Whats happening here?

[flitzanu]

I TOLD HER to not get in touch with me and to leave me alone. She's doing that. ....

 

so after way too much to read in this defense mechanism, Gulf, exactly what progress do you have in your situation that proves your side? you're making Gibson the enemy by having rational, black n white answers to the problem, and wanting to believe everyone's story is different...when they are, but it's all based on key elements.

 

how many times has Romeo and Juliet been retold? Othello? Frankenstein?

 

point is, every story has indicative elements relating them to other stories.

 

when a hundred girls tell a guy "i just need space" and in 99 of those situations the girl leaves...that's the rule. the 1 time she comes back...that's the exception.

 

sure, it'd be lovely in life if we were the exception. thing is...we are unbalancing the law of averages here...because we are the majority. you can't have a thousand people on here posting the same story and expect all of them to be the one glittering "exception" to the rule.

 

having hope that "your" (collective, as in all of ours) ex is the one beautiful person in the world that is the exception is just unrealistic. that "hope" does not equal "exception".

[Gulf-Delta]

So if you know this. What are you going to do? Be miserable that you can't have your best friend back? Or gather your stuff up and heal. If healing is your answer than you have no choice but to go nc and put all your energy into yourself.

 

I know. That's what I'm doing.

 

I hope one day she will contact me, in the same way I hope to win the lottery. But it's an unrealistic type of hope. Even if she woke up and regretted everything today, she would never call me, never text, never apologize. She'd be too scared/embarrassed to do it.

[Gulf-Delta]

so after way too much to read in this defense mechanism, Gulf, exactly what progress do you have in your situation that proves your side? you're making Gibson the enemy by having rational, black n white answers to the problem, and wanting to believe everyone's story is different...when they are, but it's all based on key elements.

 

how many times has Romeo and Juliet been retold? Othello? Frankenstein?

 

point is, every story has indicative elements relating them to other stories.

 

when a hundred girls tell a guy "i just need space" and in 99 of those situations the girl leaves...that's the rule. the 1 time she comes back...that's the exception.

 

sure, it'd be lovely in life if we were the exception. thing is...we are unbalancing the law of averages here...because we are the majority. you can't have a thousand people on here posting the same story and expect all of them to be the one glittering "exception" to the rule.

 

having hope that "your" (collective, as in all of ours) ex is the one beautiful person in the world that is the exception is just unrealistic. that "hope" does not equal "exception".

 

I was never trying to imply GiGs wasn't real. What I was saying is that NC may not be the right choice for some people depending on the phase in their break up. That's why it's so hard for some people at first, that's why it takes people a couple tries before they get it. Because their heart is not ready for it yet. I was saying that while it's easy to label a certain situation as GiGs, the motivation, whether or not they regret their decision, will they ever change, what they are doing during "gigs time", is not a one size fits all thing. My ex is taking quite sometime to do whatever it is she's doing. However, there are a couple personal stories in my life of the person getting over it in a month.

 

I miss my friend, that's for sure, and it's those success stories I've read here, and I've heard from friends and family that keep me holding on, I suppose.

 

NC, has/was hard on me, because I figured if I didn't try to talk to her, she'd forget about me, and I'd never hear from her again, losing another friend, and leaving me a huge emotional scar. Kind of a case of, "If I don't break the NC, she never will". Like I said, she could wake up tomorrow and realize everything she's lost, but she wouldn't do anything about it, because she'd be afraid of the fallout. It'd be too awkward for her. She'd be too scared I hate her. She'd be too scared of an argument. I've seen so many ****ty couples breakup and get back together every few weeks, it's just hard to imagine a couple who NEVER fought is split forever.

Edited May 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[Gulf-Delta]

Gulf,

 

Again your age, lack of dating, relationship and break up experience have you completely in the dark on your situation and your Ex.

 

You will hear from her again and it will not be because of her feelings or because she cares about you. It will be 100% pure selfishness on her part.

 

She is going to contact you for one or more of the following reasons... boost her ego, gloat, a shoulder to cry on or to tug on the leash and see if you are still attached to it.

 

Your Ex is no longer the sweet little innocent angel you think she is. The feelings that you think she has for you are no longer there. Your Ex only cares about herself right now and she doesn't care who she uses or hurts. You are no exception.

 

A) People don't change

 

B) Others on here who "specialize" in GiGs have said the opposite about the GiGs dumper not caring, having feelings, legitimately coming back, etc.

 

FWIW, while I don't know everything about women, my ex was my first BECAUSE I knew about them.

Edited May 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[EgoJoe]

People do change as we are always transient. Our very nature is such.

 

Gibson is Homebrew and is the major "proponent" of GIGS but the reality is that he is right.

 

You may choose to accept reality and observe the obvious patterns to whatever end of whichever label or you can live in denial, this is your choice because you are transitory.

[Gulf-Delta]

People do change as we are always transient. Our very nature is such.

 

Gibson is Homebrew and is the major "proponent" of GIGS but the reality is that he is right.

 

You may choose to accept reality and observe the obvious patterns to whatever end of whichever label or you can live in denial, this is your choice because you are transitory.

 

I know GiGs exists and I've never denied that. What I have an issue with is gibson's theory that the person is gone forever, or they never think about you, etc. gibson's psychology on the subject seems to be flawed, that's all. His theories on GiGs hold just as much water as anyone else's, and some of the other GiGs poster claim just the opposite of what gibson says. According to some of these other posters, the ex still thinks about you, is sorry for their decision, etc. I see no reason to believe gibson's idea over this one.

 

As for people changing...circumstances, surroundings change, but who we are inside does not. A lot of my very close friends have gone off to the military. And when they come home and visit, they are the same people I've known them to be since age 14. They still have the same sense of humor, same personality quircks, same mannerisms, etc.

[wilsonx]

A) people can and typically do change and grow up. Most people are so filled with resentment and walled off, they dont see it. People change internally too. You just don't see it, you're young

 

B). People in gigs where a nice mask to people that are not aware. They have no feelings, they're numb, dumb, don't care about anything including themselves. Not everyone comes back, they screw up their lives so badly that they will never recover. They have no moral compass what so ever and will screw over everyone in their path including you.

 

Trust me and Gibson when we say don't be friends with them. It's not worth it. Call her on her 25 th birthday if you want. Anything before that is going to be hot air and bull ****

Edited May 29, 2012 by wilsonx

[EgoJoe]

I think I've discovered the underlying misunderstanding. Gulf, I believe (and he may correct me if I am wrong) that what he wants you to realize is the same thing he has instructed, iterated and reiterated to me a number of times.

 

Act as if they are gone forever and never to return. This is the most reasonable, healthy and likely outcome.

 

The person who left you in this cowardly, shameful and pathetic manner (especially in my case) is not the prize that they once were. I have had to come to terms with this myself. GIGS or not.

[Gulf-Delta]

I think I've discovered the underlying misunderstanding. Gulf, I believe (and he may correct me if I am wrong) that what he wants you to realize is the same thing he has instructed, iterated and reiterated to me a number of times.

 

Act as if they are gone forever and never to return. This is the most reasonable, healthy and likely outcome.

 

The person who left you in this cowardly, shameful and pathetic manner (especially in my case) is not the prize that they once were. I have had to come to terms with this myself. GIGS or not.

 

Yeah, I get that. It's hard. That's all I'm saying. It's hard when your faith and your own life experiences are telling you to not remove this person from your mind and life.

 

It's hard to totally let go of someone who is basically your perfect match. It's hard to exile one of the only people on earth who really gets you, you know. Hard to let go of someone who looked up to you, needed you, relied on you.

 

I believe in soul mates, I believe in fate, I believe in a higher power, and that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to just pretend she doesn't exist.

 

That's all. What I have come to realize is, trying to figure out what's going in a GiGs ex's head is impossible to decipher. Their thought process can't be theorized. That's all I was saying.

 

I get that letting go is the only way, and trust me, I've been working on it. It's just hard for me to accept that there probably isn't a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been working on myself, my hobbies, my studies, etc. But I can't stop throwing myself into being single without hoping her return will be the payoff. I feel a lot better than I did before, the pain is as intense as it always was, it just isn't as frequent.

Edited May 30, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[EgoJoe]

The light at the end of the tunnel is acceptance, self-awareness and some powerful realizations that you will have eventually.

 

She is not the girl you once knew and she may never be again. Act as if there is no chance that she will be and you will find yourself empowered.

[Gulf-Delta]

The light at the end of the tunnel is acceptance, self-awareness and some powerful realizations that you will have eventually.

 

She is not the girl you once knew and she may never be again. Act as if there is no chance that she will be and you will find yourself empowered.

 

Yeah, that's the part I have a hard time with. People make mistakes. People realize them. People and couples reunite everyday. That's why I hope (not expect) her to return.

 

Regardless of how she's feeling now, I'm an unremovable part of her history. I'm one of the only people she's ever fully trusted. That history can't be changed, and as has been told a million times on here, women are deeply rooted to their emotional connections.

Edited May 30, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[Dark Phoenix]

Stop focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel, focus on where you are NOW in the tunnel. Eventually you will find yourself at the light.

[Gulf-Delta]

Stop focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel, focus on where you are NOW in the tunnel. Eventually you will find yourself at the light.

 

What good is being happy if you have no one to share it with? Is anyone out there truly happy alone? Or are they just "comfortable" with it?

[wilsonx]

What good is being happy if you have no one to share it with? Is anyone out there truly happy alone? Or are they just "comfortable" with it?

 

There are more emotions in humans other then just happiness. You are anything but happy. Even anger and sadness are positive emotions. There is nothing wrong with either of them.

 

Focus on you now, stop worrying about the future. People that focus on the future miss out on life NOW.

[Gulf-Delta]

There are more emotions in humans other then just happiness. You are anything but happy. Even anger and sadness are positive emotions. There is nothing wrong with either of them.

 

Focus on you now, stop worrying about the future. People that focus on the future miss out on life NOW.

 

I've always been a future thinker....I suppose that's my biggest issue. I've always thought about the future. I've always been about answers, set in stone things, etc. Not planning out my future has never been my things lol.

[hinatticus]

I was single for years after my first true love. I was completely happy.

 

Hey gulf, are you happy around other people when you are out?

And what happened to the original poster? We kind of hijacked his thread. Oops

[Gulf-Delta]

I was single for years after my first true love. I was completely happy.

 

Hey gulf, are you happy around other people when you are out?

And what happened to the original poster? We kind of hijacked his thread. Oops

 

Oh yes. I have no problems going out with friends. I have 2 AMAZING great friends, a couple, and they're about all I have anymore. The guy, who I've known since since age 15, he went through very much what I'm going through, even worse in someways...except his girl came back, that's why I have hope. He's been a great person to discuss everything with. The girl, I have known her since 4th grade or so, and have seen her as a sister of sorts since about age 15 too. She's very supportive as well, and is in a similar boat as me, as my ex was her best friend, and she's been abandoned too.

 

All of this stuff has showed me I am truly lucky to have them around. They are like family. I'm always happy when I hang out with them, but I can't help but be reminded of her, because we used to hang out as couples. And we do a lot of things that remind me of her.

 

But yeah, I can be happy when I'm out n about

 

And sorry to hijacking your thread OP...I feel kinda bad about it.

Edited May 30, 2012 by Gulf-Delta

[VandelayInd]

Still here checking up on this thread! Well its been 6 days NC.. extremely tough but I cant justify texting or calling her at this point. Like someone said, if she wanted me she would be knocking down my door to be with me.. And quite frankly I'm not sure I would be able to be with her after being let down 3-4 times. She doesnt know to what extent she has hurt me I dont think.

 

I wish I would have discovered this forum after the first time we broke up in order to get advice on the breakup. I chased and called and begged like many people on here have done. In hindsight, I should have had more self respect and went NC. Easier said than done as many of us know.

 

Tough times for me right now. Trouble getting out of bed, not much hope for the future, no interest in doing anything other than moping around the house, I dont even like to be around other couples because it just reminds me of what I dont have anymore, I cant stop thinking about her having sex with other guys, just all around devestating right now. I know, I know, why would I care about a girl who strung me along for months after she broke up with me... Its tough to just let go even after the terrible, immature, manipulative, and selfish things she has done to me.

 

NC is the way to go however and plan to stick to it and wish I had done it back in September... Oh well, can't do much about it now. In the meantime, I am looking at going to a councelor/therapist as I feel I am quite damaged mentally (confidence, self esteem, feelings of worthlessness) after this episode Ive been through. Truly appreciate the advice and opinions.. even if this thread seems to have gotten of track a bit LOL

[Svet74]

Still here checking up on this thread! Well its been 6 days NC.. extremely tough but I cant justify texting or calling her at this point. Like someone said, if she wanted me she would be knocking down my door to be with me.. And quite frankly I'm not sure I would be able to be with her after being let down 3-4 times. She doesnt know to what extent she has hurt me I dont think.

 

I wish I would have discovered this forum after the first time we broke up in order to get advice on the breakup. I chased and called and begged like many people on here have done. In hindsight, I should have had more self respect and went NC. Easier said than done as many of us know.

 

Tough times for me right now. Trouble getting out of bed, not much hope for the future, no interest in doing anything other than moping around the house, I dont even like to be around other couples because it just reminds me of what I dont have anymore, I cant stop thinking about her having sex with other guys, just all around devestating right now. I know, I know, why would I care about a girl who strung me along for months after she broke up with me... Its tough to just let go even after the terrible, immature, manipulative, and selfish things she has done to me.

 

NC is the way to go however and plan to stick to it and wish I had done it back in September... Oh well, can't do much about it now. In the meantime, I am looking at going to a councelor/therapist as I feel I am quite damaged mentally (confidence, self esteem, feelings of worthlessness) after this episode Ive been through. Truly appreciate the advice and opinions.. even if this thread seems to have gotten of track a bit LOL

 

It will get easier after time. I was the same way especially in the beginning of the breakup.. the thought of being without him made me crazy.. So i tortured myself for months. holding on to hope, letting him see me and so on. So when i decided to leave him and go into NC i was prepared. cuz i was already thinking about it for like a month. 3 months have gone by and i feel like we just broke up lol.. i have no idea how i reveresed.

[flitzanu]

your last few replies on this actually showed some progress in your thinking.

 

i worry that you're just misunderstanding half of what your'e being told here. the plain and simple fact of the issue is that she left. GIGS is irrelevant, as is NC and everything else people throw around on the forum. she left.

 

now if you want to believe in soulmates and that she will figure out her life and come back, that's your choice, but it just is not the likely scenario.

 

what people aren't saying is (because it's implied) is that WE ALL have been through this situaion and are telling you the end of the story.

 

hell, my "soulmate" is married with 3 kids to the guy she left me for. my other soulmate blocked me on facebook after she yelled at me in public about not having a boyfriend, when he was right behind her.

 

people don't change, that's true. she may be the same loving caring whatever she is, but, those aspects of her are not being directed at you.

 

but if we are all wrong, awesome. i hope she does call and i hope it all works the way you want bro.

[Gulf-Delta]

Still here checking up on this thread! Well its been 6 days NC.. extremely tough but I cant justify texting or calling her at this point. Like someone said, if she wanted me she would be knocking down my door to be with me.. And quite frankly I'm not sure I would be able to be with her after being let down 3-4 times. She doesnt know to what extent she has hurt me I dont think.

 

I wish I would have discovered this forum after the first time we broke up in order to get advice on the breakup. I chased and called and begged like many people on here have done. In hindsight, I should have had more self respect and went NC. Easier said than done as many of us know.

 

Tough times for me right now. Trouble getting out of bed, not much hope for the future, no interest in doing anything other than moping around the house, I dont even like to be around other couples because it just reminds me of what I dont have anymore, I cant stop thinking about her having sex with other guys, just all around devestating right now. I know, I know, why would I care about a girl who strung me along for months after she broke up with me... Its tough to just let go even after the terrible, immature, manipulative, and selfish things she has done to me.

 

NC is the way to go however and plan to stick to it and wish I had done it back in September... Oh well, can't do much about it now. In the meantime, I am looking at going to a councelor/therapist as I feel I am quite damaged mentally (confidence, self esteem, feelings of worthlessness) after this episode Ive been through. Truly appreciate the advice and opinions.. even if this thread seems to have gotten of track a bit LOL

 

You're going about everything correctly.

 

Don't be afraid to let everything out somedays whether it be through tears or through your fists (provided you take it out on a punching bag, not a person).

 

And don't be afraid to back track. It happens.

[VandelayInd]

Just an update here.. Ive been having an extremely rough time as to be expected but just received a text after exactly 7 days of NC from her---"Hey (my name), I dont know if you changed your number or not? But can we just talk?" About what? The weather? Whats for dinner tonight? My job?

 

A bevvy of emotions right now... angry, sad, and Im ashamed to say that receiving a text from her made me feel a little better, but then I take a step back and after reading countless other posters stories and my own experiences realize that I am clearly just her crutch right now.

 

Im not going to reply to this, and frankly if it wasnt for the advice of people on here I would usually reply and just end up being set back again. I fully expect to get some texts or calls saying Im an ******* for not replying and not being there for her. Gonna have to battle through this one!

[flitzanu]

good. you're catching on

[Tiera D]

Delta i think we can only advise you as much as we could via typing,the choice is yours,like a poster said there maybe are exceptions and you might be the case,you might believe in "the one" but in my opinion,"The one" does not exist because there is never a 100% match within a relationship but a compatible relationships simply means you are willing to change to improve your own character,Gibson maybe harsh to you i have observed some posters here tend to use this methods to advise newcomers,you dont like his tone?just ignore him,no offence to gibson.you said you changed to a better you,im happy that you made progress because only you will know how much you changed,there is so much more in life than love you just have to search it

 

To OP nothing much i can add besides Good luck !

 

TD

[VandelayInd]

HI guys... soo I need some opinions here.. so for the last few days ive been getting phone calls and texts and have not answered any of them as Ive been really feeling alot better and been able to stay strong and not reply. Theyve become increasingly more and more hard to read however. Some of the texts are like "I need you right now, Im so sad I dont understand why youre not answering" "after being together for two years you cant even reply to me when Im sad... I feel like your dating someone new and if you are I deserve for you to tell me" "I cant do this anymore I dont know why youre not answering... please answer" etc.

 

Now.. Do I stick to NC or do I tell her to stop calling and texting as this was all of her doing? And she was the one who said "we cant talk anymore its stupid" 2 weeks ago.

 

I actually dont really feel good about opening the lines of communication again even to tell her to F*** off and get out of my life? I do have strong feelings for her still and still love her but she screwed me over so her loss. Do I ruin 2 weeks of NC and tell her to stop texting or stick to the plan no matter how many calls and texts she sends?