Leigh 87 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 The women don't either and you find fault with me because of that? Yet you are anyway, I am not looking for a relationship and contrary to your beliefs there are many women out there that are not either. No worries I wouldn't give you a second look with your attitude anyway. Not a dig, just saying. I think what people like this mean, is that - they are not desperate for a relationship, and are happy in life without one - that will only bother with a women, if they are amazing enough for the guy to feel like he HAS to be with them! Unless you have an overwhelming desire to be with a person, why bother with them? Many people, mostly women, cannot fool around with multiple people, without taking it pesonally when a guy does not like them enough to only want them. I think I could if I was single, because it is one thing to like a person, and not all people can truly fall for one another strongly - it is nothing personal, it is rare to find a truly prolific, mind blowing match with another person. 1
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 People see lot's of people when they have a strong social network. Knowing lot's of people comes from getting out more, being open to meeting new people, and developing ones social network. Not really sure the basis for your argument but ok... That is not dating. people who 'date' lots of people in hopes of expanding their social network would be creating a negative impression in the circles I run in. There are other ways to get to know someone besides going on lots of 'dates' simultaneously. That's my point.
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 To me.. Sex means Exclusive. I have always felt that once sex happens then I am at the very least exclusive from that point out. I think that you can be exclusive and not be having sex.. How many people waited till marriage to have sex ??? many...
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I think what people like this mean, is that - they are not desperate for a relationship, and are happy in life without one - that will only bother with a women, if they are amazing enough for the guy to feel like he HAS to be with them! Unless you have an overwhelming desire to be with a person, why bother with them? Many people, mostly women, cannot fool around with multiple people, without taking it pesonally when a guy does not like them enough to only want them. I think I could if I was single, because it is one thing to like a person, and not all people can truly fall for one another strongly - it is nothing personal, it is rare to find a truly prolific, mind blowing match with another person. Sure, I feel the same way. Most men aren't worth the hassle, especially the ones who let their d*cks run their life. I don't take it personally when a man needs to sleep with multiple women. I just don't waste my time with him. No biggie. oh, and it isn't as rare as one thinks... a truly prolific, mind blowing match, that is. Most people these days just don't have the patience or want to take the risk to develop one. They prefer the sugar rush of instant gratification and assume that is a mind blowing match.
wordrock Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I never claimed I did speak for you. Empathy for what? Empathy is the ability to recognize and feel emotions being experienced by another. In terms of dating and relationships, it's the ability to recognize and reciprocate feelings of attachment, warmth, companionship, and good old fashioned love in the other. It is essentially compassion. When most human beings are intimate with one another, whether through general close physical contact such as hugging and kissing, all the way to sexual intercourse, a huge surge of hormones and other chemicals are released in the brain that cause them to bond with one another. Some people have more of these hormones and chemicals than others... certain acts can have more meaning than others. The primary hormones that is mentioned in lay science is oxytocin. During sex, the release of dopamine induces the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin directly affects your amydala... it reduces fear and affects your reward wiring. Ie, for many the act of sex is rewarding beyond just a dopamine rush. It reinforces attachment with that particular person. There are some people in which little to none of these hormones are released during sex and otherwise. Psychopathic people in nearly all instances have extremely low levels of oxytocin. Here is a general article on it if you want to learn more. 1
bamp78 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 That is not dating. people who 'date' lots of people in hopes of expanding their social network would be creating a negative impression in the circles I run in. There are other ways to get to know someone besides going on lots of 'dates' simultaneously. That's my point. Social people don't date with the hope of expanding their social network. Social people date cause their network is ever expanding. I personally can get to know multiple people at the same time but can and will focus on one person at a time when necessary. It's just not right now so who cares?!
Sid6.7 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 That is not dating. Of course it is. An act of getting to know people that may best share interests and sexual compatibility. people who 'date' lots of people in hopes of expanding their social network would be creating a negative impression in the circles I run in. Which is your circle, it appears you don't know any different outside your circle. Or bubble, if you will. There are other ways to get to know someone besides going on lots of 'dates' simultaneously. That's my point. Go on...
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Which is your circle, it appears you don't know any different outside your circle. Or bubble, if you will. People in my circle aren't trashy and don't knowingly associate with people who date casually or use others for sex. Most of them are married, and happily so. Stable. Good careers. Healthy children. You know. Normal and boring to you, probably.
wordrock Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 people who 'date' lots of people in hopes of expanding their social network would be creating a negative impression in the circles I run in. Yes, this is very true. I have one circle of friends who think of me as some kind of oversexed womanizer that only dates strippers and bartenders. I'd like to think my post history on here proves otherwise, but unfortunately I'm open enough about my dating and flirting that people make their own assumptions. I think what people like this mean, is that - they are not desperate for a relationship, and are happy in life without one - that will only bother with a women, if they are amazing enough for the guy to feel like he HAS to be with them! Unless you have an overwhelming desire to be with a person, why bother with them? Unless you are referring to overwhelming sexual desire, I think you are one of those women who totally don't understand Sid6.7 although he is being clear as day. He does not want a relationship at all. He just wants to **** you because he feels no emotional attachment to the women he sleeps with at all. Again, my personal opinion... if a woman does not understand that he feels that way, he should not sleep with her even if she is willing. She is only going to get hurt later, and he is going to get a reputation as being an uncaring ******* and give all men a bad name.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Yes, this is very true. I have one circle of friends who think of me as some kind of oversexed womanizer that only dates strippers and bartenders. I'd like to think my post history on here proves otherwise, but unfortunately I'm open enough about my dating and flirting that people make their own assumptions. Well, I just talked to a gentleman tonight who I (wrongly) assumed was among a circle of friends I'd consider to be more upstanding. So, clearly, he was leveraging the power of association when I agreed to give him my number. fortunately, he made his intentions known quickly. First call in fact. If my friends ask me about him, I'll be happy to share the details of our conversation... so that they don't make the mistake of encouraging anything with women like me. I think they'd be appalled. I'll make sure to do it in a way that is respectful. But I think they ought to know what his 'dating' style is... if they don't already.
Sid6.7 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 People in my circle aren't trashy and don't knowingly associate with people who date casually or use others for sex. Most of them are married, and happily so. Stable. Good careers. Healthy children. You know. Normal and boring to you, probably. Nah, not trashy as far as your inner circle may indicate to you. And by the way I don't use people for sex, they use me just as much as I may use them. It's win win. I know that is hard to believe due to your delicate sensibilities, but it happens every day. You keep living in that bubble. I see that you have defined the definition of normal. Just because I go against the social norm of what you call normal, does not make me abnormal. Next, I could tell you I am gay or something and you would find that abnormal as well. Keep throwing those stones, dear.
bamp78 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 People in my circle aren't trashy and don't knowingly associate with people who date casually or use others for sex. Most of them are married, and happily so. Stable. Good careers. Healthy children. You know. Normal and boring to you, probably. Pretty stable, owned a couple of houses, great career...not boring to me but you seem to throw generalizations around. Perhaps you just need a little excitement in your life?
wordrock Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Well, I just talked to a gentleman tonight who I (wrongly) assumed was among a circle of friends I'd consider to be more upstanding. So, clearly, he was leveraging the power of association when I agreed to give him my number. fortunately, he made his intentions known quickly. First call in fact. If my friends ask me about him, I'll be happy to share the details of our conversation... so that they don't make the mistake of encouraging anything with women like me. I think they'd be appalled. I'll make sure to do it in a way that is respectful. But I think they ought to know what his 'dating' style is... if they don't already. I don't think there is a problem with that. People should stick with their own kind. People who just enjoy casual meaningless sex should stay with such people. Those who feel attachment in the act of making love should avoid such people. What's not good though is rumor mongering. Yes I've had casual sex based relationships... but that's not because I don't want more. They were available to me at the time and I wasn't seeing anyone, so I'd go with it for awhile. I think it's ok to know someone intimately without having a long term relationship. Some of us are in or have been in stages of life where a full relationship simply wasn't possible or compatible with our goals or lifestyle. If things were always simple and cut and dry, we wouldn't be discussing all these things on this site.
Leigh 87 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Yes, this is very true. I have one circle of friends who think of me as some kind of oversexed womanizer that only dates strippers and bartenders. I'd like to think my post history on here proves otherwise, but unfortunately I'm open enough about my dating and flirting that people make their own assumptions. Unless you are referring to overwhelming sexual desire, I think you are one of those women who totally don't understand Sid6.7 although he is being clear as day. He does not want a relationship at all. He just wants to **** you because he feels no emotional attachment to the women he sleeps with at all. I do understand him. What I meant, is that some guys LIKE him - they prefer to keep it that way, but they are not AVERSE to the idea of the right girl coming along. HE did not state that he is nto OPEN to a fantastic women. He did not specify that. SOME men DO NOT WANT to even entertaint he idea - they are just AGANST having a relationship! Where as other men prefer to only wait for the right women - meaning they have a lot of emotionless sex for most of their lives, because they would rather weight for the right women to come along - a women they feel so strong about, that they compell this guy to change his ways. If I met such a guy - I would know that I would not be the women to change him.. I would know what I was getting myself into and not expect to be the one to change him - because that would just HAPPEN... .. do not mistake me for a girl who assumes that will be able to force a guy, who does not want committment, to comitt to me. LOL. I simply said that a lot of men in that position would get tired of no deap emotional bonds, and start to be open to finding the one, right women.... Where as most guys will be intersted in a women because she is a great girl - such guys as SID 6.7 will not bother at all with a relationship, OR - the right girl will make them WANT to committ, without TRYING to force the guy to.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I don't think there is a problem with that. People should stick with their own kind. People who just enjoy casual meaningless sex should stay with such people. Those who feel attachment in the act of making love should avoid such people. What's not good though is rumor mongering. Yes I've had casual sex based relationships... but that's not because I don't want more. They were available to me at the time and I wasn't seeing anyone, so I'd go with it for awhile. I think it's ok to know someone intimately without having a long term relationship. Some of us are in or have been in stages of life where a full relationship simply wasn't possible or compatible with our goals or lifestyle. If things were always simple and cut and dry, we wouldn't be discussing all these things on this site. It isn't rumor mongering to tell the truth. If someone has a habit of having casual sex relationships, then they form a pattern that any new person meeting them probably ought to be aware of. Since, as you say, not all of them are honest about things up front. If a man has a history of hooking up, a smart woman is going to take any words of affection from them with a grain of salt. And they should. But that is what friends are for. To help us screen out those who have relationship styles that don't suit us, and to help us make sure the person is representing themselves authentically.
phineas Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 To me.. Sex means Exclusive. I have always felt that once sex happens then I am at the very least exclusive from that point out. I think that you can be exclusive and not be having sex.. How many people waited till marriage to have sex ??? many... Yep. doesn't have to be committed or serious but I don't care to share a woman & I doubt they care to share me.
phineas Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 It isn't rumor mongering to tell the truth. If someone has a habit of having casual sex relationships, then they form a pattern that any new person meeting them probably ought to be aware of. Since, as you say, not all of them are honest about things up front. If a man has a history of hooking up, a smart woman is going to take any words of affection from them with a grain of salt. And they should. But that is what friends are for. To help us screen out those who have relationship styles that don't suit us, and to help us make sure the person is representing themselves authentically. A word of advice, worry about your own sex life & stop worrying about other's. You seriously are on the path to becoming the church lady from saturday night live.
Author Jackson3491 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 A word of advice, worry about your own sex life & stop worrying about other's. You seriously are on the path to becoming the church lady from saturday night live. Well ain't that special!
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 A word of advice, worry about your own sex life & stop worrying about other's. I'm not worried about others. If my friends ask me, I'll tell them though. Mostly so that they know better whom to avoid sending my way in the future.
thatone Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 if a girl i'm dating refuses me sex at whatever point i try to initiate it (a month or so in at latest) then my default reaction is to retreat a bit and put the ball in her court. if she doesn't do things that show me she's interested in me then i'm gonna subconsciously check out and start looking for better options. this is the way of the world these days. women don't have to deny themselves sex like they did in the past, it's "ok" for women to have sex outside of relationship/marriage so most women do so. those that don't have a burden of proof that lies with themselves, not me.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 those that don't have a burden of proof that lies with themselves, not me. That's convenient to think so. If a guy initiates with me early, I don't take it as a sign of interest. I take it that he wants sex. Big deal. If he doesn't stick around long enough to prove his interest is more than sexual then I haven't lost anything... because it is a pretty good bet his interest wasn't sincere. Only insecure women offer sex in the hope of keeping him around... or alternatively... choose not to have sex hoping to peak his interest that way. Either way can be viewed as manipulative. Still, alot of men try to capitalize on that kind of insecurity in order to get NSA sex. Since I'm looking for a committed relationship, I prefer men who show discretion in whom they choose to have sex with. If the only way they can show their interest in me is sexual, then I assume that is their MO with all women. It comes across as tacky and low-class. That's all. For men (or women) who aren't interested in forming an intimate bond with someone, I suppose it wouldn't matter either way.
thatone Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 the majority of women are driven by their insecurity in some form or another. to say that "only" insecure women do something is somewhat of a misnomer. as i said just a few minutes ago in another thread women that either try to catch men with sex or deny men sex indefinitely are in effect judging themselves by virtue of having a vagina. both the madonna and the whore are insecure, and neither is attractive.
phineas Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I'm not worried about others. If my friends ask me, I'll tell them though. Mostly so that they know better whom to avoid sending my way in the future. If you don't have first hand knowledge from being in a relationship with the guy yourself then you are worrying about someone else's sex life. Period. Everything else is speculation & rumor. Period.
Emilia Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 If you don't have first hand knowledge from being in a relationship with the guy yourself then you are worrying about someone else's sex life. Period. Everything else is speculation & rumor. Period. Agree about 99%. It's good to have your own wits to work out who is good for you and who isn't anyway. You don't want to rely on friends for this.
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