snow_x Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I was with this guy for 3 years, we broke up a month ago. I have been struggling a lot with the break up. The first year was really great. We were together as much as we could, we live 50 kms away. Then he asked me to move in with him, I started to feel anxiety. I have a son, he has a son and I told my ex I was planning to move 50 kms away and he was not happy about it and for all sorts of reasons I didn't move in with my boyfriend. The last two years have been extremely difficult, he asked me 2 other times to move in with him and I didn't. Then I stated getting extremely jealous, something I have never been, I panicked when he didn't answer the phone, I was always asking for explanations for what he was doing. I told him I didn't see him enough, I became very dependent. I began trying to search for proof that he was seeing someone else. He had posted his profile for dating on Lavalife. I could not leave him. I broke up with him about 10 times in the last two years for all sorts of reasons. It's like I have been sabotaging our relationship purposely. I know now I have codependency problems. I feel like a real b*tch for never moving in with him and being so controlling. It was a very unhealthy situation in the end. I am reading about my illness (codependency) a lot now and I wonder if I really loved him and destroyed the relationship with my problems. He says we both love each other but it is a destructive relationship, we can't see each other. He tried to get in contact with other girls in the last two years, I feel I deserve it because I never moved in with him. I feel it is my fault. If I loved him that much, why didn't I move in with him? I have lots of regrets. I don't know how to let go.
peacefuldreamer Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I have to say that best thing you did was not move in with him. You need to realize your problems and work on them before you can live with someone. Love is suppose to be strong enough to conquer ll but I dont know wnyone our age that believes that anymore. Deal with you and then worry about him. Now if I can listen to my own advice it will be a miracle lol. Good luck.
kirkyswife Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Fact #1: After a year of dating your intuition told you that moving in was not right as indicated by our anxiety. Sounds to me like you liked him alot and enjoyed spending time with him but weren't in love with him enough to elevate your relationship to another level Fact #2: The last 2 years were difficult, feeling pressured to elevate a relationship to another level yet stilling not ready willing or able to. Your intuition must have been alerting you that this guy was just not the one for you and so Then I stated getting extremely jealous, something I have never been, I panicked when he didn't answer the phone, I was always asking for explanations for what he was doing. I told him I didn't see him enough, I became very dependent. I began trying to search for proof that he was seeing someone else. He had posted his profile for dating on Lavalife. I could not leave him. I broke up with him about 10 times in the last two years for all sorts of reasons. It's like I have been sabotaging our relationship purposely. Instead of just breaking up with him and moving on you questioned the strength of your inner voice driving yourself crazy. I know now I have codependency problems. I feel like a real b*tch for never moving in with him and being so controlling. I am reading about my illness (codependency) a lot now and I wonder if I really loved him and destroyed the relationship with my problems I feel I deserve it because I never moved in with him. I feel it is my fault. If I loved him that much, why didn't I move in with him? I have lots of regrets. Your intuition ruled in this relationship, you shouldn't feel guilty for not moving in. You just need to learn how to trust your first voice - it will never steer you wrong. Don't beat yourself up - you didn't love him and at least your honest enough to admit that you didn't. You're a strong woman you'll be fine and when your Mr Right comes your intuition will shout it out - you won't miss that message that's for sure!
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