Urannus Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I am a BS. My wife cheated on me for 2 1/2 yrs. she eventually confessed again after I got suspicious again. The first time I had proof, but the second time they were a little more discreet. I did confront the OM via text and he promised he would never contact her again. I believed him and I trusted her. Mostly because this whole thing was out of character for her. When she confessed the second time that it was still going on it was different. She wanted out of the marriage, not to be with him but to be done with me. That's a different story. But these two kept it going, not like it was every day but when he'd go out of town, or his wife would go out of town. Or they'd have quick FaceTime convos on his way home from work once a month. I have read everything. My problem is his wife. She is clueless. Well not completely but I have also seen the texts she's written to my wife and listened to the VM her daughter left for my wife basically saying my wife is stalking her husband. I laugh because my wife deserves all she gets but does his wife deserve to live in the dark? Believe me, her husbands messages to my wife are not from a man being stalked. Should I leave it alone or should I let this woman know that she too is being played. At least my wife had the balls to walk away from what started out as a hopeless marriage for her and unfortunately I didn't want to fix it until she was emotionally checked out. Any advice from anyone who's been on either end of this? Thanks
Author Urannus Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Gotcha. My wife is at fault and she knows it. She has no sympathy for this mans wife. The mans wife contacted my wife and they chatted for over an hour. His wife basically said that his confession led to hers. That she could understand how her husband had entered his affair with my wife because she pushed him away with her affair. That I guess was suppose to give my wife and the OM reason to stop. Well she was a fool. It only made them go even more underground. The contact lessened but it didn't stop and from what I read the OM tried to go NC with my wife and forgot to tell her. So my wife did reach out to him with no response until he was out of town and then it was every day. I can honestly say that I've seen pictures of the two of them together and she has never looked at me the way she looks at him. And If I want to be brutally honest I'd say the same for him. I told her to go be with him but she knows until she's been alone for awhile it would never work out. Besides he can't leave his wife for another 2 yrs. I don't know who I feel worse for, me or his wife. Thanks for your advice, I'm still not sure I can do it. I think my fear is that I'll get caught up even more so then I am and I already know where my marriage is heading.
Author Urannus Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Now you can see my confusion. I have lost my wife. Thankfully not to him as she has been proceeding with the divorce knowing the OM isn't leaving. I know the affair was hard on her, living two lives but she truly fell for this guy. I am sad because I do have access to her messages and she has no idea and I've read them trying to understand what they had. They were friends mostly. It was a great friendship that allowed for conversations that I honestly can say I've never had with my wife. I think I learned more about my wife from reading then I'd learned in almost 18 years of marriage. She loves this guy and from what I gathered, unless he was totally lying to her, her felt the same way. I love my wife and as hard as I've fought her to just give our marriage one more try, I could never have her the way he did. She gave him all of her, her mind, her body and her spirit. I watched her come alive over the 2 1/2 years and then I watched her slowly go into almost a depression. I am letting her go because it's what she needs. I pray that I will get the chance to show her that I'm sorry for taking her love for granted so that she can forgive me for my part in the choice that yes she ultimately made but it never would have been a choice if I was giving her the love she had so desperately tried to give me before she left me emotionally. Sorry...I just have no clue how to deal with all of this. I do think the OMs wife has a right to know I just don't want it to come back on me. And my wife has no intentions of getting back together with me. I would really like to confront him, but I've done that and obviously it did nothing. This man doesn't feel guilt for me, he thinks I got what I deserved for taking my wife for granted. This is just something I read. He had NC with my wife after our convo but only lasted until my wife contacted him. Affairs are wrong but I do understand how they can be so hard to get out of. I have learned a lot from my wife and hers. I would forgive her in a minute though. Not because I'm that hard up but because before all of this, she was exactly who I love. Too bad I was an idiot and couldn't see her pleads for me to love her. I would give anything to have what the two of them shared. And I hope one day I find it.
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