Furious Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) After discovering my husband's affair. I decided to go on an affair hunting expedition. I flirted...gave off the sexual vibe...got touchy feely...expressed how unhappy my marriage was. Low and behold I had many offers. Of course I declined those offers. But I proved my point to my husband. My question to BS's have you had the opportunity to cheat and why didn't you cross that line? Edited May 28, 2012 by Furious 1
Author Furious Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 I also want to add that a colleague of mine, when he found out that my marriage was in trouble told me he had always had a crush on me. I was shocked by this. I never flirted with nor discussed my marriage with him. 1
96nole Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 After discovering my husband's affair. I decided to go on an affair hunting expedition. I flirted...gave off the sexual vibe...got touchy feely...expressed how unhappy my marriage was. Low and behold I had many offers. Of course I declined those offers. But I proved my point to my husband. My question to BS's have you had the opportunity to cheat and why didn't you cross that line? Yes I had the opportunity. It was with a girl I had sex with in college 20 years ago. We ran into each other a few years ago at a celebration of life for our Drama teacher from back then who had recently died. She made it quite clear that she wanted to "get together" that night. Why didn't I? I was married to the stbxw. I was very happy. And the ex was home sick. I have honor. I have respect. I wasn't going to risk my marriage for what would be a one night stand. The other woman was also married and I didn't want to get involved with that. As soon as she made it quite clear what she wanted to do, I immediately left and went home to my sick wife. I was going to leave soon anyway, but that got me out of there faster. 3
96nole Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I also want to add that a colleague of mine, when he found out that my marriage was in trouble told me he had always had a crush on me. I was shocked by this. I never flirted with nor discussed my marriage with him. You know Furious, if anything, you've learned that you still have 'it'. Every once in a while, you should go on an 'affair experiment' to show your husband that he can be replaced very easily should he get out of line again. 2
Artie Lang Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Low and behold I had many offers. you don't have to be a rocket scientist to kow that you'll almost ALWAYS be taken-up on illicit sex. 2
Author Furious Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 Yes I had the opportunity. It was with a girl I had sex with in college 20 years ago. We ran into each other a few years ago at a celebration of life for our Drama teacher from back then who had recently died. She made it quite clear that she wanted to "get together" that night. Why didn't I? I was married to the stbxw. I was very happy. And the ex was home sick. I have honor. I have respect. I wasn't going to risk my marriage for what would be a one night stand. The other woman was also married and I didn't want to get involved with that. As soon as she made it quite clear what she wanted to do, I immediately left and went home to my sick wife. I was going to leave soon anyway, but that got me out of there faster. 96 That's it ...honor and respect...for yourself and your wife. It's as simple as that. It's a hard pill to swallow when that's not reciprocated.
Radu Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Yes, i didn't take it [guy, 2 gf's cheated out of 5 afaik]. I don't regret it ... i'm just better than that. Funny thing, most married men will tell you that the wedding band works on women like a flame to moths. 1
Spark1111 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Enough of the theatrics.....so I ask again to all BS's have you...did you have oppuntunity to cheat and why didn't you cross the line? There isn't a woman on the planet who hasn't had a spark, an offer, an inkling of an attraction from another man, especially MM! Sorry guys, but it's like shooting fish in a barrel if one is so inclined, or needy for validation or attention. Yes! And it always makes me feel like I need a shower, which is a good thing! When H wanted to reconcile and I remained devastated and unsure, I think I unwittingly sent out a vulnerability vibe. because men sensed it, smelled it, wanted to rescue me and starting coming out of the woodwork! Started coming on to me.....friends, neigbors, colleagues began to be...charming, sensitive, inappropriate, obtuse and suggestive. It scared me. WTH was happening? When there was a mutual attraction with a younger man in the workplace, I realized it, grew very uncomfortable by it, and SHUT IT DOWN. I spoke to H and IC about it. I learned that I had strong boundaries....naturally. But I also had a choice, and if I had chosen to feed that attraction, well I could certainly have wound up in quite a mess. 1
96nole Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 96 That's it ...honor and respect...for yourself and your wife. It's as simple as that. It's a hard pill to swallow when that's not reciprocated. Yep. Let me add another story to the mix. It's not about me having the chance to cheat, it's about honor and respect. April 2011 my friend from New Jersey was coming down to Disney World with his family. I live 2 hours south of Disney World, so myself and a few other mutual friends from down here drove up to Disney to meet our friend. At the time, my friend Deanne was having major problems with her now ex husband. Since my STBXW couldn't go, I used the money to take Deanne up with me since she really needed time away with all of us. Deanne and I shared a room. There was supposed to be two beds in the room. There was only one bed and one pull out couch. Deanne and I have knows each other for 20 years. Nothing was going to happen between us. She said that she didn't have a problem sharing the bed since there was no chance of anything sexual happening. I declined and slept on the pull out couch. I told Deanne that I was coming off a cold and still had a little bit of a cough and didn't want to cough on her that night. The real reason was that I did not think it was the right thing to do. I, being a married man, should not share a bed with another woman. Even though there was no chance of anything happening. It's just not proper. 3 weeks later was D-Day #1. While I was up at Disney, the STBXW was out with the OM. So while I was being honorable, she was not. She used the excuse that she couldn't get off work as to why she couldn't go with me to see and be with people that were also friends to her for 14 years. These are also the same friends of mine that have been attacking her on facebook recently after she makes snide remarks about me. Especially my friend from New Jersey. He can be as delicate as a bull in a China shop to people like her. 2
MollyBrown Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I never cheated because I respect the sanctity of marriage and I've always firmly believed in divorce v infidelity. My H knows that I could walk outside and find a willing sexual partner but he also knows that I wouldn't because I'm not like that. Until I discovered he had been unfaithful, I never questioned whether I still had "it" or not. I always noticed when a man's head turns, but I always just grinned to myself about the compliment and went about my business. It's not something I dwelled upon or let my mind go to dark places over. Since his infidelity, I find that I do feel the need to prove to my H that I'm attractive to other men. That's what being a BS does to you. It wrecks your self esteem and makes you question yourself. That's what it's done to me, anyway. It's getting better, but I wonder if I will ever truly feel like I have my "mojo" back. Know what I mean? 3
g450 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 As for me... Never ever thought of cheating ever. Even right before and after the divorce. It took me being single for six months before I actually had sex with another woman and even then I felt incredibly guilty for it as if I were still married. But that's just me. Go figure. 2
jnj express Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hey furioso---you said it yourself----You have some class, you have decent morales, and way above everything else----you value yourself, and your kids 2
beenburned Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I have had hundreds of men come on to me during my long term marriage. I have also received 2 serious marriage proposals(while married), from men I've known for many years.(they begged me to divorce H) I have never done anything to deliberately attract this attention. I have never dressed slutty, don't ever go to bars/clubs, almost always go places with my family or friends in tow. I have been told repeatedly that my old fashioned good girl image is the draw, as it seems to be quite rare in this day and age.(especially for the good guys that are looking for marriage with someone similar) 1
nofool4u Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 My question to BS's have you had the opportunity to cheat and why didn't you cross that line? I didn't have the opportunity because I don't go looking for it. Why wouldn't I cross that line? Because I'm not going to stoop to a cheater's level. Not only that, I don't cheat, period, no matter if someone might think I have a good excuse or not. Not only that, why would I want to add to my character that of a cheater? Even if I were to cheat in revenge, I wouldn't blame a woman in the future not wanting to be with me if they found out I cheated. I certainly wouldn't want to be with a woman I knew cheated even in revenge. 1
GLDheart Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) My question to BS's have you had the opportunity to cheat and why didn't you cross that line? In the course of ten years with my EX Fiancee, I occasionally had "that spark" between myself and other women make itself known. I was aware of what it was. I also found my mind wander onto inappropriate thoughts... Two things stopped me: First, the thought of "giving it all away" to risk pursuing a fantasy. It just didn't add up because I loved the woman I had at home. SECOND: AND WAY MORE IMPORTANTLY, when I was actually "real with myself", the thought of taking it to the next level by touching some other woman's skin made my stomach curdle a little. Sadly however, I'm here on these forums because my fidelity was not returned... Edited June 18, 2012 by GLDheart
beenburned Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 All of these replies reflect the thought and consideration that should go on in your mind before you decide to cheat. But in my H's case, he has always been impulse oriented without much thought at all. I feel this is also true with most other WS's.
2sunny Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 No opportunities, but then not really looking for them either. I'm not nearly a good enough liar to be able to pull it off, anyway. I couldn't b.s. a prospective O.W. (nor would want to) that I loved her or was her soulmate--basically it would have to be straight out sex. On the other hand I don't really want to have sex with a strange woman who more likely than not is banging other guys and might have a disease. I would also not be able to keep it a secret from my spouse. The whole point would be to rub her face in it. Also, realistically, the financial and emotional catastrophe that would likely ensue such as a possible divorce makes the real-world potential costs such a huge risk that for me to even consider it, I would only be willing to do it with someone so far out of my league that it's very unlikely such an opportunity would ever present itself in the first place. I suppose maybe if I was on a business trip someday far away from home or from where anyone could possibly recognize me, and the exact right set of circumstances all fell into place, I might be subject to temptation. Actually going through with it is a different story. Right now it's purely fantasy which is probably where it will always stay. Or, perhaps as my wife responded when I asked her how would she like it if the tables were turned, "You couldn't do it because you would feel too guilty." That kind of irritated me since in a way it was a complete put down--she wasn't saying I had too much moral integrity to have a revenge affair, she was telling me I was too chicken sh*t to do it. Similar to when one of my children for some reason (they don't know about her As) asked if she "had a boyfriend." My wife said: "When would I have time for that?" That pissed me off too. Can you imagine? She didn't respond to the question by saying "I love your father, I could never have a boyfriend," just: "I don't have the time." Hopefully she doesn't clear her schedule anytime soon. It doesn't sound like your wife respects or honors you. Even the question the child asked her says it all! I've never heard of a young CHILD asking a PARENT that. keen perception is a trademark of young children. Your W is engaging in things you need to know about.
Chi townD Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Well, I think your experiment is playing with dangerous waters. But, I don't think that it was too much of an experiment as much as it was revenge to prove a point. I mean, if a woman is going to offer it up, you are going to be hard pressed in finding a young heterosexual male that's going to turn IT down.
Author Furious Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Well, I think your experiment is playing with dangerous waters. But, I don't think that it was too much of an experiment as much as it was revenge to prove a point. I mean, if a woman is going to offer it up, you are going to be hard pressed in finding a young heterosexual male that's going to turn IT down. My cheating husband met the OW in a bar, just wanted him to understand that it was no miracle. Cheating is a choice, not something that just happened. Cheating is about ego and selfishness. Funny how he didn't like it when the shoe was on the other foot And no, not all men cheat as you imply. 4
96nole Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Well, I think your experiment is playing with dangerous waters. But, I don't think that it was too much of an experiment as much as it was revenge to prove a point. I mean, if a woman is going to offer it up, you are going to be hard pressed in finding a young heterosexual male that's going to turn IT down. Chit TownD: I think what you may have missed from Furious' other posts is that her husband met the OW at a bar. OW talked him up and told him that she wasn't wearing underwear. For some reason he thought she was the greatest thing since sliced bread because of it. And the affair started. Furious did what she did in an attempt to show her husband that it's pretty easy for any attractive woman to walk up to any dope at the bar (I'm looking at you husband of Furious) and have their way with them. It was to show him that there wasn't anything special about the OW or him even. The only dangerous waters that were played with was the husband realizing what he could lose. And he also realized that he could be replaced real fast. Poor husband, gets to spend the rest of his life with a foot up his ass. 3
Recommended Posts