troubledsoul Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I need some advice because I’m really not sure what the best approach is to get back together with my ex girlfriend. Ok here is a somewhat detailed background story: I was seeing my ex girlfriend for 8 months and it was very intense, as we were more or less living together after 2 months because we’re from different countries. Things had been going very well for the first 6 1/2 months, the relationship was very passionate and full of love, then she went back home and I was going to follow her 2 weeks later to be with her, in those 2 weeks I suffered some personal disasters and I became distant and closed up towards her whilst talking on the phone. When I arrived in her city I was still feeling very down and on top of that I had just left a very multicultural city and had arrived in a relatively small city with a different set of ideals and vibe, and I was really struggling to deal with that and generally fit in. All this led to me losing my confidence and being a drag to hang around, I was also frustrated at her for not being more supportive of me during this bad period in my life, which I told her very clearly, and after 2 weeks of moving there she broke up with me. The reasons she gave revolved around the fact that the situation was very pressurized and stressful(the idea of getting married for visa issues, was unnecassarily brought up), and she wished that we didn’t have to be in this situation. She also said that I wasn’t being the person she got to know in her city and that I didn’t fit in there. And finally there was a more serious issue in terms of my character, a lack of motivation you could say. I reacted very badly as I was really emotionally unstable to start with and became desperate to make things work and stayed on for a few days to try, and I made things worse. At this stage I wasn’t aware of the correct protocol for handling a break up to give yourself the best chance of working things out, and basically was unable to give her any space and just drove her further away by being needy even though there were some optimistic signs to begin with that things could change. I’m now back in my own country which is quite a long flight away from her and I haven’t spoken to her for a month (since I left), and am now wondering how is the best way to get her back when obviously the huge distance between us makes it very difficult for it to happen naturally and how many ‘experts’ suggest. She is a highly intelligent girl (24) and extremely attractive (guys will hit on her left right and centre, as she objectively speaking will almost always be the prettiest girl wherever we go) but she has a lot of insecurities and uses some light recreational drugs occasionally whilst being on anti-depressants, which I’ve been informed isn’t very smart. I’m not willing to let this go as many of my friends suggest, or that we may bump into each other in a few years and things will happen then for us. I really feel that circumstances made things turn out the way they did and I want to make sure I did everything I could before I close this chapter in my life. I love her a great deal and my intentions are as pure as they come. I believe this is the woman I’m meant to be with and I feel it’s worth fighting for. I’ve been able to really focus on myself in the time I’ve been alone, it would shock her to see the strides that I’ve made to make myself a better person not only for her, although she clearly has motivated me, but mainly for myself. I was unhappy with my situation whilst we were together and sadly it took her breaking up with me to make me realize. I don’t want this to sound like she made a good or fair decision, I had supported and treated her better than anyone she had been with, she repeatedly made me aware of that, but to cut through the crap, she dumped me as soon as things got tough and I was weak, and essentially the image she fell in love with temporarily went away. That said, it still doesn’t change the way I feel about her. I have my confidence and swagger back which is what I needed, but how do I get her back without being needy? When the only way I can see her is when I’ve very obviously gone to her city just for her. Oh and we were never that great over the phone with each other, so that’s why I think the physical contact is very important. Sadly I need to game her, I can't just be open and honest, she's very stubborn and oddly likes a guy that has some game. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Balzac Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Curious~does her high intellect equate to highly educated. Are you two on the same career trajectory? How long have each of you been working career job?
Author troubledsoul Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 Without going into too much detail yes she did get a full educational scholarship, but that's not the reason I say she is intelligent. Our careers are nothing alike really. She is a model, although she is getting older and will have to do something else soon, and I'm a consultant, specialising in the banking sector. We both have quite a lot of freedom and flexibility within our jobs, but that's about all the similarities we have workwise.
Recommended Posts