confused2385 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) I don't know if you know my story, but its on the breakup forum. Anyway I am struggling with this no contact and especially being a holiday weekend. I can't seem to find any motivation or anything and just keep thinking she's having the time of her life with this other guy while i'm turning in to a recluse and don't want to do anything and just completely shut down to everything around. i don't know how to function without talking to her or seeing her. It had been so long of doing one thing a certain way it just can not be undone. I just can't belive it. I'm in shock and when I say it in my head I can't accept it because it's not right. I'm afraid im never going to move on...I can't understand how she doesnt feel this same way given all the things and emotions she showed and said the other day. When she was saying it I was seriously thinking that we are getting back together. How can she be happy right now? How can she do this to me and be okay with it? She has taken my independence and balls from me. I can't believe I am bitching and moaning to the computer and can't find a logical solution/reason or excuse to move forward and she has already forgot about me. Edited May 26, 2012 by confused2385
dsw31 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I'm sorry that I don't really have any inspirational words for you because I feel the same way you do..I am more depressed today than I have ever been.Just know you're not alone.
leannesagoodman Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 dsw31 - I was going to answer your post, but then realised that I don't have anything inspirational either, so I'll post here instead. I know how you both feel though. I think at times like this, isolation isn't something conductive to the healing process. So I'm glad none of us are alone in this. I hope something good will come along in time. I'm trying to think of it like this - nothing that's happened in my life has ended up not working out and going so wrong that it can't be fixed apart from this break-up. So hopefully it'll turn out to be a good thing in time.
dsw31 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 dsw31 - I was going to answer your post, but then realised that I don't have anything inspirational either, so I'll post here instead. I know how you both feel though. I think at times like this, isolation isn't something conductive to the healing process. So I'm glad none of us are alone in this. I hope something good will come along in time. I'm trying to think of it like this - nothing that's happened in my life has ended up not working out and going so wrong that it can't be fixed apart from this break-up. So hopefully it'll turn out to be a good thing in time. Thanks Leannesgoodman, I am lucky enough to be consumed with lots of work these days so I don't stay isolated but, people who know me have been making comments like "Are you ok-you sure?" "You don't seem like yourself" and things of that nature.I guess I can't really hide it anymore.
Exit Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 You have to try to drive it into your head that you are asking the same questions and feeling the same emotions as millions of people before you. It will totally destroy your self esteem if you choose to believe that you are the only one who ever got lied to about someone loving them and then being with someone else a few days later, we have all been there. We have all thought we would never heal. We have all felt like our entire way of life has been torn away from us and that there's nothing to replace it with. But we live. The sooner you can get real about what happened to you, the better you'll be as well. The questions seem impossibly confusing when you ask yourself "how can this person who loved me be happy with someone else a few days later?". That question cannot and does not make sense. The sooner you come to understand that whatever they felt for you, it was nowhere near true love, or even anywhere close to what you felt for them, the more the question will make sense. They're with someone else and they're happy because we didn't mean all that much to them. Ask yourself, if you really loved someone, could you be happy with someone else a few days later? No? Me either. I loved my ex with all my heart and I'm heading for 7 months since the breakup and I have not felt the slightest interest in dating or acting like I'm ready for a relationship with anyone else. That's because when I care for someone it actually means something. The same thing would apply to our ex's IF they actually loved us, regardless of how much they may have said they did. They wouldn't be able to just fake it with someone else if they valued what we had. If you feel like she took your livelihood from you then take action to get it back. Go for a run, go to the gym, whatever makes you feel alive. It is going to suck for a while, that's all I can tell you. I'm not going to lie and act like there's a way to feel better tomorrow. There isn't. I've learned in some ways you have to treat it like a bad cold or illness, all that advice about going out with friends, hurrying back into the dating scene, trying to distract yourself with fun stuff, that doesn't always work for me. Sometimes you have to just stay home and let it be awful for a while. If she's already seeing someone else definitely do not get in contact or you will regret giving away your remaining dignity. If she can be happy with another man then just accept that she was not the person you thought she was. This is how I started getting over my ex. If she was still single I'd probably still be thinking about her but she jumped right into another serious relationship and when I was dumb enough to look at her Facebook I saw she was advertising herself as "engaged" to this person already and I said alright that's it, I may have still wanted a future with her if she was alone but if she can comfortably act like she is going to marry someone else then no thanks, I won't have her. 2
leannesagoodman Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Thank you very much for the reply Exit. That's helped a lot actually, the idea of thinking of it like an illness. I know nothing's going to happen immediately, and I've still got a very long way to go, but there has to be an end to this. What you said was right about them loving you. Maybe she did, once, but not anymore. It's difficult to come to terms with but I am trying, as much as it hurts. It's true though, the thing about it meaning something. Maybe it used to mean a lot to them, but now it doesn't, and we have to accept it somehow. It's really good to know that we're not on our own. Thank you so much again; I can't really show how helpful your post was for me.
dsw31 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Confused. Atleast you have enough balls to not contact her. I just texted my ex & I guess it made me feel better for a second but... I always come out as the loser. Props to you for being able to control yourself!
Author confused2385 Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I continue to relapse though. The longest I have ever gotten is 3 days, so don't give me to much credit. I messed up and was wasted last night. My friends were throwing girls at me, but I just physically emotionally cant do anything with anyone. I think of her 24/7. She is my love. I'm broken. I'm back at day 1 on NC and I hope to cheers for day 2 tomorrow, but all I want is to have her text so I can ignore it and do NC and do one thing I have never done to her...which is ignore her and not make her and her feelings my number one priority. I really wonder what that would do to her. I had the chance to do it yesterday and I ruined it. I know she will never find anyone as good as me. It really is starting to make me think that my flaw is i am to nice, to loyal and to committed to people I love to ever hurt them. It's something my parents and grandparents instilled in me and those are people I will never let down....sick and tired of being number 2 and alone. I just am afraid that she may never contact me because she can be extremely stubborn and;loves the attention and to be chased. Lowest point of my life and I am an extremely successful 26 year old business man with a great family and even better group of friends and have so much going on for me and I can't even see it. I see myself as a failure and loser right now. It's pathetic. I can't believe this is me. I guess i enjoy throwing myself a pity party, but I do appreciate your kind and encouraging words. They do help
dsw31 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I continue to relapse though. The longest I have ever gotten is 3 days, so don't give me to much credit. I messed up and was wasted last night. My friends were throwing girls at me, but I just physically emotionally cant do anything with anyone. I think of her 24/7. She is my love. I'm broken. I'm back at day 1 on NC and I hope to cheers for day 2 tomorrow, but all I want is to have her text so I can ignore it and do NC and do one thing I have never done to her...which is ignore her and not make her and her feelings my number one priority. I really wonder what that would do to her. I had the chance to do it yesterday and I ruined it. I know she will never find anyone as good as me. It really is starting to make me think that my flaw is i am to nice, to loyal and to committed to people I love to ever hurt them. It's something my parents and grandparents instilled in me and those are people I will never let down....sick and tired of being number 2 and alone. I just am afraid that she may never contact me because she can be extremely stubborn and;loves the attention and to be chased. Lowest point of my life and I am an extremely successful 26 year old business man with a great family and even better group of friends and have so much going on for me and I can't even see it. I see myself as a failure and loser right now. It's pathetic. I can't believe this is me. I guess i enjoy throwing myself a pity party, but I do appreciate your kind and encouraging words. They do help I'm right there with ya bud! I always relapse & I totally get what you're saying...I always want him to be the last to contact me so I can ignore him...never turns out that way cause I just relapse again. I am sucessful & have great friends & family but still yearn for his toxicity. Don't beat yourself up! You are still not alone.Maybe we are twins? Lol!
jennisfora Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 i feel all of you guys' pain right now. i almost had a meeting on sunday with my ex, but i blew up at him instead because he didnt call me to set it up, but texted instead. i dont know why it made me so angry, but, then i felt the need to apologize, which made it worse. so i went from nc, to several texts and voicemails as he wouldnt talk on the phone. i am very embarassed at my lack of control, and feeling sad that i ruined things, made them worse than if i hadnt replied at all. last contact was his promising he would call, but i find myself doubting he will, because i wouldnt, if i was in his place and got rants because of something so insignificant. i guess, i just felt low priority, and i used to be a high priority in his life, and maybe that hurt my pride. either way, i screwed up, and now feel ashamed and set back, waiting for a call that may or may not come, for a meeting that i feel won't happen. so, i am going back to nc. if he really wants to meet and talk, he will call. im done with text messages.
Author confused2385 Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I just wanna give up. This is miserable. I can not stop thinking about her and re thinking everything said
dsw31 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I just wanna give up. This is miserable. I can not stop thinking about her and re thinking everything said Give up what? Confused...I'm way more screwed up than you & I know I'll be fine.You will too. Keep posting here & get everything off your chest.We're here to help Don't contact her.Me & you should make a pact to not ever contact again...you with me?
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