ScreamingTrees Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 It seems that over time I've had more gay males show sexual interest in me than women.. But the thing is, I'm never around women, while I seem to meet guys of varying ages who I learn are gay, which usually leads to them complimenting me and trying to put opportunities out there, jokingly and seriously.. I have absolutely no attraction to guys, so while this is wonderful and all, it's totally useless for me.. Some of them have even contacted me online out of nowhere.. (I seem to get a few stray women who contact me, but I'm not really interested in the few that do.) I've spoken with one of my only close female friends and she figured that gay males are generally more conceited and confident and go after what they want? Could I come off as gay somehow in my appearance? Could the opposite sex assume that I am for whatever reason? I can't say I'm very aggressive when it comes to going after young women that I see when I'm out and about, so I find it odd that I have no luck with women but seem to be drawing these gay dudes in.. Is it just the fact that these gay guys are going out and doing what I SHOULD be doing? Y'know, going after what they/I want? Should I just take this as a positive sign that I'm attractive enough to successfully go out and man up and just go for what I want? (A girl, obviously.. lol) I don't believe I dress up like a rainbow warrior or act feminine, I'm your typical young guy in his early 20s.. A simple clean T-shirt and jeans sort of guy.
udolipixie Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Not weird to me as a person's sexual orientation usually doesn't stop those that don't fit in from showing sexual interest especially if person is never around those fit their orientation. Nor do I find it odd that you don't have no luck with gals if you're not being very aggressive as many gals tend to expect guys to be the aggressors. Perhaps it's more of some gals aren't attracted to or put off by your appearance.
verhrzn Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I usually have pretty darn good gaydar. Throw up a picture and let's see what might be hitting the triggers. 1
ascendotum Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 But the thing is, I'm never around women Thats not going to help things from your perspective thats for sure, and its contributes to your skewed outcome. I really would have thought that if you were getting unsolicted attention from gay dudes to the point that they are tracking you down that you would also be doing well with women, idk unless you got the twink look going on. I reckon quite a few guys would get a bit of a complex if the level of friendliness from others singles was skewed to the gay spectrum. Having sex with a pretty gf would push those worries out your mind though. Like your friend says, gay gays are more confident and go after what they want, and I'm sure if you had the same spirit towards women, that they would be smiling back. Take it as a positive sign. I don't quite get why a young guy says 'never around women', dont you go out on thu/fri/sat nights or do you live in a mining town.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 But the thing is, I'm never around women Thats not going to help things from your perspective thats for sure, and its contributes to your skewed outcome. I really would have thought that if you were getting unsolicted attention from gay dudes to the point that they are tracking you down that you would also be doing well with women, idk unless you got the twink look going on. I reckon quite a few guys would get a bit of a complex if the level of friendliness from others singles was skewed to the gay spectrum. Having sex with a pretty gf would push those worries out your mind though. Like your friend says, gay gays are more confident and go after what they want, and I'm sure if you had the same spirit towards women, that they would be smiling back. Take it as a positive sign. I don't quite get why a young guy says 'never around women', dont you go out on thu/fri/sat nights or do you live in a mining town. The town I live in is entirely made up of elderly people. There's also literally nothing to do - there are a few little fast food places, but I don't consider that a night out. I wouldn't get a complex about only guys hitting on me, I've had girls that I found attractive show blatant interest in me.. I mean, I'm not a sly fox, but there are some situations where you just know.. @ Gibson - That's usually what those closest to me say, so I'm not surprised and I basically agree with you there. @ udolipixie - That could very well be true, especially since everyone has different tastes and I couldn't possibly be everyone's cup of tea. I figure the real problem is that I'm always around other guys or family and family friends, so I figure I'll run into more gay guys than girls my age, sad as that sounds. I can't attract girls if they don't know I exist, which is what everyone keeps telling me. If it's worth anything, despite not pursuing any women and basically acting as if I'm afraid of them (in hindsight) I catch girls checking me out fairly often, sometimes I find a girl flirting with me, things like that. So I guess it really boils down to me being a bitch. I've gotten a lot better over time, anyway.. At least I can solve my problem, I guess I have no room to complain... @ Verz - I actually sent you a photo a long time ago, picking you and two or three other posters at random to sort of get an idea of what might be off about my apperance, but you sort of ignored it, which is cool because you weren't obligated to give an opinion. None of the female posters said there was anything noticeably off about my physical appearance, as far as I remember at least two of the three said I was "above average" for whatever that's worth. So either they were just being nice or they were literally telling me I had nothing to worry about. I'm almost convinced my problems are just me being painfully shy around strangers and to put it in the words of an older "life mentor" of mine ; "some people have a phobia of spiders, some have a phobia of sharks, you have a phobia of women." I'd rather not reveal my identity on a board like this, anyway, so if you'd like I could send you or anyone else a regular photo in a PM. I'd LIKE to think there's nothing noticeably "off" about me. I'd like to think I just look like a young kid, which is basically what I am.
gaius Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Is it just the fact that these gay guys are going out and doing what I SHOULD be doing? Y'know, going after what they/I want? Should I just take this as a positive sign that I'm attractive enough to successfully go out and man up and just go for what I want? (A girl, obviously.. lol) Probably. You also seem naturally warm and friendly which they might interpret as potential interest. If it makes you feel any better, I have a good looking friend who went through the same thing when he was younger. Wasn't that confident with women but managed to get a little circle of gay guys hitting on him all the time. Eventually he parlayed that ego boost into female relationships. Those gay guys wouldn't be wasting energy on you or him if you weren't desirable.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Probably. You also seem naturally warm and friendly which they might interpret as potential interest. If it makes you feel any better, I have a good looking friend who went through the same thing when he was younger. Wasn't that confident with women but managed to get a little circle of gay guys hitting on him all the time. Eventually he parlayed that ego boost into female relationships. Those gay guys wouldn't be wasting energy on you or him if you weren't desirable. I guess so, man. I will say that I definitely have a natural inclination towards treating others with respect and consideration, so I figure some of them might mistake that for interest when I'm being so friendly and accomodating.. Usually I just let them know that I'm flattered but not really interested, but at the same time not turned off by their come-on, I don't mind keeping them around as a friend if they reciprocate the notion.. If I was capable of being attracted to 'em, I'd probably give them a chance, but you can't force or fake it if it's not there. Thanks, though, I needed that. I'm trying to get my life together right now, hopefully I'm in a better place by next year and I can go out more often and live it up..
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 A gay guy told me that straight men behave in a very closed off way towards him usually and that's how he knew that they are not interested. If you are friendly they might mistake it for more. Exactly the same way as straight men do with women. Some complain when women close them out and latch on to those that show a tiny bit of friendliness.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 A gay guy told me that straight men behave in a very closed off way towards him usually and that's how he knew that they are not interested. If you are friendly they might mistake it for more. Exactly the same way as straight men do with women. Some complain when women close them out and latch on to those that show a tiny bit of friendliness. Well, it's usually not established that they're of a different orientation and we're usually not in a bar setting or anything, so most of the time it starts out with me just talking to them as mere friends (they do realize this) but they seem to always try to push it until I let them know that I'm not bi/curious.. I think it's just bad luck on my part.
somedude81 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I just think it's because gay men are more aggressive then straight women. It doesn't really have anything to do with you.
Alma Mobley Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I doubt it has anything to do with what you are doing, acting, or how you dress. Your friendliness might induce them to try, if they are not sure. (Women deal with this all the time.) But, I have to say, I've known a handful of straight men who've been overtly hit on by gay guys, but TBH, these gay guys had problems, as most healthy gay men won't bother with straights. JME.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 I doubt it has anything to do with what you are doing, acting, or how you dress. Your friendliness might induce them to try, if they are not sure. (Women deal with this all the time.) But, I have to say, I've known a handful of straight men who've been overtly hit on by gay guys, but TBH, these gay guys had problems, as most healthy gay men won't bother with straights. JME. @ Somedude - Figured as much. Well, I'd say that it's a mix for me. A few of them seemed to have a good head on their shoulders, so I think they were just attracted and wanted to take their chances. They often just compliment me on something and put it out there that they'd be open to it if I was ever curious. That's basically the impression I got, at least. They didn't press the issue afterwards, didn't "pursue" me.. But they'd crack a sexual joke or two from time to time. No point in trying to read minds or figure out someone's motives, I guess.
Alma Mobley Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 @ Somedude - Figured as much. Well, I'd say that it's a mix for me. A few of them seemed to have a good head on their shoulders, so I think they were just attracted and wanted to take their chances. They often just compliment me on something and put it out there that they'd be open to it if I was ever curious. That's basically the impression I got, at least. They didn't press the issue afterwards, didn't "pursue" me.. But they'd crack a sexual joke or two from time to time. No point in trying to read minds or figure out someone's motives, I guess. Right, they were just trying and/or feeling you out. Doubt it was anything you did, or that you came off as "gay" or "effeminate" or anything like that. The gay men I've known that totally pursued men they knew were straight had problems, IMO.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Right, they were just trying and/or feeling you out. Doubt it was anything you did, or that you came off as "gay" or "effeminate" or anything like that. The gay men I've known that totally pursued men they knew were straight had problems, IMO. Well, I'll keep that in mind, although I doubt I have to worry about dodging silver bullets when I'm no werewolf myself, if you catch my drift..
Alma Mobley Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Well, I'll keep that in mind, although I doubt I have to worry about dodging silver bullets when I'm no werewolf myself, if you catch my drift.. I get your drift. I live in the Bay Area, so we have a huge gay population here, and I have many gay friends. The ones I know who pursue straights have, well... issues.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 I get your drift. I live in the Bay Area, so we have a huge gay population here, and I have many gay friends. The ones I know who pursue straights have, well... issues. Makes sense to me. I've always been led to believe I'm attractive, but up until the last two years or so I've always had a very low opinion of myself, probably why I never went out and I seemed to only hang around other dudes.. So no wonder, I was bound to run into a few gay guys. I've gotta change my game plan here..
Alma Mobley Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Makes sense to me. I've always been led to believe I'm attractive, but up until the last two years or so I've always had a very low opinion of myself, probably why I never went out and I seemed to only hang around other dudes.. So no wonder, I was bound to run into a few gay guys. I've gotta change my game plan here.. And that game plan is... have a better opinion about yourself. 1
ThaWholigan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Makes sense to me. I've always been led to believe I'm attractive, but up until the last two years or so I've always had a very low opinion of myself, probably why I never went out and I seemed to only hang around other dudes.. So no wonder, I was bound to run into a few gay guys. I've gotta change my game plan here.. Yes, been there and done that. Just start to be more expressive in your appearance and expression and you will start to feel more attractive 1
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 And that game plan is... have a better opinion about yourself. Well, I definitely don't hate myself like I used to. But that's worth jack **** if I have a **** job, nowhere to go.. I need to work on myself a bit. I've got a few invitations to go out and do some stuff with some people, so I'm going to just try to turn my brain off for awhile.
Author ScreamingTrees Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Yes, been there and done that. Just start to be more expressive in your appearance and expression and you will start to feel more attractive I totally respect you, enjoy reading your posts, and to this day I try to be more like yourself. (I'm not dressing up in your clothes or anything creepy like that, rest assured! ) I know you're still struggling a bit with yourself, but you're still making progress and making the effort and it's made a world's difference for you.. I'm trying, trust me. Not trying nearly hard enough like I could be, but it's a start, at least I'm warming up to the idea of actually doing something instead of sulking.. 1
ThaWholigan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I totally respect you, enjoy reading your posts, and to this day I try to be more like yourself. (I'm not dressing up in your clothes or anything creepy like that, rest assured! ) I know you're still struggling a bit with yourself, but you're still making progress and making the effort and it's made a world's difference for you.. I'm trying, trust me. Not trying nearly hard enough like I could be, but it's a start, at least I'm warming up to the idea of actually doing something instead of sulking.. Thanks man. I would caution against wearing anything I wear yet, I'm not that stylish at the moment . All you can do really is make a start on something. I'm embarking on something that will completely change my life so it will take a while to get used to. Once you find your path to self-discovery, I'm sure you'll know what to do .
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