Charlie25 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 First of all, hello everyone, new poster here . I recently went through a break-up, its hard but i'm dealing with it, its quite a story, so ill try and make it as short as possible. >Uni student, lived in a collective apartment. Suddenly a new girl moves in, instant chemistry between us >Turns out, she had just moved out from her (ex) BF >One night, i gathered my courage, and asked her out on a date, she said yes >After roughly 3 months of "dating", we became a real couple, although she had said she wasn't quite ready for another RS, due to just breaking up with her ex >Time passed by, we "lived" together (in the collective apartment) for 2 years, everything was great. I actually pictured us "going the distance" >Around Christmas, things started to change. She was very stressed out by school, and i must admit, i wasn't very supportive >Things got sour, and i noticed she started to act cold and distant. She also had her cell with her everywhere, even in the shower, so one day i decided to poke around >Turned out: She had been "sexting" with a guy in her class, and sending him pictures of herself. None of the texts suggested they had slept together, but still... >So i confronted her; she confessed and broke down in tears right away, but swore not to have slept with him >Also, she would finish school that spring semester, and while i had one year left, she most likely had to move due to there being little in way of career prospects in our city, she told me that she was having doubts about the future of our RS >Just after Easter, the sum of all of this, led her to break up with me. We were both devastated, and spent almost two days just lying in bed, crying and holding each other >Still, she lived there for over a month post-BU, it was a little weird, but we managed. During this period, she was very affectionate, and she kept telling me that she now had doubts about the BU, and how she might have made a huge mistake >This weekend, she moved out for good and we said out goodbyes, even though it was sad beyond measure, it was dignified >On my room she left a silly gift i had bought her for our first date, and a note saying: Here, i want you to have this, you can give it back to me someday, i love you >Later that night, even though i said i didn't want much contact in the start, she called me. Again saying how she might have made a huge mistake and how she was "this" close to screaming to her parents and telling them to turn the car around 1 hour into the drive Its only two days since she left, but i have decided to go for NC, for both our sakes. My friends took good care of me, and to my surprise, no one said the likes of "move on buddy", but more like "if you play your cards right, she will be back" and "you two were a great couple, im sure this is not the end" At this point, i have no idea what to think. I try to "move on", but its damned hard, and i have always been an optimist and not the type to give up when i really want something. I guess wanting someone back just post-BU is perfectly normal, but i will maintain NC for my part. I just don't know what to think. Is it stupid to cling to hope? How should i handle myself if she contacts me again or hints towards RC? Any input would be much appreciated. Cheers
Author Charlie25 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 magine omnipresent statistics says that many of those who finds the strength to return to the seemingly former partner, are understood and accepted. Moreover, their relationship comes to a long and lasting agreement. However, before returning to his ex-girlfriend, you need to think carefully at your leisure and seriously weigh the "pros" and "against". First of all, you need to find an answer to this question: what was the cause of the rupture of the - your relationships, or simply failed the circumstances? If you find that to blame the circumstances, then you clearly have not lost. On the contrary, as the temporary difficulties to overcome them can enhance feelings of mutual affection. Sometimes people, parting even for a year or two (when he left to study, for example, or on a long trip) and once at the same time able to say goodbye with dignity, however, remain true to his love (even though other hobbies). Then the long-awaited meeting, they feel an even greater attraction, even more good fortune than was observed prior to separation. Another thing, if the reason for the gap lies in the couple themselves. For example, one finds that intellectually inferior to another, feels antipathy to his relatives or friends, or does not approve of the professional activity of the partner. Then everything becomes much more complicated. In this case, before once again converge, it is important to determine for themselves what is in your perception of life was inadequate (not the same) - the value of your life or your tastes. So, suppose you have decided on the second attempt. However, even with all the willingness to go for it, should not be reopened without an attitude pretty serious conversation with a discussion of what led you to a break. If this conversation did not take place, your relationship will be an exact repetition of past Wise words my friend. Thank you Well the reason for the break up was the infamous "Its not you, its me". But in this case i actually think there was something to it >She fell in love in me, just months after the BU with her ex. She have said i in no way was a rebound, but at the time she wished to remain single for a while >Shes a workaholic/neat freak and im kinda lazy, so we fell into this bad routine where she did most of the cleaning and cooking. Shes not the type to argue, so instead she buried it and it ate at her >Her "infidelity" led her to question herself and whether she would remain faithful >She told me she "needed to be alone" and "get her life in order" >Obviously, she not finding any work relevant to her education was problematic, she could of course take up a temporary job while i finished my masters Like any RS, we had our ups and downs, problem was a failure of communication, so i never knew about these things until she told me she was considering BU. For the most part it was good, we were best friends, enjoyed each others company and our sex life was great. I think she is worth waiting for, but that depends on how long, because i wont wait forever, and i cant really tell how i will feel 6 months from now. Depends on if she "finds herself" and what she finds out also i guess
Tiera D Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 ur right on track mate keep doing what your doing and she might return .Be there but never needy.good luck TD
Author Charlie25 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 Interesting development here: I just got an e-mail from my ex. It was quite long, but beautiful and quite touching tbh To summarize: She said she is more unsure about the BU than ever, because of well i handled it and she thinks i showed a new side of me which she obviously admires. She cries when she thinks of me, and she mostly blames herself for what happened. Its only been a couple of days since she left, but still: Is this a window of opportunity and how do i respond?
Gridlock23 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Its only two days since she left, but i have decided to go for NC, for both our sakes. My friends took good care of me, and to my surprise, no one said the likes of "move on buddy", but more like "if you play your cards right, she will be back" and "you two were a great couple, im sure this is not the end" At this point, i have no idea what to think. I try to "move on", but its damned hard, and i have always been an optimist and not the type to give up when i really want something. I guess wanting someone back just post-BU is perfectly normal, but i will maintain NC for my part. I just don't know what to think. Is it stupid to cling to hope? How should i handle myself if she contacts me again or hints towards RC? Any input would be much appreciated. Cheers I too have decided to go for NC, and you are not alone, because it is really hard. AGONIZINGLY hard. I recommend the "post here instead of contacting you ex" thread... Its helped me alot... whenever I get the feeling that I want to scream, or want to vent I post there, and no one judges you so you can say anything I have a similar situation as you, its only been a couple of days, and while im trying to move on and go for NC, I still love her and miss her, and a big part of me hopes she'll one day come back to me. I've messed up pretty bad though.. It was the 8th of May that my situation happened and instead of going straight for NC like I should have done, I pleaded and pathetically begged her to give me another chance. So although it may be too late for me, take my advice and even if she contacts you, give it a little time and space before you reciprocate participating in conversations, it will give her more time to think about how she can't live without you. For me, I think because of the pleading and begging I've done, I've un-intentionally pushed her away from me, and now it may be too late.
Tiera D Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 keep it cool be there but never needy..shes reaching out to u slowly.. TD
Author Charlie25 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Sorry to be bumping my own thread, but stuff is happening Before me and my ex broke up, she had told me she had been having doubts about our RS, and after a month or so of sitting on the fence, she finally decided to end it. She was still not sure, and told me several times how "she might have made a huge mistake" (this was when we still lived together) As i mentioned; i got a long e-mail from my ex where she mostly blamed herself for the break up, she cried just by thinking about me, and she now had stronger doubts than ever (if this is second guessing the BU, i don't know, and i guess it is normal) Anyways, i responded to her e-mail after 24 hours or so. I kept it as short and sweet as possible, and didn't really write anything that would need a reply from her. I did however write something that might have been stupid: I wrote that even though i wanted minimum contact, i would "be there" if she wrote or called Yesterday, i got yet another e-mail; this was a lot shorter, nothing really important, but it ended with a "kiss" emote. I don't really know what to think. I am not going to respond to the e-mail, because it does not really warrant one. My initial "plan" was to have atleast a month with NC, so we both could "cool off" a little. And then decide if i should try and "win her back" or not I'm not even sure i want her back. The day she left, i was really down. I do of course think about her alot, but i have been eating and sleeping well, having fun with my friends and just doing what i feel like
Recommended Posts