty more people were not virgins beforehand and still cheat on their spouse. If you love someone enough to marry them, than you'll love them enough to learn how to please them. This talk of "incompatability" I don't understand, unless they mean she wants to see the size of the guys cock first. its not about wrong or right, why are you so determined to prove that im wrong Because I think some people are trying to justify their casualness of sex. They want to be able to have sex with many partners before finding "the one" without feeling guilty about it. Edited May 29, 2012 by irc333 3
KathyM Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 anyone else on loveshack, who also doesnt believe in sex before marriage? these days i feel like im the only one at my age I know several people who believe in keeping themselves pure until marriage. I believe that's God's plan for His people. Good for you for holding to your principles. 2
kaylan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Marriage is a social convention anyways...meh. And its one that religion picked up on and remolded. I see religion as a man made thing anyways. But OP, do what makes ya happy. I have to say part of why Im cautious about virgins is because of what happened to Pierre. Its not uncommon that after having sex, some former virgins will get the urge to play the field. I dont blame them, as sowing wild oats and seeking out variety is natural for many of us...but you do that before settling down. I wouldnt want to get caught up in that. Though I can understand someone wondering what its like to be with more than only one person for their entire lives. Its not like humans were made to have sex with only one person. But if thats someones goal, I say good luck to them and I stand behind it.
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