courtnz Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 and a half years now and tonight she text me asking if I could meet her to talk. I pull up at her girlfriends house where she was at the time. She gets in my car and proceeds to tell me, "you might wanna roll a cigarette". I ask her "why?", she says "you're gonna need it"... Instantly I know whats coming, so I roll a cigarette and she tell me that she cheated on me with a 'guy friend' (whom I'd never met) the night before at a party. She started crying saying that she was so sorry and that she regretted sleeping with him and that she had to tell me face to face right away. I got very emotional and asked how this could've happend, she said that after she'd text me "goodnight" (the night of the party) she actually did go to sleep but this guy came in and woke her up and they talked for a while. She went on to say "one thing led to another". Which agrivated me because how you go from talking to sex is beyond me especially when she's committed to me and the guy was aware that she was in a serious relationship. We talked it out in my car for an hour, she kept apologising and I know her well enough to say that she was remorseful and genuinley sorry. I love her so much, we've been everything together these last few years. I'd invested my heart and soul into this girl. I'd planned on being with her for the rest of my life. I'm 27 years and I'm confident in saying that I have never loved anyone so much or shared experiences so deep with anyone else On one hand I feel I can't take her back because of obvious reasons. The main reason being that I'm a man and I know that the thought of what she did with this other guy will haunt me forever . There is also the possibility of her doing this to me again and there's also my pride aswell. Her closest friends know that she cheated on me, I don't think I could ever show my face to them again knowing that they know what happened and that I'd taken her back. On the ither hand, I love her dearly She means everything to me and 3 and a half year is a long time so we've shared our ups and worked through our downs. She also explained that sleeping with this guy was part of a "phase" she was going through emotionally because we'd just got through a rough patch a week before this happened but we were happy. I don't understand something though. If she was in a vulnerable state of mind, why go to a party where things like this are going to happen? she should've stayed at home until she'd worked out her emotions. Instead she went and this happened I know deep down shes sorry and that she loves me but if she truely did love me why didn't she stop him after the kiss? why did she go 'all the way' with him? I just need some advice please if anyone has any suggestions as to what I should do please let me know. She has decided to give me space (no contact) to let me think this over. Is it worth thinking about? please help!!!
Alexanda Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Awwww.. Im really sorry to hear that I can tell you are hurting and you really love and care deeply about her. When someone cheats on you its so hard to take them back even if you know they are sorry. Honestly it could possibly happen again if she gets vulnerable. Im not saying it will, its possible. Well from what it sounds like its not like she was expecting to go to this part and end up having sex with this guy. I dont see why she just didnt go home after the party. I personally dont think you should take her back. I do think you need some time to think it over. The good thing is that she at least told you and agreed to give you space. I think that if you were to end things between you two that she would understand, but at the same time she would be sad, and of course she would hurt because breakups do hurt, and she would also wish she never cheated on you. To me there are NO excuses for cheating even if someone is vulnerable. Everyone has a conscience and knows right from wrong.
udolipixie Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 She likely went to a party where things like that are going to happen because people tend to do escapist diverses to avoid thinking about their vulnerability. Working out her emotions probably seem like a daunting burden that would leave her feeling more drained and unhappy while a party could likely have her socilaze and be in a happy atmosphere. As for if she truly did love you why didn't she stop him after the kiss rather then go all the way to me it's a question of her fidelity to you not love unless you define love as fidelity. Love and sex aren't mutually exclusive or inclusive as many have sex with those they don't love and have sex with someone while loving another. Sexual attraction to others and wanting to sleep with others usually doesn't stop because you love someone as plenty masturbate to and sexually fantasize about others when in a relationship. My advice and suggestion is that it's probably best suited to dump her as I don't see it being woth thinking about as you stated you're a man and know that the thought of what she did with this other guy will haunt you forever and you suggest not wanting to be seen as a losing some pride in front of her friends. 1
veggirl Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 You will never be able to trust her again. What happens the next time she has an "emotional" issue or you fight? You will always worry she is finding comfort in another man. You are right, how does one go from sleeping to chatting to sex. It doesn't "just happen". I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you will stay NC, the break up section of LS might be helpful to you--just know that many people have gone through the same and lived to tell about it and go onto happy relationships with people who DON'T cheat on them. You will be okay, it takes time, please don't get back with her. Your relationship will never be the same. 1
AH1990 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Sorry, but I missed the point where she said one of the following: 1) She was drunk 2) She doesn't remember much She knows EXACTLY what she did, and she WANTED to do it. Her thinking process wasn't influenced by alcohol at all. That in turn makes this whole ordeal ever worse! Think very wisely OP. She knew what she was doing, and she still did it. Nothing else influenced her decision.
g450 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Yeah, let her go through her "phase" alone. Get out of that situation. Find a woman who is not going through "that phase". I love it when cheaters try to rationalize what they do with labels. She is a slut and she doesnt love or respect you. Simple as that. Time to leave. 1
YellowShark Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Oh I just love the "one thing led to another" BS. Was there a gun to her head? Does she have split personalities? Probably not. She knew exactly what she was doing and simply went for it. Now what you have to do is give it a break. Let her go sow her oats and see what life is like without you. Because if banging other dudes at parties is her way of "working her issues out" your future together is a deadend.
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I have a feeling that this is a hit and run thread. The dude, probably isn't coming back here because he isn't hearing that he wants to hear. Therefore, I'm gonna take some liberties! Your girlfriend is a a skank. She was asleep and the dude woke her up and one thing lead to another...REALLY?!?! Is it THAT easy to get into her pants? Guy didn't have to work to hard now did he? The only viable piece of advice I can give you is to.... Quit smoking, because your girlfriend is a sl*t
irin Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 sorry but theres no phases for cheating! its just poor excuse, leave,
samsungxoxo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 If I was really depressed, the last thing I would want is party all night long. I would be staying at home. It really doesn't make sense why would someone who's underdoing through some issues would still go partying.
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