DenumChkn Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 My ex broke up with me about 9 months ago, and while it wasn't a 'bad' breakup, I think she might have been butthurt that I wouldn't remain friends with her afterwards. I called her a few days after telling her this (I know bad move, but it was her Birthday the next day) and asked if we could meet up to exchange some stuff and leave every thing on good terms. Instead she was bitchy on the phone and said she was too 'busy' too meetup the next day on her Birthday. I determined to go the NC route from there, slipping up only once sending a drunken text 2 months into NC that basically just said I wished her well. She never responded and it strengthened my resolve to remain NC. Fast-forward 7 months from that day and she texted me out of the blue: "Hey have you kept my hookah by chance? I could use the bowl if you still have it" The forwardness and bitchy tone of the text aside, I was mostly confused - having forgotten that she did give me her crappy hookah at one point during the relationship. That being said, the ceramic hookah bowl probably costs about $5 at any smoke shop, and she lives in a gated community in the nicest part of town. I didn't respond to this text (which I received on Wed.). She texted me again last night though: "Hey i donno if you got my text the other day, but i really do need my hookah bowl back" Now this one made me chuckle. I don't know who she is running around making demands of me like she is a high powered attorney and I'm her personal assistant, but I'm still confounded by the intent behind these messages. It seems like such a pithy object to suddenly obsess over 9 months after the fact - I'm pretty sure she has a sweatshirt or something of mine, I can't even recall and would never bother to ask for it back now. Is she just trying exert some power trip over me because she thinks maybe I've moved on? Some dude hurt her and now she's looking for attention? Interpretations and advice on how I should proceed are appreciated. For now remaining NC, her insolence does not warrant a response imo.
Balzac Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 You summed it up very well. Hookah bowl $5 no response required. I'd ignore her texts. Spending brain energy interpreting the meaning is futile. Ignore her
Patrice Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Yep, she's looking for something .. probably in a bad patch and wants to know if you're still there. Don't respond.
Author DenumChkn Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 Agreed on both accounts. I should have been more specific though - obviously I will ignore her texts, but if I know her, she will probably eventually call or find a way to confront me face to face. What is the best way to deal with her then? I'm terrified of her wanting to get back together or something like that because I know I am weak and still care about her, (hence the necessity of NC) even though she has and continues to treat me like garbage, as evidenced in those heart-warming text messages. Thanks again for the advice.
Million.to.1 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Why don't you just reply with.. " Sorry, I threw it out. Considering they are only $5 and pretty easy to come by, I didn't think you'd want that old one. Sorry about that. Take care. " Then you won't get a call and the tone of it clearly doesn't require a further response from her. I don't see the point in NC if by ignoring someone they are just going to keep pestering you. Just wrap it up politely and don't extend anything that requires further communication. 1
Balzac Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Easiest method is to script a polite blow back. Lose the fear and remember that you have self respect. Don't hand over your power. Do not meet up. Do not make it a personal thing. It's a hookah bowl, you do not have it. Don't elaborate, don't apologize, don't suggest how she solve her problem. Be decidedly commited to maintaining your boundaries.
Dark Phoenix Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 She just wants to talk. You can either talk to her or not. You want to as well, youre just afraid to. She doesnt want a relationship with you
babycrapgreen Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I was in a situation where a guy kept my boogie board and I was moving away to a different city, I genuinely wanted my boogie board back. He eventually just dropped it off and that was that. If she wanted to talk to you in a friendly manner she would've just say hello. I think you want to hear from people that she wants you back.
geegirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) People use stuff as an opportunity to contact. Nothing confusing about that. Motive could be anywhere from curiosity, ego-stroke, etc. Seems like a pathetic attempt to engage, and for whatever reasons, not worth it, just as that $5 bowl. You've been broken up for 9 months now. Wouldn't that be enough time for you to have at least reached some level of reality in that treating you like garbage (even now) is something you'd clearly not want in your life, whether you are weak or still caring? Set some boundaries, stand behind them and stay strong. One more thing, women do not find men who act like doormats attractive. I hope you let her pine for her hookah bowl while you keep moving forward. Edited June 13, 2012 by geegirl
leoc1973 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Do you have her address? I think you should send it to her certified mail so you know she got it. No letter no note nothing.. This will send her a message that she sucks!
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