redrose123 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I was wondering if you all could give me some advice on my situation. I talked to my ex at work the other day for about an hour. We caught up on what was going on in each other's lives, laughed with each other and talked about our break up. He told me that something just didn't feel right, he felt he didn't love me like I deserve to be loved, he was too immature for the type of relationship I wanted, he felt like he couldn't make me happy, and that he wasn't even entirely sure why he broke up with me. He kept saying how great I am and how he loves me and cares about me and misses me everyday, but that he is still sorting through stuff and the problem lies completely with himself. He also said that you never know what the future holds, but he'd never expect me to give him another chance. I have started to evaluate myself and realize that I pushed him way too much to make a serious commitment and I guess you could say I got wedding crazed. I realize now that we are so young and I regret it because I feel that I pushed him and scared him away. I truly believe that if I didn't make things get so serious and would have just continued to date him and have fun without bringing up marriage that we'd still be together. Yesterday, he texted me randomly for the first time in a few months. I decided to respond and we talked for a few hours. We brought up old times and just had a really fun conversation. Now that I'm realizing the mistakes I've made, I was wondering if there was anything I could do to fix this? I want to tell him that I realized that I shouldn't have bothered him so much to make a commitment and that if we were to give our relationship another try I would just want us to have fun and be together without all the seriousness. My mom tells me not to even bring it up and to just take things a day at a time. Do you all think there is any way to salvage this? There was no cheating or other girl involved in us breaking up. I truly just feel that he got so overwhelmed and scared of commitment that it caused him to back away and downplay his feelings for me. Is there anyway that I can show him I don't want to get married anymore without actually saying it? By the way, I'm 21 and he's 22 and I realize that we are wayyyy to young to even be thinking about marriage. We come from a small southern town where everyone marries young though and I just got so caught up in what everyone else was doing that I pushed him over the edge!!
jennisfora Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 i'm in a similar boat, in that he left because of the seriousness/possibility of marriage. but, im in my thirties and he just turned 40, so i can't blame age. i wonder the same thing sometimes, if i hadnt put pressure on things, if i didnt just accept things as they are, would we still be together? the truth is you will never know. the damage is done, and a lot of different things could have happened. if he was madly in love with you, would he have risked losing you at all? i don't know. if you still want to pursue him, I would heed your mom's advice. take it one day at a time, and if he wants to reconcile, he will say so. he may just want friendship, he may have decided that you two aren't a romantic match, but that he still likes you as a person. it may be that the flame may reignite with time, or not. too many variables. but what i can advise is this: do not dwell on the past. your old relationship is over no matter what happened. and do not waste time on "what if" scenarios as you will never get an answer. what's done is done. if you want to see where this goes, just keep an open mind, no pressure, no expectations. be prepared for it to go nowhere. don't get your hopes up to minimize the potential hurt. don't read more into his words than he says. let him initiate most of the time. if he doesn't initiate, he isn't interested, and let it go. good luck! *hugs*
Author redrose123 Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 Thanks for your advice. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like such an idiot. I went to give him my left overs from dinner at work tonight and he talked to me but I felt so dumb afterward. Like I was annoying him and groveling for his attention. Then he got off work before me and didn't say goodbye or wait for me or text me and now I feel bad I don't understand why he doesn't want me. I am treating him so good even after he broke my heart so badly. I know I'm flawed but he should feel lucky to ever have been loved by me
jennisfora Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 he can't miss you or realize what you do for him, if you are still there. don't give him leftovers, dont message him, dont be extra sweet, make him earn it. some guys like to chase, you are going way too far out of your way for a guy that isn't interested. he needs to want to come back, you can't convince him, you can't win him over. he has to come of his own will, and by his own decision. all you can do is step away so you can focus on you, and do your best to live life. you can't control other people, and you can't make him come back. stop wasting your efforts, and let him see what life is like without you in it. *hugs*
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