Clay Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You have no respect for your husband. How long before you cheat again, waiting for a reaction from him? Save him the heartache and stop being selfish. Leave him. I completely agree with this. OP your Husband deserves a much better wife in his life. Give him the chance to find that person. Just as you felt you deserved more attention he deserves to be with someone that will love and honor him. Clay 1
harrybrown Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Your H is hurting, but you probably can't figure out how much. Your H is a better man than player ever will be. He did this with you with a wife and young kids at home. He is continuing to do this. If someone really was a good person, they would tell his poor wife. If your H did this how would you feel? again your H is hurting, and he is probably close to my age. I am working and have worked too hard to start over and give my wife half of everything. And probably have to pay alimony as well. So I have moved my assets around and the kids will get most of everything when I die. The life insurance, the IRAs, all go to the kids. You see she killed my love for her. You may have killed your H's love for you. That is a sad thing to do for a spouse after all these years. But there are consequences, and all my hard earned assets are not going to her next lover. Hope you help your H heal and treat him with love and respect. Do you really know what he thinks of you now? And you are so correct about the notch in the belt of the player and nothing more. 1
Author Justonekiss Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 No doubt my H is much better. I tell you, I try very hard not to be vengeful of this guy. I know it will only make things worse. He's terrible. We had quite the EA and I knew he had anger problems,but to see him turn on me so. If I was a good person I should tell his wife?? Really?Do I even want to go there. The revenge on me would be awful. He's said too much about me already. My saving grace is all his sweet calls that he's left on my phone. He will be shocked if I'm forced to use them. His wife has to know already what a player he is. She adores him. When I first met him he talked about her saying he liked her but was always looking for something better. She told him one day she would marry him. Then she got gp and he had too. I've indirectly given her a clue and not because I feel she should know, but because I Truely am upset that he did this to me and that I let him. And oh dear.. Has the s**t hit the fan. But you know what? I want to keep doing it. He's ruined me and I want him to pay. I was so stupid infatuated and didn't care about anything but him. And he knew it! Now he rubs all the others in my face and laughs. Unreal. I believe in karma so I sit and wait. I know the guy suffers for other reasons but thats no longer my problem. It took a long time to say this. It seems your wife did the same. Probably different in that she didn't fall for a narcisstic person. Classic text book. I never knew about these personalities. Me me me. Like your wife I know I killed the love here. He tries but then it's like he remembers and shuts down. I know he thinks low of me. Can't blame him. All this for a player. A notch. Great... 1
Author Justonekiss Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 He's not here with chains. He can leave anytime he wants. I would not leave. Never. I've made a mistake. I know that.
Clay Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 What is the real gain in staying with him? Your clearly not inlove with him. So your just using him. Why not leave him and go seek help for your own problems? Why not be a better person and try to lead a more healthy life? Tunera is probably right you are just selfish but what is there to gain in the long run. Clay
Author Justonekiss Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Like I said, selfish. I'm selfish. Humm. Let's try to quess why I took so easily to this younger guy for a minute. You know, we all sin differently. I questioned myself many times and initiated the stops many times. Though I knew it was wrong I was weak. I admit it. There's nothing here that therapy can tell me that I don't already know. The thing is, if I am to move on from this, I'll need to leave my job. I'm not leaving my marriage for some young smart player. I'm not the only fool to fall for his game. So. I quit my job and leave my marriage. That'll make the lil punk feel like the man he thinks he is. I'd rather stay, ignore him cause he hates that. And he hate me. Probably because I did stop. I'm sure I was the first to cut him off. I wish sometimes that when my h found out, he'd done something. But, he didn't. He leg this young guy make a fool of his ( lonely ) wife. And you think I should leave ? I'm not going to be the one to leave. Ever.
A.Moscote Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Your EA is with a player, so it is easy for you to see through it. He's a jerk, that's it. Then you can fall back to the comfort and care of your husband. You are a lucky woman, lucky married woman. Some of us here aren't so lucky, we met a normal other people and we lost in the affair. We ignore our conscience and compassionate for others (own spouse, partner's spouse, etc) and hurt them. Will you ever cross that line too? Would you continue an affair further if somehow again you are involve with another guy (who is much better than your husband and your xEAP)? 1
suckerpunch55 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I will try and be calm and collected with my reply to you. The situation you describe is virtually identical to my wife's, she though ended up sleeping with the younger man for 2 years before the affair was exposed by a co-worker. What you are doing is morally wrong, it can and will only lead to disaster with your marriage, can you imagine the devastation it will cause not just to your husband but anyone else involved? think long and hard before proceeding any further!!
turnera Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I'm selfish. Humm. Let's try to quess why I took so easily to this younger guy for a minute. You know, we all sin differently. I questioned myself many times and initiated the stops many times. Though I knew it was wrong I was weak. I admit it. There's nothing here that therapy can tell me that I don't already know. The thing is, if I am to move on from this, I'll need to leave my job. I'm not leaving my marriage for some young smart player. I'm not the only fool to fall for his game. So. I quit my job and leave my marriage. That'll make the lil punk feel like the man he thinks he is. I'd rather stay, ignore him cause he hates that. And he hate me. Probably because I did stop. I'm sure I was the first to cut him off. I wish sometimes that when my h found out, he'd done something. But, he didn't. He leg this young guy make a fool of his ( lonely ) wife. And you think I should leave ? I'm not going to be the one to leave. Ever.Your selfishness has nothing to do with your cheating. It has to do with your flippant disregard for others' feelings. You have a User mentality and you Use people to please yourself. 'nough said.
Try Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 He's ruined me and I want him to pay. I was so stupid infatuated and didn't care about anything but him. And he knew it! Now he rubs all the others in my face and laughs. It is only rubbing if you care. If you cared for your husband the way that you cared for your affair partner, your affair partner’s “others” would not matter to you enough for him to be rubbing them in your face. Like your wife I know I killed the love here. He tries but then it's like he remembers and shuts down. I know he thinks low of me. Can't blame him. Your husband sees that you are still emotionally connected to your affair partner enough that you consider the affair partner seeing “others” as rubbing it in your face. He is smart to shut down emotionally in order to protect himself from you, as it is clear that you do not have your husband’s best interest in mind. The thing is, if I am to move on from this, I'll need to leave my job. I'm not leaving my marriage for some young smart player. I'm not the only fool to fall for his game. So. I quit my job and leave my marriage. That'll make the lil punk feel like the man he thinks he is. I'd rather stay, ignore him cause he hates that. And he hate me. Probably because I did stop. I'm sure I was the first to cut him off. Why is it that what your affair partner thinks is still more important to you than moving “on from this” and focusing back on what is best for your husband and your marriage? I wish sometimes that when my h found out, he'd done something. But, he didn't. He leg this young guy make a fool of his ( lonely ) wife. Your husband is not at all responsible for making a fool out of you. You did that all by yourself in secret being his back. As for him doing something about it, if he was to do something about it, the thing that he would be doing is filing for divorce. It would be foolish to physically assault your affair partner and go to jail over a wife that does not have his best interest at heart and that has betrayed him. Your outlook is so self centered that you do not even see how outrageous your comments are. Please get help. I hope that after IC you will read this thread again and understand what I and other have been saying to you. Only if you truly understand, will your marriage have a chance at being what it should be. Good luck and be well. 2
Clay Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 You should let your H read this thread. He needs to know how you really feel about him. He hasn't left because your probably playing him like you were played. Clay 1
stillafool Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 What I notice about your responses is you only want to talk about your young man and any time anyone brings up your husband and marriage you have little to say about it. You keep bringing up this young man. The truth is he used you for attention, never wanted you and now he is on to the next woman. Get over it. You need to worry about keeping your job, your husband, your house and your marriage. This other guy does not want you so get that through your head. If his wife finds out about any or this she may surely make it her business to tell your husband. If your husband doesn't do it for you anymore then get divorce. 2
Author Justonekiss Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 What I notice about your responses is you only want to talk about your young man and any time anyone brings up your husband and marriage you have little to say about it. You keep bringing up this young man. The truth is he used you for attention, never wanted you and now he is on to the next woman. Get over it. You need to worry about keeping your job, your husband, your house and your marriage. This other guy does not want you so get that through your head. If his wife finds out about any or this she may surely make it her business to tell your husband. If your husband doesn't do it for you anymore then get divorce. Trust me .. I tell myself this daily. I am so infatuated with him after how well he played me. You're all correct. He just used me. Mostly to make himself look good in front of all our co workers. Damage is done. I'll get over it. I have to remember that I am a smart gal and leave This be and focus more on my family. I know it doesn't dound like it because of my poor h. But I'm really not a very selfish gal. Just did some really dumb things. I have to live with it I do appreciated all the comments here and I will go and re read them when I'm sure I'll have to. Just to keep myself straight. Thanks for your comments.
harrybrown Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Do you love your H? If you do, give him a timeline of your real relationship. Tell him how you feel about the OM. Do not keep secrets. Maybe you could work on this together. If your H had an affair, how would you feel about him still wanting the OW and still working with the OW? If you want your marriage, make that what you care about, not the OM. If you do not want your marriage, tell your H and have him know what he is in for. Tell him to move on with his life. You should choose one over the other and go with that decision. If the OM was still an option, is that what you would chose? then tell your h that it is over between you and your H. no one want to be second choice, the backup plan. It really sucks and is no way to live. Good luck
Author Justonekiss Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Do you love your H? If you do, give him a timeline of your real relationship. Tell him how you feel about the OM. Do not keep secrets. Maybe you could work on this together. If your H had an affair, how would you feel about him still wanting the OW and still working with the OW? If you want your marriage, make that what you care about, not the OM. If you do not want your marriage, tell your H and have him know what he is in for. Tell him to move on with his life. You should choose one over the other and go with that decision. If the OM was still an option, is that what you would chose? then tell your h that it is over between you and your H. no one want to be second choice, the backup plan. It really sucks and is no way to live. Good luck Truth is, the OM is and never was an option. He's very young and I'd never be with him. He just flirted with me in an overbearing way. He's a major player and narcisstic. I knew his problems and friended him in the wrong way. It was nothing but play on bit both out parts really. Fact is. If I had a real marriage I'd never of let it go on like it did. I look back and wonder what was I doing. And why do I care about this OM. Too many years. That's all. We basically mean zero to ea other.
Clay Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Truth is, the OM is and never was an option. He's very young and I'd never be with him. He just flirted with me in an overbearing way. He's a major player and narcisstic. I knew his problems and friended him in the wrong way. It was nothing but play on bit both out parts really. Fact is. If I had a real marriage I'd never of let it go on like it did. I look back and wonder what was I doing. And why do I care about this OM. Too many years. That's all. We basically mean zero to ea other. Why stay in your marriage if it is not real? Clearly your not telling your H the truth about how you really feel. If you had do you really think he would stay with you. There has to be something your doing or not saying that is keeping him with someone who does not really love him like a wife should. Why not just leave him and go find someone you can have a real marriage with. Real love real dedication. I really do not understand staying with plan B. Clay 1
Author Justonekiss Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) Why stay in your marriage if it is not real? Clearly your not telling your H the truth about how you really feel. If you had do you really think he would stay with you. There has to be something your doing or not saying that is keeping him with someone who does not really love him like a wife should. Why not just leave him and go find someone you can have a real marriage with. Real love real dedication. I really do not understand staying with plan B. Clay Divorce is not an option. It is what it is. I wouldn't leave. Marriages have ups and downs. Seriously. Is there really couples that are together after 30 years that have that kind of passion like that still ? Sure there is love, respect, family values. All that. But that fun new passion. I missed it and was weak. I know my mistakes. Is it really that easy to leave to maybe find it again with someone else? I'm weak it all areas here. I understand your comments though. My H told me once that life's not always a bed of roses. Edited May 22, 2014 by Justonekiss 1
harrybrown Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 So start an affair with your H. have some fun with him. Put as much effort into the affair with your H as you did with the player. maybe even more.
Author Justonekiss Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 So start an affair with your H. have some fun with him. Put as much effort into the affair with your H as you did with the player. maybe even more. Yes. Sounds like the thing to do but as someone said before, I killed his love for me. I don't think we will ever go back. Some people can but I put too much of a strain on our relationship. I only cared about the om. I felt very lucky to know him. I knew he was a hater and I wanted to help him. Something this sweet can't be bad I'd tell myself. I should not of put so much into such a silly relationship. I knew it wasn't serious and a sort of sickness with me that I was being attracted to him but I continued with no regards to my family. Tho OM is really too much. I know he's said things to every one about me. It's as if he is getting back at me. He's odd as I know he's done this and still he pretends to be my friend. Very odd. I've gotten use to not getting upset when he talks to me and moving on. Everything was a game that he needs to play. Karma will do it to him.
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