Am I in trouble??

May 28, 2012

I've been in a emotional only relationship with a much younger co worker. We are both

Married. He's 27 and I'm 50. We met over three years ago and he was very charming and fun. I've come to realize that he's narcistic.. I believe the result of his up bringing. Not knowing his father and being raised in a family of 12 and counting siblings. His mother remarried and with her pastor husband love children. I know he was hurt by a girl he loved. Long story short...the attention he poured on me was something I couldn't handle. I've done things my husband would leave me for. My question is, would my company be able to let me go because of this? Inappropriate text and pics. Both of us. I know I'm wrong to do what I've done. I'm weak for this guy. I know he plays me And probably all his co workers know. I have his pics and text and voice messages also. We pretty much are done with each other. Only because he is Abusive. At first I thought the jealousy was quite sexy. Now I know he's narcistic and can't change. I went along with him and always apologized just because. I hated him a

Upset with me. He's so young and angry all the time. He controlled everything I did.

It's very hard Ty quit him but I did.

May 28, 2012

Why do you feel sorry for me? The guy was 23 when I met him. He probably didn't know how this would play out. I bet I was his first real supply. Ive read all about his narcistic ways and enough to know he's moved on. He's even told me many times he will. But he always comes back because I give him his supply. I know that. I enjoy him as well. Its as if we like to see who can tease who more. I just get to into it. I find if I don't see him I am ok after a few days. He contacted me daily up until a week ago. He's got a new supply I know.

I'm worried about my job. I'm not sure he has bad self esteem. Althought at times i do see how unhappy he is. I tried hard to Make him happy. Finally realizing how wrong ive been. He's incredibly good looking and sweet. I think we've run our course.

Edited May 28, 2012 by Justonekiss

May 28, 2012

You posted this on a different forum right?

Is this a physical affair?

If he is a narcissist, what are you?

Pot calling kettle black.

Many don't mature at 23-24. Being much older, you exploited his attention. You should be ashamed.

Yes, sexting can get you fired. But you did it anyway. Why are you concerned about it now?

May 28, 2012

I am wondering how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your husband engaged in this type of behavior behind your back? Why do you devalue your marriage and husband so much?

May 28, 2012

I've only posted here.. No, it was never physical. I exploited his attention? I quess because I am older I should be to blame. He was lonely when we met. And very nice. That didn't last long and it's been round and round forever. I blame myself because I always answered the phone and replied to his texts.

Am I a narcissist ?! Never in my life have I behaved like this. And I am surprised to this day that I let this happen. I could of stopped it I suppose. All I had to do was say stop. I never did. I enjoyed it too much.

I'm concerned about my job/income for many obvious reasons.

I ask myself always about why I did this. Obviously there's a problem with my marriage or I would never of done this. I was married very young and never dated much at all. I hid my eyes for years during my marriage to work and take care of my kids. My husband has many females who he works with that are friends. I don't think he's taken any to the level I have.

May 28, 2012

For someone I have known for almost four years, talking almost daily, I can say I'm not reall sure who I've been dealing with. So many times I've said he's not my problem but I couldn't stop. Just to see his name on my desk phone or cell phone was enough. I was infatuated with whatever he was doing. Most likely playing me for a fool. I feel sorry for my self and my family. The longer I can go with no contact the better. I just have to stop answering the phone. We're co workers so ill see him forever.

May 28, 2012

Will you tell your husband? You exploited him not because you are older but he is a vulnerable guy with lot of issues. You made a fool out of your husband these 4 years.

Did you stop it before it escalated to PA or you never had the chance?

Funny thing is that I read the same story somewhere else. The guy was a narcissist in that case too. He had the pull and push behavior you mentioned

Edited May 28, 2012 by Wanderer25

May 28, 2012

It's may sound complicated but it is not. My husband is aware of my attention to this guy. I don't want to get into that issue. We've never had a bad marriage or ever even fought for that matter. We will be fine. It never escalated and never would. Both myself and the guy talked about it but only teased. For sometime there was much attraction and yes, a few situations where it could of escalated but I guess what was left of my moral compass stopped me which only fueled his fire. We talked about And I asked him to stop tempting me but he always sucked me back in.

Hmmm. I'm wondering which of the two of us was more vulnerable..he sure played me good. I have another co worker whose worked with us for sometime. He's moved on to her and I can see the changes in her. He's pretty good for someone so young. After older women. He once told me I was lucky I was so beautiful...or he wouldn't be talking to me. Unbelievable.. I feel bad for myself, his new"supply" and his wife who he just married after finding out they were having a baby. He use to talk about How he liked her but would always be looking for something more. Than soon after we started getting closer. At the time I felt bad for him!! Now her. I guess I wasn't thinking right. I tried to stop but not hard enough. I always wanted him to end it. Not me. I wanted him to think I really needed him. I could never hurt him. So. Now I feel he's moved on. I'm afraid he's doing to the new girl what he did to me. Using me as way to get her attention about how I was nuts over him.

He used his ex gf on me. I was vulnerable. And quite stupid.

I have not posted before. And just recently figured out his narcistic behavior. It was quite an eye opener reading about it. I almost feel like I've been sheltered from things !!

Edited May 28, 2012 by Justonekiss

May 28, 2012

It's may sound complicated but it is not. My husband is aware of my attention to this guy. I don't want to get into that issue. We've never had a bad marriage or ever even fought for that matter. We will be fine. It never escalated and never would. Both myself and the guy talked about it but only teased. For sometime there was much attraction and yes, a few situations where it could of escalated but I guess what was left of my moral compass stopped me which only fueled his fire. We talked about And I asked him to stop tempting me but he always sucked me back in.
Hmmm. I'm wondering which of the two of us was more vulnerable..he sure played me good. I have another co worker whose worked with us for sometime. He's moved on to her and I can see the changes in her. He's pretty good for someone so young. After older women. He once told me I was lucky I was so beautiful...or he wouldn't be talking to me. Unbelievable.. I feel bad for myself, his new"supply" and his wife who he just married after finding out they were having a baby. He use to talk about How he liked her but would always be looking for something more. Than soon after we started getting closer. At the time I felt bad for him!! Now her. I guess I wasn't thinking right. I tried to stop but not hard enough. I always wanted him to end it. Not me. I wanted him to think I really needed him. I could never hurt him. So. Now I feel he's moved on. I'm afraid he's doing to the new girl what he did to me. Using me as way to get her attention about how I was nuts over him.
He used his ex gf on me. I was vulnerable. And quite stupid.
I have not posted before. And just recently figured out his narcistic behavior. It was quite an eye opener reading about it. I almost feel like I've been sheltered from things !!

What exactly are you asking? It's cool with your husband or that's what you're telling us, it's over so... Do you want to know if you can get fired? How would we know, we don't work with you. Maybe?

May 28, 2012

Obviously there's a problem with my marriage or I would never of done this.

From what you have posted, I will disagree with this. I think there is a problem with you. Something inside of you told you it was OK to betray your BH. You need to figure out what.

May 28, 2012

To reply to your specific question ... YES, you are in trouble.

Depending on the company and the HR department you could get away with just a warning, or let go completely.

On the subject of him ... you are in much worse trouble because even though you see him now for what he is, his lingering presence is still in your thoughts and it is trying to excuse his behaviour.

May 28, 2012

Yes. I agree with Radu. If you have been using company email and company phones to send sexual pictures and texts you can be dismissed. These things are generally against almost any company's rules. All those texts, dirty pics, and emails are copied and on the company servers right now. Ya, they are there, nothing is private that you did on the company equipment. And this isn't a secret or rocket science but well-known fact. All company communications are logged and recorded. Why you would be so stupid to use company equipment to send sexual texts and pictures is another question entirely. It boggles my mind.

ETA:

Hope this kid was worth your job and possibly your marriage as well. What the hell were you thinking. Seriously.

Edited May 28, 2012 by YellowShark

May 28, 2012

I'll have to read more. I never thought of myself like that. Never Used company emails.

Edited May 28, 2012 by Justonekiss

May 28, 2012

Never Used company emails.

I've been in a emotional only relationship with a much younger co worker. We are both Married. He's 27 and I'm 50.

My question is, would my company be able to let me go because of this? Inappropriate text and pics. Both of us.

When I read that initially it read like both of you were using company equipment to send texts and pics to each other. Since you have now clarified it, I would say the company cant fire you regarding texts and pics you sent "privately" to the 27-year-old co-worker. But he could be a dick and lie to HR and say you were sexually harrasing him and he felt threatened.. that could open a hornets nest for you at work.

LESSON #1 "Never fish off the company pier!"

Now you gotta figure out why you would do it? Why not send texts and pics to your husband and spice things up a bit... (Instead of directing passion and emotion outside of the marriage to some 27-year-old co-worker!)

Edited May 28, 2012 by YellowShark

May 28, 2012

Sorry about my confusion on the emails. Pics and texts all sent privately. But really, what does a twenty something guy do with pics like that. He shows them I bet. When I ignore him it just fuels him. Hell come back sweet. Just to see I can't resist.

I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for being so infatuated.

Edited May 28, 2012 by Justonekiss

May 29, 2012

Sorry about my confusion on the emails. Pics and texts all sent privately. But really, what does a twenty something guy do with pics like that. He shows them I bet. When I ignore him it just fuels him. Hell come back sweet. Just to see I can't resist.
I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for being so infatuated.

you're 50 and married, think long and hard about that

May 29, 2012

Sorry about my confusion on the emails.

No prob.

Pics and texts all sent privately. But really, what does a twenty something guy do with pics like that. He shows them I bet.

I am sure of it. I bet some of his friends have seen your dirty pics.. but I am sure his wife hasn't. He could ALSO use them as leverage against you. Say send the pics and texts to your husband... or HR. Not a smart move at all to send dirty pics to a co-worker WHO IS NOT YOUR HUSBAND.

I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for being so infatuated.

The little "ego boost" validated something in you. Now you have to figure out what that was and why you would be so silly to go down that path. It was a dead end from the get go.. you're both married.

May 29, 2012

You say that your husband knows about your infatuation, but I'm guessing that he doesn't know how far it has gotten, right? If I were you , I wouldn't worry too much about the pics and texts, he has as much to lose as you do , so he probably won't do anything with them. What you need to do is be honest with your husband about this EA, and at least give him some respect.

May 29, 2012

You're asking if you're in trouble...with whom, or how?

I don't get the question...if you don't want to talk about the marriage, I'm assuming that you're asking if you can be in trouble at work.

None of us can answer that question...it depends on your employer's policies, and whether or not you've violated them.

The only person who could answer that would be your boss, or HR dept.

May 31, 2012

Entitlement?. As in... I believe I deserved this attention he gives me? Or gave me?

I'm having a hard time grasping that I'm narcissistic.

I'm not excusing his behavior. I believe he knew exactly what he was doing. Maybe it started serious but soon he was coming off as a player. I'm just letting it die. Yes, it'll linger in my mind for awhile I'm sure. If anything, because I was naive. I really can't explain why I did this. I exploted HIM ? I don't know about that.

May 31, 2012

You say that your husband knows about your infatuation, but I'm guessing that he doesn't know how far it has gotten, right? If I were you , I wouldn't worry too much about the pics and texts, he has as much to lose as you do , so he probably won't do anything with them. What you need to do is be honest with your husband about this EA, and at least give him some respect.

I'm hoping your right he does nothing with any pics or texts. I could never explain this But if so, I have all his. And all the voice messages hes left during work. Everything. One good thing is his reputation. Womanzer. Thats so correct. I never felt entitled. But I did feel lucky. Naive.

I could never tell all to H. That's hurtful.

Edited May 31, 2012 by Justonekiss

May 31, 2012

I'm hoping your right he does nothing with any pics or texts. I could never explain this But if so, I have all his. And all the voice messages hes left during work. Everything. One good thing is his reputation. Womanzer. Thats so correct. I never felt entitled. But I did feel lucky. Naive.

I could never tell all to H. That's hurtful.

God forbid you should suffer more.

May 31, 2012

I'm hoping your right he does nothing with any pics or texts. I could never explain this But if so, I have all his. And all the voice messages hes left during work. Everything. One good thing is his reputation. Womanzer. Thats so correct. I never felt entitled. But I did feel lucky. Naive.

I could never tell all to H. That's hurtful.

So, do you respect your husband, or not? Doesn't he deserve to know what you've been up to at work? What is hurtful is your behavior, not the truth. If you love him and have any respect for him, then own your bad behavior. Show a little maturity . Not meaning to bash you, but Doesn't a man deserve to know that his wife is a cheater? Edited May 31, 2012 by JustJoe

May 31, 2012

Read the book His Needs Her Needs and rededicate yourself to fixing your marriage.

May 31, 2012

I'm hoping your right he does nothing with any pics or texts. I could never explain this But if so, I have all his. And all the voice messages hes left during work. Everything. One good thing is his reputation. Womanzer. Thats so correct. I never felt entitled. But I did feel lucky. Naive. I could never tell all to H. That's hurtful.

The other man has pics and text that your husband needs to know about from you. If he leans about it from someone else, that will be even more hurtful since he will never be able to trust you and will never believe for sure that you did not take it physical. It is a time bomb waiting to happen and the odds are real that he will find out. One possible way it could happen is that the OM will tell the new target about you and she will see some of the pictures and letters because he will want to brag to her. If things go wrong with them, she may expose to the OM's wife not just about her but about you as well. The OM's wife would then tell your husband. This is only one possible way your husband could learn. You do not have true remorse. You are still thinking about only yourself. If the other man (OM) did not have someone younger than you he would still be focused on you and you would continue with the emotional affair (EA). Since you are not able to protect the marriage, you must tell your husband so that he will be able to do what is needed to protect it. Not telling your husband means you are hoping in the back of your mind that you might be able to get back with the OM in the future. Maybe if his new target puts out, maybe that will be the price he demands from you to get him back.

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