oaks Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 To the one at a time dater exclusive is by default once dating begins and this does not include first meets as those are just meetings to see if you might want to date. Once dating is agreed to it is exclusive were neither person will date anyone else and sex is not even expected at this point. I don't understand these dates that are not dates. Not calling that first date, assuming it was a planned "let's go out" thing rather than the spontaneous bumping into each other as total strangers in the grocery store thing, a date is just some sort of weird denial and I don't see what purpose it serves. Oh, unless it's so that people can say that they don't multi-date or that they don't do much dating. Of course it's a date! As for "Once dating is agreed ..." - what agreement is this? If I like a woman after the first date (the one you call a meeting, although I don't recall anyone taking minutes) I'll ask her on a second date. If she accepts, are we now "dating"? It doesn't sound like an agreement for an ongoing process of "dating", just an acceptance of my invitation of one more date. Probably the same for the third date, too. Sure, we're clearly dating at that stage, but there's no particular agreement that lasts beyond the end of each date, regardless of whether either of us is dating anybody else or nobody else. If there's some longer-lasting agreement then that sounds like a relationship (which may, or may not, be to the exclusion of all others, either explicitly declared or implicitly assumed). As for sex - that's totally orthogonal to everything else. People have sex without dating, without relationships, without exclusivity. Or with. All the time.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 If you don't have first hand knowledge from being in a relationship with the guy yourself then you are worrying about someone else's sex life. Period. Everything else is speculation & rumor. Period. My opinion about a man's behavior is as valid as anyone else's. If the man has a history of sleeping around (or not), sure, I'll form my own opinion and do my best to be objective. However, if I have first hand evidence that word on the street about him is accurate, I have no problems adding to the body of data accumulating. Positive or negative. Sorry guys. There is a price for being a man-whore too. If you don't like it, then stop being one. Really simple. Or find a circle of friends who don't attach any value to showing some discretion. Or just do the anonymous OLD thing. Lots of choices for those who like to have sex with lots of different people or date for sport. Those of us who don't will do whatever we can to weed people like that out. No problem. There is a reason social circles exist. I've come to appreciate them.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Agree about 99%. It's good to have your own wits to work out who is good for you and who isn't anyway. You don't want to rely on friends for this. Trusted friends are good for helping me weed out 99%. That way, I only need to use my wits on the last 1%. Pretty efficient.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 the majority of women are driven by their insecurity in some form or another. to say that "only" insecure women do something is somewhat of a misnomer. as i said just a few minutes ago in another thread women that either try to catch men with sex or deny men sex indefinitely are in effect judging themselves by virtue of having a vagina. both the madonna and the whore are insecure, and neither is attractive. Most sane people have some degree of insecurity about something. I find that quality humbling and appealing. I also find that men that use sex as the be-all-to-end-all arbiter of a woman's interest in the early stages have their own brand of insecurity they are managing. Sure, later on if sex dries up, there are some issues. Still, one could argue that the man still has some obligation to figure out why the woman doesn't trust him that way anymore. If he has become a complete jerk, has gained a bunch of weight, or expects to come home from his business travels and just stick it in. Yea, that's not so great for the woman.
thatone Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 men are realistic, it's easy for you to say "later on", but men think of sleeping next to a block of ice 10 years down the line that wants half of your life to simply go away.
wordrock Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 However, if I have first hand evidence that word on the street about him is accurate, I have no problems adding to the body of data accumulating. Positive or negative. You're avoiding the whole issue. You have no way of knowing "the word on the street" is true. You are relying purely upon rumor, which are usually either flat out wrong or greatly exaggerated. I'll use myself as an example. I had a job at a company where most of the employees were women. I was very popular there and got flirted with often. I always shrugged it off... until my girlfriend at the time decided to break up with me because I spent all of my time going to school and working. Instead of rolling over and dying like I felt like doing, I pushed myself up and started dressing and acting like a man who knew what he was worth. Word spread fast. I had a couple women from other office sites calling me on my business phone asking to go out with me. Despite this, I wasn't really ready to start dating right away. Well one night while drowning my troubles at the bar, I run into a coworker. I am completely trashed and she offers to drive me home. Long story short, I slept with her out of loneliness. Over the next week, she consistently attempts to get me to commit to a relationship with her. Of course I declined. Meanwhile, women are still chatting about me constantly at work. What did she do? She started spreading rumors that I was sleeping around with multiple women at the company. Her 'trusted' older friend decided there was no way she would lie about such and vouched. Suddenly I became some kind of womanizer. It got to the point that even my boss and department coworkers started cracking jokes about all of my girlfriends. Somehow, tales reach my ex and she decides she wants to be with me again and shows up multiple times while I'm working. Every day I'm either having a coworker shoot me dirty looks, or one asking me whether I'm sleeping with so and so. Obviously, no woman ever stepped forward over it all, so the rumors got even more wild than that. Suddenly I was supposedly having sex with women after hours at work! Eventually the environment at the company got on my nerves and I felt it necessary to leave. TLDR: A woman decided to spread rumors at work that I was huge man whore because I slept with her once and didn't want a relationship with her afterwards. Now you can take whatever else about my character you want from that, but when it gets down to it, said rumors were complete lies created by one jealous woman.
ThaWholigan Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 You're avoiding the whole issue. You have no way of knowing "the word on the street" is true. You are relying purely upon rumor, which are usually either flat out wrong or greatly exaggerated. I'll use myself as an example. I had a job at a company where most of the employees were women. I was very popular there and got flirted with often. I always shrugged it off... until my girlfriend at the time decided to break up with me because I spent all of my time going to school and working. Instead of rolling over and dying like I felt like doing, I pushed myself up and started dressing and acting like a man who knew what he was worth. Word spread fast. I had a couple women from other office sites calling me on my business phone asking to go out with me. Despite this, I wasn't really ready to start dating right away. Well one night while drowning my troubles at the bar, I run into a coworker. I am completely trashed and she offers to drive me home. Long story short, I slept with her out of loneliness. Over the next week, she consistently attempts to get me to commit to a relationship with her. Of course I declined. Meanwhile, women are still chatting about me constantly at work. What did she do? She started spreading rumors that I was sleeping around with multiple women at the company. Her 'trusted' older friend decided there was no way she would lie about such and vouched. Suddenly I became some kind of womanizer. It got to the point that even my boss and department coworkers started cracking jokes about all of my girlfriends. Somehow, tales reach my ex and she decides she wants to be with me again and shows up multiple times while I'm working. Every day I'm either having a coworker shoot me dirty looks, or one asking me whether I'm sleeping with so and so. Obviously, no woman ever stepped forward over it all, so the rumors got even more wild than that. Suddenly I was supposedly having sex with women after hours at work! Eventually the environment at the company got on my nerves and I felt it necessary to leave. TLDR: A woman decided to spread rumors at work that I was huge man whore because I slept with her once and didn't want a relationship with her afterwards. Now you can take whatever else about my character you want from that, but when it gets down to it, said rumors were complete lies created by one jealous woman. I'm more interested in the notion that this seemed to make the women at your workplace MORE interested in you .
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 men are realistic, it's easy for you to say "later on", but men think of sleeping next to a block of ice 10 years down the line that wants half of your life to simply go away. Men are no more realistic than women are. They want something for nothing same as alot of women. My time and emotional investment are worth something. Not in $$. Could care less about that. But it is worth the time it might take to prove to me he hasn't slept with half the town and has the ability to be faithful himself. The best men I've met have no shortage of offers, but don't feel the need to exercise them. Nor do they assume that a woman who has sex early in the relationship means diddly-squat about her sexuality (liking it or not liking it, that is). Having sex with near strangers does, however. Say something about one's sexuality that is. It means that the person doesn't require or maybe even value an emotional attachment with sex and is therefore much more likely to cheat.
wordrock Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) I'm more interested in the notion that this seemed to make the women at your workplace MORE interested in you . Well, two things. I am very handsome and get along great with women. I don't have any trouble talking or flirting etc... I also know how to dress if I want attention without looking like it. This all happened nearly 10 years ago when I was in my mid 20's. I still get told by women that they find me so attractive because I look model hot and don't know it. Believe me, I know it. I just don't try to flaunt it or get a big ego over it. So anyway, the rumors didn't make them more interested in dating me. That occurred when they found out my ex broke up with me. They were already interested, I just didn't reciprocate when they tried to flirt with me prior. I was in that mode where you just ignore such things because you're devoted to someone. I left out that she broke up with me to date one of her coworkers (they worked in retail). Honestly, I had girls laughing at what a dumb ass she was and how she would come crying back to me within weeks. They were completely right. This all occurred when I lived in a medium sized town in a mostly rural area. In my apartment complex, out of 16 units, I was literally the only man that had a steady job. I've never seen more stay at home dads or boyfriends in my life. In comparison, I looked like Mr Perfect to a lot of these women... at least until I made the mistake of sleeping with one of them! Edited May 28, 2012 by wordrock
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 You're avoiding the whole issue. You have no way of knowing "the word on the street" is true. You are relying purely upon rumor, which are usually either flat out wrong or greatly exaggerated. Sure I do. If I hear he has women throwing their panties at him, and our first conversation involves him asking me what I wear to sleep in and how my butt might look in a thong... I don't need to ask anymore questions. This is an extreme example... but not too far off the mark. Men who are trying to sex me up before getting to know me (and have a reputation for doing so with others) well, are exactly what they are purported to be. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. I'm just not one of those women who imagines I'm 'special' and going to make the man settle down. I'll use myself as an example. I had a job at a company where most of the employees were women. I was very popular there and got flirted with often. I always shrugged it off... until my girlfriend at the time decided to break up with me because I spent all of my time going to school and working. Instead of rolling over and dying like I felt like doing, I pushed myself up and started dressing and acting like a man who knew what he was worth. Word spread fast. I had a couple women from other office sites calling me on my business phone asking to go out with me. Despite this, I wasn't really ready to start dating right away. Well one night while drowning my troubles at the bar, I run into a coworker. I am completely trashed and she offers to drive me home. Long story short, I slept with her out of loneliness. Over the next week, she consistently attempts to get me to commit to a relationship with her. Of course I declined. Meanwhile, women are still chatting about me constantly at work. What did she do? She started spreading rumors that I was sleeping around with multiple women at the company. Her 'trusted' older friend decided there was no way she would lie about such and vouched. Suddenly I became some kind of womanizer. It got to the point that even my boss and department coworkers started cracking jokes about all of my girlfriends. Somehow, tales reach my ex and she decides she wants to be with me again and shows up multiple times while I'm working. Every day I'm either having a coworker shoot me dirty looks, or one asking me whether I'm sleeping with so and so. Obviously, no woman ever stepped forward over it all, so the rumors got even more wild than that. Suddenly I was supposedly having sex with women after hours at work! Eventually the environment at the company got on my nerves and I felt it necessary to leave. TLDR: A woman decided to spread rumors at work that I was huge man whore because I slept with her once and didn't want a relationship with her afterwards. Now you can take whatever else about my character you want from that, but when it gets down to it, said rumors were complete lies created by one jealous woman. Sounds like you exercised poor judgement with the woman you slept with. Lesson learned. eh? I had a male co-worker who was also very prominent and visible. Shortly after he was separated, he asked me out. Now, at the time, he told me he was divorced... not separated. Pair that with the fact that he was seeing multiple women at that same company in some capacity (that I heard through the grapevine... and yes, was confirmed long after through no effort of my own). To me, it didn't matter whether he was sleeping with them or not. I wasn't about to be considered as part of his harem or group of hangers on. It was around the same time that I found out his divorce wasn't final. I dropped him like a hot rock and told him I didn't care to be seen with him for anything other than business reasons. Not only because I have no interest in being any man's groupie, but because I didn't want anyone to think I had anything whatsoever to do with his marriage ending. The good news is that my reputation didn't suffer by association with him, and he and I are still on good terms. I didn't spread any rumors. But I did tell my friends that his divorce wasn't final and that was why I stopped seeing him. Whether that harmed his dating chance or not, I don't know. It was true though. He confirmed it wasn't final. So it wasn't a rumor.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Well, two things. I am very handsome and get along great with women. I don't have any trouble talking or flirting etc... I also know how to dress if I want attention without looking like it. This all happened nearly 10 years ago when I was in my mid 20's. I still get told by women that they find me so attractive because I look model hot and don't know it. Believe me, I know it. I just don't try to flaunt it or get a big ego over it. So anyway, the rumors didn't make them more interested in dating me. That occurred when they found out my ex broke up with me. They were already interested, I just didn't reciprocate when they tried to flirt with me prior. I was in that mode where you just ignore such things because you're devoted to someone. I left out that she broke up with me to date one of her coworkers (they worked in retail). Honestly, I had girls laughing at what a dumb ass she was and how she would come crying back to me within weeks. They were completely right. This all occurred when I lived in a medium sized town in a mostly rural area. In my apartment complex, out of 16 units, I was literally the only man that had a steady job. I've never seen more stay at home dads or boyfriends in my life. In comparison, I looked like Mr Perfect to a lot of these women... at least until I made the mistake of sleeping with one of them! Awesome. And all that went to your head, and you chose to capitalize on it ASAP... with someone at work no less (dope slap to the forehead). I dunno. Doesn't sound like your GF meant all that much to you if you could sleep with another woman that quickly. Sure, may be a guy thing. I'm thinking the water cooler gossip probably holds more truth than you'd like to admit. *shrug*. Noone would accuse you of cheating. Sure. But I'd be hard pressed to believe you were terribly broken hearted over the incident at all. Which is fine. Your prior GF probably made the right decision to break up with you. She just wasn't strong enough to stick with her original plan. I'm just going on your actions... not the spin you put on them.
wordrock Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Awesome. And all that went to your head, and you chose to capitalize on it ASAP... with someone at work no less (dope slap to the forehead). I dunno. Doesn't sound like your GF meant all that much to you if you could sleep with another woman that quickly. Sure, may be a guy thing. I'm thinking the water cooler gossip probably holds more truth than you'd like to admit. *shrug*. Noone would accuse you of cheating. Sure. But I'd be hard pressed to believe you were terribly broken hearted over the incident at all. Which is fine. Your prior GF probably made the right decision to break up with you. She just wasn't strong enough to stick with her original plan. I'm just going on your actions... not the spin you put on them. Uh... the ex broke up with me to sleep with another man. She had been getting calls on the phone from the guy in the month prior and was acting strangely. She never owned up to screwing around behind my back, but who knows now. She didn't break up with me until I finally demanded to know why she was acting so unhappy and disinterested. I was young then and had no clue. It was realistically my first real relationship as an adult. Not that puppy hang out after classes kind of crap. I was too drunk to drive, let alone walk straight and I took advantage of the situation? Sex was the last thing on my mind. I can pretty much get that whenever I want to. Then and now. How the hell could someone accuse ME of cheating from all that? As for your idiotic summation that I wasn't hurt over the incident, you can seriously go to hell. I spent that first week throwing up every morning. The reason I was working so hard was that I was saving up money for an engagement ring. You're very good at filling in the blanks without enough information based on your own preconceived notions. It should be plain to anyone at this point that you're not very intuitive at all. ~ This thread isn't about me, so I'm going to cut it short here. If you want to twist every single factor into proof for your own ignorant practices, so be it. Make your judgement. It's what you do isn't it? Judge people without knowing them. Edited May 28, 2012 by wordrock
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Uh... the ex broke up with me to sleep with another man. She had been getting calls on the phone from the guy in the month prior and was acting strangely. She never owned up to screwing around behind my back, but who knows now. She didn't break up with me until I finally demanded to know why she was acting so unhappy and disinterested. I was young then and had no clue. It was realistically my first real relationship as an adult. Not that puppy hang out after classes kind of crap. I was too drunk to drive, let alone walk straight and I took advantage of the situation? Sex was the last thing on my mind. I can pretty much get that whenever I want to. Then and now. How the hell could someone accuse ME of cheating from all that? As for your idiotic summation that I wasn't hurt over the incident, you can seriously go to hell. I spent that first week throwing up every morning. The reason I was working so hard was that I was saving up money for an engagement ring. You're very good at filling in the blanks without enough information based on your own preconceived notions. It should be plain to anyone at this point that you're not very intuitive at all. ~ This thread isn't about me, so I'm going to cut it short here. If you want to twist every single factor into proof for your own ignorant practices, so be it. Make your judgement. It's what you do isn't it? Judge people without knowing them. Nobody accused you of cheating. However, you would be well-advised to make sure your actions line up with your words in the future or risk the consequences. Same rule applies for everyone. You chose to drink. You chose not to get a taxi. You chose to sleep with a woman from work. Your choices. Stop blaming others. You are right though, we need to get back on topic. The answer to the OP, is yes. I do expect exclusivity before sex. I also spend a fair amount of time making sure that my idea of exclusivity is their idea of exclusivity as well. I don't need to ask though. A person's actions speak volumes. I know when a man is seeing other women. That doesn't take rocket science either. I am fine circulating in a social circle to get to know a man that way. That is alot more straightforward than 'dating'. People can't easily hide their behavior from the group. They can certainly hide their true nature one-on-one very easily. If a person is multi-dating, it has not been my experience that they transition into so-called 'exclusivity' easily or cleanly.. no matter what they say with their words. Anyone can say they are exclusive. Doesn't mean anything. Edited May 28, 2012 by RedRobin
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Look Wordrock... I'm sorry things didn't work out with your ex. Noone can say what pain another person experiences. I do know one thing... People are very unforgiving of what might appear to be irresponsible behavior no matter what the reason. If it is repeated, then people come to associate that person with certain patterns and they make decisions based on those patterns. Do they not? We have no control over other's behavior. All we have is our own. My gripe with the word 'exclusive' is the same one I have with the term FWB. It has become window dressing and a nice word for some people to dress up behavior that more or less used to be taken for granted. i.e. it used to be taken for granted that when two people had sex, they were, by default, exclusive. We had names for the outliers. Now, the ones who reserve sex for one person seem to be the outliers. Lovely. I personally have no desire to hand a 20 page questionnaire to someone to figure out what their idea of 'exclusive' is, what 'sex' is, or what a 'date' is.
carhill Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Please chime in on both sides as to how you define the terms exclusive and relationship and which one equals sex if at all. Sure, happy to....when a lady and I are making love, we're already exclusive , in a relationship and she has heard, directly to her ears, that I love her. One ring of the bell.
phineas Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 My opinion about a man's behavior is as valid as anyone else's. If the man has a history of sleeping around (or not), sure, I'll form my own opinion and do my best to be objective. However, if I have first hand evidence that word on the street about him is accurate, I have no problems adding to the body of data accumulating. Positive or negative. Sorry guys. There is a price for being a man-whore too. If you don't like it, then stop being one. Really simple. Or find a circle of friends who don't attach any value to showing some discretion. Or just do the anonymous OLD thing. Lots of choices for those who like to have sex with lots of different people or date for sport. Those of us who don't will do whatever we can to weed people like that out. No problem. There is a reason social circles exist. I've come to appreciate them. uh-huh. like I said, worry about yourself instead of rumors you heard about some man. It makes you look bitter spreading them. also, considering your distaste for people that partake in casual sex I find it very odd that you would take the word of a woman who engages in such relationships as fact & spread this information around. I mean honestly, you are just gossiping & potentially ruining someone's reputation over "word on the street" that you really have no idea if it's true or just someone being vengeful.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) uh-huh. like I said, worry about yourself instead of rumors you heard about some man. It makes you look bitter spreading them. also, considering your distaste for people that partake in casual sex I find it very odd that you would take the word of a woman who engages in such relationships as fact & spread this information around. I mean honestly, you are just gossiping & potentially ruining someone's reputation over "word on the street" that you really have no idea if it's true or just someone being vengeful. I think you have me confused with another poster. I find that most rumours regarding men's behavior to have an element of truth...if not totally true. They don't often try to hide it, is the interesting thing. Which is great for me. The fact they aren't prepared to be judged by it.. that IS what I'm taking away from this thread. Alot of men are used to the idea that they can apply their double standards rather willy-nilly... and what applies to the women they sleep with won't be applied to them. So sorry to let you in on the fact that, um, yea, you are being judged for your behavior whether you like it or not. I'm willing to give a man the benefit of the doubt... not by having a 'relationship' with him though. If his behavior in any way shows similarities to what I've heard, then it kinda goes... beak + feathers + yellow = canary If my experience helps another woman make better choices about whom she sleeps with (without actually sleeping with the turd-ball) then great. If my experience helps my friends, both male and female, fill in the blanks on Mr. Sexy time, then fine. If he's ok with his choices, then he has nothing to feel ashamed about now, does he? oh, the person I'm talking about (Mr. Sexy time) is someone who has a reputation of women swooning over him. His first conversation with me involved discussion of sex and intimate behavior. Not really sure what else I need to know about him to put the pieces together that he is just looking for casual sex. If my friends ask me about him, I will tell them the truth. Will save them the trouble of forwarding info for other ladies to him or vice versa. That's all. Not sure what problem you have with that. Edited May 28, 2012 by RedRobin
phineas Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I gotta tell you, I didn't read past the first few words of your response. I just saw a half a book & assumed it was the same 'ole same 'ole you've already posted. again, stop worrying about everyone else & start working on yourself. Do you even want a relationship? Because from how you say you conduct things you really don't sound like you do. at all. you just come up with excuses to disqualify men & distractions it seems so you don't have to concentrate on yourself or even go on a date. See for me, if their not in front of me on a date & their not close friend or family they just don't matter. I don't waste time or energy worrying about people who aren't part of my personal life. you do. This is why ultimately I am happier than you. I know it sound harsh & I know you will write another book defending yourself. save it. You waste way too much time & energy on people that don't matter. Have you considered getting cat or 10?
sid3 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I gotta tell you, I didn't read past the first few words of your response. I just saw a half a book & assumed it was the same 'ole same 'ole you've already posted. again, stop worrying about everyone else & start working on yourself. Do you even want a relationship? Because from how you say you conduct things you really don't sound like you do. at all. you just come up with excuses to disqualify men & distractions it seems so you don't have to concentrate on yourself or even go on a date. See for me, if their not in front of me on a date & their not close friend or family they just don't matter. I don't waste time or energy worrying about people who aren't part of my personal life. you do. This is why ultimately I am happier than you. I know it sound harsh & I know you will write another book defending yourself. save it. You waste way too much time & energy on people that don't matter. Have you considered getting cat or 10? Funny, one could say you seem to waste a bit of time and energy too.
Sugarkane Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 RedRobbin- You seem to think that meeting people through Friends always works. I met my ex through friends of friends and it's the worst breakup I've had. My friend isn't even friends with my exes friend anymore! My exes friends still lied their asses off that he was a great guy. I want to know after you've dated even you know through friends, than what will you do? And what do you do when you breakup? Wouldn't you have to see your exes as you have mutual friends? And who gets the friends? From my experience people aren't mature enough NOT to take sides. My ex friends didn't care when I was devasted and depressed as hell. You seem to paint online dating black. But I know a co worker of my dad that uses it. They work shifts so it's a bit more difficult to meet people. You wouldn't understand unless you were a shift worker.
silvermercy Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) For me (female) I also equate sex to relationships. First 'date' is a meeting technically, so I'll give them that and won't expect anything exclusive. From the 2nd, and especially 3rd date, though, it is actual dating for me. Of course I will not assume we are in a relationship yet (since we did not have sex yet) but I will expect him not to see anyone but me. So yeah, I don't like multi-dating either (as it involves higher chances of dating promiscuous people or players). The only multi-dating I could tolerate would be during the first date perhaps, which I could view as a meeting of some sort. Regardless, I like how things in the past were much simpler: - You had sex? You were in a relationship (or marriage). - You had sex but did not want a relationship? You were a FWB etc. Now you have to pass through pages of questionnaires just to make sure you're on the same page! The most dangerous thing in such situations is that many people are also lying through omission or over semantics: "Oh well, but he/she didn't ask verbally for exclusivity before we had sex, so I am not at fault that he/she actually assumed this was a relationship" etc... (even though all this time they knew or suspected that this was the case though). So, who knows, maybe in the future we will all need to sign some kind of contracts with rules, regulations and definitions of dating... Meh... Edited May 29, 2012 by silvermercy 1
phineas Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Funny, one could say you seem to waste a bit of time and energy too. And even funnier still you wasted the time & energy to read & respond & make that hypocritical comment.
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I think you have me confused with another poster. I find that most rumours regarding men's behavior to have an element of truth...if not totally true. They don't often try to hide it, is the interesting thing. Which is great for me. The fact they aren't prepared to be judged by it.. that IS what I'm taking away from this thread. Alot of men are used to the idea that they can apply their double standards rather willy-nilly... and what applies to the women they sleep with won't be applied to them. So sorry to let you in on the fact that, um, yea, you are being judged for your behavior whether you like it or not. I'm willing to give a man the benefit of the doubt... not by having a 'relationship' with him though. If his behavior in any way shows similarities to what I've heard, then it kinda goes... beak + feathers + yellow = canary If my experience helps another woman make better choices about whom she sleeps with (without actually sleeping with the turd-ball) then great. If my experience helps my friends, both male and female, fill in the blanks on Mr. Sexy time, then fine. If he's ok with his choices, then he has nothing to feel ashamed about now, does he? oh, the person I'm talking about (Mr. Sexy time) is someone who has a reputation of women swooning over him. His first conversation with me involved discussion of sex and intimate behavior. Not really sure what else I need to know about him to put the pieces together that he is just looking for casual sex. If my friends ask me about him, I will tell them the truth. Will save them the trouble of forwarding info for other ladies to him or vice versa. That's all. Not sure what problem you have with that. Agree with phineas on this one. This is very unattractive treat some women have. Sure men gossip as well and they can be judgemental but that's usually the case when it's more personal to them. Spreading rumours about people you THINK you know but you don't really is childish c**p and you shouldn't be doing that. The bolded part is misandrist and isn't actually true. If you knew men at all you would understand the difference between their public and private personas.
Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) duplicate post Edited May 29, 2012 by Emilia duplicate
RedRobin Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 See for me, if their not in front of me on a date & their not close friend or family they just don't matter. I don't waste time or energy worrying about people who aren't part of my personal life. you do. Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment.
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