Best Friends Wife (super long)

[BrandiBroken]

Hi there, first time on the site. =) I've posted my on going relationship drama on another regular forum I go to but it's always nice to hear other people's opinions and get and try to give advice.

 

So basically, my boyfriend was being too friendly with his best friend's wife. It is no longer an issue in the sense of she is no longer in our lives (he has a court order of protection against her so by law she and her husband have to be) yet continues to bother me that it happened in the first place.

 

He says he was just being a friend, doing everything for his life long best friend who was like a brother to him. Which on some things I could understand, honestly, but this was just..... a LOT.

 

Quick history... me and him have known each other and been in a on and off again relationship for over 11 years. For most of it we were online/phone lines- long distance - only. We met young, I was just shy of 13 first time we talked and met as friends and he was 17. He joined the Army after high school, went to another state, got sent overseas, came back... still living states away. We broke up for a long while, I moved closer to that area but he was medically discharged early and wasn't talking to me or anything at the time so I moved closer and he ended up moving back to the homestate we shared. as our luck. Anyway, lots of drama later with multiple getting back together and break ups... the worst of the worst happened and we broke up, he told me 2 weeks later he was going to go meet a girl he just pretty much met online, did so... 16 days after that they got engaged, 3 1/2 months later married her. So our relationship... yeah. Left each other alone after a few hard months of them being together and getting tortured, then he showed back up. After a lot happened, was said, came out... he was with her still when he contacted me then they were separated and filed for divorce when we started dating officially again... gave it a shot. He returned to my life in June 2010, we started saying we were a couple Feb 2011. I started flying out to see him for a week or two every month or two until October when I full out moved to be with him. Feb of this year he moved in.

 

Now, in the midst of all of this... there was her.

 

 

1. My boyfriend and his best friend had known each other their entire lives. Considered each other brothers. Basically no secrets were kept between them. He'd known about me from the get go way back when, talked to me, got us back together a number of times. I had never really been close to him but there was no issue between us or anything like that.

 

My boyfriend came back into my life in June 2010. He spent the entire time telling me he was leaving his wife, missed me their whole relationship, it was a mistake, loved me and were were going to have the life we should have back then and so on.

 

It didn't seem important enough to fill in with his best friend.

 

The wife kicked him out in the middle of November and first of December the friend and the friend's wife were trying to hook him up with someone else. He didn't say anything about us trying to work things out, instead humored them. And kept it from me. He did not date her or anything like that at all, but he just nodded his head, took her number, texted her a few times. Which he kept from me and when I even asked something similar at the time he lied about it.

 

I had even before this event been told he had told the friend and he had been encouraging him to find me in the first place. Which turned out not to be true.

 

We got together in February. I believe it was either 5 or 6 months later he was asked by the friend's wife who he was dating when he was making comments on Facebook about us. Which he had done the entire time but they weren't really ever online yet he talked to them all the time.

 

 

 

2. The best friend, the wife of his, and two of their five kids moved in with my boyfriend. He failed to mention this to me.

 

His biologicial mother moved in with him right before they did as well. Also a failed to mention.

 

I came to visit him to quite the surprise. I didn't know they would be there on my visit and I didn't know they were there in the first place. Now, I'm not saying I was mad about the fact they were living there just as that being the case, but not telling me about it ticked me off quite a bit.

 

I will say that it was just flat out weird though. Personally, the way I see it, if you are going to get married and have children together then you need to be able to provide for yourselves a bit. Nobody having a job, not being able to have a place of your own, living off other people, living constantly with friends and family bouncing place to play... it's practically being a squatter. If you can't provide a house for your own family, food, means of support then obviously you have no place there. Now I can understand falling on hard times but there's a line.

 

So after bouncing through family in two states, they ran to him. Him who had hardly been living in his house on his own, then had his bio mom staying with him at last second, then they wanted to move in. His house was tiny. I wasn't going to move in there as it was too small for both of us. Heck, he thought it was too small for him by himself. Then add in his mom. And them. Plus six dogs. The house had two bedrooms, one being his and the other- the smaller one- they crammed all four of their family members into. And his mom stayed in the living room. So all these people, all these animals, all their stuff... in the smallest house. It was just.... I'm sorry but it was kind of gross. My boyfriend didn't like it, no one did.

 

The baby was just just born. They had an evil two year old. Seriously. Something is not right with that kid. He's a giant pot head and pill popper with some severe anger issues and she's.... don't even get me started. And they just took over his house like it was their own. Bossed everyone around. I mean there's one tiny bathroom and they thought they owned it. Every seat in the house they owned. No one else mattered. And my boyfriend would get ticked off but let it slide.

 

I stayed in his bedroom practically that two weeks I was down. I couldn't leave the room really. If I did I was ignored, or annoyed to go back in there. Plus it was just gross being there.

 

 

3. They did not pay for anything. At all. Ever. Neither of them worked, got some sort of government check and that was gone in second on his drug habbit.

 

My boyfriend was the one carrying them. He paid for gas to take them places, they lived at his place but he never asked for help with anything, he paid for their cigarattes, for their food, diapers, her hospital bill, everything. When they moved into their own place, he was still doing it. Paying for them. Giving them everything.

 

Yet, me? Asks me to help pay for his phone card, get him a new phone when in a fit of anger threw his old one, I bought my plane tickets to come see him, I took off work and he didn't, I offered to fly him out plus have him a ride back and forth to the airport and anywhere else he needed and a place to stay and us go on vacation together which he didn't take up on, not only did I pay for my tickets but the gas for him to drive me back and forth... even when it was at his assistance I come out when I finanically shouldn't have and had just taken off and come out there weeks before. Which was fine. I could deal though was a bit annoying.

 

But then they had the NERVE to ask me to pay for them. I didn't know them. I didn't come out to see them. And they were asking me for handouts.

 

When my boyfriend was gone doing work or something elsewhere, could I spot them money to go get this and that. When my boyfriend was low on gas could I pay for it, not just for me to get back to the airport but to run them around. Saying he only had so much money left and didn't want anything at the house so I could treat everyone to a meal out.

 

Seriously.

 

And my boyfriend didn't act like there was anything wrong with it. And even got mad when I wouldn't do something for them.

 

 

4. They were still living with him when I moved 600+ miles to be closer.

 

He had been upset I didn't want to live with him in his tiny house where there wasn't proper room for one person let alone six thousand and couldn't help but think of how ticked I'd have been if I had to live with them.

 

What was worse was they were awful on my stay there. After I'd flew home she was a complete psychopath to me. At the same time telling him lies about me and just flat out trying to get him to leave me. So then I moved. And it got worse.

 

I moved, he didn't help. He was bus with her. He offered to come get me to come back with him that night so I said fine. He said he was on his way and me and my brother stayed up waiting for him for hours. He said he was on his way then nothing. I was about to give up on him when he was honking outside. Found out he got distracted, caught up... with her. Like he hadn't been around her the entire time and couldn't spare the 8 mile drive to get me, go back and then be around her again.

 

He was all cute and excited I was truly here. On he car ride. Then we got to his house and I was passed over the second we walked in the door.

 

Never once helped me move or unpack or anything.

 

However, he went out of his way to help them whenever they did finally move out. I was over at his house the day before and he was like you can't stay the night because I have to take them around tomorrow early and all day.

 

Not only that, but they hadn't asked him- for once- for it. They were going to walk to the place to sign the paperwork and whatever, but he threw a fit. They were going to have family members help move, but he threw a fit.

 

 

5. As soon as they had moved in, he had become all about her. Before they were living with him and everything... we were great. Even when I wasn't out visiting him, we talked every free second we had. On the phone for hours and hours, through text all day, online, everything. Then once they were there... you couldn't get him to answer me for anything it almost felt like.

 

Yet, when I was around... when maybe we would be separate from them for a bit, he spent the whole time buried in his phone talking to her. When they moved out, all the time, talking to her. Few times after I moved I got to see him, buried in his phone... talking to her.

 

When I was around and she was around, no attention what's so ever. I might as well not have been there. He'd make a big deal all the time about wanting me around then I would be there and he wouldn't say a word to me, wouldn't touch me, wouldn't even look at me. Was wrapped up in her.

 

 

6. He never had gas to see me yet always managed to be doing things with her every single day.

 

Basically, this is how things went. First thing in the morning he would drive across town to see her. Stay there for hours. Come back home. He would be asked to come back to get her. He would drive back across town to get her. She'd ask to be taken to a bunch of places all over town. He would take her. Then take her back home. Then he would go back to his own place. Then she would ask him to come back. She'd say she forgot something and needed him to run her somewhere. He would go back and get her and take her to do whatever then go back home. Then later she'd ask to come over. He would go get her. They'd spend more hours around each other. he'd finally take her back home. More hours together. Then finally he would return to his own house.

 

Every single day. I am not kidding you. It didn't matter if I was at my house or the rare times I was out there with him. Every. Single. Day.

 

She would have him drive her to the store then later say she forgot something so go twice a day. Then the next day would say she needed to go back to get one item. And then would forget another item. Next day same thing.

 

All. The. Time.

 

And I was like, hello, I just moved 600+ miles for you. At your request. You were supposed to move out there to be but couldn't so I moved out here so we wouldn't have to be apart any more. The least you could do is see more more than once every few weeks. At least answer me if I try and text you for goodness sake or call you.

 

He would respond, I don't have gas to come see you. And I would go well I wonder why. And then he'd get mad at me for it. All she needed to ran every where all the freaking time and I don't like it but what am I supposed to say.

 

And the thing is, hello, you know it's going to cost all your money and gas to behave that way. What you do is say hey I will try and help you but I have other stuff to do too. If you need to go somewhere make a list of what you need and get it all at one time. If you forget something then I'm sorry but it's too bad and is not that important for the time being. Every once in awhile, you say no.

 

I pointed out more than once that obviously you knew and know if you do this all the time you're not going to be able to come see me. And yet you do it anyway.

 

He would say he was out of gas fairly soon and out of money and couldn't do nothing. And yet he still managed to continue running around with her after the fact. And I know 100% he wasn't getting help paying for it from her or them. He'd borrow from his biological mom. Not to come see me, but go see her.

 

I would even offer to pay for him to come visit me it got so drastic. And he wouldn't do it.

 

 

7. The best friend was from the area. He'd grown up and practically lived here his whole life. His family and friends all live here. She'd lived here before. She knew his family and his friends and had plenty of her own. So they could have asked other people for help too. And he knows they have countless people he could steer them to. Go I'm sorry I can't do this today but go ask so and on.

 

As for me? I knew him.

 

I had been in this area only bits and pieces, even when I was out visiting him not like I got familiar with the place too much. I only really knew him. I had met some of his family members and friends but I didn't talk or see them or anything unless he brought me by when he was visiting. And I don't know how to drive.

 

So, I was a bit lucked out.

 

I lived 8 miles away, was the closest place I could find, is a small dinky town with nothing in and hardly any people. There's no public transportation or anything like that. I mean could call a cab few towns over but won't do you any good with how expensive it's going to get.

 

If I had known it was going to be an issue I obviously would have at the very least waited to find somewhere closer. But I was promised everything would be fine.

 

And again with me, I tried not to rely heavily on him. I didn't ask him to drive me fifty places a day or anything. If I could handle it on my own, I did. It usually cost me like crazy but I didn't have a choice. Even if I asked I would have just been told he couldn't so I mean...

 

The first time I asked him to do something for me was drive me to set up a bank account. I own my own business and was starting a new chapter with it plus was going to be living here so wanted to get a close by bank for personal and my business. It took a month for him to finally be able to take me let alone come out and see me again. And I paid for the gas to get back to my place.

 

Next time I needed something was when it became apparent I needed to get food. Upon moving I had stocked up nicely so I was good for a long while, then I wasn't. And there is not a grocery store in my town. There isn't anything in my town really. So I asked to be taken for a singular trip to go get some food- like enough to make it through probably two as to not need to ask him again for awhile- and he couldn't do it. One, he was burnt out on grocery stores and Two, he didn't gas. Yet again, had gas for her and was fine going shopping with her. So yes, I ended up running out of food. And not knowing anyone else, not really anyone I can call to help. I could walk the 8 miles but that wasn't going to exactly work now was it.

 

So what ended up happening was I found out Schwann's was a company that would deliver food to my town and my house, only they came out like every 3 weeks. So I could either have it shipped or brought to me and I thought personal was better option at the time so I went with it. In case you didn't know, they are expensive. And not so much I found myself liking but got what I wanted with a lot of loss in money by it. Also ordered more food from another place that shipped canned items/boxed items.

 

My town has a gas station so I mean there's some supply of food but I mean it's a gas station. Then there's a BBQ place across the street too which is also kind of expensive if you're going to eat a lot and/or often there.

 

So obviously I wasn't very happy. Everything I needed basically I had to do without or find a way to get it online.

 

 

8. She has a key to his place. Me? I didn't even have the whole you don't need me to invite you inside just come on in yet. But... I could understand giving your best friend a key to your place. No problem. It even be shared between them. But no. He had them each have a key. And made a big show out of it in front of me.

 

 

9. I would never see him, hardly ever hear from him. I moved my entire life around for him and this was what I got.

 

Days and days to weeks and weeks on end. He wasn't "able" to come out.

 

The very few times we did see each other?

 

If he came to my place it was not announced. it would be late into the night, usually it was him coming over late enough that it was him waking me up to go answer the banging on the door. He would come over, talk to me for a bit or watch a movie with me or something but for the most part be buried in his phone talking to her or worse trying to talk to me about her the whole time, then he'd sex and to go to sleep. Then he'd be gone first thing in the morning to go help her with something.

 

More rare was if he came to hae one of those nights with me then would invite me to tag back along with him the next day. And at first, I thought to be all excited, yay, time with my boy. But... we'd get to his place... and he's start in with his day of run off to see her, stay for hours, drive her places, all of that. Bring her over and ignore me. He'd be gone the whole time or around but I didn't exist to him. Even after dropping her off he'd stay for hours and I'd just go to bed and he wouldn't even join me when he got back. No, he stayed up still talking to her.

 

 

10. The worst of the worst was he knew I was getting upset by his behavior. So he decided he wanted to make it up to me. After a bout of not being around for weeks and weeks, he was like going to do something special for us. He showed up during the- gasp- daytime and spent a day with me. Then asked me to come back with him for the night as we would actually have the place to ourselves for once. His mom was going to be off doing something else so we'd be alone. And he kept saying something special planned.

 

So, I go. Reluctantly.

 

We get there, his mom is there but isn't upsetting me one bit. Him running off upset me.

 

He came back and was about to go take his mom to go do whatever it is she was going to be away for. He picked me up, carried me into his room and sat me on the bed. He teased and was cute and giving kisses and telling me I had better be right there when he got back.

 

So I was a happy glowy girl as I sat and waited.

 

And waited. And waited.

 

He was gone forever. I kid you not. And then finally headlights shine through the window blinds and butterfly happiness kicks in. And then a sick feeling washes over because guess who walks in? That's right. Her.

 

She walks in, flirting with him and grabbing at his butt, notices me in ther on the bed and gives me a dirty look then goes about making herself right at home. My boyfrind follows her in... sits down by her, turns on the tv, forgets I'm even there.

 

The two of them watch their show, continue with their conversation about whatever, are all laughing and joking. I try and get taken home but no can do so I just crawl into bed and put a pillow over my head and go to sleep.

 

He never came to bed again. Eventually took her home but was up talking to her online the next morning. And when I woke up, he went to bed.

 

His mom was back the next day. She was needing to go somewhere and I was ticked off saying I wanted to go home and if he wasn't going to take me I didn't care I was going to just start walking. But no. he wasnt taking anyone anywhere until she needed to go somewhere too.

 

His mom talked me out of storming out.

 

So finally the other party said she needed something. So we all got in the car to take me home then they'd go wherever. Which was fine. I would have preferred being alone with him but I could take his mom coming along as she was needing to go to an appointment and whatever. But the fact we had to stop and get her for the ride to take me home?

 

He could have taken me back to my place then would have passed where they were living and could have picked her up then. But no.

 

So she gets in the car, he jumps right into talking to her when he hasn't said anything to me hardly the whole day expect aboiut being mad that I was mad. But he's all talk and smiling and best of times now.

 

We get to my house, he doesn't get out. Doesn't walk me to the door. (Which he does every time with her then stay for hours and hours). His mom makes a comment about the large package on my door which is a few times bigger than I am and no coming to help with it. No kiss goodbye. No goodbye or see you later or anything said. Still not even looking at me.

 

 

11. I blew up soon after this. I had a few times already but that... seriously.

 

I was like you know what, you're going to act like her boyfriend that badly then you should be just that. Pointing out everything he's been doing, how I feel because of it, that I'm so sick of this and just want to move back home.

 

His repsonse is I'm being ridiculous. there's nothing between them. They are just friends. He's only around her so much because his best friends asks it of him and that its his best friends wife.

 

His best friend was NEVER around. He wasn't ever asking him to do anything, she was. The friend would be asking me what was going on like I knew.

 

Then... my boyfriend swear on everything he'll do better yet again. That nothing has or is going to happen. All this. He apologizes for things that have happened, saying he's just trying to get them adjusted then it'll be fine, blah blah blah.

 

And then..... the best friend, the girl's husband, finds out that she had been trying to hook up with him. That she had been saying she wanted him to leave me, she was leaving her husband, and that they should be together. That she had tried to kiss him and sleep with him.

 

And neither of them told him. Or me.

 

It happened right when I moved out. So months before it came out.

 

The story goes about the kiss and all was they were up one night. Like they always were. This still when living with him. I was at my place as he wouldnt come see me, her husband was asleep in the other bedroom. They were up talking about how jealous she was of me and how great he was and how they could be a great couple and so on. She leaned over to try and kiss him and he pushed her off and almost to the floor. He asked what she thought she was doing, said she didn't know and apologized but she wanted him, boyfriend said he liked her as a friend and that was it he was in love with me and she needed to go work on her marriage and the issues they have.

 

So. Okay. This happeneing I wouldn't have been happy to know. Everyone knows that. But the fact that's what happened... it could have been dealt with. The fact that it was lied about and hidden? The fact that after it happened the two of them behaved the way they did?

 

 

12. The best friend was told, he kicked her out. This wasn't the first time she'd cheated/tried to cheat on him. an this was his best friend in the world. Who also didn't tell him anything and so on so he was done with the friendship.

 

I found out and I said eff you and I left. One of the few times it was me doing the leaving.

 

Of course he came running out to my place, crying, pleading and begging. Apologizing and trying to explain.

 

Stupidly, we ended up back together. With me ticked and weary but him promising with all he was things would be different now. We fought, promises were made, my feelings put out there on everything.

 

Afterward I basically said I wasn't going to keep him from being friends with her, that it wasn't really my place to say you can never talk to this person. But I said there's got to be boundries we agree on about it and all that. I also made it a clear point his behind better keep her away from me. He was fine to be friends with her but not around me.

 

 

13. At the time, wasn't going to an issue. The best friend and the wife of his had both all stopped contact for awhile. Which I felt bad my boy was practically losing his best friend but at the same time I was like ding dong... the witch is dead.

 

And it stayed that way for awhile. Then the other two tried working it out then reached out somewhat to him. Which he didn't tell me about, I found out through Facebook. Which not end of the world but would have been a lot better to have filled me in I believe.

 

But came out that during this time she was still trying to get the two of them together. Trying to talk all bad about me, tell him he should leave, she was leaving her husband, they could be together. To him and to his mother she started saying her husband was abusing her and she was going to be divorcing him and getting a restraining order against him, tired of what he was doing.

 

His mom had dealt with her own demons like this so was trying to help her. She was playing victim so he tried to help her too. He was back to cutting ties with the best friend because of it and that wound up with him talking to her family and they asked if it was true and he decided to pass on what she told to him.

 

Then she told her family when asked he was confused, of course her husband wasn't doing anything to her. And to her husband she was saying of course she never said she was leaving, they were just making stuff up.

 

And he kept right on trying to be her friend though.

 

 

 

14. In an ill timed grand gesture, he had proposed. And I accepted. This was awhile after it had taken place and we had been working on us and so on. It'd been in the air for awhile and knew he'd been planning to then for quite some time.

 

We were fine, though I was weary about him talking to her which I knew about by then. But she was with her family at the time and he was staying away really.

 

So anyway. He was coming around more, I was going back with him more, we got engaged. We have a great time together, tell some of his family and friends the good news, hang out at his house, just enjoy some us time.

 

We got to sleep, all perfect and happy. Then morning comes. All the dogs barking wakes everyone up. A car door is heard. he pops up, looks outside, looks like a kid on Christmas and just flies right out of the bed. I look out and guess who it is.

 

I stayed inside, right where I was. Could hear them talking and her being flirty and such. And they were just back to normal. Like nothing had happened. She hadn't been telling lies and being manipluative.

 

I wasn't thinking he needs to just send her away and respect my wishes exactly but something to the extent just a tiny bit would have been nice. But instead inviting her in? And then she follows him, is all rubbing on him, oogling his half naked self, about to run and jump on the bed until she spots me glaring at her.

 

She rolls her eyes, boyfriend looks over and tries to keep the peace. Saying I know you two don't like each other but... but he saw me about to explode so stopped right there and decided she needed to get away.

 

 

14. When she started playing all sides of the game, everyone began hating her. His best friend cut absolutely all ties with him and that was that. he

forbade" his wife from speaking to him, he stopped for the most part, if he did it was to threaten him or his family or his animals. he began contacting me saying all sorts of stuff had happened which I knew not to be true for the most part as he'd say this and this happened and I'd be like um no I was here at the time and we were at his parents cabin every second of the day together way back when and just nonsense.

 

The two of them began contacting my boyfriend' ex wife or well in the process of becoming that. Started telling her things to use against him which weren't even true.

 

My boyfriend was leaving them alone. Yet she continued to write him. She would text him over and over saying her husband had just left, could he talk, she missed him, hated how things were, could he please call, so on. He would ask her to leave him alone or ignore her.

 

He did contact them to ask when a good time to bring stuff over was. He had been banned from the housing place because of them so when he did go out there had to have a police escort. She tried talking to him then and the policemen even told her to knock it off.

 

It got ridiculous.

 

They were harassing everybody. Him, me, his family, other friends, everybody.

 

Everybody started telling them off and ignoring me. My boyfriend was even like you have anything you want to say and try and get them to leave me alone? Which oh thank heavens he did. I wouldn't have gone off just because I wanted to. So him encouraging it was awesome. My built up anger got to be unleashed. And I mean I held nothing back.

 

I went into how they were bums and disgusting living the way they do, how they should get a job and learn to take care of their kids, warned them the guy was about to be taken to jail for his back child support, get that junkie habit under control, saing they needed to be doing a better job of raising their kids and obviously what they were doing wasn't working because holy heck look at what they have, about her long history of being a cheater and open legs policy, how my boyfriend was done, they were this and that and just... I wrote them both very long, drawn out, fantastic letters.

 

Which ticked a lot of people off. And the fact he said a lot of it to them trying to get it all out too ticked people off. So still hasseling him, turned to the law.

 

For one year they are not allowed to contact him. When the year is up will do a review to see about renewal. Has an order of protection, and isn't the only one.

 

They contact third parties though. And is being looked into by the police at the moment.

 

 

 

So yes. After all the drama, they are out of our lives. Which is great and yet I know he has a lot of trouble with it. This was his best friend for as long as he could remember. He was super shy growing up so basically his only friend for a long time. And he did everything for him.

 

Everybody always said he was an awful person but the boyfriend tried to see the good in him, always gave him chance after chance. And even with everything, of course he still hurt over losing his friend, his childhood, something he cared about.

 

 

Sigh... the stuff still bothers me. I often wonder if it's just little too late. It's hard knowing if certain events hadn't happened or played out the way the did it wouldn't have changed. He's said it probably wouldn't have. That that was how best friends are.

 

To him, that's what you do. It isn't weird. You never have a date with just your girlfriend/fiancee/wife again. You never have a day just for yourselves. Never go anywhere, to the store, on vacation, anywhere just the two of you. You never have a second without your best friends wife.

 

Now to me I just don't think that's how it works. Call me crazy.

 

So I wonder a lot. What would have happened, will it again, what it might have truly been about.

 

He hadn't acted this way before she was around, not with anyone else before, during or since. Not even anywhere near it. he's been back to the guy he was before since she'd been away just about.

 

Yet I still harbor resentment, questions, feeling worthless, so on. I don't mean to it's just.... this was insane.

[darkmoon]

this man expects you to shadow him and hs choices, and to indulge his ppl, i do not think he will change, but ask him to stop the flirting wiv her, maybe he'll say ok,

[Trimmer]

Stupidly, we ended up back together.

Sorry, that's the only part of your post that made sense.

[Professor X]

Not sure what you were trying to ask here. If you just wanted to vent, good for you, but as it seems, you are gonna waste your life on a shadow of a man, a spineless wretched man.

He has you wrapped around his little finger and you just accept all the sh*t he's feeding you, way to go!

 

Congrats on the upcoming wedding :rolleyes:

[BrandiBroken]

this man expects you to shadow him and hs choices, and to indulge his ppl, i do not think he will change, but ask him to stop the flirting wiv her, maybe he'll say ok,

 

He is no longer flirting with her. He has a court order of no contact against her so they by law cannot even speak to one another.

[BrandiBroken]

Not sure what you were trying to ask here. If you just wanted to vent, good for you, but as it seems, you are gonna waste your life on a shadow of a man, a spineless wretched man.

He has you wrapped around his little finger and you just accept all the sh*t he's feeding you, way to go!

 

Congrats on the upcoming wedding :rolleyes:

 

 

Was a bit of venting and maybe a little just trying to figure out how to overcome the past. It was fine, this happened, she went away and is fine again... yet the middle part there where it DID happened still haunts me.

 

We were engaged. No longer are. Still together but the fact he had a dna test done for the child born into his marriage which he spent all time swearing wasn't his turns out it in fact is and that made me take the ring off. That and the fact his divorce is never ending.

[BrandiBroken]

Also, to him this was just normal and he saw nothing wrong with it. Even if there hadn't been flirty undertones. Me? I just think it is weird to just never have time alone with the person you are with or to do anything just the two of you.

[skywriter]

Brandi,

 

There was so much drama in your OP, I had to stop reading for the most part.

 

The big things that stuck out to me were, you make alot of excuses for your boyfriend.

 

Your boyfriend has had too much drama in his life from outsiders from the word go in your being his girlfriend.

 

You overlook these incidences and blame others for it.

 

You seem to stall on moving on.

[BrandiBroken]

Brandi,

 

There was so much drama in your OP, I had to stop reading for the most part.

 

The big things that stuck out to me were, you make alot of excuses for your boyfriend.

 

Your boyfriend has had too much drama in his life from outsiders from the word go in your being his girlfriend.

 

You overlook these incidences and blame others for it.

 

You seem to stall on moving on.

 

Not so much me making excuses for him, was saying what his excuses he gave were.

 

I, stupidly, kept taking it to the point I couldn't anymore. And it eventually did the trick. But it still bothers me it all went down the way it did.

[Radu]

Was a bit of venting and maybe a little just trying to figure out how to overcome the past. It was fine, this happened, she went away and is fine again... yet the middle part there where it DID happened still haunts me.

 

We were engaged. No longer are. Still together but the fact he had a dna test done for the child born into his marriage which he spent all time swearing wasn't his turns out it in fact is and that made me take the ring off. That and the fact his divorce is never ending.

 

Why do you hate yourself so bad that you subject yourself to this ?

 

The only person even remotely good in all of this was your bf's mother.

Your bf [stbxbf i hope], is a worthless piece of crap of a human being, not worthy of licking the underside of your feet ... what happened in your life that you subject yourself to this ?

 

Get out, thank her [if you want to for at least being somewhat normal] and get some good boundaries ffs ... you obviously don't have them.

Any normal person would have said 'bye' when the EA started kicking in for him [EA thought off initially, PA later found out].

[Lecturer]

What the heck did I just read?!

 

I have no idea why you turned your life COMPLETELY upside-down to be with this guy. I guess you are/were head over heels in love, because it really was insanity. You moved to the closest place you could, without consideration of how you'd eat or get around?! To say it was foolish is an understatement.. it was insanity to take such action without consideration for your own necessities of life.

 

Then, when he treated you so poorly, you remained? Why didn't you leave after the first week or two when you realized it obviously wasn't going to be like you expected? Why didn't you leave after months of being ignored and treated with such disrespect? Do you not think you deserve respect? Quick lesson: you'll only get respect when you demand & require it. Allowing yourself to be treated like that and remaining is a strong communication that you don't need to be respected.

 

Oh, and this woman is IN LOVE with your boyfriend - I guess just as insanely as you are/were. I can't pinpoint how he feels about her though... I guess he didn't want a romantic relationship with her, but one doesn't show the degree of devotion (for her) that he did for a person unless they have some extreme importance. At the very least, it shows that his degree of devotion to her outweighed his devotion to you by about 1000-fold. Friend or romance aside, that's simply time/energy/effort/care that he'd rather give to someone that isn't you. It let's you know what you're worth to him.

 

So how did your loser boyfriend (sorry) end up with TWO women that are (literally) in love with him to the point of insanity? I suppose I'll never understand some women.

 

Maybe this is no longer a critical issue for you guys, but I think you still need some answers otherwise you wouldn't be posting this. You still don't understand the way your boyfriend's mind works, and until you do you're going to remain worried. And I'm sorry, but I doubt anyone here is going to be able to explain how his mind works... I know I sure can't.

 

I know you're upset by all this and I'm sorry that I'm being a little rough on you, but sometimes we can get so caught up in insanity for so long that we lose track of reality... and then we need to be snapped back. I hope you make it back.

[Woggle]

So not only does he cheat on his woman but he also stabs his friends in the back? Mighty fine man you have there.

[BrandiBroken]

What the heck did I just read?!

 

I have no idea why you turned your life COMPLETELY upside-down to be with this guy. I guess you are/were head over heels in love, because it really was insanity. You moved to the closest place you could, without consideration of how you'd eat or get around?! To say it was foolish is an understatement.. it was insanity to take such action without consideration for your own necessities of life.

 

Then, when he treated you so poorly, you remained? Why didn't you leave after the first week or two when you realized it obviously wasn't going to be like you expected? Why didn't you leave after months of being ignored and treated with such disrespect? Do you not think you deserve respect? Quick lesson: you'll only get respect when you demand & require it. Allowing yourself to be treated like that and remaining is a strong communication that you don't need to be respected.

 

Oh, and this woman is IN LOVE with your boyfriend - I guess just as insanely as you are/were. I can't pinpoint how he feels about her though... I guess he didn't want a romantic relationship with her, but one doesn't show the degree of devotion (for her) that he did for a person unless they have some extreme importance. At the very least, it shows that his degree of devotion to her outweighed his devotion to you by about 1000-fold. Friend or romance aside, that's simply time/energy/effort/care that he'd rather give to someone that isn't you. It let's you know what you're worth to him.

 

So how did your loser boyfriend (sorry) end up with TWO women that are (literally) in love with him to the point of insanity? I suppose I'll never understand some women.

 

Maybe this is no longer a critical issue for you guys, but I think you still need some answers otherwise you wouldn't be posting this. You still don't understand the way your boyfriend's mind works, and until you do you're going to remain worried. And I'm sorry, but I doubt anyone here is going to be able to explain how his mind works... I know I sure can't.

 

I know you're upset by all this and I'm sorry that I'm being a little rough on you, but sometimes we can get so caught up in insanity for so long that we lose track of reality... and then we need to be snapped back. I hope you make it back.

 

I had worried about it. I knew I was coming out here where I knew nobody and wasn't grand public transportation like I was custom to and so forth. So I had brought it up with him several times, and he was at the time he'd be there and take me to do whatever anytime I needed it. So it was coming out here thinking one thing and ending up with something else.

 

Sometimes I do regret having not just taken off. At several different points in it. I could maybe understand with all that else that was going on yet still be ticked he practically help forced me out here at that specific time but when it just kept getting worse...

 

I can say, a reason I stuck around beside the obvious oblivious love, is he's got some serious demons of his past that will flare up. He's had hypertension spells where he's completely blacked out and was unconscious for 30 minutes waiting for an ambulance to arrive, he's overdosed, stabbed himself with a beer bottle, slit his wrists open twice in my front room. I've had those demonds too, in my past, but I am over acting in such a way but I know how it can be and yes something happens to him, even if I am hurt or furious, I'm going to jump in with panic.

 

He's had other female friends attempt to break us up, other female friends who attempted to cheat on their fiance/husband with him. Which I guess put extra weariness on her. He never acted in such a way or hasn't since around anyone else but I don't know. Something wasn't right. I wasn't kidding myself then or now. It still bothers me even if it's seemingly out of the way. Maybe I'll never have what I'm looking for.

 

But if nothing else, a good rant even if no one listens an clear ones mind. And I appreciate good or bad others opinions or adivce so forth.

[darkmoon]

if they ask you for money, try saying "i need it myself" it leaves freeloaders speechless, perhaps now they've gone he will be more available to you, yes, female friends, they can have motives, and some guys jus can't see

Edited May 29, 2012 by darkmoon

[Trimmer]

I can say, a reason I stuck around beside the obvious oblivious love, is he's got some serious demons of his past that will flare up. He's had hypertension spells where he's completely blacked out and was unconscious for 30 minutes waiting for an ambulance to arrive, he's overdosed, stabbed himself with a beer bottle, slit his wrists open twice in my front room.

So at what point do you say: "I've got to save myself and get out of this"? What is it that keeps you drawn to him - what need does it serve in you?

[Chubbi]

The only thing that kept this relationship going is your competition with the other woman. You love the other woman, don't you? Your boyf's best friend wife or shall we say, second girlfriend? You love her. I expect you will need her to keep up this relationship, because I don't know what you guys have without her. Women do all sorts of things to prove themselves better than another women, even when the man is no prize. Tell your boyfriend to go find his mistress and keep the drama going or your relationship will fizzle out.

[CarboniteCammy]

You know, some men will make your IQ drop 20 points, and it sounds like you found one that did this to you, OP. Or, maybe you're just a glutton for punishment.

 

the best thing for you to do is to extricate yourself from this situation totally, forget the past that you had with him, and allow yourself the freedom to move on.

 

Once a man puts you on the back burner, that's where you'll stay for the rest of your relationship with him. If he had wanted to be with you, he would have married you. But, he doesn't and he knows you will accept his excuses like gospel.

[BrandiBroken]

The only thing that kept this relationship going is your competition with the other woman. You love the other woman, don't you? Your boyf's best friend wife or shall we say, second girlfriend? You love her. I expect you will need her to keep up this relationship, because I don't know what you guys have without her. Women do all sorts of things to prove themselves better than another women, even when the man is no prize. Tell your boyfriend to go find his mistress and keep the drama going or your relationship will fizzle out.

 

That made he least sense I have ever heard.

 

My relationship was fine before her being around allll the time. It is fine afterward.

 

She is COURT ORDERED out of our lives so no. In fact she's going to jail for violating her OTHER court again with his mother.