Coffee20 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 It's almost the third week of NC, almost 6 weeks after our break up and I think I feel a little bit better, still I am sad and have "stone" in my stomach. I still think about my ex for most of the time. Finally I moved to the point where I know, he won't say sorry or contact me again and he doesn't really care and probably even didn't care. But the stupid thing is that I started to have wild sex. dreams about me and my ex. It's funny, my ex didn't want sleep with me and we had almost no sex. I always longed to sleep with him and now my wish is in my dreams. And if I daydream, all of the sudden I close my eyes and see him and me dancing. I really hate nights.
d'Arthez Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Depending on what exactly happens in the dreams, the dreams may even be an expression of the fact that you are freeing yourself from him. After all, expressing one's sexuality is an act of freedom. Try not to be too bothered by your dreams.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 thank you ! I am actually proud of myself, that I didn't break NC, because I have hard times with it.
d'Arthez Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Even if you keep having sexual dreams about your ex, they will evolve over time. Eventually these dreams will go away. Keep sticking to NC, you will get there. Hang in there. It will get easier Coffee. You are doing great. 1
StellaA Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I to am on week 3, week 1 was okish, week 2 I found really hard as I think at that point it had been a week and I really started to miss him and wonder what he was up to and if he was ok. Im hoping week 3 will be a bit easier.
CopingGal Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I day dream alot about being with someone, but not with my ex. I made up a man in my day dreams...a man that would treat me well and make me happy. When I'm lonely and want to day dream of being in a relationship, I use a made up guy, not my ex. This has helped me a whole lot. 2
Author Coffee20 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 I day dream alot about being with someone, but not with my ex. I made up a man in my day dreams...a man that would treat me well and make me happy. When I'm lonely and want to day dream of being in a relationship, I use a made up guy, not my ex. This has helped me a whole lot. that's a really good idea, I have been thinking about a guy who will treat me the way I would like to and he always looks like my ex! so thanks I will use it ;-).
geegirl Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) But the stupid thing is that I started to have wild sex. dreams about me and my ex. It's funny, my ex didn't want sleep with me and we had almost no sex. I always longed to sleep with him and now my wish is in my dreams. And if I daydream, all of the sudden I close my eyes and see him and me dancing. I really hate nights. I went through the same thing Coffee. The weirdest sex dreams after we broke up. Sometimes it would make me so sad, I'd want to run to him and find comfort, and the bad part was that he lived down the street. It always left me feeling sad and drained. The ex was the same. We didn't have sex for months before the break up. Everything about your ex is now in the forefront of your mind. Everything you wished and hoped for and now have lost is festering in your brain. It will be there for awhile. Months after, the dreams changed and I kept dreaming I was trying to escape him. Just as d'Arthez mentioned, these dreams will evolve based on your emotions and thoughts as you go through the break-up. The great news is that it will pass. They always do. Edited May 28, 2012 by geegirl
Author Coffee20 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 I went through the same thing Coffee. The weirdest sex dreams after we broke up. Sometimes it would make me so sad, I'd want to run to him and find comfort, and the bad part was that he lived down the street. It always left me feeling sad and drained. The ex was the same. We didn't have sex for months before the break up. Everything about your ex is now in the forefront of your mind. Everything you wished and hoped for and now have lost is festering in your brain. It will be there for awhile. Months after, the dreams changed and I kept dreaming I was trying to escape him. Just as d'Arthez mentioned, these dreams will evolve based on your emotions and thoughts as you go through the break-up. The great news is that it will pass. They always do. haha, I can see his flat if I look out of the window, he lives like 40 minutes from me but I live on hill so I can see the whole city clearly. I am sorry to see that your ex was the same . Really hope it will past soon. Hm I have weird feeling inside me that I am even scared of him, scared to see him or whatever.
geegirl Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 haha, I can see his flat if I look out of the window, he lives like 40 minutes from me but I live on hill so I can see the whole city clearly. I am sorry to see that your ex was the same . Really hope it will past soon. Hm I have weird feeling inside me that I am even scared of him, scared to see him or whatever. That fear you feel is because you know seeing him will reignite bad feelings, hurt feelings. You're emotionally wounded and those feelings cause you anxiety, pain and confusion. It's normal to be afraid of that discomfort. It will pass Coffee. I was in your situation before. You just have to allow those feelings to come and engulf you but know that it will pass.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 hmm on Friday night I went to disco. I just went to HIS favourite disco and his favourite bars to see all those places he had hidden me from. And I couldn't understand. All the time I was there, dancing and trying to forget, I saw his silhouette everywhere. I was wondering, why he didn't take me there (was he ashamed of me that much?), thinking what he was doing there with his gal friends and boy friends. That was weird feeling.
geegirl Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 hmm on Friday night I went to disco. I just went to HIS favourite disco and his favourite bars to see all those places he had hidden me from. And I couldn't understand. All the time I was there, dancing and trying to forget, I saw his silhouette everywhere. I was wondering, why he didn't take me there (was he ashamed of me that much?), thinking what he was doing there with his gal friends and boy friends. That was weird feeling. This is where you will stand in your own way of healing. There is no need to visit his favorite places, unless you were hoping to bump into him. There is no need to visit his favorite places when it is reigniting bad feelings within you. Everytime you choose to indulge in behavior that only makes you feel worse or keeps you reminding yourself of how badly he made you feel, you stand in your own way of moving forward from this. If you truly have to visit places that are his favorites, visit when you are emotionally and mentally detached from him. You save yourself from unnecessary pain. Anything other than that, is just your need to inflict emotional torture upon yourself.
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I lasted precisely 4 days until he texted me and now am back at square 1, basically being his emotional sponge until he meets someone else. I suck!!! Well done for doing so so well.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 This is where you will stand in your own way of healing. There is no need to visit his favorite places, unless you were hoping to bump into him. There is no need to visit his favorite places when it is reigniting bad feelings within you. Everytime you choose to indulge in behavior that only makes you feel worse or keeps you reminding yourself of how badly he made you feel, you stand in your own way of moving forward from this. If you truly have to visit places that are his favorites, visit when you are emotionally and mentally detached from him. You save yourself from unnecessary pain. Anything other than that, is just your need to inflict emotional torture upon yourself. I know . I couldn't help myself. And disco and these things I usually don't do. I just wanted to see where he was and how it could be. Hm maybe you are even right, I maybe thought I could meet him there, although I didn't (and don't) want to at all. But yes I have this small idea in my mind.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 I lasted precisely 4 days until he texted me and now am back at square 1, basically being his emotional sponge until he meets someone else. I suck!!! Well done for doing so so well. thank you! Can you block him? Because in my mobile I can block text messages from certain people, if I put them into ignorance. Yes I know this feeling, I am so sorry about your situation, just don't answer - it's the best way.
barese1 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I'm just coming up to 2 weeks NC and its driving me mental!!! I know I will not hear from her, so I guess if I stick at NC then only I can break it. Also though I know if I called her she would answer and want to be friends so its so hard not to.... I also had a sex dream the other night. It was so real and horrible when I woke up. I wish I could say I just miss the sex but that's not true at all. AAAAarrrrrrrgghh
Author Coffee20 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) I'm just coming up to 2 weeks NC and its driving me mental!!! I know I will not hear from her, so I guess if I stick at NC then only I can break it. Also though I know if I called her she would answer and want to be friends so its so hard not to.... I also had a sex dream the other night. It was so real and horrible when I woke up. I wish I could say I just miss the sex but that's not true at all. AAAAarrrrrrrgghh Hello, thanks for your answer, it has been one month since I saw him and one month of NC, almost two since the break up. When I was in the second week I forgave him....then called him and did mistake, he blamed on me, was angry, told me all harsh things he could and finally showed me how happy he he had been...and yes added that we could be friends, I guess he is not that ok now. I have some very good friends who support me and I have to say I feel much better. I still have good and bad days, for example today isn't a good day I don't miss him but have urge to call him and tell him that he isn't that nice guy he thinks he is, want to have a closure and blame on him too , but I won't do it and I know he won't pick up too, cause he is paranoid and thinks I have been cheated on him all the time. I also used to have sexual dreams but I don't have them anymore and it's good. You will get better soon, believe me, our relationship was bad and unhealthy. I wish you good luck . Edited June 9, 2012 by Coffee20
barese1 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Thanks coffee. I guess the truth is just stay away and let time take its course, it could be a few weeks or even a year but we'll get there
StellaA Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 You will get there......I am now on week 5....it's funny, the more time goes on, the more you start to give yourslef credit for not contacting them and it does make you stronger! Trust me! Yes, you will have occasional bad days, just have to prepare yourself and when it happens realise that it is normal! I felt good for about a week then had one day where I just cried BUT they don't happen as often now, even for me it is an achievement if I go one extra day without wanting to cry! You start to have one bad day, 2 good. The 1 bad day, 3 good......etc! I promise you it will get better, take it from someone who has really been in a very, very dark place! The more that time goes on the more I start to care about myself! which is what your priority should be
barese1 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Stella A that post is exactly what I want to be hearing!!! Its a realistic progress that I hope to achieve. I'm on day 19 NC today and it is literally the hardest its been so far. Just ahve to remind myself that sticking with it I will care less after some time
StellaA Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 You really will...the key things I have learnt are: - Time - Accept you will have a bad day now and then, even if it's a month or so down the line of good days - You are not any diff to anyone else - Don't worry if you don't think about them, you haven't forgotten them it's just that you don't obsess about it as much - a sign of strength - In time you will be able to think of the times you had together and not want to cry but will know that was a part of you which you will never forget but now there is a new journey - Cut ALL contact, including ex family, friends etc, especially on social networks, I would be ok then see an update relating to him and it would set me back! It is not worth it. Going complete cold turkey is the way forward - It happens for a reason - have faith. We only have to believe there is something better out there and the day we find it we will look back and be grateful we stuck to the above and gave ourselves that chance!
geegirl Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Barese, I followed Stella's story back when and everything she says is a testament that you can get there if you set your mind and heart to focusing on yourself, come what may. You have to barrel through. She was in a very bad situation and it's great to see how far she has come. You too can get there. We've all been there. Come here and post and vent when you feel bad or uncertain. You can get through this, it's hard but you will.
Author Coffee20 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I have 39 days of NC, don't know why but I feel worse. I sometimes wish he would just disappear completely from this city, state.....I saw him a few times, I know he didn't see me. I wish you all good luck, I still believe it will get better for all of us soon . Brighter days are going to come! Definitely .
barese1 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Thanks guys. Your posts, StellaA and geegirl, really give me and hopefully others the hope and belief we will get there. I have indeed accepted there will be good days and bad days, each will pass with time. I accept it will never go back to being what it was. I am perservering with the NC, which is literally killing me now. To add to that very recently I have been feeling really jealous about her being with someone else (I don't know if she is as I have had strict NC, but I know there was always a string of guys wanting to date her). I keep telling myself, in time, I will get to the point where you guys are but it currently seems bleak. I'm doing all that can be done but its hard, so very hard. That temptation for a quick fix and calling is hard to resist, but more than anything else, I want to get to the point of 1 month NC, then 2, then 3 and hoepfully at that point I won't even care, coz I would have forgotten about it. Much love to you all, coffee keep posting and we can make it through, this site gives so much support from people who know what their talking about
StellaA Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Geegirl, thanks for your post, it is really nice to feel like I have been on such a journey and people have been so supportive and now look at my story to get strength! I have had a bad year and I just hope I can do something to help others as I don't know how I would have done it without everyones support! Im not there 100% yet but know how I feel now at not even 100% shows it does get better! I even had the strength this weekend to close our joint account, list our furniture on ebay and defriend people on fb who mean things to me but had to protect myself from hearing about him. NC in all forms is very important. Barese1 what you are feeling now is soooo normal. We all think straight away that they are going to go out with someone new straight away, most of the time this is not happening but the unknown really eats you up....anyway if they did get with someone that quick it doesn't say a lot about them and don't you want to wait for the right person??? they will just keep bouncing around and if you wait you will end up being a lot happier....look after you right now! It is so important 2
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