DelicateRose0610 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 First of all, thank you to any and all who read and respond to my post. I am in a complicated situation so I'm *sure this will be a semi-lengthy post. I'm going to sum it all up and then point out the specific things I am struggling with. I am a 22-year old white female who has never been married. I have recently started dating a 24-year old mix-race divorced dad (*Kenny*). (He is African American and Native American but looks black and lives with his family who is black). He has a 6-year old son by his high school sweetheart and a 3-year old daughter by his ex-wife. Kenny was married for 5 years and has only been divorced for 11 months. The ex-wife and daughter live nearby and Kenny has joint custody so he has his daughter every Friday-Sunday. The first baby momma lives on the other side of the country and he only sees his son a few months a year (that is what he told me, I'm not exactly sure what that means but I know he doesn't see his son or his mom very often). The following things are what I am struggling with: -I have never dated a divorced man or a dad. This is all new to me and very scary and uncomfortable.* -I met his daughter this weekend and I kind of had an emotional freakout after. I've never met a child of a man I'm sleeping with and care about.* -Also, his daughter is incredibly badly behaved and my boundaries were never made clear to distinguish to me what I can do when she is out of hand.* -He has had over 500 sexual partners and I have had 7. Ever since I found this out, we have not had sex. I am terrified to do it again because I am convinced he has had too much (way more than me) and too good (he's had sex with super models) for me to be able to be good enough for him or satisfy him ever.* -He told me his family will never like or accept or be okay with me or with me being with him because I am white. -My family will also never accept him. First, because he is *black* and second because of everything I am describing here.* -He has never had sex with or dated a white girl before me.* -So far he has not been the most reliable. He usually never answers the phone when I call and he will take a really long time to text back. He also will say he will call me and then he never does. Or he will tell me to call him at a certain time and then he won't answer.* -We are currently not in an official relationship and this worries me. I feel like right now I am just number 501.* -I feel like he will now and forever always belong to many others before me. The 500 other females he's had sex with, the 100s of females with his name tattooed on them (he's a tattoo artist), the first baby momma and his son, the ex-wife and the daughter... -I am only 22-years old. I still want to get married and have kids. But he's run the race already. What are the odds that he will run the same race again? -Off of that, I kind of resented his daughter when I met her because she wasn't mine and never will be.* -I have some trust and jealousy issues. And now since we aren't in a relationship, I feel like I could lose him at any moment, especially to the ex-wife.* -Facebook has already been playing a role in us dating. He told me I should stay off his page because a lot of females talk to him on there so of course I looked. He puts a lot of statuses about a "she" or "her" and I'm not sure it's me he's talking about. Also, he put his profile picture as a female the other day and I freaked and he was like that's my cousin, I wanted to see how you would react. But in a status from like a week ago, he wrote that he found his other half, and said the name that he said was his cousin. Who says that about family? He did say, though, that when we are official he will put us on Facebook.* I'm not sure that I got every piece of the puzzle explained here but that's definitely enough for now. Thank you again to anyone who responds.*
Balzac Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 At age 22 I cannot understand why you are involved with this man. There are so many warning flags, so much baggage and no sexual component. What is it this guy offers you? Are you finished with your education and now into your career?
Author DelicateRose0610 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 I graduated with my BA a few weeks ago and am still looking for a job.
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 At 22 years old don't date a man who has 2 children, 2 ex's and has slept with 500 women. You are too young to be step mother to 2 young kids! His race has nothing to do with this, his life experience and where he is in life is so different to where you are in life. he's been around the block (many times!) and you haven't. This guy is going to hurt you and he definately is NOT long term boyfriend material. Please think about just walking away before you fall for him. Focus on your new career and meeting a guy who you have more in common with and not so much baggage! At 22 (sorry to keep bringing your age up) you shouldn't have to deal with so much so early in the dating and beginning of a relationship. It was way too early for you to meet his child anyway. That's a red flag too.
Author DelicateRose0610 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 Thank you for the congrats and the problem is I have already fallen for him
KikiSW Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 You just named all the red flags, which should be more than enough reason for you to stop seeing this man! He's not reliable, you're not in an official relationship and he has lots of women on his facebook. You're sleeping with him so he pretty has what he wants. Think about it...
Author DelicateRose0610 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 We only had sex 1.5 times though...
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) So I guess my question is: what is your question? You don't seem particularly open to those saying this is a bad BAD BAD idea. But then again, I figure, given the mathematics of the situation, that it won't be very long until it resolves itself. Let's take a look at that "500" number. Let's say he's been promiscuous since he was, what... maybe 14? We'll call it 10 years to make the numbers round and easy to work with. That's about 3500 days (again, rounding a bit to make the numbers easy...) So if he was having sex with these 500 women through those 10 years, then he was having sex with a NEW woman, roughly every 7 days. A new woman every week. And that is if he continued having sex with new women straight through his 5 year marriage. Now, let's generously give him the benefit of the doubt (?!?!) and assume that he was the model of fidelity for those 5 married years. OK, then he's had to have sex with TWO new women every week for the other 5 years he wasn't married. A couple of questions: (1) Which is more gross to you: the idea that he has had sex with TWO new women a week for his entire unmarried life since puberty? Or the possibility that he had sex with ONE new woman a week, even straight through his marriage? Or the possibility that he's lying through his ass to you about this "500 women" number? (2) Given the distinct probability that he's lying to you about a lot of his personal and sexual history, why should you believe any of it, including his assertion that you are so special that you are the first white woman out of 500 other women he's apparently casually slept with? How does that make ANY sense? Because he's been so discriminating until now? Because he's respected the beliefs of his traditional family who wouldn't approve of a relationship with a white woman? Does any of this even pass the giggle test for being even close to rational? (3) How do you think someone manages to promiscuously sleep with an exceedingly large number of women? By deception, do you suppose? Because he's an attractive, charismatic guy who knows how to manipulate young, impressionable women who will fall for his schtik? Because he knows how to say all the right things? Oh baby, you're the only one.. You're the first this, you're my only that, you're my first white woman... I'll change my Facebook status once we're official. And you said that "so far he has not been the most reliable..." Hmm, you don't say.... Why, that doesn't sound like him at all! (that's sarcasm, just to put a fine point on it.) Listen, if you were my daughter, I'd be freaking out, just like your family would be, and it has nothing to do with his race. He's either out of control promiscuous, or he's lying to you about a lot of stuff - and my money is on BOTH. And here's the number ONE question you should be asking yourself: why in the world would you think that either one of those behaviors will change in the future? You aren't "official"; you aren't dating him. You are number 501. But on the bright side, as I said earlier, I don't expect it will take very long to play out. You say "I feel like I could lose him at any moment, especially to the ex-wife." I don't think you need to be worrying about his ex wife. Can't you see that #502 will be coming along in another week or so? Edited May 28, 2012 by Trimmer
hiimgerman Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 So why do you still wanna be with him???? Find someone that will treat you right. You can and you will =)
petterr Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Hi! Just some thoughts because you asked! This has really nothing to do with him being a divorced dad. But there are so many potential problems in your post. The colour of your skin shouldnt matter but as you say your families wont accept it. Big problem! And for him using FB as he does. Varning! And 500 woman, super model or not, says something about him. His daughter! Are you prepared to do the work that has to be done in order for you to have a good relation. Just some thoughts! Take care!
dsw31 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Wow! That guy sounds like a catch! Catch all the diseases you can... that is! You are only 22, please don't waste your good years on a loser like that. Sorry to say-his "cousin" is his girlfriend. You can do sooo much better.
Radu Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Did you hit your head on something or is the sex just that good ? Almost everything you wrote is a red flag. 24 and he has sex with 500 women ? Even if he was lying [and he is deffinitely bloating it], does this sound like 'reliable' is written all over him ? And you say he has a 6yr old daughter who doesn't behave ? Gee, i wonder if daddy's rolemodel may have played a role. He has a kid from an affair during his marriage. He probably has more kids around [500 women]. ------- Break it off with him, he has many other women on the side, and go into therapy ... like NOW. Because you are attracted to this guy for some reason, and you see him as potential husband ... and you need to find out why.
TripLine Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 500. Are you kidding me? I dont think i even have 500 female friends. You will probably be # 501, and he will have a 502, 503...
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