Ghisop Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Ok- so I know this is terrible so I hope to avoid people being terrible to me. I just need advice on how to get out of a situation. A few weeks ago a married man told me he had a crush on me. I was totally flattered and all that. I am currently in a long distance relationship so I admit the attention was nice. I have no intention of doing anything physical with him ever, but I did start a flirty banter with him- and now it seems like he is really really into me. He texts me all the time - tells me he misses me. I feel terrible because what started as innocent banter has exploded into this. I knownots my own fault but how to I back him off without being a complete jerk. I do like him as a friend so I want to move away from this with as little awkwardness as possible... And I really don't want to have a "talk".
96nole Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Stop over thinking it. Just tell him you have no intention of having a romantic relationship with a married man. You thought it was simple flirting. He is obviously seeing it differently. Now think about if you would really want to be in a relationship with a man who can easily cheat on his wife. If he will do it to her, what's stopping him from doing it to you? He's going to feed you all the lines about how the marriage is dead, or she doesn't understand him, or they never have sex, or she's mean, or she wears the wrong color shirt on the wrong day. Whatever it is, he is not someone you can trust in a romantic relationship. The more time he cheats, the easier it will be for him to cheat again.
VioletFemme Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Be very, very careful. Yes, I speak from experience. I started out as friends with a seperated (but married) man, with no intentions to ever be more. I will tell you what worked for me--for a time. I told him how glad I was we were friends, what a relief it was to have a male friend with no attraction or sense that we needed to do anything more. By making those comments here or there, I was setting my boundaries and letting him know where they were, and also giving him the idea that I had no attraction for him what so ever. In fact, later, he confessed that he was certain I did have no attraction to him. Now I did eventually change my mind and my interactions with him, but you don't have to. You can continually keep those boundaries in place. Good luck.
Happyface Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I agree with BW. Invite him and his wife for coffee with you. It should put him right off. If he doesn't agree.... you just say any other way would be in appropriate. Flirting has to stop. Happy Face
Author Ghisop Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Thank you guys for the advice. I know I am over thinking it. I just hate being mean to people or akward situations - especially when it's my own doing. But I guess anything other then just cutting it dead would be meaner in the Long run. We just have this group that goes out for drinks after work a few times a week and I hate to mess up that dynamic - and yes he is out at the bar with single people as often as possible instead of home with his wife and kids. He's a total scum bag of a husband. Sure he has cheated in the past - Luckily I am just back from visiting my bf with lots of pictures and stories. I think violentfemmes's method is what I will try first.
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