Razr25 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 The title pretty much says it, but some quick background. I am a member of an online dating site and this girl messaged me a few weeks ago. Well we started talking, texting, and kind of hit it off. We finally decided to officially meet a little over a week ago and it went really well. We have continued to text and have seen each other twice more since then. Both times it, again, went really well. So I guess my question is when would it be appropriate to talk about taking down each of our dating profiles? I have stopped responding to interest I've received from other girls on the site because it seems wrong to me to be actively pursing anyone else after 2 and 3 dates with someone that I think went really well. My concern is I don't want to be too pushy and come off as trying to move too fast by bringing it up as about 3 weeks or so in, since the first messages, seems kind of sudden. It may irrelevant anyway as I'm not sure to whom, if anyone, she is even talking to on the site. However, date number 4 is in a couple days and potentially date 5 this weekend. Personally, if I went on that many dates with 1 person I would feel like I was stringing them along if I was still entertaining other suitors.
Philosoraptor Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I don't think anything like that should be discussed until you've decided to see one another exclusively and turn the dating into an actual relationship. Until you're committed she really doesn't owe you any sort of devotion. She can leave a date with you and sleep with someone else before she makes it home.
Author Razr25 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 Sorry I thought I had implied that, but to be clear. I understand being exclusive and not continuing with the dating profiles should go hand in hand. This, and perhaps being a little old fashioned here, is why I have not responded to any of the messages I've received since our 2nd date (we had already planned the 3rd one that night). Obviously we are still pretty new to each other, but I like her and I'm pretty sure it's mutual. I don't want to come off as moving too quickly, but I don't plan on dating anyone else else as long as I am seeing this girl. So when is it ok to talk about being exclusive in a situation like this?
Philosoraptor Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 So when is it ok to talk about being exclusive in a situation like this? Whenever you feel like this person is someone you'd like to commit to. Once you're sure you should go for it.
january2011 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I suggest starting the conversation by mentioning that you've been thinking of taking down your profile on the site. Ask her what she thinks. Then ask what she's going to do with her profile. I think that her responses are going to make it pretty clear whether the feelings are mutual. Assuming she answers honestly. Alternatively, as her if she is seeing anyone else as a lead-in to talking about dating exclusively and taking down profiles. As to the right time, I think that you've got to trust your gut on this one. 1
FitChick Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Wait until you are both close to having sex. Then have the exclusive talk. Meanwhile, she will probably be checking your profile to see if you've logged in. Just leave it there for now, untouched.
utterer of lies Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Just take your own profile down if you feel that's the right thing and don't worry about hers. Don't be so insecure. If you are getting into a relationship with her, the state of her profile doesn't matter. And if she is unfaithful or not interested enough in you to be exclusive, her profile doesn't matter either.
SJC2008 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I'd say take it down. If she asks just tell her you're not a multi dater. Heck the last girl I dated took her profile down after our first date and we didn't see eachother past 3 dates.
Author Razr25 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Thanks for some good advice. I think I may do as january2011 suggested if we go out again this weekend and mention that I like seeing her so I was thinking of taking down my profile I know some people think it isnt a big deal, but to me it is. I would be upset if I were in a relationship and my SO maintained an account on a dating site. Maybe I am just insecure, but it is just how I view dating and relationships should work. So if I think things are still going well after a couple more dates I will see what she says. Edited May 28, 2012 by Razr25
utterer of lies Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Maybe I am just insecure, but it is just how I view dating and relationships should work. So if I think things are still going well after a couple more dates I will see what she says. Yes, you are insecure, and in discussion profiles with her you show her your insecurity. If you are so unsure, how can you expect her to think you are the right one... Don't do that. Take yours down and leave it at that.
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