danny8630 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 What does the infamous "I don't want a boyfriend" term really mean? here are my figures: 90% another guy interest 10% other. Ladies...help me out here, thanks
Truth Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I'm a guy but I'll tell you what it means: it means you're F'ed and it's time to get while the gettin' is good. (It's another way of saying NO.)
fundamental Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 It could mean.... 1. she truly doesn't want a boyfriend 2. she doesn't want YOU as her boyfriend 3. she is someone who is never in a relationship and using it to hide her insecurities. 4. she could be trying to see how you react to what she says. If she mentions that she doesn't want a boyfriend again, tell her "Why are you telling me this, who said I wanted to be your boyfriend anyway" fundamental fundamentally sound
faux Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 In the situation that I just got out of, the "I do not want a relationship" thing meant: She wanted to date me, and have sex with me, and date other people, and have sex with other people if she met any other people. And she did.
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I'd say it means, "I don't want a boyfriend". I'm not sure why there has to be any subliminal messages hidden in that statement.
faux Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by Olivia_19742004 I'd say it means, "I don't want a boyfriend". I'm not sure why there has to be any subliminal messages hidden in that statement. I do not see why there have to be subliminal messages hidden in the statement either, but there almost always seems to be more at hand than what is said in that simple statement, "I don't want a relationship right now". I think what would help, is that if you are confused as to someone's saying this, you should ask specifically what they mean, and what their intentions are. If you get specific answers, this almost always helps your situation. Unfortunately, having recently been in a situation where this did not help, I cannot say it is a fool-proof method; not everyone communicates his/her feelings properly, and not everyone necessarily tells the truth.
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 When I tell a guy "I don't want a boyfriend" its kind of like when ya hang out with a girl for a while and then decide ya wanna ask her out and we say "Your more like a brother to me", its another words for saying, NO, I am not interested...And maybe its wrong, but we don't wanna hurt anyones feelings....
faux Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by amanda25 And maybe its wrong, but we don't wanna hurt anyones feelings.... It is wrong, and doing those sorts of things hurts feelings more than simply saying that you are uninterested. Lack in communication is what causes the most pain, I believe, in situations where someone is interested in another. This is why I always prefer to ask the tough questions. I need to have specific answers so I am certain I understand what the other person means, and I make certain that what I am getting out of the conversation is exactly what they feel. I suppose I will always be amazed with women and their "not wanting to hurt my feelings", seeing as they can do such a good job of hurting my feelings. As the words, "I do not want to hurt your feelings" are uttered, rest assured, the man you are speaking to is already in immense pain and discomfort.
Author danny8630 Posted June 27, 2004 Author Posted June 27, 2004 I hate that term so much because of the variant reasons. The vibe im getting from your responses basically adds to her and you trying but it not working out. The girl that i made this post in reference of is not a hoe. She is almost 19 and been with only 2 guys(intercourse, including myself). So i dont think her fooling around with other guys would be in the works. I had a problem and it was something that bothered her alot, it was me calling constantly and always wanting to hang out. She believed in space, 2 or 3 days at a time of it. I did not understand and it ate my from the inside out when i wouldnt hear from her. We've been broken up for almost a month and i've limited communication only when she calls, or sometimes RARELY during the day at like 1 or 2. This doesnt have to do with the topic but it is interesting anyway: She called me and we had a brief talk that just consisted of a "hey whats up" and then it was over. She called me i think like 10 -15 mins later to tell me that when she gets out of work that she has to walk to her car by herself at 4am. Why she called to tell me this(which she has told me before), i dont know? So i told her what everyguy would tell her "damn, if ur uncomfortable, you can call me". But i think she might've wanted me to say something else because otherwise the call was pointless. Thanks guys
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Sometimes people just don't want to be in relationships. Not everyone has to have someone to call their significant other. This is why I don't understand why something has to be hidden in the words, "I don't want a boyfriend". She doesn't want a boyfriend. It's simple. Some people just want to be on their own sometimes. It doesn't mean the don't like you, or you're like a brother or they didn't want to hurt you feelings it may just mean they don't want a boyfriend.
Author danny8630 Posted June 27, 2004 Author Posted June 27, 2004 I guess my next question after that post is will those feelings eventually change? like maybe a realization of how great that guy treated you or some space/a break in a relationship. I had a great girl that i loved with all my heart, she says she loves me too, but no boyfriend. Her feelings had changed about me, like she had no problem telling me that she doesn't hold onto interests for a long time. :: waves finger back and fourth::
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 It's really hard to determine whether or not someone will change their mind regarding their decision to not have a boyfriend. In all honesty, I would suggest you take one day at a time and become comfortable with the idea that she doesn't want a relationship right now. There is always a time to be patient and understanding but I don't see anything in what you've said that has communicated that she's just in a holding period. I wouldn't wait for something to suddenly jolt her senses and cause her to realize what a great relationship you had or how wonderful you are to her. It appears that she has made her decision and that decision is to not be in a relationship. Always trying to second guess someone or determine how they will respond down the line can become quite exhausting. She's told you her decision so it's time for you to let go and move onto someone that is interested in a relationship at this time.
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