Confused/broken Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I am so confused. I was happily married a few weeks ago but did not know my husband was not. I found some texts on his work cellphone before i was leaving on a trip. he denied them but i found same number on his regular cellphone. I confirmed the name to a recently added facebook account my husband added as a friend. It was another woman and i texted back saying to stop conacting my husband. my husband denied it then but when i returned 4 days later i finally got him to admit he was texting this person after i told him i saw this number when i went back on the cellphone bill and found this number for several months. he said it was just a friend. Ya right i am not dumb. I was more hurt that he couldnot come to me and tell me what was bothering him and that he felt he had to go somewhere ese. We have three children 18/17/13. We both work and i always did the kids school and after school stuff. We have been together for 19 years but only married for 9 . I noticed he was abusing pain killers and sleeping aids. Which he had got help but noticed he started to act weird again. We have alot of history. He said he was sorry and that he did not knw hy he did this stupid thing. He said he wanted to work things out. I told him i wasnt sure because i had dealt with him cheating before we were married. I told him needed to sleep on it. He told me i can look at his phone any time. So i did that night i saw that he again contacted the woman. When i contronted him he was a little off. And denied it even though i had the phone in my hand . Which i should him he Said he didnt text anyne he was a sleep. I had text the woman again from his phone letting her know he was married and to not respond or contact him. She had texted back when i had the phone in my hand. When i tried to read my husabnd jumped towards me damanding the phone i said no you said i can look he slammed me against the door and choked me until i let phone go. I could not believe he did this he never put his hands on me. He said to my face he did not choke me but grabbed my hand. I said this person must be important enough for you to go through the extreme of choking me. He said he wanted a divorce because he didnt love me. I told him to get out and that ok divorce me then. It has been about two to three weeks since he left he has only spoke to one of our children. But our children know whats going on. Divorce. When i asked him about divorce he said he has no money because he's living out of my his car. I told him Not my problem and that im living in a broken home and my husband choked. I told him we still have responsibilites but he says he cant give me money when he makes more than me and he knows he pays more of the bills. I finally got money but i have to fight for it. I dont know how to fell i love my husband ans was happy until all this happened and feel numb because i dont know how to transtion from being happy with my husband and kids and now knowing my husband did not love and my family is broken, and my husband changed somewhere alone the way without me noticing. It hard to flip your feelings so easy. I told him i will not fight for this marriage since there is no reason to since he said he did not love me and that is why i agreed to the divorce. But i feel like i am in a weird place since he will not fill out paperwork and now he accusing me of an affair. I dont know who this persn is. I spoke to him about how we will divide everything he agreed. Then when i told him i will file and pay all the cost because i dont want to be married to someone who cheated and does not love me . Now he said he doesnt know if he agrees with the division of assets. I am nice and as cooperative as i can be to try and just get this over with but he always finds a reason to put off divorce and fight. I do not have enough strength or mney to fight with him. Should i just leave it as is and let him do divorce or should i just push forward. I think a little part of me is pushing for divorce now since he made the decision i was not sure i had the heart to make . What should i do ? I am so confused.....
xenomorph Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 He pinned you against a door by choking you just to get a stupid phone back because of some woman's text? What a loser! I'm sorry you're going through this. My husband is being lazy and making all kinds of excuses as to why he can't file as well. Then I realized that the mistake is to expect him to file when HE'S the cheat and the one who abandoned me. Whether they intend to file or not doesn't matter at this point. Go file a divorce yourself. Can you seek legal council at least? Do you have family or friends you can turn to to help you financially? If you do, you need to ask for help now! And gather up all the evidence you have towards his abusive behavior and the affair as leverage in court when it comes to the kids. Get your side on record and there will be very little he can do to fight back if he contests. (((hugs)))
anne1707 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Take control of your life again. File for divorce and start the legals on the division of assets. Your H is going to try to twist and manipulate from the sounds of it - don't give him the chance to get one over you again. You deserve better.
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