kechara Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 Someone help me, PLEASE! Here I just got done starting a post on ending it and no contact, and now, he wrote me after nearly 6 weeks and I am asking myself, "Should I write him back?" He wanted to give me an update on himself. He's quitting the job that would keep us apart. No mention of the wife. Just said, "You asked me to forget about you when we last spoke. That is impossible." He had gotten a new email address so I didn't recognize it and I opened it. I hurt. I've spent the ENTIRE day in bed before even reading his email because the drifting dreams are more exciting than my bland reality. I don't know what to do! This is a mess. I wanted to move on. I was doing so much better. Please, please help.
brashgal Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Don't do it. Unless you enjoy ripping the scab off again and again. Wait until he writes and says "I'm divorced, I've moved into my own place in your town and I want to start dating you". Then hire a private investigator and make sure it's true before you take up with him again.
sinner Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Don't go back there kechara. It's over, done, fini. You can't go home again:you'll never be able to recreate the magic of your golden days together. It's a false salvation. No contact is the only way to go. Be tough, girl.
Paradise Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by kechara Here I just got done starting a post on ending it and no contact, and now, he wrote me after nearly 6 weeks and I am asking myself, "Should I write him back?" You know the answer. It's NO.
Fancy Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by kechara He wanted to give me an update on himself. No he didn't. He wanted to bait you to see if he could play you one more time. I'd rather have "bland reality" any day over the pain and heartache of hanging on to something I'll never have for my own. Please stop this insanity and delete the email, block him from being able to email you and end this once and for all. If you reply in any way, he'll know you took his bait.
Author kechara Posted June 27, 2004 Author Posted June 27, 2004 You are all right. I will not contact him, although I composed about six different replies in my head. Fancy, you hit it on the money...and I refuse to be baited. And I'm sure part of the bait was the fact that he knew I'd feel guilty. And I do feel guilty. I feel as if I ruined his life. He was being sent to a school that he really wanted by his company, but it would have meant 5 more years of his life. He quit the school so that he can get out of the company sooner (contract is up in a year). My concern is that I think he quit it so he could be with me. I feel like I led him on. All of the talk of love and future and waiting for him when we were in the "golden days" (which I truly believed at that time) and I fear now he is trying to clear the path for us. I don't think, even with divorce papers in his hand, I could ever accept him back. I don't think I could ever trust him and I don't admire him any more. So now he's throwing his life in an uproar thinking that maybe I'll be on the other side (even though, when I broke up with him I told him I would never talk to him again) and I'm just standing idly by letting him screw his life up for a nonexistent me.
sinner Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 That's heartbreaking. I'm less cynical than Fancy: I believe he still loves you or at least the memory of the wonderfully happy time you two shared. He won't let go; he wants it back. Who can blame him? The pathos is that he can't return to Eden. His time in paradise is over. Because hope springs eternal it will be a while before he emotionally realizes this. Love does bite, sometimes--and hard.
Mr Spock Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 DON"T DO IT Take it from me. Losing the upper hand inside your own hand is not worth the reply you'll get.
Fancy Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Remember this thread? Your own words Read it again and again, especially #5. Your post was wonderful and right on. Do not go back on your own advice. Print out that post and carry it with you. You know what to do. Now be strong and carry through with your plan.
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