smint Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 After my bf left me out of nowhere(after 7 years of dating),I was chasing him for 5 weeks,begging and crying,then i went on NC for 30 days,and today is the day number 30,and I called him today,and guess what???He didn't respond!!! Then I sent him message how is he doing and what's up,and he is not responding for 2hours!!!What fool I am,how weak I am!!!
ladyabstrused Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Why did you break no contact? What was the purpose? I would say you did well with the no contact for a month, seeing that he left you and that just shows how much he doesn't quite care about you. After being on no contact for so long, you shouldn't let his no response get to you. What makes you think he'd respond if he wasn't contacting you while you were not contacting him?
Author smint Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 What makes me believe?Some stupid hope!!! my weakness,my foolish thinking,I want us to be at least friends,I agreed with the BU,then went on NC,I was hoping that he will respond,to talk like humans,after 7 years of our history,I thought that I deserve it...I am idiot,I break NC after a month!!! ((
Nohbody Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Almost everyone breaks NC. If you are really distressed, consider calling a crisis hotline. Everything you are feeling is normal. It's terrible and painful, but we've all been there. Good for you for keeping up NC for a month. When I was first broken up with I spent the first month begging to get her back. So it goes. Keep moving in the right direction, which is the best direction for you. 2
Author smint Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 I am blaming myself,now he probably thinks what loser am I...I think that I deserve after 7 years,at least to talk with him sometimes!!!Feeling is terrible,I was on way to heal,aaahhhhh he destroyed me!!!
ladyabstrused Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Stop blaming yourself. You'll be okay. I'm dealing too. So can you. And I'm looking up to you now because you managed NC for a month, I broke it within days. Keep it up, you'll get better. 7 years is indeed a long time. I'm sorry you had to go through this. But it's not your fault. You can still be on your way to healing. Let's re-start now. 1
Andrew2888 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I feel your pain. I broke NC so many times after my gf left me. Mine is a case of gigs,maybe you need closure into why he elft you?It will make NC much easier. 1
Author smint Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 I guess you are right,I have to restart my NC Obviously it is normal,but when I could resist for 30 days,I could make myself to resist more.For now,I don't have anything of blaming myself. And why he left me,probably he doesn't even know,he has personal problems,can't find a job for a long,so he is sitting at home,I wish he let me help jim,instead of hurting me like this (( I love him so much,even he treated me as a crap at the end,I am idiot...But my mind can't tell to my heart not to love him,it is so difiicult...
ladyabstrused Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I guess you are right,I have to restart my NC Obviously it is normal,but when I could resist for 30 days,I could make myself to resist more.For now,I don't have anything of blaming myself. And why he left me,probably he doesn't even know,he has personal problems,can't find a job for a long,so he is sitting at home,I wish he let me help jim,instead of hurting me like this (( I love him so much,even he treated me as a crap at the end,I am idiot...But my mind can't tell to my heart not to love him,it is so difiicult... I totally feel you. For so long I blamed myself for my ex's actions and for everything that went wrong. You got out of something that could be a misery for the rest of your life. I had a planned future with my ex..and though I had to break it off..I still do care and love him. You can't force your heart to feel a certain way when it can't. All you can do is work around it and ensure that your actions, don't lead you to consequences that will only hurt you. I was an idiot too lol. But let's stop being idiots and be good happy people now. Now you can start afresh, meet new people, enjoy life. Keep yourself busy and occupied. It really helps. 1
kimeebee Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I'm 14 days NC and a 15 year relationship, he left me like a bolt out of the blue and it just didn't add up...found out last night he had his eyes on someone else for a few weeks [hence dumping me] and is now with her. Do I want to break NC and let him know I know...YES!!! So please don't feel bad about it but look on here for support and join us in keeping each other strong...HUGS!!! 2
Author smint Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 Thank you a lot,all of you,it really means to talk with someone who is in the same position right now.It's terrible feeling being dumped by someone for who we still care... In my case,I don't know did he left me because of someone else,like you after a 15 years of relationship,I think that if I have heard it when he left me,that would totally destroy me!!! (( I stopped feeling bad because of yesterday,when I tried to contact him,I see that I am also not the only one,and as you say,I have to stop actions that are making me more sad.I will try to stop counting my days of NC,I tried but he is refusing,I can't do anything anymore. But being dumpee is terrible feeling... 1
Edtheduck Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 7 weeks into my breakup, I was constantly breaking NC and it's got me nowhere. I feel your pain. Your words inspire me to be stronger, so thank you. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 When I was about 17, I learned about NC...the hard way. I wasn't officially dumped----he just disappeared. I was worried, so I called....and called and called....We didn't have the internet or cell phones. I had the dial phone that hung from the wall, LOL!!! No answer. his Dad always said "he's not here". One night, my friends and I decided to do detective work and see if he shows up for work (whenever I called there, they said he wasn't there). We hid in the bushes...Hey, we were teenagers!! LOL. Sure enough, he showed up and he saw us. He screamed...I mean screamed at me in front of everyone at his work place. I was humiliated. He said " Can't you take a hint??" I told him "all you had to do was tell me it was over, you just disappeared.". That's all I needed, was to simply be told it was over, then I wouldn't have a reason to call. Months later, he had the nerve to show up at my work with a 15 page note saying he loves me and wants me to bear his children----by that point I lost interest and was repulsed, LOL. From that age of 17, I learned to not call. If they are interested, they are certainly welcome to call. I never wanted to deal with my ego being shot down and humiliation ever again. I totally get people's reasoning behind breaking NC, but, you are in a different thought process than the ex. You are happy and in a positive mood, want to share that with the ex....who probably isn't thinking of you. It's a harsh and sad reality, but take it from battle hardened woman who has had some relationship experience. For your own healing, no more breaking NC. 2
Author smint Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I find it very interesting,I read so many situations on this forum and whole internet,and as I can see,lots of dumpers are coming back in few months,or they initiate first move,when they realize that they got rid of us dumpees.Also in your case,your ex showed up.Do they feel guilt,or they try with other people something and fail,what is wrong with them to think that after what they did to us,that we will come back running into their arms??? That what he has done to you in front of other people"can't you take a hint?",I can't imagine how you felt And you were so young...today is easier,because we have mobile phones,mails,facebook... Mine ex also humiliated me,he told me that he doesn't love me anymore by the phone,and then later he stopped responding me to phone when I called,to text messages...But I didn't have to talk to his father or someone for thousand times I was calling...I came twice to his door and i begged and cried,and he was so cruel,so cold,he told me not to come again,because next time,he is not going to open the door to me...And me fool,i waited 30 days to to get one more shot again-by his silence!!! Really the best we can do is to stay on NC for months,maybe the dumpers will show up,like to almost all people.The best thing is to do nothing.If they show up,but sadly,there is no revenge such the hell they made to us... 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I find it very interesting,I read so many situations on this forum and whole internet,and as I can see,lots of dumpers are coming back in few months,or they initiate first move,when they realize that they got rid of us dumpees.Also in your case,your ex showed up.Do they feel guilt,or they try with other people something and fail,what is wrong with them to think that after what they did to us,that we will come back running into their arms??? That what he has done to you in front of other people"can't you take a hint?",I can't imagine how you felt And you were so young...today is easier,because we have mobile phones,mails,facebook... Mine ex also humiliated me,he told me that he doesn't love me anymore by the phone,and then later he stopped responding me to phone when I called,to text messages...But I didn't have to talk to his father or someone for thousand times I was calling...I came twice to his door and i begged and cried,and he was so cruel,so cold,he told me not to come again,because next time,he is not going to open the door to me...And me fool,i waited 30 days to to get one more shot again-by his silence!!! Really the best we can do is to stay on NC for months,maybe the dumpers will show up,like to almost all people.The best thing is to do nothing.If they show up,but sadly,there is no revenge such the hell they made to us...Before I went 100percent NC, I wrote him a note and took the bus to his home, put it in his mail slot and left. In it, I expressed my feelings and gave myself closure. The last line I remember writing is "Most people learn from their mistakes...I have learned from yours..." It felt so good to get that out and be done with him. It was like a weight was lifted. Yes, when he screamed at me that night, I was mortified. I learned later that he was into drugs and also Schizophrenic. He has a FB page that he has made public and there is a public apology for his behavior for all those he may have hurt in life. I am so glad I didn't end up with him. His life is in a shambles. I could have married him--so glad I was over him when he proposed. It was a terrible scene/awful time. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 ...And I agree...If you are going to dump someone, better make sure you are sure, LOL and don't have the audacity to come running back. It interferes with the healing of the dumpee and may lure them back in, causing unhealthy trust issues. 2
johan Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 How would you like for us to kill you? Or do want it to be a surprise? Same question for the time and place. If you have a preference, speak up. 3
Author smint Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 So your ex wasn't stable person,he was taking drugs,he was unsatisfied with his life,so he was hurting other people.You did right with writing him that letter.I hope I will get over mine ex soon,so that I can tell it one day,it WAS awful time. Hahahahahaha johan you have right,but I still think that me and my ex could make things up,he is just giving up too soon from everything in his life. 1
Taramere Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 After my bf left me out of nowhere(after 7 years of dating),I was chasing him for 5 weeks,begging and crying,then i went on NC for 30 days,and today is the day number 30,and I called him today,and guess what???He didn't respond!!! Then I sent him message how is he doing and what's up,and he is not responding for 2hours!!!What fool I am,how weak I am!!! This doesn't sound weak and foolish so much as hurt and bewildered that somebody you were with for 7 years has cut you off so suddenly. It's not an easy thing for you to get through. Don't, for goodness sake, start looking at yourself through whatever judgemental lens you think he has. This is, after all, somebody who has behaved pretty disgracefully - in just ditching you without explanation after such a long time. Since you've found this board, it might help you to post on here next time you feel compelled to contact him. Or even phone a helpline, as somebody else suggested, if you're feeling really crappy. Rationally, getting in touch with somebody who treated you this way can only result in you feeling worse...but then again, rationally most people have a bit more decency and empathy about them than to just cut partners off in the way that he has - so your rational side has maybe been thrown out of whack a bit just now. 1
Author smint Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I promise,I will not contact him again.I get everything,my rational side was turned off,I am 25,that was my first relationship,I met him when I was 17,and since the first day we met,we started texting each other and seeing each other for one year.And after one year we first kissed...I didn't know what to do when he left me.And yes,I got no explanation. He just closed himself,like a shell you can't open!I needed 5 weeks of insulting myself,to come to idea to search the internet for help,and then I have read about NC. I know,he treated me like a crap,I see it right now,and I shouldn't have try to reach him yesterday after 30 days of healing,but now I know not to try again. "Rationally, getting in touch with somebody who treated you this way can only result in you feeling worse"-absolutely right!!!
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