Mme. Chaucer Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I love how this guy rejects her nicely and some of the women here call him every name in the book. Men are allowed to say no as well. I really am offended by "you are not relationship material." That does not sound like a "nice" rejection at all. It sounds like very negative and dismissive judgement on her character. She is "hot, but not relationship material." Ouch. Who is he to deem what kind of "material" she is, anyway? Besides the fact that referring to a person as "material" makes my skin crawl. If he had said something more along the lines of, "you are hot, but I don't feel that you and I would be a good fit," or "you are hot, but I don't like you int 'that way,' " I would agree that this was a kind rejection. As it's been presented, though, I think it's awful.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 you are acting too friendly around other guys to be worthy of commitment. Friendliness = unworthiness? That's a new one.
Imported Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I really am offended by "you are not relationship material." That does not sound like a "nice" rejection at all. It sounds like very negative and dismissive judgement on her character. She is "hot, but not relationship material." Ouch. Who is he to deem what kind of "material" she is, anyway? Besides the fact that referring to a person as "material" makes my skin crawl. If he had said something more along the lines of, "you are hot, but I don't feel that you and I would be a good fit," or "you are hot, but I don't like you int 'that way,' " I would agree that this was a kind rejection. As it's been presented, though, I think it's awful. Does anyone else believe sometimes people say things in a way that they didn't mean? I do it all the time myself. I was suppose to say something witty and charming....and instead I just grunt and raise my shoulders or worse. I get approached by women that I am going to turn down, I don't know what to say really. I even tried playing it off before like I thought she was talking about something else and I changed the subject to that. This guy the OP approached, probably got blind sided, probably tried being nice, probably didn't reply exactly the way he would if he had a do-over with knowledge of what was coming at him. I firmly believe some people that always say the right thing are evil underneath it all. Those people need to be able to hide their evilness and probably put a lot of effort into it.
LittlePrince Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Friendliness = unworthiness? That's a new one. If you flirt with every guy then other guys notice. That's beyond friendliness. Most girls like to do this to feed on whatever attention they can get from a man. They are no better than philanderers.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 If you flirt with every guy then other guys notice. That's beyond friendliness. Most girls like to do this to feed on whatever attention they can get from a man. They are no better than philanderers. Except, she said she had male friends. Not that she flirts with every guy. How did you become such a sage about the ways of women, anyway? From sitting on your computer reading PUA websites? Seems that way. Maybe you should try getting to know a woman or two, and even (perish the thought) listening to what they tell you. In case you are interested in women at all, that is.
LittlePrince Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Except, she said she had male friends. Not that she flirts with every guy. Women don't make genuine friendships with males. They try to get as many guys to lead on as possible to make them look good. It is partially about social status but mostly about over the top attention seeking and insatiable greed. Women need to be held accountable for all of this bad behavior as much as guys who "pump and dump."
pteromom Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 It is unhealthy to overanalyze what he said , wondering WHY you aren't relationship material. It's likely something with HIM. Maybe he has a fetish for a certain type girl (or guy!), maybe he knows you like him and he doesn't want a relationship at all, or maybe he is insecure about your good looks and is afraid he'd be jealous and worried all the time. At any rate, this is a testament to why you should NEVER wait 8 months. As soon as you know you like someone, feel it out right away so you aren't spending months and months pining over someone and building them up in your head.
Author thezappa Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Hi All, Thank you all for your replies, much appreciated! For those saying I may flirt with a lot of men or have male friends for attention, I do not flirt with men much at all and I have my male friends through my female friends. Most of these male friends are either gay or in relationships with my female friends. I have put up a wall with this guy and have stopped talking to him as much. He still rings, texts and facebooks me a good bit but I have stopped being so friendly and am being distant. Only for me so that I can stop having feelings for him. He is still being flirty with me which I have ignored any attempts of this by ignoring them. I have not seen him since that night that I told him. I am a good cook and cleaner. I am also very good with children as I have been babysitting children since I was 16 or so. However, which may be a problem is that I don't believe the women should be the only one good at these qualities and that I would not personally settle with someone who expects me to cook and clean for them all the time. Give and take, both men and women should be doing this if they decide to be with each other. I have been thinking about the age gap. He did say that this other women was also my age so I assume he has no problems with age difference. I feel the most hurtful thing was when he said that to me. I feel there was no need to tell me about another women and how hot she is and that she had asked him to meet up etc. Maybe he does have problems as he is still single at his age and as far as I believe has not had any really serious relationships. I also agree with anyone saying that I should not have to stop being friends with my male friends. They are all good friends of about 7 years and no man is worth me giving them up just because they may feel insecure about them. Which they shouldn't! I am not the type of women to just get into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship and if I have male friends then they are friends and I see them as nothing more and should feel secure enough to believe that if I am with them then I am with them. My friends are all lovely and get along with people the same as me because we are friendly people. I can't agree with this completely. My wife and I have great chemistry and she's smokin hot in my eyes. Yet, thru life there have always been women I've thought were hot, but I wasn't attracted to them because there wasn't any chemistry. Just thought of something else. OP, where are you meeting these guys? Maybe get a hobby or join a club you're interested in. Then you can meet men with a common interest. Then you can develop relationships based on your interests and not on your looks. I met them mostly through friends or friends of friends. This one particular while doing my studies. I have met men before through hobbies. One of which I went out with for a year.
Emilia Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I feel the most hurtful thing was when he said that to me. [...] Maybe he does have problems as he is still single at his age and as far as I believe has not had any really serious relationships. I thought about your thread more and what I should have said sooner is that a man who makes comments like he did is actually an a**hole and his opinion should be taken off the table. You should have picked up on his personality sooner - really this is the only mistake you made. The bolded part is significant. It tells you everything you need to know.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 What he is telling you is that he is very insecure. He is afraid that if you two are in a relationship other men will hit on you and he won't be able to handle that. He rather be in a relationship with a woman not all men will desire. This post shows that women have no idea how men think. No man is going to reject you because he thinks you are too hot for him. Women invent this sh*t to make themselves feel better but the reality is that men absolutely would date the hottest woman they can get. Sure, some may get jealous by the attention she's getting from other guys but they are not going to refuse to date her because of that. When a guy tells you that you are not relationship material, it certainly isn't because you are "too perfect". On the contrary, there is something about your looks, personality and/or behavior that is a turn-off. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 This post shows that women have no idea how men think. No man is going to reject you because he thinks you are too hot for him. Women invent this sh*t to make themselves feel better but the reality is that men absolutely would date the hottest woman they can get. Sure, some may get jealous by the attention she's getting from other guys but they are not going to refuse to date her because of that. No doubt about it. When a guy tells you that you are not relationship material, it certainly isn't because you are "too perfect". On the contrary, there is something about your looks, personality and/or behavior that is a turn-off. Yessum.
ms.love Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 This post shows that women have no idea how men think. No man is going to reject you because he thinks you are too hot for him. Women invent this sh*t to make themselves feel better but the reality is that men absolutely would date the hottest woman they can get. Sure, some may get jealous by the attention she's getting from other guys but they are not going to refuse to date her because of that. When a guy tells you that you are not relationship material, it certainly isn't because you are "too perfect". On the contrary, there is something about your looks, personality and/or behavior that is a turn-off. No doubt about it. Yessum. Seriously, says you guys? When has she said anything to make herself feel better? I do not believe a man would date the hottest women because I think they would just use her for sex etc etc. Most men would be afraid to go out with a very hot women because they would constantly compare themselves to other men. In my opinion, from her posts she seems a very lovely, smart young women. I personally feel most men would be afraid to come across a women like this and would assume the usual status that comes from women put in certain categories. In her new posts the guy is trying to hard to get her attention and in my opinion has realized what he has lost.
KungFuJoe Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Overanalyzation. I remember that when I used to date. Eventually you learn that there are no rules and all you can do is be yourself and hope your partner does the same. To the op, your friend sounds like a decent guy and you should just accept that he just wants to be friends. Like others said, you just aren't "it" for him. I used to have a friend who was very attractive, very sweet, and very into me. But, I thought she was a bit too "good" for my tastes (I like my women "bad") and the fact that she was a virgin was a turn off. So I never returned her advances. I'm sure she ended up being the perfect girl for someone else (at least I hope so) but I respected her too much to be with her knowing I didn't see anything long term and perhaps that's what your friend sees too.
Snakechammah Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Being attractive isn't enough. Being 'Hot' does not guarantee you are wanted. But that is the very thing we seek - to be wanted by the person we want! First up, to confess liking a guy so directly is a surefire way of putting yourself up for rejection. Perhaps, for your future conquest, you may consider these tips? Guys love a little mystery. The more mysterious you are, the more they try to uncover your secrets. Don't EVER tell them how you feel about them - keep em' guessing. Be flirty one minute, be coy the next. Show it in your body language, never in your words. Most importantly, be confident. Let him come to you. Pull him closer with an underground current - make him want you. On the surface, let it seems like he is pursuing you, and not the other way around. Of course, it's all easier said than done. Lol. If you have your sights on this particular guy - give subtle hints. Play the role of an Enchantress - don't play the role of Friendly Ms Girl Next Door lets chitchat sometime... The point is you want to make them want you. The chitchats can come later, once you've got them hook, line and sinker. Make him notice you, subtlely make your presence known. In class when you see him, look at him. Force your beautiful eyes on him till he looks your way. Once you've had that eye-contact, smile coyly and turn away slowly. Flirt with your eyes and make him think, "WTF was that?" Do it again in the span of half an hour. Be confident but coy. Place yourself in his vicinity of sight everytime you have an opportunity. But don't look at him. Do your own things, talk to your own friends. Make sure your body language is open, keep your palms out, do not cross your arms, stand in a posture that highlights your curves (do not overdo it though, lol). Project confidence and inner strength. Send him come-hither thoughts indirectly. Remember if he doesn't take the bait - he's not worth it (or he's gay or married to which we don't want him do we?) Ultimately, the point is - we need to get the guy to come to you. Let him chat you up. Let him do the work. Let him WONDER about you - does she like me or not? - let him be sexually and emotionally aroused by you - without giving him ANY favours. Be expensive - that's all there is. Until HE confesses his love for you and you ultimately get what you want (a commitment, marriage proposal, bank account, etc, lol) then you are free to feed him what he wants. But always retain the mystery. And you'll have the upperhand. Too often, a girl gives away too much too soon and gets hurt by the guy. Why? Because you gave him the upperhand. He will stop adoring you once you show your weakness. First impressions last. Once it is ingrained in his system that he wants you, when love happens in the relationship, you can relax a little... but always remember to retain a little mystery. A present is most alluring when it is unopened. You can guess what is inside but you can never be sure. It is the excitement of discovery. Let him discover you and you keep his interest! Guys can't reject you if you don't ask. Your self-respect is retained.
xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I only read up to page 4, but however, seeing how you post-- you seem like a down to earth person..as to why these guys keep rejecting you, i think you need to make them work harder to earn your love and SET boundaries with men you like, aka this fool who rejected you and thinks its okay to kick you while you're down. men want strong women who can challenge them. don't be an attractive doormat. i would suggest not being his friend because he sounds like he has no respect for your feelings at all.
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