VandelayInd Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Well, I never thought I would be posting on an online forum but here it goes. Im 23 and my Gf of 2 years broke up with me this past september. She gave reasons of not having time to spend with her friends and that she wanted to be able to go out with them more. But she told me 'this isnt forever'. I was heartbroken and spiralled into deep depression. For 2 weeks I chased her(I know ... I know..) then I took a step back and said F this Im so much better than this. I stopped. Then what do you know.. she starts calling me trying to get me back doing everything she can, coming to visit me (we live an hour away) being friendly with my friends. I initially had a hard time showing her anything in return because I was angry the way she treated me but I still loved her but that was in the way. This continued but she shut me down once again... devestated. The same thing happened again to me. I seeked help from a doctor and prescribed me Antidepressants. Anyways, NC is what I tried after this, very difficult. She reached out to me many times saying she was sad and missed me. Stupid me I usually reply back angrily saying that she made her choice and she has to live with it etc. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago she contacts me again because I didnt wish her a happy bday saying I dont care about her etc. when really I dont think I owe her anything. I dont reply. A few days after that, I went on a trip for a week and left my phone at home. When I get home I check my phone. A text, and a Call. I know you all will be mad but I call her, and ask why she was calling me. She goes on to say 'nevermind, it was stupid of me to call, I was sad and wanted to talk but you always ignore me and dont care about me etc.' and then she says we cant talk anymore and I say great. 2 days later I wake up and I have a missed call at 3 am and a text saying 'sorry I was just sad tonight'. Like wtf? If she wants NC dont call me or text me! What are her actions saying? Been a week now NC and truthfully I am miserable. I will admit as bad as it sounds that if she were to text me today I would feel good... but this girl has treated me like **** through all this and I am seriously mad at myself for letting her do it. We had talked about marriage and kids names all that garbage... and thats what kills me the plans we made that I have to throw it all away and start over. I have anxiety over the fact that she is going to be living in the same city as me next year as she requested to do her practicum there to be with me. After we broke up I said you better get that changed to which she replied no I still want to go and do my practicum there. Why? She has no friends here or family and we arent together anymore. By the time september rolls around I pray that I am in a better state of mind so that I can run into her and not give a F, but Im terrified I wont be. Im wondering what is so wrong with me that this girl doesnt want to be with me anymore but says she still loves me. IMO if she did she would be with me and thats that. Seriously confused and depressed here. I need some advice here guys!
Radu Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 She broke up with you to be with another guy. She tried to make sure you would wait for her [be friends bit at the start of your post]. It didn't work out. She tried to get back with you and then the games started, probably still texting that guy. I hate to say it, but if you want to get over this by September you should go out right now and try to get a summer fling. I mean it, best way to get over something like this fast [very fast] is to have a quick casual rebound relationship with no strings attached. Keep doing the NC, and never speak with her. You speak with her, you break the NC. You break the NC, she wins ... it's that simple.
LostInLimbo Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I Agree with RADU as well, especially about the part of getting out now and doing things, you break no contact, sure u will be happy for that split moment, but rest assured you better start having to think about going through that process all over again, because thats whats going to happen. In reality, only you know the situation, but being on the outside, I feel your setting yourself up for a life time of depression, for a moments happyness, is that worth it? I have just recently (days ago) got dumped, wedding was in 4 months.... If you get a chance, look at what I went through with a previous ex(not my most current post), relates to yours and it was a nighmare because I kept taking her back... I know what your feelin, its difficult LiL
Derevko Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 It sounds to me like she has no idea what she wants. If you're looking for someone who you can count on, it is not this girl. Stick with NC.
gibson Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Many of the answers you seek are in the following two threads... "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! I would also encourage you to read the two threads in my signature below.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Many of the answers you seek are in the following two threads... "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! I would also encourage you to read the two threads in my signature below. There are no answers in those threads. The "solutions" in those threads will only lead to more bitterness and anger, because they are facades for how you'd really feel. I implemented NC and it did nothing but push my ex away even more, and now she's gone. OP, follow what feels right to you. Only you know what is right and wrong, the only way to figure out what to do is trial and error and listening to your mind, heart and gut. All of the advice here is subjective. There are no "rules" for this kind of thing. Everyone is different, every breakup is different. When dealing with stuff there is no right or wrong answer...just choices. If the choice you make hurts you, then you hopefully know not to do it again. OP, the choices are your alone and the "rules" for dealing with a breakup are yours to write. 1
Gulf-Delta Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 There are plenty of answers in those threads, you choose to not to see them. It's over, your Ex wants to date around, have fun, party, live it up, etc. just like a majority of other people in that age group do. There wasn't anything you could have done to prevent or stop it. So you have a couple of choices... 1. Get bitter and angry. 2. Heal and move on. The choice is yours, choose wisely. I chose not to see them? What exactly did I choose not to see? All I did see in aforementioned threads was pushing NC and GiGs like they were getting paid for it. All I saw was a someone bitter telling others "**** it, give up, pretend this person doesn't exist". That reeks of bitterness and immaturity. Considering I didn't offer any "solutions" aside from healing and moving on... What "solutions" are you referring too? The only person that can make you bitter and anger, is you. For the record, I have been on the receiving end of being dumped several times. Like any other dumpee, for a time I am hurt, upset, frustrated, angry, disappointed, etc. but in a short amount of time, what I write here is exactly how I feel. The sooner you understand the following... the better off you will be. Finding and ending up with the person who you will eventually marry... is a PROCESS! The same solutions you push on everyone who comes here asking for questions and advice. You can't possibly understand the dynamics of any person or couple, especially not on the internet, so your need to apply GiGs/NC to everything is irritating. You fail to understand / realize... 1. If she wanted to be with you, she would. 2. She was "gone" months before she ever dumped you. You would also think her breaking up, dating someone else would have communicated the message that she no longer wants to be with you and would rather be with someone else. You fail to realize that humans make mistakes and are not black and white, one explanation fits all creatures. Humans are actually a very complex creatures, most aspects of which cannot be explained, rationalized or theoriezed on. But you ignore that because it makes it easier to apply your labels to everytihng. Not every couple and every person falls into your imaginary world of little perfect boxes that explains human behaviors. If everyone believed the **** you push, there would be no reunions, some married couples may not be so, and in my case, I wouldn't even be born. Really? I have "rules" and they have served me well and they would serve you well too. 1. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. 2. If they are not 100% sure they want to be with me... I do not / am not going to be with them. 3. This isn't complicated. Boy mets girl, boy and girl like each other, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl ride off into the sunset. 4. I have never had to beg, plead, convince, negotiate, threaten, manipulate, etc. someone to be / want to be with me... 5. I am me. They either liked it or they don't. 6. If someone does not know who they are or what they want... I do not pursue them, date them, want to enter a relationship with them, marry them. 7. I do not pursue EXes who dumped me. 8. If an EX that dumped me wants a second chance... It's not MY JOB to get them to want me. It's THEIR JOB to get me to want them. Most of those are rules pertaining to what you look for in a person. And everyone has those same standards for themselves, generally speaking.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Regarding G.I.G.S.... You asked the question: What happened to my girl?? :/ and I told why, how, what to expect and how to avoid future pain. Do we really need to play the "Does my 22 year old Ex who is now into drinking, clubbing, partying and dating losers have G.I.G.S. or not" game? You know she does and has said so countless times. Even still, the reason why she dumped you doesn't matter. The truth is, it's over and the reason why isn't going to bring her back. Regarding NC... You have gone no contact and even broken it several times. One of them being... Did it change anything? Make you feel better? After her telling you this, why / how on earth can say NC is bad thing? Regardless if you believe in G.I.G.S. or NC... Has your Ex contacted you, told you she made a mistake, tried to get you back? Before NC / After NC? I didn't think so. Listen Dude... You are 22, she was your first love, your first relationship, the first girl you had sex with, etc. it's going to be hard and difficult process to get over that is going to take time. Apparently you are in the "Anger Stage"... All I ask is you keep that anger directed at your Ex or yourself. All we are trying to do is help and prevent you from making a lot of the "classic" dumpee mistakes. But again, YOUR opinion on my ex, myself and the relationship is limited to what you read on this forum. Based on not knowing either of us, I tihnk it's unfair (possibly the wrong word) to assume exactly what is going on in her (or my, for that matter) head. You answers of NC does nothing but cause MORE pain, and as for GiGs, my statement about humans not being black/white still stands. Not all endings are permanent, nor can you claim to predict what will happen.
Author VandelayInd Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Thanks for the advice. Appreciate it. Definitely going to stay NC because at the end of the day why chase someone who doesnt want to be with me-a lost cause. The only thing is she sends me mixed signals via text/phone calls, I believe she wants some reaffirmation that I am still here for her. Terrible thing for a person to do huh? Im not her doormat. Although Im hurting severly I need to work on my own confidence and self esteem as it has gone from extremely high to dangerously low. Hopefully things work out!
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) Your Ex said it was good idea and what she wanted. If you think she is wrong, why not take it up with her instead of on here? My ex said it was a good idea? No she didn't. Ummm... Yeah I do. How do I know this? She said so herself. That she wanted to be single, live it up, party, club, drink, dance, date around, etc. Just like most people her age do. Right, so because she's going through a phase that obviously means it isn't a mistake, she isn't confused, she doesn't still have feelings for me or any of that, right? People never make mistakes. People never regret their decisions. You know all, don't you? So you do want to play the "Does my 22 year old Ex who dumped me have G.I.G.S. or not?" game after all. Gulf-Delta's Ex... COME ON DOWN! You are the next contestant on the "Does my 22 year old Ex who dumped me have G.I.G.S. or not?" game show. Let's See... 1. 22 years old - Check 2. 2 relationship - Check 3. Overprotective Parent - Check 4. Never had a childhood - Check 5. 2 Year Relationship - Check 6. Emotional Abusive BFs in the Past - Check 7. Has never been single - Check 8. Started hanging out with new / old "good time" friends / sister - Check 9. Going out all the time and leaving you at home - Check 10. Just finished or still in college - Check 11. Dumped you - Check 12. Moved out - Check 13. Told you she was interested in someone else - Check 14. Telling you that she loves you and their may be a future - Check 15. Going out every night - Check 16. Drinking all the time - Check 17. Clubbing - Check 18. Bars - Check 19. Dating others shortly after break up - Check 20. The whole 180 (From sweet and innocent to a "Girls Gone Wild" Chick) - Check 20. Dropping tons of breadcrumbs - Check Based on everything I have written about G.I.G.S., Considering your Ex "checks off" a lot of the boxes.... Survey Says.... YES! She has G.I.G.S.! Congratulations... Gulf-Delta wins an all expense paid trip to REALITY / LIFE. There you learn that people change and so do their feelings. Also that dating and trying to have a "forever" relationship with girls or guys in through their teens and early 20s is almost impossible and rarely works out. You also will learn why people with little to no life experience, emotional and mental maturity, raging with hormones, and still have no clue who they are, what they want and what love is... are impulsive, fickle, selfish, reckless, seek / desire instant gratification, say and do a lot of stupid things, rebel, date around, sleep around, throw caution to the wind, etc. Thanks again for playing and for those of you watching at home... Please help the pet population and don't forget to have your pets spayed and neutered. And this just goes to show even further, you're so high off of your own ego, that you continue to compartmentalize human emotions and feelings. Let's go through the list here. You're incorrect on 9, 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, and both 20s. So now that your theory (which you claim as indisputable fact) has quite a few holes in it now, please tell me what your answer is now, oh wise one. BTW, admitting/saying people change thier minds and feelings in kinda damning to your theory Also please, with your infinite wisdom explain why there are so many stories of successful reconciliation? Why od couple reunite everyday? Why does this site even exist? If the theory you subscribe to was completely true, this site would not exist. There'd be one universal answer for everything, and that would be it. But this is clearly not the case at all. For every doom/gloom story there are at least as many stories with happy endings. Oh Really? To you, I must be a modern day Nostradamus then.... How was predicting that your Ex wouldn't want to see you or have dinner? That she was going to disappear? How about her telling you that she wanted to be free / single? How about the clubbing, partying, drinking and going out every night? What about all the other predictions I made that she is following to a tee? I can even tell you that you haven't heard the last from your Ex. That she will drop some more breadcrumbs and try to use you for a shoulder to cry on. How are you doing on your predictions with your Ex who you say you know so well? Not too good, are you? Gulf, you are 22 and at your age everything is end of the world. You do not have the benefits of being older, having perspective, life experience, wisdom, knowledge and a grasp of the bigger picture here. Truth is Gulf, your Ex is a kid and doing what most kids her age do. Most of us did what she is doing, had friends and family that did it and dated / were in relationships with people that did it. Your Ex isn't blazing any new trails here... so it's not very hard to predict. You and her will both date other people, enter into other relationships, have break ups, etc. and do so many times before you meet the person you will eventually marry. Could it be your Ex? Perhaps but the chances of that happening are very, very slim. Of course it's easy to "predict" something after I already told you it happened. You're nothing more than a dude who stands in a rain storm and says "I told you it was gonna rain today." Pretty easy to make that prediction after the fact. As for "doing so well," I'm doing fine. I still have good days and bad days like anyone else in my situation. But I don't feel worse for contacting her, and I feel a hell of a lot better than I did when I was trying to ignore her. As I pointed out/proved above, you don't know everything. You have a set of coincidences that happen to people. What you've done is build an entire coping mechanism upon coincidences. I give you credit though. Much like a Constantine of Breakups you have applied a label to similarities in people breakups, and have formed you own little "freeze out your ex" religion. Love, hope, optimism. To hell with those things. It's so much easier to freeze out everyone and run from how you actually feel. Well, that approach did nothing but make things 1000 times worse for me, and it's hurts more than anything. As for me seeing the last of her, I have. I can almost guarantee it. I know this because I KNOW her. She's to ashamed and embarrassed for the way she's behaved, and doesn't have it in her to face me, or face whatever lingering anything she has. Go find some people with some stories of reconciliation and tell them they were stupid, misguided and blind and that they should've just "given up" Edited May 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
wilsonx Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Reconciliations happen all the time, the difference between a successful reconciliation and and unsuccessful one is if you have moved on from the breakup. Youre living your own life and let go of the past. This takes time, for some YEARS. People typically dont want to try again after YEARS apart. Ive watched several solid posters on this forum screw up reconciliations because they never moved on from the breakup, harbored resentment and couldnt let go of the past. Then they blamed us who gave them every single tool in the toolbox on how to deal with it and still messed it up That's why theres canned advice on how to deal with all breakups the same, because they are. GIGS is just a breakup reason. The breakup still happened.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Reconciliations happen all the time, the difference between a successful reconciliation and and unsuccessful one is if you have moved on from the breakup. Youre living your own life and let go of the past. This takes time, for some YEARS. People typically dont want to try again after YEARS apart. Ive watched several solid posters on this forum screw up reconciliations because they never moved on from the breakup, harbored resentment and couldnt let go of the past. Then they blamed us who gave them every single tool in the toolbox on how to deal with it and still messed it up That's why theres canned advice on how to deal with all breakups the same, because they are. GIGS is just a breakup reason. The breakup still happened. Well, I hold no resentment towards her. I've accepted for a while now that she's her own independent person now. Do I wish she was still here? Of course. But I don't resent/hate her or blame her or hold her accountable for me. A lot of the hurt I feel is for her own safety and well being, not necessarily for me.... As for said toolbox, for some that toolbox sucks and only ends up hurting more than it did before.
Dark Phoenix Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 That's denial, a stage of grief. You aren't ready, thats why there's a toolbox. Everyone needs SPACE after a breakup. Its the crucial number 1 step. Thats why the toolbox is so handy, it has all the tools to get space. You are putting her first, which means you havent accepted the breakup. Your well being is always #1 and the only thing you should be worried about. Is this easy .... absolutely not .... it just takes time .... this isnt a race to the finish line .... you will get there when you get there
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 That's denial, a stage of grief. You aren't ready, thats why there's a toolbox. Everyone needs SPACE after a breakup. Its the crucial number 1 step. Thats why the toolbox is so handy, it has all the tools to get space. You are putting her first, which means you havent accepted the breakup. Your well being is always #1 and the only thing you should be worried about. Is this easy .... absolutely not .... it just takes time .... this isnt a race to the finish line .... you will get there when you get there What am I denying? What am I "not ready" for? I've given her space, she's given me space, and will forever, probably. I accept that. I don't like it, but I accept that. As for not caring about her, I just can't stop caring about people. Sorry man, that just isn't me. There's way to many things for me, or her, actually, to just say "screw it" until the day we die.
hinatticus Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I agree with Wilson and Gibson. People with gigs are truly confused. And pretty much the majority of tennagers/early to mid twenty something's are gonna go through it. That's why I'm holding on to my tiny shred of hope. You see, I f*cked up our relationship, we have a child together, I'm 33 and she's 26, and it's been just over 3 months and she still isn't seeing someone. At her age it's possible she still has some gigs tendencies, but I'm hoping our kid can sway her away from partying. I would love to go nc so I could heal properly, instead I have to do this lc crap. I'm going to counseling, and reading books to better myself. I think if my ex and I reconcile it will be because I'm doing it the right way. She needs to see me become a better man. That's where there is a big difference. People that leave because of gigs don't really care if you better yourself. They're off in their own wonderland. That's why nc is really important. Not to make them miss you, but to cut all ties with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Hope is an evil thing. Make sure you have at least a shred of a decent reason to hang on to hope.
hinatticus Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 As for not caring about her, I just can't stop caring about people. Sorry man, that just isn't me. There's way to many things for me, or her, actually, to just say "screw it" until the day we die. I'm sorry, but the until the day we die part is kinda funny. I remember those days too. I was about 21 and my gf at the time used to say all kinds of lovey dovey stuff to me. We talked about marriage and life and promises and blah blah blah. I used to think I'd never get over her. Well 10 plus years after she left me, she's nothing but a distant memory. I can honestly say I'll care for my son and my ex(the baby's mom) til the day I die. How can you honestly say you'll hold on for hope for an exgf til the day you die? Why not just say screw it? Unless you do share a child with her.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I'm sorry, but the until the day we die part is kinda funny. I remember those days too. I was about 21 and my gf at the time used to say all kinds of lovey dovey stuff to me. We talked about marriage and life and promises and blah blah blah. I used to think I'd never get over her. Well 10 plus years after she left me, she's nothing but a distant memory. I can honestly say I'll care for my son and my ex(the baby's mom) til the day I die. How can you honestly say you'll hold on for hope for an exgf til the day you die? Why not just say screw it? Unless you do share a child with her. No, no, I'm not saying I'm holding onto hope for a relationship necessarily. That ship has sailed, she's gone. I just wish she'd at least be friends. That's really all I really want. A 2nd chance at a relationship would be nice, and I do hope for it, but really she was my best friend. I just wish she still was. I meant I don't want to let go of her in my life period forever.
Tiera D Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 GiGs dont happen in my place though GiGs is a by product of western culture,besides i dont understand why Mr.Gibson quarrel with delta anyway,he wants to listen he listens,u said it once its more than enough already why pointing out everything,delta seems an average guy when he joined,he now seems bitter than ever..NC is never a tool to get an ex back it was a healing tool,there is much more in life than relationships TD
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 GiGs dont happen in my place though GiGs is a by product of western culture,besides i dont understand why Mr.Gibson quarrel with delta anyway,he wants to listen he listens,u said it once its more than enough already why pointing out everything,delta seems an average guy when he joined,he now seems bitter than ever..NC is never a tool to get an ex back it was a healing tool,there is much more in life than relationships TD Not bitter. Rather irritated by someone on a freakin' internet forum who thinks they have figured out human psychology, relationships and evidently all the world's problems. Nothing worse than going through a break up, being vulnerable and taking advice that may not work for you. What's worse is have one person and his disciples hold that advice as the end all set in stone rule instead of admitting that it may not (probably won't) work for everyone.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) 1. She broke up. 2. She told you the same crap a lot of dumpers tell dumpees. Let's be friends, don't ever forget me, etc. but she didn't mean it. Those were just WORDS! Look at her ACTIONS! 3. She told you she is seeing someone else. How do you not connect those dots? She doesn't want to see you, she no longer contacts you and hasn't for a while. She even told you she is seeing someone else. You have been DELETED and REMOVED you from her life and she did that all on her own. I TOLD HER to not get in touch with me and to leave me alone. She's doing that. It certainly wasn';t under her own volition. It was only AFTER I deleted her from MY LIFE that she acted this way She is relieved to not be in a relationship with you any longer, is loving her freedom, she knows EXACTLY what she is doing. All weekend long she was drunk out of her mind, on all fours, begging one of the many men she is now #%#$ing to pull her hair, spank her a55, call her a whore and #$% her like he hates her. Why you think she is pinning away for you, thinking of you, wanting you, missing you, wishing she could contact you, etc. is beyond me. Maybe it's because... If you say so Jack As I've stated the entire time, people make mistakes. Things as you vulgarly described above happen during breakups. She's not mine anymore. I understand that. Doesn't mean I can't miss her. In spite of all that, you are a 22 year old kid who doesn't know his a55 from the hole in the ground. You know jack about women, relationships, break ups, life, etc. because this was girl was your first everything pretty much. I know people. I know the people I associate with. I've seen everyone I know today at their best and worst. I know their lives, their secrets, I know how they think. Everyone I know, I've known for almost half of my life. One doesn't need to know how relationships work to know how your close friends operate. Right now, she is too busy, partying, clubbing, dancing, going to bars, dressing like a hooker, ****ing other men, etc. to think or feel anything. All this without ever meeting her or talking to anyone she knows! Wow. Good thing I don't view you as a God, because I'd be a sight crushed at your inaccuracies right now. She is having the time of her life and doesn't want to have ANYTHING to do with you and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER ACTIONS... PROVE IT. See above dude. No one's perfect. People's temporary lapses in judgment do not define who they are. Oh really... Is your Ex contacting you? Does she want you back? Or would she rather be dating and ****ing other men? You are the one living in denial, not me. She doesn't want me back and frankly I think you keep bringing that up because it's the only leg you think your theory has to stand on. I never said she did want me back. So why keep bringing that up exactly? 9. Going out all the time and leaving you at home - Check Nope. I removed myself from that lifestyle. In the beginning, I was right there with her. I got bored with it. 11. Dumped you - Check She left me because I gave her a choice. I was tired of her lifestyle, and told her if she couldn't commit, I needed my ring back. The breakup was initaiated by me and my own ego at the time. 12. Moved out - Check AFTER I kicked her out, and moved her stuff FOR her. As I've mention in about a million other places, she didn't wanna breakup. She didn't wanna move out. I made her. 15. Going out every night - Check No 16. Drinking all the time - Checl Possibly, but considering her job, it isn't very likely 17. Clubbing - Check Sometimes...see above. 20. The whole 180 (From sweet and innocent to a "Girls Gone Wild" Chick) - Check She's not exactly a "Girls gone wild" chick as you've described. Kind of an odd judgment/assumption to pass on someone you've never met. 20. Dropping tons of breadcrumbs - Check Nope. She never dropped a single breadcrumb. So by that count... I believe that now makes me 21 for 21. Recheck that math, Sailor 12/21 is 57%...an F Your so called unique and special relationship that none of us on LS can possible understand or experienced... isn't so unique, special and plenty of us understand, experienced and had several relationship like yours. Well maybe, but there's no way to really say so, is there? I mean after all, YOU'VE NEVER MET EITHER OF US No it is not. Eventually (Many Years!), your Ex will grow up, mature, get tired of partying, "good time" friends, living it up, dating aholes and finally want to settle down. Ah, but your theory says to pretend they don't exist. Don't hope for anything. Abandon all thoughts of them. Can you point out where I have ever said reconciliations cannot happen? It's implied by what NC is. Really? So you are the only guy on the planet that had a GF in her early 20s dump his a55 so she could party, date around and go bang a bunch of dudes? Back when I was in my early 20s (20 years ago)... I had G.I.G.S. and so did many of my friends. We were dumped by plenty of girls that had G.I.G.S. You do know that my last Ex at the age of 23 did exactly what your Ex did too you.... right? Not to mention, I started writing about G.I.G.S. in Nov of 2010 which is before you started dating your Ex or if you were, you just started too. No, I never said I was the only one to go through this. Doesn't change the fact that you applied your label to my situation after I had already posted here. You didn't know me prior and say "Dude, here's what's gonna happen..." FWIW, I started dating my ex in Dec. 2009. I'm not the one freaking out, losing his mind, acting like my life is over because someone broke up with me, you are. This is hardly a "freak out" dude. It a debate with you because you're an arrogant loon. Hahahahaha! It's early... Wait till you contact her again, stalk her Facebook page and see / hear about her having the time of her life and seeing the pics of all the guys she is making out with / sleeping with. It's not early. We've been broken up for 4 months. The pics of her new boyfriend, and going out don't affect me anymore, pal. Care to point out one post where I slam my Ex? Slam myself? Ask a single question about my situation with me Ex? I will save you the trouble... You will not find one. I never said you've slammed anybody. Your right buddy... All the BS your Ex pulled on you at the end, the things she said and her actions that follow... they didn't follow a pattern. You do did the threads and other posts here right? The whole "freeze out your ex" religion... Looks like your Ex was baptized in those waters. She is doing a great job of "freezing you out" all on her own. Oh sure they follow a pattern, but your band-aid explanation for the motives and psychology of said pattern, is flawed. There's no such thing as blanket solutions. As for my ex freezing me out. Again, I admit that. Already been discussed. Why keep mentioning it? Keep in mind, I froze her out first. I'm running from how I actually feel? Go take a look at your posts / threads and then go look at mine and get back to me on that. Not you literally. The "you" in the sense of the poeple who follow you blindly. Instead of searching thier OWN feelings and looking for their own solutions, they go NC and more pain can result. ....a break up isn't the end of my world. For you and the foreseeable future, it is. No This party is just getting started... You wait and see what future contact / stalking / etc. will do to you. What you are going to see, hear, think, feel and write on here... will be biblical. I don't know what you're talking about here? What makes you think I'm stalking her or going to contact her? Right after you find where I said reconciliations do not happen and they are not possible. That's what your theory suggests. To give up all hope, and pretend the person doesn't exist. Instead of blaming, attacking me for being dumped and your Ex having G.I.G.S. You might want to reconsider that approach and actually listen, follow and do what I suggest if you are hoping for your Ex back. No one "blamed" or "attacked" you for my breakup. I'm blaming you for misleading people into more hurt instead of letting them make their own decisions in a breakup. If you read through my posts / threads... I document in great length what she was going to do, why, when, how, what to do, what not to do, etc. and just like the other 4.... Sure enough, she came back and was begging for another chance just like I said she would. Is that not what you want? Well, I'm happy for you, but no, that's isn't necessarily what I want right now. It'd be nice, and in a dream world it'd be great, but in reality, no. As you have pointed out, she's getting ****ed by someone else now. She out. There are no circumstances that would bring us together again. I wish it'd happen and I could at least, discuss things with her, but that just isn't possible. Our paths have no reason to cross anymore. Edited May 29, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
hinatticus Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Well, I'm happy for you, but no, that's isn't necessarily what I want right now. It'd be nice, and in a dream world it'd be great, but in reality, no. As you have pointed out, she's getting ****ed by someone else now. She out. There are no circumstances that would bring us together again. I wish it'd happen and I could at least, discuss things with her, but that just isn't possible. Our paths have no reason to cross anymore. So if you know this. What are you going to do? Be miserable that you can't have your best friend back? Or gather your stuff up and heal. If healing is your answer than you have no choice but to go nc and put all your energy into yourself.
Chi townD Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Geez, all of this for a case of GIGS. Well, getting back to the OP orginal problem. Dude is in NC and he's receiving texts and voicemail stating that "she's sad". All she's looking for is a ego stroke. She's not looking for getting back together, she's just looking for a warm fuzzy from OP. Case in point, he responded and she tried to lay a guilt trip on him for not responding to her texts and voicemails. Her actions are all selfishly motivated. She's trying to used the OP to fulfill and emotional need until someone else comes along and then OP is kicked to the curb and back to square one.
Author VandelayInd Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Thanks ChiTown for getting back to my original post. I cant stand to be her ego stroke. I should mention that before we started NC she texted me saying 'she cant deal with the fighting right now.. and theres nothing she would love more than to try dating again in september'. I couldnt believe she actually thought I would stand for this, she gets a hall pass for the summer. I replied to her saying that its obvious that she is done with the relationship by her actions so why even string me along like that. How selfish can one get. I then told her there was nothing more to say and said bye. She said bye. 2 days later a drunk phone call and text saying she is sad. I did not respond. It has now been 5 days since her last contact was made. NC is hard even when I know I deserve better than this selfish girl. Live you learn I guess!
Chi townD Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Yeah, sorry dude. But she broke up with you because she felt that hanging with her friends was more important than you. She didn't even give an option of possibly balancing her time between you and her friends; trying to find a happy median. NOPE! She made a choice partying and her friends or you. Her friends won. Therefore! She either get 100% of you or nothing at all. You deserve a girl that wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world she rather be. And if she wants to hang with her friends for a while, she would woman enough to talk to you about it and make up the missing time to you later. Look, it's okay to spend a little time away from each other. To get a break from each other with different interests. I think it's healthy. But, she didn't even explore that option. She just threw it away. So, you now know where you actually stood with her.
flitzanu Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Well, I never thought I would be posting on an online forum but here it goes. Im 23 and my Gf of 2 years broke up with me this past september. She gave reasons of not having time to spend with her friends and that she wanted to be able to go out with them more. But she told me 'this isnt forever'. I was heartbroken and spiralled into deep depression. For 2 weeks I chased her(I know ... I know..) then I took a step back and said F this Im so much better than this. I stopped. Then what do you know.. she starts calling me trying to get me back doing everything she can, coming to visit me (we live an hour away) being friendly with my friends. I initially had a hard time showing her anything in return because I was angry the way she treated me but I still loved her but that was in the way. This continued but she shut me down once again... devestated. The same thing happened again to me. I seeked help from a doctor and prescribed me Antidepressants. Anyways, NC is what I tried after this, very difficult. She reached out to me many times saying she was sad and missed me. Stupid me I usually reply back angrily saying that she made her choice and she has to live with it etc. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago she contacts me again because I didnt wish her a happy bday saying I dont care about her etc. when really I dont think I owe her anything. I dont reply. A few days after that, I went on a trip for a week and left my phone at home. When I get home I check my phone. A text, and a Call. I know you all will be mad but I call her, and ask why she was calling me. She goes on to say 'nevermind, it was stupid of me to call, I was sad and wanted to talk but you always ignore me and dont care about me etc.' and then she says we cant talk anymore and I say great. 2 days later I wake up and I have a missed call at 3 am and a text saying 'sorry I was just sad tonight'. Like wtf? If she wants NC dont call me or text me! What are her actions saying? Been a week now NC and truthfully I am miserable. I will admit as bad as it sounds that if she were to text me today I would feel good... but this girl has treated me like **** through all this and I am seriously mad at myself for letting her do it. We had talked about marriage and kids names all that garbage... and thats what kills me the plans we made that I have to throw it all away and start over. I have anxiety over the fact that she is going to be living in the same city as me next year as she requested to do her practicum there to be with me. After we broke up I said you better get that changed to which she replied no I still want to go and do my practicum there. Why? She has no friends here or family and we arent together anymore. By the time september rolls around I pray that I am in a better state of mind so that I can run into her and not give a F, but Im terrified I wont be. Im wondering what is so wrong with me that this girl doesnt want to be with me anymore but says she still loves me. IMO if she did she would be with me and thats that. Seriously confused and depressed here. I need some advice here guys! as Gibson noted, check out the threads on NC. she chose to leave you, and now she's trying to stay in your life and cause drama. if she wants to be with you romantically, she needs to tell you. it doesn't matter what else she says, the rest is just a game. she dropped you, so you need to drop her and go NC. if she wants you back, let her actually say it. she's not saying it because she doesn't. that's how she's keeping you on the hook.
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