Author Coffee20 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 Thanks guys. Your posts, StellaA and geegirl, really give me and hopefully others the hope and belief we will get there. I have indeed accepted there will be good days and bad days, each will pass with time. I accept it will never go back to being what it was. I am perservering with the NC, which is literally killing me now. To add to that very recently I have been feeling really jealous about her being with someone else (I don't know if she is as I have had strict NC, but I know there was always a string of guys wanting to date her). I keep telling myself, in time, I will get to the point where you guys are but it currently seems bleak. I'm doing all that can be done but its hard, so very hard. That temptation for a quick fix and calling is hard to resist, but more than anything else, I want to get to the point of 1 month NC, then 2, then 3 and hoepfully at that point I won't even care, coz I would have forgotten about it. Much love to you all, coffee keep posting and we can make it through, this site gives so much support from people who know what their talking about Thanks for your reply, I got to the point where I don't even care where he is or what he does, because now I know his lifestyle wasn't the one I would like to have. I only sometimes miss him or wish he would be a different person and sometimes I think that I want to get a closure, because I didn't get one. But I think it will come within me. I wish you good luck, how are you?
barese1 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 from what you say coffee, you may have not got the full closure, but you have accepted it. When you start NOT caring what the ex is doing then its all good from there so well done! I'm still not there yet. I miss her more today than ever and have a little voice in my head telling me to call her and be friends. This is a stupid thing because I want to be more than friends. Whenever I have split up woth someone in the past, people have always said you were better off without. With the current ex everyone just reminds me how gorgeous she was and what a nice person she was....that justmakes it worse
Author Coffee20 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 So today I went to the psychiatrist to check whether I am the one who was and who is psycho or not. She told me that I was maybe a little bit depressed but there was nothing wrong with me. She gave me light anti depressant. I feel much better after this visit, I really started to think that I have to be really crazy.
Author Coffee20 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Whenever I have split up woth someone in the past, people have always said you were better off without. With the current ex everyone just reminds me how gorgeous she was and what a nice person she was....that justmakes it worse This must be so hard ! At least everyone tells me I am definitely better off this one. But don't call her, things will be worse I think. 1
Mack05 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) So today I went to the psychiatrist to check whether I am the one who was and who is psycho or not. She told me that I was maybe a little bit depressed but there was nothing wrong with me. She gave me light anti depressant. I feel much better after this visit, I really started to think that I have to be really crazy. Coffee none of us are perfect, but as I said to you over PM the crazy one's don't realize that they are actually crazy. My last ex (and only crazy ex) is nuttier then a squirrel on prozac hours before hibernation. It was only after talking a therapist, friends and family did I realize just how fruity she actually was and how much of a mess I was to even contemplate staying with her. I was never meant to understand her odd irrational behaviour, thought process or pyschosis. The fact you know something is not right means you are not and never have been crazy. I've been with crazy, trust me you are not it. Just because sometimes we behave irrationally and act out of character doesn't mean we are crazy. I don't like the psychiatrist here in this spot. It seems like he/she has just thrown medication at the problem. Seems a bit of a 'lazy' analysis. I suggest you go to regular therapy with a trained counsellor. I feel you will find that far more benefical to you and you can discover and tackle the deep routed issues that effected your last relationship from your perspective. Thrown 'pills' at a problem after just one session, is like putting a band aid over a big wound.. You deserve better then that. Go get it for yourself and find the right therapist for you. I promise you its money well spent. Edited June 18, 2012 by Mack05
Author Coffee20 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Coffee none of us are perfect, but as I said to you over PM the crazy one's don't realize that they are actually crazy. My last ex (and only crazy ex) is nuttier then a squirrel on prozac hours before hibernation. It was only after talking a therapist, friends and family did I realize just how fruity she actually was and how much of a mess I was to even contemplate staying with her. I was never meant to understand her odd irrational behaviour, thought process or pyschosis. The fact you know something is not right means you are not and never have been crazy. I've been with crazy, trust me you are not it. Just because sometimes we behave irrationally and act out of character doesn't mean we are crazy. I don't like the psychiatrist here in this spot. It seems like he/she has just thrown medication at the problem. Seems a bit of a 'lazy' analysis. I suggest you go to regular therapy with a trained counsellor. I feel you will find that far more benefical to you and you can discover and tackle the deep routed issues that effected your last relationship from your perspective. Thrown 'pills' at a problem after just one session, is like putting a band aid over a big wound.. You deserve better then that. Go get it for yourself and find the right therapist for you. I promise you its money well spent. Thank you a lot for your reply! I was talking about a therapy with my mum (although I don't like talking about it with her) and she told me she would help me to find one. It's quite hard to find a good one here, there are a lot of psychiatrists who just prescribe pills. Soon I am going to take my first pill and then I will go to sleep, I am really scared what I will feel like.
StellaA Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Coffee don't be worried about the anit depressant, it wont hurt you or chamge you that much. I took them for a few weeks but in the end decided that is was a short term fix and didn't really do anything for me! The prev comment Mack05 is spot on, I can't recommend counselling enough! It helped me more than anything and it is the best investment I have ever made. You don't need to talk about it with your mum, they will respect you for that. The reason you go for therapy os to have somone independant talk to you and not let their own feelings get in the way. I too questioned whether I was crazy, this is normal. Now I am thinking clearly I know there is nothing wrong with me, you will know that 2! stick with it, you are going to get through this
Author Coffee20 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Thanks Stella! So I woke up and after a few hours now I am starting to feel the anti depressant inside. I am a little bit tired a little bit numb, like I don't really care - and it's actually what I need for a while. Today is my ex's birthday and I had a dream that I called him and wanted to wish him but he was distant and didn't recognize me. Of course I won't wish him, he didn't wish me anyway, but weird dream . I needed to ask my mum whether she knew some information about a good therapeutist, because I don't want to invest in the bad one, that's why I asked her. I definitely think hat I need something like that.
StellaA Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Yeah, if I can give you any advice it would be to see a therapist...everybody is different, some people see a few before they find someone they are happy with. I had 2, the first one was ok but I didn't feel I got much out of it. My second one has been great and I just don't know what I would have done without him! I must say, this might just be me. But I found it really interesting talking to a male therapist, not sure whether I wanted a diff perspective??? Not sure it really matters! Anyway, yeah, I guess that is what the anti depressants are there for! As for birthdays, the first times are always the hardest but it gets easier from here!
Author Coffee20 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 thanks Stella! I am doing better today, although I still think about him, it seems to me that I suddenly forgot how his face looks like. I know his nose, eyes and mouth but can't make a whole picture . It's funny.
barese1 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks Stella! So I woke up and after a few hours now I am starting to feel the anti depressant inside. I am a little bit tired a little bit numb, like I don't really care - and it's actually what I need for a while. Today is my ex's birthday and I had a dream that I called him and wanted to wish him but he was distant and didn't recognize me. Of course I won't wish him, he didn't wish me anyway, but weird dream . I needed to ask my mum whether she knew some information about a good therapeutist, because I don't want to invest in the bad one, that's why I asked her. I definitely think hat I need something like that. Coffee20, the truth is do WHATEVER you need to to get better. I just wrote ona nother post taht I am an MSc Psychology student, add to taht I have had bouts of depression over the years I have learned a lot about medication and therapies. I have been prescribed medication twice (prozac once and citalopram, basically both SSRIs) but only took them for a day or too. For me they weren't something I wanted to pursue because they will numb you slightly. The truth is they work wonders for many, many people. They really take about two weeks to kick in properly, and during these first two weeks you may feel worse. This is natural. Post on here whenever you need support. The thing is with medication, what makes them powerful in recovery, is when paired with therapy. They give you the ability to feel less of the pain, but if you truley want to heal thentherapy is key, plus it gives you tools to cope even when you don't have the pills. Therapists and counsellors vary. SOme will be great for some people, but useless to others. You just need to try as many as you can and stick with the one that you feel comfortable. There are litterlay countless ways you can help yourself, with the aid of a therapist or even just by searching the internet (CBT, mindulness,behavioural therapy, etc). This also give syou some power and control. YOU are doing something to help, rather than relying on pills or others. Put this all together, and with a real belief that you can overcome things you will be on the road to recovery. Just wish I could follow my own advice.... Keep strong, keep posting. Much love
Author Coffee20 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Barese, thank you so much! Today I got suddenly worse, it has been my blaming day. I remembered one day I spoiled completely and it was only my fault. Then I started to blame myself for my emotional reaction. Ok he had been lying, hiding me, changing his mind and telling me ugly words, but my reaction for this was irrational, instead of walking away and telling him something back, I started to cry, please, asking him if he loves me, texting him, or telling him sorry, just whatever to get his attention or "love" back. One time his friends convinced him that I must be cheating, he got very cold and distant, of course he didn't believe me, it wasn't true - I didn't know how to deal with this, so one day I was just crying and then screaming in front of him that I was not a cheater. I also remembered that when he didn't want to spend time with me I was sitting in front of my PC whole days and waiting and praying for his reply - of course he doesn't know this. I can't recognize myself in this, but sadly I did it, can't believe I got so far in my madness.
StellaA Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Trust me, this is normal! I got sooooooo lost in crazyness! First time round I begged him, texted him, emailed him, anything for him to contact me! I went crazy, cried all the time, my dad had to pick me up off the floor when he left and take me to family up country as I could not breath! Panic attacks at work otr when I was walking down town! I look at that time and I don't recognise myself! that was not me, NEVER would I have imagined a strogn independant girl like me would ever be like that. People tell me now how worried they were about me. My own sister even thought I may top myself, it scares me to think how crazy I mus have been. I look back now a year on, Im still hurting from the relationship break up but I am not the same person I was! what you are feeling is normal, please trust me when I say it gets better! You still have bad days but there not as bad as they were
barese1 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 After my first long term relationship ended I got as low as possible. I didn't eat anything at all, drank a bottle of spirits every single day. Went to three different churches in one day (not religious) and the samaritans. I had non matching shoes that day and was walking around town, drunk, in tears and looking like a hobo. Most of us have been low as hell at some point. You WILL get over this, believe me. Pain takes time to heal but when you get back to your feet you will look back and think....daaaaaaam I was crazy for a while. Won't even feel like it was you!
StellaA Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Totally agree Barese1....and ahve the extra bonus of experiencing it and being stronger because of it. Biggest thing to take is learning from it!
Author Coffee20 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Thank you a lot Barese and Stella, I sometimes thought I couldn't be normal, so your replies made me feel a little bit better. Yesterday I was out with my friend who has been supporting me through this and I am actually very happy to have him. Sometimes I can't believe the big difference between him and my ex. Sometimes I wonder how come I couldn't see the way my ex had been treating me, like I was blind.
Author Coffee20 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Trust me, this is normal! I got sooooooo lost in crazyness! First time round I begged him, texted him, emailed him, anything for him to contact me! I went crazy, cried all the time, my dad had to pick me up off the floor when he left and take me to family up country as I could not breath! Panic attacks at work otr when I was walking down town! I look at that time and I don't recognise myself! that was not me, NEVER would I have imagined a strogn independant girl like me would ever be like that. People tell me now how worried they were about me. My own sister even thought I may top myself, it scares me to think how crazy I mus have been. I look back now a year on, Im still hurting from the relationship break up but I am not the same person I was! what you are feeling is normal, please trust me when I say it gets better! You still have bad days but there not as bad as they were hmm I had the same, I went for a trip by myself right after the break up and I got like panic attack and crying attack, I fall down in the middle of the road and started to cry hysterically - I can't understand how I could do this. One of my friend was also worried I was going to hurt myself and she kept asking me whether I was fine. thank you a lot, I am on anti depressants and maybe it's the reason why it is worse now, I think
Author Coffee20 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 why am I coping so slowly?? I can't understand, it wasn't my first relationship but I feel like a small girl. Today I was crying for so long and asking again why he didn't love me, why he was with me aaaaaaah, I hate it
ItWentWrong Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Coffee...I read your story and think you are doing great. Dont for a moment...think that what you are going through isnt normal...or that your going through something slow. My ex up and left me over 5 weeks ago...so no reason at the time. (Since found out she is dating someone else)..and today marks 3 weeks of NC for me. I kept my dignity...and never begged her back. She started the two text convos with me after the breakup that meant absolutely nothing. How could someone text me like this...when I am hurting so much. Ex's are selfish....because they can be. Let them be selfish....and you do the same for you...because I 100% guarantee you will get better. I have seen a therapist...I have talked my family and friends up and down the walls. I have days where I feel so powerful...and days like today...where I feel like crying every second minute over how much I miss her. I feel like I should be over this...like I shouldn't feel this way. I do though. My ex...sent me a meaningless text on Saturday night. An inside joke we had. Got me so excited...but it meant nothing. I put the phone down and didn't respond because I am doing NC for ME! I think your doing awesome...and you sound like a great person. Please keep your head up. You WILL get through this.
Author Coffee20 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 Thank you a lot! I think you are very strong actually.... today I was talking to my friend (that one my ex constantly thought I had been cheating with)......he told me, today I heard from XX (ex) mum, that XX was playing tennis with his friend, then he asked me, why didn't he go with me?? Then he told me: I met XX in the bus he had to see me I didn't see him at first so I came to him and wanted to say him hello, but he turned his face away from me.....That friend seems to be very sad because of this...eh this is so stupid situation. Can't understand my ex reactions he didn't want me, f me off, told me he didn't want to see me, didn't want to do things with me, but is jealous??????? Funny!
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