LoverOfDance Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Just wondering if anyone knows why this happens. I know a couple. They've been together for a very long time(11 years I think, not sure) but in public, they just act like best friends. They don't kiss, hug and very rarely do they hold hands. I think it's strange. Why do you think they are like this? Just curious.
Art_Critic Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I think it is because while in public we all try to do things that don't attract attention.. and PDA is one of things that does nothing but attract attention from others.. It's also not very good manners to show all kinds of PDA, while attracting that attention gets negative attention as well from others...
Citizen Erased Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 It's not terribly intimate with an audience. 4
monkey00 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I think some forms of PDA is acceptable in front of strangers or friends. Hand holding or having your arm around someone I feel is ok. Any more than that is just too much intimacy in public.
BetheButterfly Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Just wondering if anyone knows why this happens. I know a couple. They've been together for a very long time(11 years I think, not sure) but in public, they just act like best friends. They don't kiss, hug and very rarely do they hold hands. I think it's strange. Why do you think they are like this? Just curious. I think many people have been taught from a young age to not show public displays of affection. That doesn't stop my husband and me from quick kisses, holding hands, and looking into each others' eyes though! We don't have long heavy make-up sessions in the gym or touch each other in certain areas in public, though. The main reason is because we want to be considerate of others. Most people going about their daily lives don't tend to want to see heavy PDA. However, I personally love seeing an elderly couple holding hands and walking. it's so sweet! I hope that someday long time from now my husband and I will still be displaying affection in public! 1
Sugarkane Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Well my family originates from England so I wasn't brought up to be touchy feely to begin with. But in this case it sounds like it's because they aren't in the honeymoon phase? 1
HHC Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 We're a big affection house hold. When out my husband and I will hold hands, squeeze butts, kiss (peck), etc etc. We openly hug our kids and have no issues with them saying good bye to us at school with a hug and a kiss. It's all they've ever known and I love my husband and have trouble keeping my hands of him. Even when we're on the couch I will sit close enough to touch him in some way. Much like a dog he says
utterer of lies Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Just wondering if anyone knows why this happens. I know a couple. They've been together for a very long time(11 years I think, not sure) but in public, they just act like best friends. They don't kiss, hug and very rarely do they hold hands. I think it's strange. Why do you think they are like this? Just curious. I think that's great for them. My GF sometimes complains that I don't show enough PDA. But why? I'm not a teenager, and if I see an couple so obviously 'lovey-dovey', I wonder what they lack. If you feel the need to broadcast your affections to random people, something is wrong, with you or with the relationship...
MrDDuck Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 When my ex broke up with me, seeing people being so intimate with each other hurt a lot. It's when I decided to stop being so affectionate in public, because you don't know if the guy/girl next to you is going through a break-up. I think it's being considerate to others that counts. If you want to show her affection, pull her aside somewhere and do your thing. No one needs to see that.
january2011 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I think it is because while in public we all try to do things that don't attract attention.. and PDA is one of things that does nothing but attract attention from others.. It's also not very good manners to show all kinds of PDA, while attracting that attention gets negative attention as well from others... Pretty much what Art said. With the caveat that level of PDA is one of those things where it's important that you both agree. If one person shows too much or too little then it might cause resentment in the relationship. Depends on the importance each person places on their partner's level of PDA.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I remember once when a young couple French kissed each other in a supermarket. It came across as pretty weird.
kaylan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) Well, I think as people get older, they tone down the PDA. Its not really all that mature. Plus I think people are heavy on the pda generally in early stages of a relationship. When I was a teenager, I was bad with the PDA. On the bus me and my ex would be hardcore making out and at times dry humping. Hell, we almost had sex in the park once...but it was away from where people were, but someone could easily have walked by. My last ex when I was 22/23, I was toned down. We wouldnt full on make out in public places, but wed hold hands and share a tongue kiss here and there. I was bad at restaurants though. Wed be out with friends and my hands would get busy under the table lolz. It is what it is. Im not afraid to show affection, but Im not over the top anymore. Ill hold hands, give short kisses, and slap a girls bottom...is that too much nowadays? Im 25 btw Edited May 29, 2012 by kaylan
Leigh 87 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I am 25 - me and my boyfriend hug and kiss in public, but not every time we go out. We are not all OVER each other - but on any given occasion, even in front of his friends, he will kiss me a couple of times - you know , if I walk away to go somewhere, he will normally kiss me on the lips - saying goodbye for now.. while we go off to do something, or talk to other people, or go to the shop...... We will hug and kiss every time we are out, typically - but I am a person who loves hugs, so if I want to be extra close, I will hug him more, and he will gladly reciprocate........ for instance, I will want to hold hands all day whilst at the zoo- but he will happily give it back to me, even though it is ME who is the ultra lovey, clingy one at times. He will gladly go along with it and hug me more... hus and kiss me often throughout the day, touch my butt, etc.... Sometimes, one person IS more huggy than the other - but if the other person is into them, they will gladly give affection - even though it may not be their thing as much..... they will still feel really happy to be able to be close to a person they love. If I am looking particularly good, he will slap my butt and rub me up - in clubs ( we seldom go out these days - we have bigger and better things in life to save towards) he will even put his hands down my pants, and have sex with me out in public ( LOL)..but not every time we go out................ hmm. My friend - she has a long term boyfriend................ they hung out with MY boyfriend, his friend, and me one day. ---------------They would not STOP hugging, kissing - they literally held on to each other the ENTIRE time................. It is really sweet, to be honest - however - it was a little uncomfrotable for us........... we felt that they were not making enough of an effort to interact with US........ ............ I think, for people who have just broken up and are really suffering, it is HARD to watch couples together, touching and feeling each other up... kissing and looking happy and in love... ........ Yet, when my partner and I are feeling especially close, we do not hesitate to hug a lot and kiss. Just not over the top. Although I do really feel for those people who have just broken up and are majorly heart broken! Times when you feel really in love, you tend to not give a damn, though! You just focus on your partner and your own predicament.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Most couples get some kind of modesty grounding from their family and the religion it practices and so behave modestly in public. I think this makes us look "civilized" as opposed to carnal. I don't mind displaying some affection in public but there's a line and it usually just reveals itself to me. When I went to night school (I walked from my job on Wall St. to Pace University near the Brooklyn Bridge on the Manhattan side) I met a chick. I was always dressed for business in my suits and wasn't showy but she started running up to me and shoving her tongue in my gob. I had to dissuade her and she didn't react well. I don't think I should have had to tell her that it was too showy and I didn't like everyone else in the school seeing our business. I think it was insecurity on her part to want to show off.
HVane Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I'm cracking up at some of the responses. my H and I are in our 50's (OMG) and we know what it's like to be in loveless marriages...we both were, previously. So yes, we kiss and cuddle and we really don't give a dam what anyone else thinks.
denise_xo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I don't mind displaying some affection in public but there's a line and it usually just reveals itself to me. That's pretty much how I feel, too. Not into people eating each other up in public. Holding hands and a light kiss will fly.
oaks Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Just wondering if anyone knows why this happens. I know a couple. They've been together for a very long time(11 years I think, not sure) but in public, they just act like best friends. They don't kiss, hug and very rarely do they hold hands. I think it's strange. Why do you think they are like this? Just curious. "in public" or "in public where their friends are watching"? Maybe they kiss when you aren't looking? I'm sure I've done things in public that I wouldn't have done in the company of people I know.
Leigh 87 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 "in public" or "in public where their friends are watching"? Maybe they kiss when you aren't looking? I'm sure I've done things in public that I wouldn't have done in the company of people I know. I know what you mean - My boyfriend does not like too much hugging, kissing, and doing sexual things in front of his mates. He feels like it is rude, to people he will be seeing again.. When his mates do it to him with their girlfriends ( are overly huggly and kissing them constantly), he finds it annoying and feels like it is less " manly" to be focusing too much on your girlfriend, when your mates are there.....
lino Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) Depends on your culture. Where I'm originally from public affection is very common and not looked down upon... In Australia, not so much. I've always likeed PDA and so have a few of some of the women I was with but my girlfriend doesn't. I wish she did but you can't have it all Edited May 30, 2012 by lino Fixed a smiley.
mortensorchid Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 This is a bigger question than you think. There are a few explinations for this (and I will share something from the past on this as well that changed me - for better or for worse). 1) Maturity - If you are around long standing married couples (think of your parents or even your grandparents) they loose a certain degree of this. It doesn't mean they don't care for each other any less than they did way back when they met, but it's just not as important for them to do this anymore either in public or in private. 2) Length of time - Back to the same point as before. When you have been with someone long term, you tend not to hold hands or kiss or hug before others. It's not as important to you because you have been with this person for a very long time, you are secure in your feelings for this person, and there is not as much excitement to even do these things either in public or private. 3) PDA Reaction - Believe it or not, people are very uncomfortable with this. America is a very puritanical nation at heart, you cannot believe how uptight people are. I have a few good friends who are teachers. If they are with their signifigant others in public they ask their signifigant others not to touch them in any way. Why? Because if a student or parent (of any age) were to see them in public doing something so simple like holding hands with someone, they get bent out of shape about it. Even a handshake is questionable. Years ago, I brought my new bf to a party hosted by a woman who I would later have a falling out with. We stayed at the part for a while, then left. Afterward I emailed her a few times and asked how things were going. Months later she wrote me a scaling hot email telling me what a slut I was and how she and her other guests were embarassed that me and him were kissing at this party. Needless to say I stopped speaking to her. But it was a turning point for me. Some on this forum as well as my personal life have said to me that I tend to strike them on this forum as a cold and unfeeling person. Well, quite honestly, I am. And I am because of this experience. I vowed then and there not to show too much affection in public with anyone, so I became the ice maiden I am now. It's safer this way, to put up a shield of cold and reserve between you and others. Some may say "Oh no, relax, be more open to others". I tried that, and people lash out even more at you. So the lesson here is that one must keep it tightly under control, otherwise you will be accused of something horrible.
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