freetolove Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I'm an alpha female so I like being in charge. HOWEVER, in relationships, I don't mind having a dominant partner. This seems to be more difficult then I though. Dating wise, I don't' really care but now I'm getting ready to be more serious and settle down (marriage etc). I'm comfortable with myself but I'm not exactly what type of partner I want. there's mainly two types I can chose from. Alpha males - Sex is great HOWEVER, A LOT OF FIGHTING and after a while I get tired. We fight over every little thing. A lot of alpha males don't have their **** together. Beta males - Too much of a push over sometimes. I like the way some alpha males push back because it takes "it" to the next level, I Get bored but over the years I learned how nice it was to have a peaceful relationship. (I'm not ball crushing angry women) NOT all beta males are push overs but they are okay with someone else taking the leads. THese males tend to be more stable. As the idea of marriage comes up, as much fun as the alpha male is, I'm started to enjoy my time with the beta male because they are so much more reliable. What are you thoughts?
Emilia Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 My thoughts are if you don't understand that people are nuanced and are way more complex than two categories, you will never find happiness. Stop this alpha, beta nonsense. Some are more assertive or aggressive than others but it's only one aspect of their personality. I think you fight with certain types of men because you are probably too controlling and don't understand or appreciate the other's viewpoint. Maybe they are too controlling. Either way, you have to understand that every person out there is completely different from the others. 7
Author freetolove Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I understand people are different but I categorize them for simplicity.
daphne Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Good question. I thought I was an alpha female, until I almost married a very beta guy and was unhappy. You can fight a lot with a beta also. Plus, this beta was a lazy, passive aggressive person so I ended up being in charge of everything. He loved it. I hated it. I think I'm a little alpha & beta myself and I like someone similar. I do tend to steer towards more beta if I have to choose though. Though that's probably because my dad was mega alpha and our relationship was strained.
Freddys Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I'm an alpha female so I like being in charge. HOWEVER, in relationships, I don't mind having a dominant partner. This seems to be more difficult then I though. Dating wise, I don't' really care but now I'm getting ready to be more serious and settle down (marriage etc). I'm comfortable with myself but I'm not exactly what type of partner I want. there's mainly two types I can chose from. Alpha males - Sex is great HOWEVER, A LOT OF FIGHTING and after a while I get tired. We fight over every little thing. A lot of alpha males don't have their **** together. Beta males - Too much of a push over sometimes. I like the way some alpha males push back because it takes "it" to the next level, I Get bored but over the years I learned how nice it was to have a peaceful relationship. (I'm not ball crushing angry women) NOT all beta males are push overs but they are okay with someone else taking the leads. THese males tend to be more stable. As the idea of marriage comes up, as much fun as the alpha male is, I'm started to enjoy my time with the beta male because they are so much more reliable. What are you thoughts? Alpha males & females are not relationship material at all. Beta males & females make the best relationships ever. This is a well known truth. A "beta" person can make you feel the most strong feelings, an "alpha" can only give you great casual sex. End of story.
AD1980 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 (edited) I love when women say they get bored because a guy doesnt argue with them enough You never hear men say gee i wish my girlfriend/wife would argue or push back at me more this is really boring havign a peaceful relationship I could see how A peaceful non combative relationship is really boring:rolleyes: Edited May 27, 2012 by AD1980
johan Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 An "alpha" male can assert himself in situations without fighting or arguing all the time. Letting your mate run with her thoughts and have things her way doesn't necessarily mean submitting to her. You don't have to win every battle. Just the right ones. And by doing that you get a lot more respect. That's what the guys who aspire to be "alpha" males get wrong. They think it's necessary to win every battle or they have failed. They don't know or want to acknowledge their own limits or the strengths of others. If you were fighting a lot, you were with immature guys who let situations control them. That's not the definition of an "alpha" male. The real alpha would just exit the relationship, if that's what it was going to be like. 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 In the context of how you are comparing the Alpha and Beta males, of course one is going to appear more adaptable than the others. While you're sleeping with the Alpha males and having your fun, the Beta by comparison usually has less dating options and likely more focused on their own lives. Therefore having less relationships can sometimes translate into a more "put together" life, since their energies go into building their lives/careers rather than romancing and being distracted by women and maybe relationships. However I think this really comes down to ambition rather than alpha/beta. However the most important note is not that either or can't be equally successful as Alphas can also display more charismatic and leadership qualities, but in terms of a relationship/marriage material who is more likely to settle down? A beta is typically much more content with an average or above average looking woman and won't overall be quite as demanding as that may not be a luxury he can afford. So If you're a b!tch to be frank, have a strong attitude, think you're one of natures gifts to planet earth, then this will more likely be the kind of guy for you. He might be a "nice" guy, more understanding, more compromising, and much more forgiving of your "flaws", and would bend rather than lose you. Some betas can be like insecure women, kind of "putting up" with a mans issues just to gain his affections then one day putting his foot down when he's tired of it. He may also grow weary of you telling him what to do and of your nagging similar to an Alpha, he just might not do anything about it or not. An Alpha however can afford to be picky, maybe not with who or what he sleeps with but he knows his selling points will get him inside a new woman easily enough, depending on the morals of the alpha. So what is his incentive to put a ring on your finger? when the 30 before you sought after the same thing that he was casually having "great" sex with? Sure he might be ready to settle down, but If this Alpha doesn't have his life together how eager does he seem to be? Some men get their lives together when they have to, for themselves, not because a woman demands it. However maybe he does have his life together, what is his incentive to throw it all away just for you? He's possibly good looking, fit, and makes a decent living...time to settle doesn't exactly translate well for an Alpha unless you're worth it. He'll also be less likely to put up with your attitude, be more conditioned to being in control at any rate, however since you'll struggle for your 50/50 in the relationship you might bump heads due to stubbornness and power. And he'll likely be more demanding of you in the relationship itself. Bottom line is personally I don't really subscribe to the Alpha and Beta male comparisons, not because I have a chip on my shoulder about it but because I think the qualities can vary too much in degree between the two..on the surface it makes sense though and I can see why it's used...basically an Alpha is seen as a more attractive, more aggressive and desirable where as a Beta is more laid-back and the nice guy, more passive. However in this day and age I'd say most men would be a pretty far cry from Alpha, and more of advanced Beta's. You're just going to have to find someone who you're compatible with, someone you get along with, someone who has the same goals and desires for the future as you and maybe even throw in that thing called love somewhere to determine who the man you end up with in the future is and not really make a comparison between Alpha and Beta, because chances are you'll end up with a Beta anyway. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Ninja, any chance of you making your thoughts more concise? You have some interesting things to say, I just stop reading after second paragraph.
Author freetolove Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 do you have any examples of any "moral" alpha males? As an alpha female, I've changed a lot in recent years (for the better) I've become a lot more patient and understanding.
utterer of lies Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 do you have any examples of any "moral" alpha males? As an alpha female, I've changed a lot in recent years (for the better) I've become a lot more patient and understanding. It's not something you can really solve. Either you are dominant in a relationship, which might get boring after a while, or you are struggling constantly, lots of drama and great moments but also lots of pointless fighting and conflicts over small (usually ego-related) things. I'm a male and have similar problems. Some girls submit and most of the time is good, but I get bored and distracted. Some girls are strong enough to not submit, which makes the relationship more interesting with all the ups and downs but can get emotionally draining, usually in the wrong moments where you really don't have time or energy for personal stuff. I guess you will just have to decide for yourself what's more important to you.
gibson Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 do you have any examples of any "moral" alpha males? As an alpha female, I've changed a lot in recent years (for the better) I've become a lot more patient and understanding. Alpha Males Get their self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, positive self-image, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, boundaries, leadership, etc. from within. They have their own life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. all of which he actively pursues. (Instead of trying to make a woman their EVERYTHING.) Here is what you are saying the "tricky" part is... Finding one who has character, integrity, values, morals, offers security (No, not money although they might have it) , sense of humor, sense of adventure, fun, etc. Alpha females are complex (a.k.a HOT MESSES which is the endearing term we use to describe you) and when you put them together with a young, immature or player type alphas... it gets messy and tiring for both sides. You need a mellow, cool alpha (a true Alpha) who can "ride" the wild waves of your ocean. A true Alpha male is not trying to control, tame, change or compete with you. On his worst day, he can just "roll out of bed" and easily be able to "ride" within the wild waves of your ocean. He is a master ocean navigator and can handle whatever ocean you decide to sail upon that day (or better yet... at the moment). Try "Fishing" in a different pond... I suspect your are meeting young, immature or player type alphas due to your environment (things you do and places you go) and your sphere of influence (age, friends, family, etc.). So get outside of your environment and your sphere of influence. Try attending Charity Events, Volunteering, Church, Community Service Projects, Fundraisers, Black Tie Events, Professional Organizations, etc. Why? These are generally going to attract higher quality individuals. They are donating their time, putting in the effort and energy so a large majority of the individuals that attend these things are more giving, understanding, compassionate, charitable, selfless, caring, etc. Not only are those things a lot fun, rewarding but you also get to make a difference in your community and someones life... not to mention run into plenty of Alpha Males that have the other qualities you are also looking for. 1
TheFinalWord Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) All of this alpha/beta stuff, if you buy that hocus pokus, I would recommend using astrological compatibility! It's at least an established pseudo science! Are you aries? Then don't date gemini! We all know they're players! LOL Why not take Meyer-Briggs? Sorry to mock, I just think it's hilarious to try to confine all human personalities into two mutually exclusive categories. At least use Type A and B. It has some validity. I guess you need a guy that is strong in areas you are weak and vice versa. Let him "dominate" those areas and you "dominate" the areas you're strong in. Then you can both dominate certain aspects of the relationship and not argue; just each take charge of certain areas and agree that both get the final word in your agreed upon areas. Edited May 28, 2012 by TheFinalWord 1
gibson Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Sorry to mock, I just think it's hilarious to try to confine all human personalities into two mutually exclusive categories. I see your point but let's not get all technical about it. Let's use Society at Large as an example shall we? Beta Males on TV Being a Beta Males doesn't mean you are ugly, dorky, dumb, anti-social and can't date, etc. There are a lot of woman that wouldn't mind being with several of the men below: Al Bundy - Married with Children Ray Barone - Everbody Loves Raymond Doug Heffernan - King of Queens Ted Mosby - How I Met Your Mother Alan Harper - Two and a Half Men Phil Dunphy - Modern Family Dr. Dorian - Scrubs Ross - Friends Alpha Males on TV The Alpha Males below speak for themselves, know what you are getting, you know what you can expect, etc... Captain Kirk - Star Trek Don Draper - Mad Men Jack Donaghy - 30 Rock Raylan Givens - Justified Harvey Specter - Suits Michael Weston - Burn Notice Gregory House - House McDreamy or McSteamy - Grey's Anatomy Barney Stinson - How I Met Your Mother Alpha Males in Movies Steve McQueen - Any Clint Eastwood - Any Sean Connery - Any Gene Hackman - In almost every movie Bruce Willis - In almost every movie jack Nicholson - In almost every movie Russell Crowe - Gladiator and several others Matt Damon - Jason Bourne George Cloney - Oceans 11 and several others Brad Pitt - Fight Club and several others Jason Statham - Any Robert Downey Jr. - In anything of late Harrison Ford - Star Wars / Indiana Jones
Emilia Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I understand people are different but I categorize them for simplicity. There is no point in doing this since it's not how people operate. You have to judge each individual on his or her own merit. Just like TheFinalWord says, you need to recognise your strengths and weaknesses and see who is compatible with that, what you can compromise on, what they can compromise on and so on - but then that's much harder work than putting people in two categories. Constantly fighting is not alpha, it's just bad social skills.
Emilia Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I see your point but let's not get all technical about it. Let's use Society at Large as an example shall we? except that these are all fictional characters and don't exist in real life
musemaj11 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Women want the alpha males for fun and sex. Women want the beta males for granted source of money. Which do you want to be guys?
kaylan Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) OP, You could start by not splitting people into black and white categories of alpha and beta. Humans are complex. Once you realize that, then youll start making progress. Its possible for someone to have a backbone and be strong willed, but not fight all the time. Its possible for a guy to be great in bed, great at mentally sparring with you and pushing back, but also great at being a provider. You have a very limited worldview. Realize that. Relationships can be fluid in terms of leadership. I look for a PARTNER...not some CHILD I have to lead all the time. In a partnership, sometimes we are working in an even strength...sometimes I may lead...and sometimes she may lead. Thats how I see a healthy relationship working out for me in the long term. Personally I like a woman whos strong willed yet knows when shes wrong and knows how to work together with someone. I dont think you can simply label that kind of woman alpha or beta. There's no such thing as an alpha female. Theres no such thing as alpha male or female in my eyes. Humans are complex and shouldnt be labeled with stupid animal kingdom terms.I love when women say they get bored because a guy doesnt argue with them enough You never hear men say gee i wish my girlfriend/wife would argue or push back at me more this is really boring havign a peaceful relationship I could see how A peaceful non combative relationship is really boring:rolleyes: Actually some guys are like that. Ive noticed some women complain that guys like bitches, the same way some men complain that women like azzholes. At the end of the day it seems some people just like a challenge. Personally, I enjoy a feisty girl, but I dont want to fight all the time. I enjoy light-hearted and spirited debates...but I dont want to fight. Its draining. So thats what I think people look for when they want someone who pushes back....not someone who fights all the time, but someone whos interesting and keeps them on their toes. Someone whos more like them. People who read my posts can easily tell I come off rather combative, but I dont want to fight in my relationship. Id want a strong willed girl who can stand her ground and talk about many things with me without us getting upset...or if we do mentally spar, that its not much a big deal to us. Edited May 28, 2012 by kaylan
threebyfate Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 As an alpha female, I've never been attracted to either weak or domineering men. Alpha males were my choice where my H. is one. We share decision-making as partners where he makes more of them (a natural leader who makes good decisions) but willingly gives up the lead when he's out of his depth. Beta boys come in two categories: Domineering to hide their weakness.Weak. 1
gibson Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Women want the alpha males for fun and sex. We are not talking about the smooth talking, loud mouth, muscle head, player type jerks (like the guys from Jersey Shore) who may or may not be Alpha males. We are talking about genuine, authentic Alpha Males that have "quiet confidence". Alpha Males Alpha Males without thought or fear of consequences will tell women (anyone) what is on his mind, what he is doing / going to do, etc. if asked. They have their own personal boundaries, risk takers, self-assured, assertive, courageous, bold, self-confident, aggressive, results-driven, etc. and make things happen. They take ZERO crap from women (anyone), have ZERO problems telling women (anyone) NO and because they get all their validation and approval from within... they do not care if you like them or not. Without an Alpha Male even saying anything, women (everyone) knows where they stand on most things. Should a women (anyone) ever "cross them", challenge them, attempt to move their boundaries, etc. they have ZERO problem addressing / confronting that person directly. Not to mention, if their are consequences for their "actions", there is NO doubt in anyone's mind that they will enforce those too. They do not whine, b1tch, complain or make excuses. They do not explain themselves, ask a lot questions, try to reason or justify things with you, etc. Even it they don't tell... you know how it's going to be and there are no "ifs", "ands" or "buts". At their best, alpha males inspire awe, and their noble leadership skills are revered by both women and men. Beta Males Beta Males will respond to women (most everyone) based on what he thinks she thinks. He constantly weighs out all the possible outcomes / consequences and often times is trying to respond / be what he thinks women (most everyone) want, need, desire, tolerate, find acceptable, etc. They will try and explain, rationalize, justify what it is they are thinking, feeling, etc. and generally are trying to prove themselves, seek approval, seek validation, need reassurance and ask permission to do just about anything. Beta Males have few boundaries and the ones they do have are not firm. They do not take a lot of risks, if they are confident it's not in many areas of their life, they times worry more about what others think / feel about them than themselves, they make a lot of decisions based on fear or by taking the path of least resistance, etc. They constantly talk about their feelings, emotions, challenges, obstacles and issues they have / face. They whine, b1tch, complain and make excuses and rarely take any action. More times than not, they see / consider themselves to be victims. Should a women (most anyone) ever "cross them", challenge them, attempt to move their boundaries, etc. they either fold like a lawn chair, are passive aggressive about it or go to their room and sulk about it. Not to mention, if their are consequences for their "actions", it is most likely to not be administered or enforced. They take a lot of crap from women (almost anyone), have problems telling women (almost anyone) NO and because they get all their validation and approval from others and not from within... they care a lot more than they should if you like them or not. They ASK you how it's going to be and "ifs", "ands" or "buts" are acceptable. At their best, Beta Males are very thoughtful, considerate, understanding, nurturing, sympathetic, compassionate, etc. and in a lot of ways, they are "safer" choice. The good news for Beta Males is there are a lot of women that are attracted and most comfortable with them. Women want the beta males for granted source of money. Being a Beta or Alpha male doesn't determine your earning potential. Having said that, it's been my experience that Alpha Males tend to be in positions that require Commanders, Visionaries, Strategists. Executors, etc. and those positions pay very well. Which do you want to be guys? You are what you are and there is no "being" to it. Edited May 28, 2012 by gibson 2
AD1980 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 As an alpha female, I've never been attracted to either weak or domineering men. Alpha males were my choice where my H. is one. We share decision-making as partners where he makes more of them (a natural leader who makes good decisions) but willingly gives up the lead when he's out of his depth. Beta boys come in two categories: Domineering to hide their weakness.Weak. so if youre not an alpha male then youre weak?
ThaWholigan Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 so if youre not an alpha male then youre weak? According to those who believe steadfastly in this theory, pretty much. Alpha/Beta concept is very fluid and not really very literal in relation to humans. Therefore, Alpha male = successful in some right, and Beta = doesn't measure up to the Alpha. Omega, well, we won't get into that....... But the beauty about it is that a stereotypical "beta" male can still be incredibly successful in life without being the "Alpha". One must play to their strengths and accept who they are and augment themselves accordingly and improve. It's not the be all and end all.
Author freetolove Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Thanks Gibson! Best answer, thank you!
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