He rejected me! "I am really hot but not relationship material"

[joystickd]

whatever u say Jack

Its Joystick not Jack

[spiderowl]

I am sorry about this and how you must feel; rejection is painful even if, in retrospect, we realise that we had a narrow escape. There could be a million and one reasons why this happened, but it probably has nothing to do with your male friends - most guys simply want to be the one to attract you and are not easily put off by a girl having admirers.

 

There is a big age gap and he may feel it even if you do not. An age gap is the kind of thing that can make a guy feel OK about flirting and having fun but not committing themselves to someone for the long term. Yes, he could feel very attracted but know that your needs may change quite a lot in the coming years (because he's been there) and that it's not a good idea to tie you down now. He won't want to be the one to be rejected later when you realise what you've missed out on by committing yourself to someone older.

 

He could be physically attracted but not emotionally attached. It does happen. This is something that can change. I know a guy who often found himself physically attracted to women but, as he said himself, not emotionally. When he met his (to be) wife, the emotional side of it 'crept up on him'. It could also be that he wasn't entirely honest about feeling attracted to you, though if he was flirting heavily, it does suggest he was.

 

For some reason, you felt as if you had to make a move on him and declare your feelings. Had he not made any attempt to led you know how he felt about you? A guy who's seriously interested will do that, he will want you to know and want to know how you feel. He won't want to flirt and play; he'll take it a bit more seriously so he knows where he stands. There is nothing wrong with you declaring yourself to him, but it makes it too easy for a guy. If you do want him badly, back off, cool off, pay attention to other guys and forget about him. I don't mean go mad and flirt outrageously but just show him he wasn't the centre of your world. This gives him the space to find out what he's feeling. He may continue to be focused elsewhere, in which case forget him, but don't entertain him flirting with you either. You are not someone to be messed about like that. If he's interested, make sure he has to work to get your time and attention.

 

If you are mature and attractive, I'm sure once he realises you have lost interest in pursuing him, he'll start thinking twice about what he's turned down. Just make sure he doesn't get a second chance to hurt you and the you know he's committed before you take any more risks with him.

Edited May 27, 2012 by spiderowl

[Woggle]

I love how this guy rejects her nicely and some of the women here call him every name in the book. Men are allowed to say no as well.

[thezappa]

I am sorry about this and how you must feel; rejection is painful even if, in retrospect, we realise that we had a narrow escape. There could be a million and one reasons why this happened, but it probably has nothing to do with your male friends - most guys simply want to be the one to attract you and are not easily put off by a girl having admirers.

 

There is a big age gap and he may feel it even if you do not. An age gap is the kind of thing that can make a guy feel OK about flirting and having fun but not committing themselves to someone for the long term. Yes, he could feel very attracted but know that your needs may change quite a lot in the coming years (because he's been there) and that it's not a good idea to tie you down now. He won't want to be the one to be rejected later when you realise what you've missed out on by committing yourself to someone older.

 

He could be physically attracted but not emotionally attached. It does happen. This is something that can change. I know a guy who often found himself physically attracted to women but, as he said himself, not emotionally. When he met his (to be) wife, the emotional side of it 'crept up on him'. It could also be that he wasn't entirely honest about feeling attracted to you, though if he was flirting heavily, it does suggest he was.

 

For some reason, you felt as if you had to make a move on him and declare your feelings. Had he not made any attempt to led you know how he felt about you? A guy who's seriously interested will do that, he will want you to know and want to know how you feel. He won't want to flirt and play; he'll take it a bit more seriously so he knows where he stands. There is nothing wrong with you declaring yourself to him, but it makes it too easy for a guy. If you do want him badly, back off, cool off, pay attention to other guys and forget about him. I don't mean go mad and flirt outrageously but just show him he wasn't the centre of your world. This gives him the space to find out what he's feeling. He may continue to be focused elsewhere, in which case forget him, but don't entertain him flirting with you either. You are not someone to be messed about like that. If he's interested, make sure he has to work to get your time and attention.

 

If you are mature and attractive, I'm sure once he realises you have lost interest in pursuing him, he'll start thinking twice about what he's turned down. Just make sure he doesn't get a second chance to hurt you and the you know he's committed before you take any more risks with him.

 

Thank you all for your replies!!

 

We have been friends with each other for over a year now, I waited to tell him my feelings because I wanted to see if he did like me. He gave every sign that he was interested in me, all our friends really thought he liked me as much as I like him.

 

I have decided to just let it go, he has been sending me texts, music that he thinks we should play together etc. I would rather his friendship then nothing at all because he is a lovely man. I just need to get over my feelings for him.

 

It's ironic but it could simply be because you are hot. There is an old song that basically says if a man wants to be happy he should marry an ugly woman. I'm sure you have heard it at least once. Basically the ugly woman will more likely have a truly good personality and appreciate having a man, and so be less drama/trouble.

 

The song has a true ring to many men. I know men who specifically disregard thin conventionally attractive women for relationships and seek out bigger women. Not because they find them more attractive, but because they supposedly make for better girlfriends.

 

I am not a thin women. I have a hour glass, jessica Biel type body. I have to disagree that only ugly women can have a good personality and are drama free. In my experience this is not the case at all.

 

This is why hot girls (if in fact you really are) are the easiest girls to get, because they are the most insecure. Hell, she had to start a thread about it to garner empathy and reinforce her ego.

 

Learn how to use those insecurities and you are in. I kind of like this guy, she get's no empathy from me.

 

First off, I made a thread to get advice. Is that not what loveshack is for or was I mistaken?

 

It was also his words not mine when he said I was "hot" and "smokin' hot" and that I have a "fantasticly awesome personality".

I don't want an ego boost either and I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for advice as to why this keeps happening.

 

It is not my fault I am good looking or that you and others feel the need to think that every good looking, hot women is same with no personalty, no brain, only going for a**holes, never gets rejected (heck it's harder to find a man when you are good looking), that we are insecure so sleep around, whore, sleeps with all the guys.

 

I am none of these things, heck my major was in computer science!! So please stop putting me into this "hot" girl bi*ch stigma.

 

I wonder if I'm detecting a bit of feeling insulted from the op because she is hot & someone didn't want her.

 

I am not insulted, I was upset that a man I really like and have grown to know over the past while. Who's family I met, friends I met, still is asking me to play music with him and bring me to other states rejected me!

I really like him so it hurts, of course it hurts. I put myself out there and got shot down. He then felt he had to flirt more with me and tell me about another girl when I was down.

So no not insulted just kicked when I was down.

 

Believe it or not with some men it takes more than being hot to get them interested.

 

Again, I believe that too. I don't try to get anything in life just because of the way I look. Please read some of my other posts.

 

don't give him the time of day anymore, and watch him come crawling to you.

guys can't resist hot girls.

 

this happened to me before with some guy... he's just a puss, can't handle other guys looking, can't handle competition. and they always assume becuase youre hot, you must be whore. they rather average girls.

 

Perhaps you are right, still a bad way to be if you feel so insecure that you can't handle someone being looked at.

 

Again I will say I do not have as many male friends as you seem to be thinking, I know from experience that all they want is to get into my pants. Many nights of them ringing at all hours confessing their love.

So I keep my friends at a minimum, as I said before

 

"To those saying I have too many male friends, it could be a reason. I have about 10 male friends, some are gay and the others are in relationships with which I am good friends with all their girlfriends.

 

I do have more girl friends than male friends so I don't see how it could be a problem with any potential suitors."

Edited May 27, 2012 by thezappa

[ms.love]

Typical girl not woman talk. It just boils down to she thought she was hot sh*t and he let her know she won't worth a sh*t

 

In my opinion, you are being very judgmental, no one deserves to be rejected and then told about some other women while still being flirted with. I think a lot of hot looking women get burned by men because they just can't handle it or they want one thing and go out with some average looking women with a bit of personality. Also from what I have read, she doesn't seem to think she is hot sh*t and how does that make it right to make someone feel that they are "not worth a sh*t". No one deserves to be treated like that, how would you feel if you were in her shoes?

I guess you must have been burned by a good looking women but they are not all are the same. Maybe you should read all of the OP's posts in the thread. The OP sounds to be a genuinely nice, smart women. Not all good looking women are sluts or b*tches.

 

I am sorry to here this OP. From your previous posts it seems you really liked him.

 

In my opinion I think he doesn't want to ruin the friendship you have. Does he want to be in a band with you? It could boil down to that along with the age difference. At least he didn't try to make a move and then never see him again. Could you be ok with just a friendship?

 

The girl he is referring too could be also be the problem. Do you know how long he has known her? Maybe he wants what he can't have. You have said she is the same age as you so this guy must not see age as a problem.

 

My thoughts are, what is a 31 year old man doing still single and not in a relationship, I know I am in the same boat but decided against following going after him. Do you know if he has been in any serious relationships before? Maybe he has some commitment issues and rather than tell you that, he respects you enough to not let anything happen.

 

Just my thoughts! Hope you are alright.

[dasein]

He just started talking about some other girl who is relationship material that he likes, which hurt even more.

 

No idea why posters skipped over this, but here's the simple answer, he has his eye on someone else. He chose a rather inconsiderate way to tell you this, as the "not relationship material" was a needless insult. That he is continuing to flirt with you after he knows your feelings says very clearly that he doesn't care that he is leading you on.

 

Based on what is posted about this guy, I don't like him, he needlessly insulted OP and continues to throw out crumbs despite now knowing that there are one-sided feelings involved. This is not the sweet, wonderful man you seem to think he is. Women who use the LJBF line and then expect to have some lopsided platonic relationship entirely on their terms are behaving very badly when they do this and men who do it are just as bad.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

No I never saw him as a jerk, he is a friend for about a year now. He is considered a nice guy! Not all girls only go for jerks!

 

 

 

No I am not a slut, I wear classy clothes that cover me up. I don't do one night stands and I hardly go out because I don't have the money for that.

I do not drink a lot and I do not wear any make up.

 

 

 

So lets see:

 

You're "really, really hot"

 

You "do not wear any make up"

 

You "(don't seek attention from guys because you don't have to)"

 

You "(have a four-year college degree)"

 

and you have lots of male friends (who each want only to get into your pants - which is normal)

 

 

Sounds like you have all of the natural social resources anybody could ever want.

 

(which, I must remind myself {again and again and again} does not guarantee the holder much of anything)

 

 

I would say that because nearly all guys are well aware that the only reason men have any interest in 'friendship' with (women - not just you) is because their real interest is to get into their pants. With that in mind, it is quite likely that the decent guys who are (bold enough to even approach the likes of you ) might not think much of the male crowd in which you might immerse yourself.

 

In the same way that m-m-m-m-m-MOST women naturally pull-away from other male friends and suitors at such time as when they get serious with a boyfriend, maybe little old you could take the pro-active measure of reducing your male *connections* in the present so as to limit the obstacles and barriers to the very few men who are both 'good guys' AND who are daring enough to approach the likes of you.

 

In all fairness, I can perceive that social life isn't exactly a piece of cake, even to those who have all of the natural resources and appeal. BUT, in the same way, it would seem that the likes of you could somehow survive without neeeeeeeeeeeeding all of that male attention outside of any relationship avenues.

 

If you just stroll through a shopping mall in a brand-new-to-you city, you'll get lots of attention without doing a thing. To insulate yourself with scores of hangers-on would only serve to reduce the chance that any meaningful connections could be made there or anywhere.

[RedRobin]

I love how this guy rejects her nicely and some of the women here call him every name in the book. Men are allowed to say no as well.

 

He did not reject her nicely. Saying she is not relationship material shows zero accountability on his part. I say bullet dodged. I bet he has a hard time taking responsibility for all kinds of things... not just his emotional responses to things.

[Taramere]

What he is telling you is that he is very insecure. He is afraid that if you two are in a relationship other men will hit on you and he won't be able to handle that. He rather be in a relationship with a woman not all men will desire.

 

This sounds likely. After all, if a man finds a woman extremely hot and loves her personality...why wouldn't he want to have a relationship with her (assuming he was looking for a relationship)?

 

He's probably envisaging evenings in the pub where you're getting hit on every time he goes to the toilet or the bar, and not liking the idea of it.

[Sid6.7]

 

 

First off, I made a thread to get advice. Is that not what loveshack is for or was I mistaken?

From what I have gathered here you will get much more than that.

 

 

It was also his words not mine when he said I was "hot" and "smokin' hot" and that I have a "fantasticly awesome personality".

I don't want an ego boost either and I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for advice as to why this keeps happening.

It keeps happening because you allow it, and he knows it. This isn't his fault it's yours.

It is not my fault I am good looking or that you and others feel the need to think that every good looking, hot women is same with no personalty, no brain, only going for a**holes, never gets rejected (heck it's harder to find a man when you are good looking), that we are insecure so sleep around, whore, sleeps with all the guys.

I never said any of those things.

[RedRobin]

There are a few of us who have been forced to acknowledge (often the hard way) that we are above average in the looks department and that no.... alot of men who approach us don't give a rat's ass about our personalities.

 

Personally, I don't like thinking ill thoughts about men. I'm obliged to work with men and refuse to think that every single man who treats me kindly is out to f*ck me.

 

If that is how you feel about your own gender, men, that you have some issues to tackle. You yourselves and you amongst each other. Work it out dudes. I got bigger problems to deal with, frankly. Um, like living, breathing, going to work... blah blah.

 

If you prefer to let us so-called hot women manage your penis and emotional decisions for you, then so be it. I'd like to think you men are bigger than that. Fortunately for me, most of you are.

 

OP, if you really are above average in looks, these are issues you will have to learn to manage. Being an outlier is not all it is cracked up to be.... no matter which end of the spectrum it is.

[RedRobin]

It keeps happening because you allow it, and he knows it. This isn't his fault it's yours.

 

BS

 

Noone should be forced to live their lives in a f-ing closet because of how they were born. I don't care what they look like.

 

To read these posts, it sounds like the OP or any other objectively 'hot' person is supposed to wall themselves off from the rest of the world and purposely make themselves 'ugly' to satisfy other people.

 

Sure, there are rules about taste and decorum. There is nothing in the OP's posts that lead me to believe she is tasteless or indiscrete in her friendships.

 

I'd say the same thing if the OP were a man, by the way.

[Sid6.7]

BS

 

Noone should be forced to live their lives in a f-ing closet because of how they were born. I don't care what they look like.

 

To read these posts, it sounds like the OP or any other objectively 'hot' person is supposed to wall themselves off from the rest of the world and purposely make themselves 'ugly' to satisfy other people.

 

Sure, there are rules about taste and decorum. There is nothing in the OP's posts that lead me to believe she is tasteless or indiscrete in her friendships.

 

I'd say the same thing if the OP were a man, by the way.

 

I have no idea what that was all about.

 

It keeps happening because she allows it to happen. It's simple, stop allowing it! Put the foot down or leave! Find a better companion suitable for her needs and stop knuckling under. If she is in fact an attractive girl then this should be no sweat off her back. She should hold her head high with pride and simply end it. The grass is greener.

 

OP, don't put up with it go find someone else that is more compatible.

[RedRobin]

I have no idea what that was all about.

 

It keeps happening because she allows it to happen. It's simple, stop allowing it! Put the foot down or leave! Find a better companion suitable for her needs and stop knuckling under. If she is in fact an attractive girl then this should be no sweat off her back. She should hold her head high with pride and simply end it. The grass is greener.

 

OP, don't put up with it go find someone else that is more compatible.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by 'it' to happen. Men being attracted to her? Men being disingenuous?

 

These are not things she is in control over. She's not allowing 'it' to happen. These are choices those men are making, not her.

 

Her feelings about it are though. She sounds young and is trying to figure out how to get along in the world. Nothing wrong with that.

[kaylan]

Just being attractive and having a nice personality isnt enough. You need that "it" factor. And based on the guy or girl someone may be interested in, that "it" factor will be different.

 

Not everyone clicks relationship wise. I know plenty of women who are attractive and nice girls, but they arent who I want as a girlfriend. Relationships take a great deal of compatibility in my opinion. And I really need to spark and connect with someone to want to date her. Being hot and nice isnt enough.

 

And just because the guy said what he did to you doesnt mean you arent relationship material in general. It just means youre not the right girl for him. Hes a dummy for using such a poor choice of words. I would have simply told you "zappa....hun, your nice, we get along great, and I am attracted to you...but I just dont feel that spark with you and dont think we are compatible dating wise". Youll be fine OP. Just have to find dudes who click with ya.

 

Good luck OP.

Edited May 27, 2012 by kaylan

[Sid6.7]

I'm not sure what you mean by 'it' to happen. Men being attracted to her? Men being disingenuous?

 

These are not things she is in control over. She's not allowing 'it' to happen. These are choices those men are making, not her.

 

 

Jesus, 'It' as in his behavior. If she finds his behavior acceptable then that's on her, it's her fault for allowing this in her life. If she doesn't find it acceptable she can make the necessary steps to resolve it, up and to leaving.

 

She absolutely has control. She can leave if it unacceptable to her, she is never going to change his behavior and who he is.

[RedRobin]

Jesus, 'It' as in his behavior. If she finds his behavior acceptable then that's on her, it's her fault for allowing this in her life. If she doesn't find it acceptable she can make the necessary steps to resolve it, up and to leaving.

 

She absolutely has control. She can leave if it unacceptable to her, she is never going to change his behavior and who he is.

 

I'm not sure what you are talking about. She was trying to figure out why he'd say she wasn't 'relationship material'.

 

My guess is that he was projecting. He's not relationship material, and she keeps hanging around men who aren't relationship material who can't take responsibility for their own feelings.

 

He sounds like a jerk. If she is very good looking, this is something she will have to learn to manage though and learn to read the signs of insecure men earlier in her discussions with him.

 

Some men get very mean rather than accept they are just insecure with a very attractive woman.

[spiderowl]

It sounds to me like he's a guy who is used to being 'charming' and charming women. Consequently, they like him and get attached to him. He doesn't draw the line very well between those he should be flirting with and those who he needs to be more of a friend with. I would expect that quite a few women have had this problem with him. I know someone similar who flirts madly with women, asks them to go out to places with him, does everything one would interpret as 'chatting up' and then claims he only wanted friendship. I know a few women who've been hurt by this guy.

 

Don't assume it's anything wrong with you at all, OP. Everything you've said suggests there is no problem with you being attractive and interesting to guys - you just happen to have met someone who plays around and doesn't have clear boundaries. He was also rude, saying that about relationship material. Who is he to judge? Clearly, he's not the best judge of how to conduct relationships. I'm sure there are plenty of guys (who you've probably rejected yourself) who would be delighted to have a relationship with you.

 

Based on my experience of the guy I mentioned, I would suggest you cut this guy out. The guy I know messes women about. One minute he's all over them, flirting, then next he's rejecting them. He is not emotionally well balanced and others think he is bi-sexual (based on what he himself has said and his perpetual state of confusion over boundaries). Whatever the situation, the end result is the same, women being misled and hurt. Realise there's something up with the way this guy is behaving. If he wants to be a friend, he should behave like a friend and not flirt. Don't let him step over boundaries. You deserve more respect that this.

[wordrock]

You really need to stop having dozens of guy friends. It really is a turn-off to men.

 

It is a turn off to some men. Mostly those men are overly jealous or feel threatened by other men talking to their 'property'. It really depends on the character of the woman though. I've dated women who plainly were unable to have male friends that weren't exbf's, but I've also dated women who had many male friends that I felt no threat from, as the ones that attempted to jump that step got shot down pretty quick.

 

 

I know he doesn't speak for everyone but this does keep happening to me and I am unsure of how to deal with it. I am not at all cocky about how I look, I do get a lot of attention of men but it's not the attention I want.

 

Without knowing you personally, I can only assume it has to do with the type of men you go for. Perhaps you should reevaluate what it is you look for in a partner?

[darkmoon]

OP - are you any good at cooking? is your home untidy? do you openly reject motherhood as lifestyle? openly discuss pregnancy as gory? spend excessive amounts on beauty salon visits?

 

if a man wants a wife, any of the above might worry him

can't think what else it can be, i didn't make the rules up

sorry, baby xx

Edited June 1, 2012 by darkmoon

[wordrock]

There are a few of us who have been forced to acknowledge (often the hard way) that we are above average in the looks department and that no.... alot of men who approach us don't give a rat's ass about our personalities.

 

Personally, I don't like thinking ill thoughts about men. I'm obliged to work with men and refuse to think that every single man who treats me kindly is out to f*ck me.

 

If that is how you feel about your own gender, men, that you have some issues to tackle. You yourselves and you amongst each other. Work it out dudes. I got bigger problems to deal with, frankly. Um, like living, breathing, going to work... blah blah.

 

If you prefer to let us so-called hot women manage your penis and emotional decisions for you, then so be it. I'd like to think you men are bigger than that. Fortunately for me, most of you are.

 

I personally believe that most guys can admire a woman without simply wanting to use her as a sex toy. It seems to me that some extremely self centered people assume because they're so assured about what they want, everyone must feel the same way. Just because your voice is the the loudest and the most cynical doesn't mean you speak for everyone.

 

For myself, while there definitely needs to be physical attraction, a potential partner's personality is a huge deal. I've had enough problems in several short term and long term relationships to learn this. It's mostly the inexperienced and emotionally stunted guys who haven't figured this out.

 

she keeps hanging around men who aren't relationship material who can't take responsibility for their own feelings.

 

He sounds like a jerk. If she is very good looking, this is something she will have to learn to manage though and learn to read the signs of insecure men earlier in her discussions with him.

 

Some men get very mean rather than accept they are just insecure with a very attractive woman.

 

Completely concur. A lot of men respond to insecurity with general aceholery.

[ATrainofAngels]

Men usually have 2 different sets of things they're looking for

 

 

Sex - hot, seems like a freak in bed

 

 

Relationship - semi attractive, good in bed nice, intelligent, sweet, good at cooking/cleaning/other home duties, loyal, would be a good mom and good wife

 

 

Most men, myself included, would much much rather go out with the cute girl who is quality relationship material over the super hot one that is not

[Emilia]

Oh and regarding all of this, "you can't have all these guy friends", I don't agree with that unless you are a huge flirt.

 

Guys like having hot girlfriends and unless they are the jealous type aren't going to bother with it much. Having a hot girlfriend comes with the understanding that she is going to get hit on. That's only going to be a problem for insecure guys.

 

Plus, in a relationship it is assumed you will naturally hang out less with your friends and spend more time with your significant other. So I don't think that is necessarily the main factor going through this guys head. I think it's the age difference. Go for younger guys and stop torturing yourself.

 

Thank god for a voice of reason in this thread. I also agree that it's likely to be the age gap and/or the guy's insecurity. Don't close yourself off from your male friends OP just because some men have an issue with that. There are plenty of guys around who are not as controlling.

Edited June 1, 2012 by Emilia

[wordrock]

Thank god for a voice of reason in this thread. I also agree that it's likely to be the age gap and/or the guy's insecurity. Don't close yourself off from your male friends OP just because some men have an issue with that. There are plenty of guys around who are not as controlling.

 

Totally concur. If a person wants to change who you are and who your friends are, that person does not have your best interests at heart unless you happen to hang with rotten people. Making demands like such that aren't related to health or legal reasons is usually a sign you're dating a control freak or coward.

 

I can't agree with this completely. My wife and I have great chemistry and she's smokin hot in my eyes. Yet, thru life there have always been women I've thought were hot, but I wasn't attracted to them because there wasn't any chemistry.

 

As a handsome and fit man, I've got to agree to a point.This whole concept of 'hot' as discussed here is pretty juvenile... perceptions of beauty vary a great deal despite what you see on TV and in American film. The woman I'm seeing now, while gorgeous enough to do some modeling, isn't quite the ideal that you see in pop media. In fact a number of guys I know describe her as 'pretty but not all that'. Fine with me. I find her absolutely stunning.

 

Just thought of something else. OP, where are you meeting these guys? Maybe get a hobby or join a club you're interested in. Then you can meet men with a common interest. Then you can develop relationships based on your interests and not on your looks.

 

This is good advice OP. Again, I lean towards the idea that your taste in men might be question or you're leaving something else about yourself out.

[LittlePrince]

Hi all,

 

I have been in love with this man for over 8 months and finally last night after weighing up the pro's and con's of why I should not let him know I decided to do it!

 

Well as the title says, he rejected me. I am absolutely devastated because I really didn't think he would reject me, I waited until I was sure he liked me as more than a friend. He has been flirting with me non stop, all our friends thought he liked me but no I am the girl that is, "Really Hot with an amazing personality but not relationship material".

 

I get this a lot, they say I have everything going for me but i am not for them? I am sick of it! Worst is, he is there flirting with me after rejecting me, I have even met some of his family.

 

I don't know how to become the relationship material type and stop being just the hot girl with a good personality? Which obviously just isn't enough for a lot of people.

 

I feel so deflated right now.

This must be something guys do in another culture to keep bedding a woman without having to commit or you are acting too friendly around other guys to be worthy of commitment.