Snarks025 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Hey all, I am in need of some help. For starters, I am 27 and she is 28. Here is my sob story, I dated this woman for a little over a year and like any relationship we had our ups and downs. Most of them were my fault, I lost my job about 5 months into the relationship and had trouble finding a new job. So, I moved back in with my mom and began working on my master's degree. My ex had her own house, so I spent most of the nights over there. My personality had changed a little as well, as I was unhappy with myself and where my life was headed. Despite all these things, she still deeply loved me and wanted to marry me. This was until 9 months ago, when she broke up with me. The breakup mainly stems from labor day weekend, her family talked with her about how I was taking advantage of her. Our breakup wasn't the best as she broke up with me via text message (she claims that was the only way she could do it). Finally after a couple weeks we talked on the phone and she agreed to let me come over and talk. We then exchanged a few more emails, in which I said some hurtful things to her which I regret to this day. Fast forward to about a month ago, I emailed her on her birthday with a nice message. She responded, so I emailed her back with another short message and at the end I said "I hope we can keep in touch from time to time as having you in my life, even if it's just as a friend would mean alot to me." She never responded. I have done alot of work to myself and matured alot over the past 9 months. I have also accepted the fact that I did take advantage of her caring nature, and there was so much more I could have done to make our relationship work. I even tried dating someone else, but I couldn't stop thinking about my ex (and I think she realized that). I really dont know what to do as I cannot get over her and she hasn't really communicated with me since the breakup. -Part of me wants to call her, but I dont think she will answer. -Part of me just wants to go to her house, but I dont know if she is in a relationship (and I dont want to seem like a stalker). -Part of me thinks, maybe I should just write her another long email stating all this. -Part of me thinks maybe I deserve to be miserable for the way I acted during the later part of our relationship. Ive done alot of lurking here; ive tried to stay busy, work on myself, date someone else, etc....But, at the end of the day I still feel empty inside and keep thinking about her.
Philosoraptor Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Have you settled your own life yet? What do you have to offer different than what she was unhappy enough with to leave? You say most of the issues are yours. It may be the case but in times of desperation we tend to minimize our ex's issues and put the blame on ourselves. So take a moment and really analyze things... what issues did she bring to the table?
Renard99 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Philosoraptor is right, have you really looked at the whole situation? I was in the same position as you after about the same length of time. I really did think I'd driven my ex away and I could think of no-one but her for a long time. I remembered her laugh, her smile, the way she reacted to cute things and everything (in my head) seemed perfect when we were together. I felt awful for thinking I'd driven her away. However..... After advice on here I locked myself in my apartment for the weekend and just really thought everything over. I came to realise that she never lifted a finger, rarely put effort into the relationship and that I was carrying the relationship virtually single handed. I worked out (and found proof) that she'd been manipulating our accounts to give her a little bit extra to fund her social life (meaning I had to cut back on mine in order to balance the books). She was emotionally stunted having been 'wrapped in cotton wool' by her over protective mother and refused to acknowledge or even tackle her short comings. I also realised that, even if I had been the one that kicked off first, it was often something she had done that had pushed me over the edge. All of this didn't stop me thinking about her, but when I did, for every positive thought about her, I was able to throw a negative in as well. I realised that whilst I probably did want her back, in the long run, I'm actually better off without her. Our 7 years together gave me some wonderful memories, but now's the time to make new ones without her. As soon as I got it into my head that she wasn't perfect, I started to think about her less and less. You'll get there, you just need to get everything straight in your head first. 1
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