Author thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 Hey OP, is this the guy that is 10 years older than you that was in your class? Or is the guy you have a crush on much older than you? Because youre 23, and I know from experience that I couldnt be in a relationship with someone that is 23, its just too young. If your guy is older, this might be what he is thinking. But on the other hand, if he couldnt tell you why he doesnt see you as relationship material, he is hiding the real reason, and maybe that was an excuse and not the truth. It is the man from my class! I didn't ask much when he rejected me but I did ask about that and he said no because the other girl he likes is also 23 years old. To those saying I have too many male friends, it could be a reason. I have about 10 male friends, some are gay and the others are in relationships with which I am good friends with all their girlfriends. I do have more girl friends than male friends so I don't see how it could be a problem with any potential suitors. Again, I don't get with men at all so I can't see how he could see me as a slut. He does respect me as a friend and he knows that I am not a slut. I think the worst thing is people assume a good looking women is a b*tch and that we only go for "the bad boys" or that we are sluts. Maybe that is why I am not seen as a potential because of this stigma surrounding hot women.
Brit Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 He was being nice in letting you know that while he thinks you are hot, you two are not compatible in his eyes. While you are not relationship material to him, there will be someone at some point hopefully, you like, in which you are. Some men hang on to those, 'Oh too Old Shoes,' or 'Prehistoric T-shirts,' maybe you are out of his comfort zone and he just wants an, 'Old Shoes,' type gal.
TheFinalWord Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Hi all, I have been in love with this man for over 8 months and finally last night after weighing up the pro's and con's of why I should not let him know I decided to do it! Well as the title says, he rejected me. I am absolutely devastated because I really didn't think he would reject me, I waited until I was sure he liked me as more than a friend. He has been flirting with me non stop, all our friends thought he liked me but no I am the girl that is, "Really Hot with an amazing personality but not relationship material". I get this a lot, they say I have everything going for me but i am not for them? I am sick of it! Worst is, he is there flirting with me after rejecting me, I have even met some of his family. I don't know how to become the relationship material type and stop being just the hot girl with a good personality? Which obviously just isn't enough for a lot of people. I feel so deflated right now. First, you aren't in love with him. You may feel infatuation, but unless someone loves you back, it is not really love. Second, no matter how you diagnose this, you have to stop hanging out with him now. If the bit about the other girl is true, at best you are now a back-up. Third, I doubt that a guy in his 30s wants a 23 year old for a relationship. I call BS on that other girl, unless he is just going for sex. You may be hot, etc but as a guy in my 30s there is no way I would want a relationship with a 23 year old woman. I know you are mature, but women that age are not going to be able to provide the type of relationship an older guy needs. I've dated a 24 year old, I know You just don't have enough life experience yet. Nothing wrong with you, it's just the age difference. Do you often go for men that are much older than you? That is probably a lot of the problem. You should go for 26, maybe 27 max.
TheFinalWord Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Oh and regarding all of this, "you can't have all these guy friends", I don't agree with that unless you are a huge flirt. Guys like having hot girlfriends and unless they are the jealous type aren't going to bother with it much. Having a hot girlfriend comes with the understanding that she is going to get hit on. That's only going to be a problem for insecure guys. Plus, in a relationship it is assumed you will naturally hang out less with your friends and spend more time with your significant other. So I don't think that is necessarily the main factor going through this guys head. I think it's the age difference. Go for younger guys and stop torturing yourself. 1
Author thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 First, you aren't in love with him. You may feel infatuation, but unless someone loves you back, it is not really love. Second, no matter how you diagnose this, you have to stop hanging out with him now. If the bit about the other girl is true, at best you are now a back-up. Third, I doubt that a guy in his 30s wants a 23 year old for a relationship. I call BS on that other girl, unless he is just going for sex. You may be hot, etc but as a guy in my 30s there is no way I would want a relationship with a 23 year old woman. I know you are mature, but women that age are not going to be able to provide the type of relationship an older guy needs. I've dated a 24 year old, I know You just don't have enough life experience yet. Nothing wrong with you, it's just the age difference. Do you often go for men that are much older than you? That is probably a lot of the problem. You should go for 26, maybe 27 max. No I never go for older men, I only found out his age a while after knowing him. Good points, thank you for you're answer. You are most probably right!
joystickd Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Oh and regarding all of this, "you can't have all these guy friends", I don't agree with that unless you are a huge flirt. Guys like having hot girlfriends and unless they are the jealous type aren't going to bother with it much. Having a hot girlfriend comes with the understanding that she is going to get hit on. That's only going to be a problem for insecure guys. Plus, in a relationship it is assumed you will naturally hang out less with your friends and spend more time with your significant other. So I don't think that is necessarily the main factor going through this guys head. I think it's the age difference. Go for younger guys and stop torturing yourself. Too many suckers in the circle lead to a lot of drama. Its not about jealousy on that guys part because the only jealousy will be on the orbiter's part and they will be doing b**ch sh*t to make this guy's relationship a terrible one
TheFinalWord Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) No I never go for older men, I only found out his age a while after knowing him. Good points, thank you for you're answer. You are most probably right! Well I have dated a hot 24 year old. She was fun to hang with, had lots of guy friends, and it never bothered me. Good kisser too BTW I was 32 when I dated her. Her guy friends never made me jealous. But I never try to encapsulate women and tell them what they can and can't do. It's a free country, I figure if she wants to be with me she'll be with me, if not then not. It ended mainly because there was something missing. I had worked about 10 years and she was still in college. I just had so much more life experience, the differences in our perception of reality just caught up to us. There were a lot of life experiences I had that she had never had. I would try to explain things to her, but a lot of life experiences no one can explain you just have to go through yourself. It got to the point that it become too much to deal with. She couldn't relate to me in many fundamental ways any longer. We had insane physical chemistry though. Basically, I'm just telling you this b/c there is nothing wrong with you. It's natural to be attracted to an older guy. They have their acts together (usually) and exhibit a lot of fatherly qualities as well as being good looking still. So, what you are feeling is natural. This guy just knows it won't work in the long run so he's coming up with excuses. I think he probably likes you, but just knows that in the long run it won't work due to the age. Best thing you can do is break off the friendship with him. You're young. There will be many other men interested in you that will want you back Just keep being your fun, hot self and don't think there is anything wrong with you b/c one crush said "no". Edited May 26, 2012 by TheFinalWord 2
dispatch3d Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 lol she's allowed to be friends with guys. Don't date a guy that doesn't want you to have any friends. That seems like a flag. 1
joystickd Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 lol she's allowed to be friends with guys. Don't date a guy that doesn't want you to have any friends. That seems like a flag. If they are orbiters or she is one of those women where i have more male friends than women friends is a red flags. Male friends with women and women friends with men can be a source of drama.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 It's ironic but it could simply be because you are hot. There is an old song that basically says if a man wants to be happy he should marry an ugly woman. I'm sure you have heard it at least once. Basically the ugly woman will more likely have a truly good personality and appreciate having a man, and so be less drama/trouble. The song has a true ring to many men. I know men who specifically disregard thin conventionally attractive women for relationships and seek out bigger women. Not because they find them more attractive, but because they supposedly make for better girlfriends.
dizy Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I feel sorry for the guy. you seem like a very genuine and nice person with your own life based on what you are saying, and if on top of that you are hot then well good for you. I completely disagree with all the guys who say that you should stop having too many male friends because some guys might feel threaten. Since when are we responsible for other people's insecurities? I wouldn't take it personal if I were you. i mean people have different definition of what "relationship material" should be like. I wouldn't see someone who flirt too much as relationship material just as most people who replied here. thats probably why they say that maybe you are dressing or behaving in a suggestive way. But people have different definitions: some wouldn't see themselves dating boring or too proper people, some wouldn't date people with strong characters (I get that a lot =p but well we stay who we are as long as we are happy that way) and some consider independence as a turn off There is also the possibility that he wasn't being very honest, i mean not "relationship material" is a very simple and common reason that most people would use, they can't themselves with you because XXXXXXX (insert the reason here) which makes you not a "relationship material" I mean I was flirting intensely with a guy(I was very into him until i got to know him more) but if he asks me out, I would reject him and give him the same reason "I don't feel like you are relationship material" what i really mean? well... he has hygiene problems and I dont see myself in a relationship with him 1
phineas Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I wonder if I'm detecting a bit of feeling insulted from the op because she is hot & someone didn't want her.
phineas Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 If they are orbiters or she is one of those women where i have more male friends than women friends is a red flags. Male friends with women and women friends with men can be a source of drama. Been there. It's downright painful to watch an orbiter try to show me up in front of his crush. I felt embarrassed for the dude. Also, I felt turned off by the woman. I mean, she was fricken 40 & so was the guy & their acting like it's fricken high school. But she always said they were friends but wanted more & they knew better than to try anything on her. Friends that worked on her house, car, bought her gifts, ect. I don't think I even bought her dinner & was tapping it. Yeah, ummm once I saw what was going on I got out of that situation mighty quick. I was not dealing with a nice person.
mortensorchid Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. Take comfort in the fact that you are not the first to have been rejected for whatever reason. He doesn't deserve you, he deserves someone less. Getting burned builds character if nothing else. You (and he) will know better next time.
Sid6.7 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 This is why hot girls (if in fact you really are) are the easiest girls to get, because they are the most insecure. Hell, she had to start a thread about it to garner empathy and reinforce her ego. Learn how to use those insecurities and you are in. I kind of like this guy, she get's no empathy from me.
joystickd Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Did you ever think that it may be the age gap? It wasn't age gap. He just wasn't going to be her sucker.
Woggle Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Believe it or not with some men it takes more than being hot to get them interested. 1
lino Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I picked up on that line also. Knowing you are "hot" and being a guy I can say your guy friends want to sleep with you. Hell, the guy who said you weren't relationship material would probably sleep with you if it was no strings attached. A hot woman with a a lot of guy friends she hangs out with is a red flag to me & I won't get serious with a woman like that. Even if I were to somehow know she wasn't sleeping with these guys 100% I know for a fact they will still interfere with our relationship because THEY are holding a torch for her, consider me the enemy & try to compete with me & show me up in some way & the whole things is just rather childish and plain old damn annoying. I just have better ways to spend my time. This is it in a nutshell. Couldn't have said it any better. Make more female friends. Any relationship minded guy wont want anything serious with a woman who has 90% male 'friends ' I've learnt it the hard way & won't ever do it again.
lino Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Believe it or not with some men it takes more than being hot to get them interested. Well she said she has a 'great personality ' too so perhaps we should take her word for it.
nessaaa Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 don't give him the time of day anymore, and watch him come crawling to you. guys can't resist hot girls. this happened to me before with some guy... he's just a puss, can't handle other guys looking, can't handle competition. and they always assume becuase youre hot, you must be whore. they rather average girls. 5
joystickd Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 don't give him the time of day anymore, and watch him come crawling to you. guys can't resist hot girls. this happened to me before with some guy... he's just a puss, can't handle other guys looking, can't handle competition. and they always assume becuase youre hot, you must be whore. they rather average girls. Typical girl not woman talk. It just boils down to she thought she was hot sh*t and he let her know she won't worth a sh*t
nessaaa Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Typical girl not woman talk. It just boils down to she thought she was hot sh*t and he let her know she won't worth a sh*t or maybe he's too insecure for a hot chick. 1
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