tranquildove Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Hey! Im a girl and I just started doing NC with a guy that broke up with me. It was a short relationship but it was just awesome for the few weeks we were together. I bought the E book by Matt Huston and have decided to really take the formula seriously. After reading it twice, my self esteem and self respect has shot up the roof and although I miss him and Im a little sad, I feel so happy. Matt is awsome and I have decided to make some great desicions on loving myself the way I used to becuase I am a great girl and I know it. I refuse to humiliate myself by chasing after someone who does not want me, and work on my talents and enjoy my beautiful life without thinking I have to have his interest. Anyways, I wont bore you with my un-unique love story, you guys have heard it all, I just love him, want him back, and thats the story. So, May 25th, 2012: He didnt call. I was very sad and disapointed. I didnt call back all day. (at this point he wanted to be just freinds, and gave me a handfull of bullsh** excuses of why we cant be together, I said one time and one time only "Give me another chance" when we were in my car talking, and then I stopped saying desperate sh** like that and remained his freind. We went out to play chess once. And that was it. Also guys, my advice to you if you have just broken up and he says. lets just be freinds. That will make you suffer like you wouldnt believe and its a bad idea. Becuase you cant have him, and it really is like rubbing, or grinding rather salt in your wounds. Cut it off. And, he will use you for a fwb, becuase you love him. If you dont want to hurt or be used as a fwb. Cut it off. Thats what I sucumbed to after reading Matts book and cutting him off has made me feel awesome. May 26th: Sad, loving myself, feeling good self esteem wise. Pat on my back, I didnt call him. May 27th: I didnt call him. Now, guys/girls, my plan is to wait 1-3 months NC ing him. My questions to you guys is What do I do, and how do I act when/if he calls or texts? I read on this forumn not to eagerly agree to be his gf again, becuase then theres no chase and he will dump me eventually becuase it was so easy to get my heart. Girls, dont be easy with your body, but another thing if your easy with your heart, that is a turn-off too; more advice (something I never thought of till lately) Also, somthing kinda cool is that his birthday is right around the NC expiration date for my particular plan. His birthday is on the first week of July. If he doesnt contact me, can I give him a quick text saying "happy 22nd!" I think It would be ok since lots of time passed and Matt says you can contact him lightly if he doesnt contact you after a period of time. So, I just got out of a relationship and Im sticking to NC so If I could have freinds and support during this time, please get in touch. I dont want to ruin this, I love the guy and I understand there is an important window of time to be taken advantage of, and this is it. Please support me and give me advice during this time. This is a big deal to me. I know you have to go by textbook and rules and not by your heart for this formula, and I imagin itll be hard for me. Thankyou so much for reading and have a great beginning of your summer : )
Laser230 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Hmm.. Just to get to some more info why did he break up from you in the first place?...what started happening right before the break?... I'm in a somewhat different position.. I broke up with a girl that I loved and was dating for3 months but she was afraid to commit so I took the high road and left her.. Hard to do but the right thing.
tranquilldove Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Hmm.. Just to get to some more info why did he break up from you in the first place?...what started happening right before the break?... I'm in a somewhat different position.. I broke up with a girl that I loved and was dating for3 months but she was afraid to commit so I took the high road and left her.. Hard to do but the right thing. I changed my account name bcuz the system wouldnt let me back in, password issues :/ but anyways heres my response.. it gets a little wierd. I told him I wanted to slow down on the sex part, and then later on I had to "remind" him again. And then he texted me "why dont we just be freinds, and see where it goes". and I thought that was a great idea. So I quickly said "sure." Although, I was assuming we'd still be dating, just cutting out the sex for a little bit. But after that he started to drift. I wanted to do things, I wanted to go out, see movies, go the park, play chess blah blah blah, you know date. But he got real drifty and I was no longer a priority to him. Then I assumed he fell out of love with me. So I went to his apartment and put him in my car to talk about things. I asked him what was up and said "I think you lost interest in me," and he said that's not it at all. He just has some legal classes to go to, a new job, his roomate to deal with (who trully is satan himself) and certain health problems. so he told me this. And its true he's under a lot of stress. But if a guy really likes you, nothing will hold him back, even stress, if he really does like you. right? He also said he "doesnt know what he wants", that "he doesnt want a relationship" and he's "afraid he'll cheat on me". He has cheated on his last gf. But anyways he gave me excuses and told me to "wait for him." And I was like are you serious? (in my head I was like, this is a line of crap) but being so in love with him, I said "I think your worth it so Ill wait." with a little smile on my face. This statement of his put me under so much stress and worry I couldnt stand it. So on the 3rd day, I called him up and said, " Am I kidding my self? Am I bullsh**ing myself? Why should I be waiting for you? (everything Ive read online and common sense tells me "waiting" is a lame excuse to keep you around if someone "better" comes along, he put me on backburner position) Then he said "Then I'll leave" which made no sense but I was like ok. So I agreed to do this waiting phenomenon gig. Then I cooled down and we remained in contact for the next few days. Well, I found out he slept with some girl. But I didnt care cuz we wernt together anymore, but that leads me to beleive hes not thinking about me or cares about me, and most certainly not in love with me. We continued to text after that and he said he's call me one night so we could go out and play chess. He did. That made me think he likes me? So we played chess. It was fun. After that I started getting really sad. It wasnt the same anymore. He lost his passoin fro me, I mean hes the one who broke up with me, and for a wierd reason. Keep in mind, Im 28 and he's 21 so my sister and some friends told me that I shot him down by insulting him by saying no sex. All I wanted was to mix dating in and fun activities with sex. All we did was hang at his apartment, while I watched him play video games and we would cuddle in his room and have sex. I wanted to go out on dates. I know, hes very young. But please keep in mind as your reading this that my heart is tender and I really do want a relationship with him. When we have gone out, its been so much fun. So as a youngin, did he feel bad cuz I said "no sex" should I have cleared it up and said, fun things mixed with sex? He is a very sensitive guy. But now I feel like a tool becuase maybe thats all he was in it for. But he called me all the time, texted me, introduced me as his gf. and I really knew he was interested in me. I honestly dont think he was using me. I think its the age difference and the communication is off. After the night of chess, and the next day rolled around. It would have been May 25th. And he never called that day. As a guy what do you think? Please be thoughtful and gentle with my emotions, becuase this guy is really someone I want to be with.
TheFinalWord Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 It is difficult to read your post when it's one massive string of text. Please kindly use paragraphs So you had sex with him prior to official dating? Hate to break it to you, but he was never in love with you. You were free sex. You're 28 and he's 21? What did you honestly expect? He's a child that plays video games all day. That's for kids, not a grown man. You're a grown woman, find a grown man if you want a serious relationship. Have you ever dated someone in your age range that is mature? Sorry to ask, but it's shocking that a 28 year old woman would even be attracted to a 21 year old boy beyond just sex. I can't imagine there is any deep mental attraction. Why contact him in 1 to 3 months? NC is to not contact at all, ever. If he contacts you, you do not respond. Delete and block his number. Don't use "what if he contacts me" as an excuse to find a way to "legally" break NC. NC is for your benefit, not his. Good luck! Sorry if that is straight forward, but you need to take an adult perspective of this situation. He's a child, you need a man.
Jane2011 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I don't like him being 21 and playing video games either. I mean, I don't like him for you, that is. He's fine being 21 and playing video games. But I just don't like him for you. That being said, I liked a young guy when I was about 27. He was only 20. But he was manly looking and I was young-looking, didn't feel that weird to me. But I just wanted him for sex. I also had a couple flings with young guys in 2010/early 2011. I also only wanted them for sex. I'm not saying I didn't feel attached to them to some extent that's only reasonable, but I saw that they were only compatible with me for sex. I know you are in love with this young guy, but he's saying all kinds of annoying things like "I'm afraid I'll cheat on you," "I don't know what I want," and "I don't want a relationship." Just believe what he says. And realize that you can probably do a lot better than him. I know I'm being judgmental of the whole video game thing, but if there's one thing I hate, it's some boy who plays video games all the time. I'd rather he be into books, or at the very least, movies. Goddamn video games - ugh! lol I know you love him, but he had sex with some other girl in the interim of you two's break up. He's just a lousy person who I want you to forget and to not contact anymore. You're probably a very loving and caring individual. Give it to someone who deserves it. It may take a while to find that, but just hang by yourself until it happens. And I agree that you shouldn't write in a big chunk like that. I made myself read it, but it was tough...
TheFinalWord Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) I know you are in love with this young guy, but he's saying all kinds of annoying things like "I'm afraid I'll cheat on you," "I don't know what I want," and "I don't want a relationship." Like you said, guarantee, he already is "cheating". Probably has been for awhile. It's mind boggling why women do this: Use sex to try to snag him. Then they think they can withdraw it to get a relationship. Sexual manipulation doesn't work on men. Here again it has backfired. She thought she could withdraw sex and he would bend. Now she has feelings and he's gone with the wind. Moral of the story: Don't try to use sex to get a relationship. It almost always backfires on the woman. Edited May 28, 2012 by TheFinalWord
tranquil Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 It is difficult to read your post when it's one massive string of text. Please kindly use paragraphs So you had sex with him prior to official dating? Hate to break it to you, but he was never in love with you. You were free sex. You're 28 and he's 21? What did you honestly expect? He's a child that plays video games all day. That's for kids, not a grown man. You're a grown woman, find a grown man if you want a serious relationship. Have you ever dated someone in your age range that is mature? Sorry to ask, but it's shocking that a 28 year old woman would even be attracted to a 21 year old boy beyond just sex. I can't imagine there is any deep mental attraction. Why contact him in 1 to 3 months? NC is to not contact at all, ever. If he contacts you, you do not respond. Delete and block his number. Don't use "what if he contacts me" as an excuse to find a way to "legally" break NC. NC is for your benefit, not his. Good luck! Sorry if that is straight forward, but you need to take an adult perspective of this situation. He's a child, you need a man. For one, how do you know If he wasn't in love with me? He certianly acted like it, I don't want to waste my time giving you examples but in this case I'll go ahead. He went out of his way for me. He was very concerned about my emotional situations, and always made me feel better with timely advice and encouraging words, he would pick me up from work, when he was all the way across town, He gave me a lot of needed affection, really, the list goes on. And how do you know what's going on in his head? You never even met him and you wernt there when we were in the relationship, sounds like you are pretty ignorant of the situation, no, you are. And yes, I have dated a 38 year old before. 2nd, you don't know me. My maturity level and his were very compatible. And I don't want to reveal to much of my personal life online, but for your ignorant sake I will. When I was 21, I direly missed out on my years being in and out of the hospital becuase of health problems, I coudnt work, and I had no social life from being very sick. We had a great connection and we just matched. And yes, I did make him wait for sex. It was a little soon. But I let mystery have its way. And yeah, mental attraction was present. You simply do not have enough information to make your judgments.
tranquil Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I don't like him being 21 and playing video games either. I mean, I don't like him for you, that is. He's fine being 21 and playing video games. But I just don't like him for you. That being said, I liked a young guy when I was about 27. He was only 20. But he was manly looking and I was young-looking, didn't feel that weird to me. But I just wanted him for sex. I also had a couple flings with young guys in 2010/early 2011. I also only wanted them for sex. I'm not saying I didn't feel attached to them to some extent that's only reasonable, but I saw that they were only compatible with me for sex. I know you are in love with this young guy, but he's saying all kinds of annoying things like "I'm afraid I'll cheat on you," "I don't know what I want," and "I don't want a relationship." Just believe what he says. And realize that you can probably do a lot better than him. I know I'm being judgmental of the whole video game thing, but if there's one thing I hate, it's some boy who plays video games all the time. I'd rather he be into books, or at the very least, movies. Goddamn video games - ugh! lol I know you love him, but he had sex with some other girl in the interim of you two's break up. He's just a lousy person who I want you to forget and to not contact anymore. You're probably a very loving and caring individual. Give it to someone who deserves it. It may take a while to find that, but just hang by yourself until it happens. And I agree that you shouldn't write in a big chunk like that. I made myself read it, but it was tough... Jane, thankyou for being supportive and thoughful of my emotional state. I apreciate it.
tranquil Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 If anyone has been reading this, and is kind enough to reach out and help a total stranger who is hurting. Please email me at [email protected] becuase I cannot get into my account, and I think it's God's way of telling me to jet from this forum. None of you answered any of my questions and you guys just made me feel worse about the situation when I was doing great from NC. Thanks for pushing my spirit down. You guys must be miserable people. later
TheFinalWord Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 If anyone has been reading this, and is kind enough to reach out and help a total stranger who is hurting. Please email me at [email protected] becuase I cannot get into my account, and I think it's God's way of telling me to jet from this forum. None of you answered any of my questions and you guys just made me feel worse about the situation when I was doing great from NC. Thanks for pushing my spirit down. You guys must be miserable people. later Well, it wasn't my intention to hurt your feelings. I apologize if that is the case. I thought you wanted NC and to end it with him. I was trying to get you to see that the entire situation was doomed from the get go and you are right to cut it off. You said you wanted to contact him again in a month. I personally think that is dangerous if you are trying to end it with him. But do what you want. It's your life. I am not ignorant as we see this same situation on LS nearly every day. I'm also an older man and was once 21, so I have a clue about what is going on in a guys mind that at that age! I can tell you it isn't a committed relationship. But don't take my word for it, look at his actions, which you even stated are not what you like. In regards to maturity levels, you stated all he wanted to do was play video games all day. You said you would watch him play games and have sex with him. You can get mad at me, but you presented yourself that way. That doesn't sound like a man in love to me. It sounds like a kid getting sex and not wanting to sacrifice his play time for you. But if you want to believe this kid loves you and you can contact him in a month and things will be different, by all means...it's a free country! My advice was to help you see this is a doomed scenario and you need to do what is necessary to move on. If it offended you, perhaps you should consider if you're offended because what I am saying is the truth or if you are mad b/c your ego is sensitive. Do I get any benefit from lying to you or candy coating the truth? Think about it, please, for the sake of your healing. Missing a certain part of your childhood doesn't change the fact he is immature or that you are at a certain stage of life where his lifestyle is unappealing to you. As far as God, pre-marital sex is condemned in the bible. So I think my advice is more in line with what God wants than what you are willing to accept. Best of luck to you!
newlove87 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 my ex told me she needed space. after i found out she had another facebook cheating behind my back i cut of all communication. It really hurts. I dont think she has a conscience. Yes i do love her, but i feel sorry for her. i haven't spoken to hear since the 28th. I can tell you the pain my heart feels. Only God knows. All i wanted was just ONE person that can truly love and appreciate me.
Recommended Posts