nofool4u Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Long story short...the attention he poured on me was something I couldn't handle. I've done things my husband would leave me for. My question is, would my company be able to let me go because of this? Inappropriate text and pics. Both of us. If its found out, absolutely you will lose your job over this, unless for some odd reason the company chooses to look the other way. He's so young and angry all the time. He controlled everything I did. You are a grown woman and know what you are doing. You just better hope he doesn't decide to expose your affair at work or to your husband.
JustJoe Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 This is the reason you should tell your husband as soon as possible. If he finds out from anybody else, you are going to have a much harder time living this down, and the fallout might be lasting and permanent. Put on your big-girl pants, be honest, and own what you did. 1
Author Justonekiss Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 The other man has pics and text that your husband needs to know about from you. If he leans about it from someone else, that will be even more hurtful since he will never be able to trust you and will never believe for sure that you did not take it physical. It is a time bomb waiting to happen and the odds are real that he will find out. One possible way it could happen is that the OM will tell the new target about you and she will see some of the pictures and letters because he will want to brag to her. If things go wrong with them, she may expose to the OM's wife not just about her but about you as well. The OM's wife would then tell your husband. This is only one possible way your husband could learn. You do not have true remorse. You are still thinking about only yourself. If the other man (OM) did not have someone younger than you he would still be focused on you and you would continue with the emotional affair (EA). Since you are not able to protect the marriage, you must tell your husband so that he will be able to do what is needed to protect it. Not telling your husband means you are hoping in the back of your mind that you might be able to get back with the OM in the future. Maybe if his new target puts out, maybe that will be the price he demands from you to get him back. You're right on all this. I could never talk about it to my h. Too hard. Yes, it's in back of my mind. I'm weak. And after days of silence the OM started again today. Its hard at work but I'm staying tough this time. His new target doesnt seem to be stopping him. I'm not sure why but I'm staying clear . Thanks for your comments.
Author Justonekiss Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 This is the reason you should tell your husband as soon as possible. If he finds out from anybody else, you are going to have a much harder time living this down, and the fallout might be lasting and permanent. Put on your big-girl pants, be honest, and own what you did. My h has to know something. Things haven't been the same for a long time. But I can't talk about it to h. Too hard.
turnera Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 My h has to know something. Things haven't been the same for a long time. But I can't talk about it to h. Too hard. Bull s.h.i.t. You CAN talk to him but you're afraid. Can you look at yourself in the mirror? 2
jnj express Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 If I wrote here what really should be written to you, I would get in trouble But let me ask you, since you think little of/next to nothing/disrespect for ---your husband---why not just D., him---let him be free---sure he will hurt, and he will wonder, but it won't be the same hurt, as would reign down on him, if he finds you are cheating on him. but, he will be free to find a woman, who maybe just a little bit, thinks of him, and not herself, and her lover------ You are already thinking of ways to get him to come back on to you----you are also jealous he is showing attention to another woman-----in all reality, you and your lover belong together. 1
2sunny Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 (edited) It's may sound complicated but it is not. My husband is aware of my attention to this guy. I don't want to get into that issue. We've never had a bad marriage or ever even fought for that matter. We will be fine. It never escalated and never would. Both myself and the guy talked about it but only teased. For sometime there was much attraction and yes, a few situations where it could of escalated but I guess what was left of my moral compass stopped me which only fueled his fire. We talked about And I asked him to stop tempting me but he always sucked me back in. Hmmm. I'm wondering which of the two of us was more vulnerable..he sure played me good. I have another co worker whose worked with us for sometime. He's moved on to her and I can see the changes in her. He's pretty good for someone so young. After older women. He once told me I was lucky I was so beautiful...or he wouldn't be talking to me. Unbelievable.. I feel bad for myself, his new"supply" and his wife who he just married after finding out they were having a baby. He use to talk about How he liked her but would always be looking for something more. Than soon after we started getting closer. At the time I felt bad for him!! Now her. I guess I wasn't thinking right. I tried to stop but not hard enough. I always wanted him to end it. Not me. I wanted him to think I really needed him. I could never hurt him. So. Now I feel he's moved on. I'm afraid he's doing to the new girl what he did to me. Using me as way to get her attention about how I was nuts over him. He used his ex gf on me. I was vulnerable. And quite stupid. I have not posted before. And just recently figured out his narcistic behavior. It was quite an eye opener reading about it. I almost feel like I've been sheltered from things !! It's only complicated when considering how much MORE of a wife YOUR husband deserves. You spend all this timeand energy figuring out what makes the a hole tick... And not much typed about your H! From your perspective - your H is an oversight. Not much of a M when you short change your H and M this way. How would you likeitif your H was focusing this much thought and energy Ina hot young gal? Nothing about it shows you love your H. I'd suggest you've honest with your H about your obsession with this young dude! And quit that job TODAY!!!! Edited June 7, 2012 by 2sunny 2
2sunny Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 So, do you respect your husband, or not? Doesn't he deserve to know what you've been up to at work? What is hurtful is your behavior, not the truth. If you love him and have any respect for him, then own your bad behavior. Show a little maturity . Not meaning to bash you, but Doesn't a man deserve to know that his wife is a cheater? That would require honesty! She doesn't have a 27 year M - what she has is a sham!
Owl Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I'm going to ask this again...what, specifically, are you looking for help in dealing with, Just? I'm not clear what your question is, or what advice you're seeking.
2sunny Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 To answer your question - if he showed evidence of what you've participated in - yes, you could be fired. When you DO inappropriate things - you have consequences for your bad behavior.
Author Justonekiss Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 It's only complicated when considering how much MORE of a wife YOUR husband deserves. You spend all this timeand energy figuring out what makes the a hole tick... And not much typed about your H! From your perspective - your H is an oversight. Not much of a M when you short change your H and M this way. How would you likeitif your H was focusing this much thought and energy Ina hot young gal? Nothing about it shows you love your H. I'd suggest you've honest with your H about your obsession with this young dude! And quit that job TODAY!!!! This is all absolutely true!! Every word here. The a hole is all I think about. It's like an obsession. The best would be to quit my job. I'm thinking poverty would be better than what I'm dealing with daily. Especially since I can't get a grip on it. Yes my H deserves better than me. 1
Author Justonekiss Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 To answer your question - if he showed evidence of what you've participated in - yes, you could be fired. When you DO inappropriate things - you have consequences for your bad behavior. I'm sure karma will set in soon. At times I think I'm willing it because I can't stop. The a hOles sweet talk and calls are too much. I think he knows it too and has a good ol time with me. He will get his karma too. As much as it upsets me I don't want anything bad to ever happen to him.
2sunny Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm sure karma will set in soon. At times I think I'm willing it because I can't stop. The a hOles sweet talk and calls are too much. I think he knows it too and has a good ol time with me. He will get his karma too. As much as it upsets me I don't want anything bad to ever happen to him. Why do you act like you have no choices? Take your power back = stop handing it all to him! Don't take his calls and don't respond to emails or text. When you ignore him long enough = he WILL go away! The choice is yours. Stop playing victim - you are CHOOSING to participate... So stop participating! And yes, quit - find a new job! Tell your H so you get accountable for your actions - and are less likely to keep stepping back into temptation. Tell your H what a ego feed he gives you - and that YOU want that to come from him instead of the young a-hole. 2
turnera Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Gee...I wonder what would happen if you just blocked his number from your phone? 1
JustJoe Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 JK, you aren't helpless, and you know it. You chose to cheat, didn't you? You weren't helpless then, were you? You acted. Now you want to play the victim and have us believe you don't have a choice? Good luck with that. You made a choice to come on LS, for that matter. Time to stop the evasions and do what you need to do, whatever that is. Tell us, and we will try to help, but TELL US what you want to do about it. 1
JustJoe Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm sure karma will set in soon. At times I think I'm willing it because I can't stop. The a hOles sweet talk and calls are too much. I think he knows it too and has a good ol time with me. He will get his karma too. As much as it upsets me I don't want anything bad to ever happen to him.You don't want anything bad to happen to your OM, but never mention your husband......real nice! 3
Author Justonekiss Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Wow 2014 and I'm reading this. My marriage is pretty much over. The guy was surely a narcissistic. As I ended it with him he fired back fiercely. He's married with small children yet still called and sent pics everyday. Yes, I still was nice and happy fearing for my job. In jan 2013 he got me to meet and chat. I knew it was wrong as I just ended it for good with the ea side and stayed the friendly co worker. Well I'm pretty sure he snapped a few pictures and showed to all his non believers at the office. I've managed to keep my job and ignore the looks. It gets better but he hovers around me constantly. The damage is done and if I ignore him he's comes to visit me. It's torture as I fear the other pics might be in his belongings still. I pray they are gone as I pray one dad he leaves. H could no longer handle my temperament due to this other guy. It's all over now. How did I manage to stay there after this? Hold my head high, thinking positive and remembering that sometimes not getting what you want can be a good thing. The fact that I never so much as kissed him keeps me sane here. The office knows he's player and a relative to the boss so he's staying too. He's such an unhappy person. Marrying because he gf got herself pg. now he suffers and thinks all should. Hate is the way so I avoid him. Who knows what will happen with the h. Someone hear mentioned I need to think of why I would of done this. It's all about the attention. And my H is not interested. Can't blame him.
thummper Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Why do you feel sorry for me? The guy was 23 when I met him. He probably didn't know how this would play out. I bet I was his first real supply. Ive read all about his narcistic ways and enough to know he's moved on. He's even told me many times he will. But he always comes back because I give him his supply. I know that. I enjoy him as well. Its as if we like to see who can tease who more. I just get to into it. I find if I don't see him I am ok after a few days. He contacted me daily up until a week ago. He's got a new supply I know. I'm worried about my job. I'm not sure he has bad self esteem. Althought at times i do see how unhappy he is. I tried hard to Make him happy. Finally realizing how wrong ive been. He's incredibly good looking and sweet. I think we've run our course. I don't feel sorry for you at all. It's your husband that deserves pity. 2
DKT3 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I don't feel sorry for you at all. It's your husband that deserves pity. Over six years with no sex? Sounds odd.
harrybrown Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 So have you told your H the truth? He deserves to know all about it. If he had an affair, you would want to know. why don't you get a new job? With the age difference, how do you think it would work? He will cheat with you and on you. What a waste to trade your marriage and H for this player. After you tell your H, you could then tell his wife. Good luck to your H. Do you know what kind of hurt you have given your H? Hope you get it sorted out and soon. Have you gone to counseling? 1
Clay Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Its really sad to see just how messed up you made things. You ruined your life as well as your H's. It would be nice if you could be honest with him but I doubt seriously you will do that. Previous behavior is the greatest prediction of future behavior. If you are not divorced yet I would go easy on him in the divorce and at least lean heavily in his direction. Its your choice in the end but It sounds like the decent thing to do. Clay 1
turnera Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Just because you've been a selfish manipulator so far in your life doesn't mean you have to STAY that way. Make a choice. Make good decisions. Stop hurting people just for your own happiness and you may end up being proud of yourself at some point. 1
janedoe67 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I am a FWW, and I can tell you that the best thing you can do is tell your husband EVERYTHING. Leave no secret untold. There are many reasons for this, but the BIGGEST one is that he deserves the respect of the whole truth. 1
Author Justonekiss Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) My h knows the truth. That I was infatuated with a younger sweet guy who had no problem going after an older married girl. Don't pity me. I knew it was wrong but kept it up. It was heavy flirting. And lots of talk. Let me ask. If it was your wife and she was having this situation what would you do ? I'd think you'd get pissed. Maybe tell this guy to F off. Something ! Do something! My h did nothing. Each time I'd see an inappropriate text I'd go off. Even ask her to stop calling my h. See. My h is a very caring supportive man. To everyone. I guess being this young guys hook was what I needed. But anyways everything's over and done with the EA. I really was just a notch in a players belt. He used me to make himself look good to his co workers and other supply that he desperately needs. For some reason. I do not need to go to therapy. I know what I did I have to live with it. Making better smarter decisions now. And keeping my boundaries tighter. Seriously. I know I am the older one but I had never met anyone like this g before. I've read about his personality disorder and I am Truely naive. Or was. I am not divorced and we never talk about thiis. It's really quite sad but it's like we've been married for so long. I wonder how he can stay in this sham. Edited May 15, 2014 by Justonekiss
turnera Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You have no respect for your husband. How long before you cheat again, waiting for a reaction from him? Save him the heartache and stop being selfish. Leave him. 3
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