littlebittle Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I have not dated in a few years, and I finally decided to try again. Is it normal for a guy to text a lot after the first date? I went on a date with this guy a few nights ago, and not only did he text me when the date was over to say he had a great time, but he has also sent me a couple texts a day since then, asking me to hang out again. I know he is new to my city, and he seems like an enthusiastic person in general, so I'm not sure if he's just really bored and friendly, or if he just really likes me, or if this is weird? I'm definitely someone who goes slowly in the beginning on relationships, and even though I think he's really cute and we got along very well, I'm not looking for instant sex or an instant boyfriend. I'm used to guys waiting a few days to get in touch (which is a dumb game in itself, but as it's the societal norm, I've come to expect most people to follow it). Is it a red flag that he's texting so much, or is this just a more normal thing these days? Thanks!
persevere Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I don't think he's doing anything abnormal, that should put up red flags or be seen as coming on too strong. I'd be willing to bet he sincerely enjoyed your date and just wants to meet again. He's also probably a bit lonely, being new to your city. I don't believe in games, so the not waiting a few days is a non issue. Are you responding to his texts? Why not?
Kamille Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I understand your discomfort - I've just been there, freaked out, and ended things abruptly with a man who probably deserved better. I recommend that you tell him you like to take things slow. I regret not being more upfront about the fact I felt he was coming on too strong. This would have at least given him a chance to adjust. Try not to worry about what's going on in his head. Keep your focus centered on your own well-being. Don't force yourself to answer his texts if you don't feel like it. 1
Author littlebittle Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 I have been responding, but when he has asked me to hang out, I've been busy. I have suggested that we make plans for sometime later in the week, but he still will text me and ask me to hang out (like today, for example).
veggirl Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I don't really like last minute invites to hang out early on, but the rest seems normal? My BF and I texted daily from the day we met, but we weren't BF/GF for like a month and a half. It was a good pace, we saw each other 2-3x per week. I am also wary of insta-relationships and that kind of false intimacy, so I feel ya.
persevere Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I have been responding, but when he has asked me to hang out, I've been busy. I have suggested that we make plans for sometime later in the week, but he still will text me and ask me to hang out (like today, for example). Yeah. That's a bit "grabby" for him not to take the hint. He should back off 2 or 3 days and then try again. I can tell you may feel a bit pressured. It's hard for us guys, especially lonely ones, to back off when we really like someone. It can kill a good deal.
FitChick Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I have been responding, but when he has asked me to hang out, I've been busy. I have suggested that we make plans for sometime later in the week, but he still will text me and ask me to hang out (like today, for example). Because you are so busy, tell him you'd appreciate him researching some things to see and do on your next date, and then the day before you plan to meet to call you to go over the list and see what appeals to both of you. That should keep him busy. 1
persevere Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Because you are so busy, tell him you'd appreciate him researching some things to see and do on your next date, and then the day before you plan to meet to call you to go over the list and see what appeals to both of you. That should keep him busy. Exactly. Also, he will then KNOW you are interested and he will (should) back off from the texting a few times a day. Sometimes guys think they must hammer away for fear of losing her. We get impatient and try to "prove" we like her by contacting her, talking, etc. It can result in quite the opposite. There again, this is amplified since he is lonely and new in town. 1
Author littlebittle Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 Yeah. That's a bit "grabby" for him not to take the hint. He should back off 2 or 3 days and then try again. I can tell you may feel a bit pressured. It's hard for us guys, especially lonely ones, to back off when we really like someone. It can kill a good deal. How can I respond nicely? I would kinda like to figure out if he's just bored/lonely, or if maybe he's a creep. He doesn't seem like a creep, but you never know!
persevere Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 How can I respond nicely? I would kinda like to figure out if he's just bored/lonely, or if maybe he's a creep. He doesn't seem like a creep, but you never know! I think fitchick's advice is pretty spot on. If he continues to text many times a day, or especially late at night, then he starts to slip into creepiness. He should take the hint that you don't want constant contact, yet are interested in him.
Author littlebittle Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 OK well I basically just told him he was coming on a bit strong and he didn't seem too offended. He said the ball is in my court and to let him know if/when I'm free again. I think I'm also a bit wary because the last guy I dated came on really strong, and while I like to know someone is interested, I also definitely like some space.
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