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I need someone to talk some sense into me!

dsw31

By dsw31
in Coping

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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The only thing that makes me feel ok, is when I contact my ex & reassure myself that he's not with a new girl.

 

I am not stalking but, I do work in his neighborhood (a few houses away from his) so I always see his car & have a pretty good idea of whether he's home or not.

 

I know he has been gone all day today (maybe even overnight) & it's driving me crazy.

I am so tempted to text him just to sooth my anxiety.I realize that this is only prolonging my pain but I don't know how to stop myself.

 

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated! I hope I can hold back from contacting him!!

Exit Established Member

Exit

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Just cause you can justify having a reason to be near his home doesn't mean you get to say "I'm not stalking". I bet if you tried really hard you could walk into work without getting a view of whether or not his car is home. The first step to healing is always admitting that you have a problem in the first place.

 

It doesn't matter how long it takes him to find someone else. You can watch his car or keep tabs on him for the next thousand days, but some day, odds are, he is going to have someone else, and so will you. You might as well accept it now.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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Just cause you can justify having a reason to be near his home doesn't mean you get to say "I'm not stalking". I bet if you tried really hard you could walk into work without getting a view of whether or not his car is home. The first step to healing is always admitting that you have a problem in the first place.

 

It doesn't matter how long it takes him to find someone else. You can watch his car or keep tabs on him for the next thousand days, but some day, odds are, he is going to have someone else, and so will you. You might as well accept it now.

 

Thanks Exit but MUCH easier said than done.

I really don't think I'm going to be able to stay NC today.:(

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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I think I've reached a new low in my depression.I have never been as sad as I am today.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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I did it...I texted him

 

I just wrote

 

Bless your heart for beating....me right outta you

 

He texted back in 2 minutes

 

Miss the misery(that's the name of the song that I wrote the lyrics to)

Then he asked if I wanna watch UFC 146 with him tonight

 

Well now I'm at ease but I know I can't watch it with him

(even though I'd like nothing more)

 

Damn!!!!

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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I said

 

"can't but thanks.How's sober life treating you?"

 

He said

"not that bad actually.Went to a stupid bachelor party last night & fell asleep in a strip club.He said it was the biggest mistake of my life"

 

 

I was hoping he'd realize how much he misses me since he's sober now.:(

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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I replied with

"I was thinking the biggest mistake you ever made was breaking up with me.You have a lot to learn still"

 

Then he said

"teach me"

 

 

Oh god! What does that mean?

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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he still has feelings for you and hasn't ruled you out of his life.

I am going to advocate you two work it out. Ask him when is a good time to talk more. text him that. There is work to do but that is the first step. instant message me if you want further advice because after you start posting people will be adding their two cents which will be contrary to what I will advocate. I can do my best to help you get him back. I was just in this situation with my ex and now she is still my ex.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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I replied

"Too late for that"

 

He replied

"God damn you"

 

I guess he doesn't care

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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he thought you were misleading him on. text him back say sorry and how you want to work it out. and that you want to show good faith in that.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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he thought you were misleading him on. text him back say sorry and how you want to work it out. and that you want to show good faith in that.

 

"God damn you" was just our little catch phrase inside joke.

He knows I want to work it out.He is just fine without me.

There's nothing I can really do now but get over him.

Thanks for the kind words though Hereiam.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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There's nothing I can really do now but get over him.

 

You are not going to get over him if you continue to make him an important part of your life and if don't stop contacting him.

 

Stop Texting him, Stop having conversations with him and stop looking over to see if he is home..

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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no. i like to see a happy ending. then joke back get a smile out of him. perhaps, he justs wants a friend to hang with and that can be you. just say that you don't want to pressure him and that you still want to do things like you guys used to. schedule something in. He is still texting you and that is a good sign.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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You are not going to get over him if you continue to make him an important part of your life and if don't stop contacting him.

 

Stop Texting him, Stop having conversations with him and stop looking over to see if he is home..

 

I know Art Critic but it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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if he hasn't changed his number then he is open to you. it is different when the female changes the number. If a female doesn't that game is over. move on.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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no. i like to see a happy ending. then joke back get a smile out of him. perhaps, he justs wants a friend to hang with and that can be you. just say that you don't want to pressure him and that you still want to do things like you guys used to. schedule something in. He is still texting you and that is a good sign.

 

That's the last thing I want.I know we can be friends but I can't even entertain that idea.I want him to be my boyfriend...or nothing.

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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good point, well ask him to dinner or ask him on a date to do something. or just say something "you know honestly it really hurts me that we can be boyfriend or girlfriend." then ask him why it is over and say that you can change, and then have that conversation with him to see why it ended. He may see you in a different light. the key thing is to keep the conversation going with him. communicate and listen to him. it goes both ways.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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good point, well ask him to dinner or ask him on a date to do something. or just say something "you know honestly it really hurts me that we can be boyfriend or girlfriend." then ask him why it is over and say that you can change, and then have that conversation with him to see why it ended. He may see you in a different light. the key thing is to keep the conversation going with him. communicate and listen to him. it goes both ways.

 

Trust me...he knows I am devastated.That's why I'm pretending like I'm ok.I don't need to change-I was the best gf anyone could ever ask for.He wants to be "alone to waste his life away"Those are his words.

Frank13 Established Member

Frank13

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I replied

"Too late for that"

 

He replied

"God damn you"

 

I guess he doesn't care

 

How do you take that to mean he doesn't care? I see it as the opposite.

 

Everytime he tries to move things along, you shoot him down. Either try to reconcile or go NC.

 

You seem to be the one playing games.

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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how long were you two together?

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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I was the best gf anyone could ever ask for.He wants to be "alone to waste his life away"Those are his words.

 

my ex said this. I think some girls say this about themselves in the relationship . the reality there might be someone better that he is looking for. You have a leg up because you are in contact with him. sometimes preferences change and that doesn't mean that you can meet his needs any longer.

 

really you to equally take blame for the relationship ending. Everybody had a part in the break up. Perhaps, you can stop being devastated a heal yourself before you jump into another relationship.

 

I think this might be the best advice if you are devastated, heal yourself. just tell him that you are going to go away for a few months and after a few months if you still have feelings then talk to him but not out of devastation. that is not an attractive quality to have.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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How do you take that to mean he doesn't care? I see it as the opposite.

 

Everytime he tries to move things along, you shoot him down. Either try to reconcile or go NC.

 

You seem to be the one playing games.

 

Because he always says "god damn you".That truley has no meaning when we both say it.

I wish he was trying to move things along but he has interest in making things work between us at the moment.

If you guys have not been reading all my crazy threads I'll break it down a bit.

 

 

 

I believe my ex has BPD.He goes through periods of extreme depression/rage followed by short periods of mania(where he sexts with girls & flirts & probably cheats)

 

He just wants to keep me around as a friend so I can be on the backburner.I have tried everything to make us work & he even said"we could stay together forever but-neither one of us is going to be happy"

 

I was just hoping that if I kept my distance,maybe he'd realize that his life sucks without me.I guess he won't be feeling that way.It's just so hard to move on because no one interests me like he does

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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how long were you two together?

 

3 years on & off

Hereiam007 Established Member

Hereiam007

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My ex was sexting guys and girls during our last days, When we working it out. I said that this is cheating , and I walked on. Listen then to red flags. They are there for a reason. I expect more from a relationship. Don't change him. Change yourself.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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My ex was sexting guys and girls during our last days, When we working it out. I said that this is cheating , and I walked on. Listen then to red flags. They are there for a reason. I expect more from a relationship. Don't change him. Change yourself.

 

Very true! I need to change!

I can't even believe I still love him!

I just don't understand how he can feel like he doesn't need me

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