Separated woman - should I wait for D ?

[Silly_Girl]

I was house-sharing and co-parenting with my husband when I met my ex-SO. We'd been split a few months but other issues meant he hadn't moved out.

 

I was with my SO for 8 years. I was faithful to him. I made it clear to my H that my R with my boyfriend was important to me and I intended to make a future with him.

 

No party ever felt confused or perturbed by the other's presence in my life. I wa honest with both, introduced them and never minimised either of them. It was 4 years before my divorce was final.

 

Some people can do that crossover/transition thing. But I think it's less than ideal and I think it's rare that it's a 'clean' process.

[East7]

I read that you spent your first day talking about your respective pasts. That's no date, it's therapy. It's not love but a trauma bond.

 

That to me is a red flag from you BOTH.

 

Talking about the past on the first date was a lame thing but it came somehow naturally.

The way I sensed it was not like a sharing scars conversation. We barely knew each-other when I asked her out. She hesitated 1 month before accepting my date. When we were out she asked me if I was seeing someone (read : are you clearly single?) and if I have been married and have children. I guess she wanted to make sure about my status. I responded clearly and shortly. Then I asked her and she told me right away she is separated. Then she started to tell me about why it happened and so on..I kept listening. She asked me about my last relationship..I could have lied but I told her that I was a fOM and I regret it. She didn't make a big deal of it though. We had 2 other short coffee dates at work and that's it! We talked about our hobbies and random things; nothing else about the past.

 

She knows I like her so now the ball is on her court. If she has a high interest level she'll know how to make it right. I am the kind of guy that doesn't go after a woman unless I'm really sure she is interested.

 

I don't plan to see her anytime soon. I will catch up with another lady this weekend but I admit I like S-W much more.

 

I have have benefited of some wisdom about post-infidelity situations (mainly thanks to LS). I was almost ignorant in the area before I got involved myself with xMW and learnt it in the hard way. Now, I know better

Edited May 29, 2012 by East7

[Confused4Now]

Ok guys,

 

I think I took a good dose of "slow down" shot

 

I have a planned date this weekend with another lady so it will help to keep all the options open.

 

Thank you to all.

Come on East are you seriously in the fog? I've had at least 2 women who I tried to date and then found out they were separated but not legally divorced. All this was from Match.com....So you know what I did...I told them sorry I don't date married women....I even told them I made a choice not to put myself out there till my divorce went final. I would hope other people would do the same.

 

....so save yourself the headache and don't even start with someone who is not legally divorced.

[wow04]

I know everyone is saying go somewhere else, but I disagree. This is just starting out. Take it slow and see how it goes. Only if she is serious about divorce and files soon.

 

I know a woman that left her husband and 3 weeks later met a guy. They have been together for 15 years. It can be a success.

[KathyM]

I would suggest that you tell her to call you when her divorce goes through. Right now, she is an emotional basketcase, and too big of a risk of going back to her spouse. You don't want to have invested a lot of time and emotions on a woman, only to have her dump you and go back to her spouse. I know several people who started dating a recently separated person (less than one year separated) who had their heart broken when the person ended up getting back with their spouse. If you don't want to risk your heart that way, I suggest you back off and tell her to call you when she is divorced.