LovelyLaura Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) LS is the place that helps me a lot, this is the only place that i can be really honest with myself and others. Being an OW is never easy, and i will never ever in my life get my self into this position again Im stupid enough to enter the A with full consciousness, but i'll be smart enough to get my self out of this messy situation. As a brief update, last time MM had to make a decision, and as predicted, he chose to stay with his family. And honestly i was so glad that he made the decision. I never picture him as my future husband, i like him a lot, but im sure as hell i dont love him. I was too coward to tell him that, and let him be the one that pull the plug, and so relieved that he chose to stay with his family, and free me from this misery. He told me that he had no courage to walk away from his family, nothing more and nothing less. He didnt give false hope, sweet promise, or anything else. And im pretty happy with his honesty, at least he admit that its too dificult to leave his family behind, and he isnt brave enough to do it. So i wish him well and hug him goodbye. And directly after that i got assigned to go to one of our branch abroad. 2 weeks and i think its the most perfect time to have a business travel. Get away from him literally. I changed my number so he couldnt contact me. But still he sent me one email, asking about my condition there, and i didnt reply it. I felt so happy and free when i was there, far away from him, knowing that he couldnt reach me face to face. I felt so relieved. But i have to admit that yeah i have my grieving stage, i cried my eyes out, i grieve the loss, i missed him so much, but that just for one moment, and then i realize that actually i ended the worst period in my life and ready to welcome the warm sunshine. To make things better, after 2 weeks there, the branch manager offered me a position. I took the opportunity without a second thought. It would be a perfect escape from everything here. But i cant move right away, i have to take care of some paperwork first, and they told me it would take 2 months before i can move there. And the news travel faster than the light. Everyone from the headquarter congrats me. He, being the owner’s son well aware about this, sent me another email saying congratulation, with a spice of some bitterness in that email. I replied by saying only thank you. Today, im back to my hometown, and he contacts me right away. Saying that he miss me so damn much, he is a wreck now, and he cant live with a thought that he couldnt see me anymore. He told me to really consider about me moving to another country, he doesnt want me to leave. And yeah, i replied his text. I said that its the best for both of us. He cant leave, and i cant stay. So this is the most logical solution for everyone. He just went silent after that. This weekend i have to make another business travel to another city here, And im so glad that my hectic work environment here really help me get over the tought of him. Thank you for reading this. And i thank you all for your support during my hardest time. I hope i could get over this and at least see some light at the end of the tunnel. Be strong.. Edited May 28, 2012 by LovelyLaura 6
MissBee Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Great for you Laura! Best of luck with everything as you go forward
Author LovelyLaura Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Great for you Laura! Best of luck with everything as you go forward Thank you MissBee, Im looking forward to really move on with my life, To be ready to welcome all the shiny warm day, No more living in dark alley, as a dirty secret of someone. And i want to stay this positive.. But i have to admit, its difficult. When i read another post in here about how hard to move on, how hard they struggle to get over MM/MW, i totally could relate my self to their feeling. The A is only 4 or 5 months for me, but trust me its the most painful break-up ever for me.. And i dont even love the guy, but still it hurts. Reading all the advice here makes me realize that what i feel now is very common. Makes me a little bit more comfortable knowing that its normal, and everyone in the same situation also feel the same. What i am afraid is this 2 months period when i have to be here, in my headquarter, when it is so easy for him to reach for me, physically and virtually. Im afraid that it will suck me in. I dont wanna be back to square one, i dont wanna live that kind of life anymore. But it feels good when i have him around, i know its wrong. I know i have to be strong to resist him from my life. Any advice on how to keep my self strong enough to say no to him?
sad puppy Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Keep your face turned to the light, you are on an amazing path right now. I applaud you for taking this next big step in your career, it's exciting. He can't leave and you can't stay, just keep remembering that. At the end of your life, this will be nothing but a blip. You are on to a bigger and brighter life! It's all perfect for you. Do all the things you want to do before you move, see friends, stay busy! Tis all meant to be! Good luck!
Author LovelyLaura Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Keep your face turned to the light, you are on an amazing path right now. I applaud you for taking this next big step in your career, it's exciting. He can't leave and you can't stay, just keep remembering that. At the end of your life, this will be nothing but a blip. You are on to a bigger and brighter life! It's all perfect for you. Do all the things you want to do before you move, see friends, stay busy! Tis all meant to be! Good luck! Thank you so much sadpuppy.. Ur word meant a lot to me Makes me think that hell yeah, im getting out from this messy muddy situation, Like u said, it all meant to be. I have a 2nd change to right the wrong. And im ready for it. dont get me wrong, i have my weak moment. i still think about him, everything keeps reminding me of him. Like last night, i heard a new song from TV, i like the tune,. and immediately he popped in my mind, he would like this song too.. its sooo him.. Im not depressed, im no longer crying.. I just randomly think about him. I didnt intend to do that. Its like when i see or hear something, my subconsciousness bring back everything about him. Makes me miss him badly. I know its normal, its only been 3 weeks since i ended it.. but im afraid that this gonna make me weak when he tries to come back.. I know he would, and im afraid im not strong enough to resist him..
sad puppy Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 And everything you are feeling is completely natural. It will take time for those really sad feelings to subside, they will lessen, and will eventually fade. You may always love him, who knows? But he's probably just one of many that you will love in your life. Just remember, he's a cheater, plain and simple. Move on, go towards your new venture. You will be fine. You're just at the beginning stages right now. It's hard, go ahead and feel those feelings, just let them move through you. It is a part of the letting go & the first step towards the future. You have much to look forward to - think of your bright future & big changes! Perfect timing!
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