ebi381 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 First off hi everyone, this is my first post! i usually dont go online for relationship advice but im an emotional wreck right now here is my story so far; [fair warning im actually writing a bunch of extra details because i just need to get it out i guess] been working at this restaurant for around a year and a half. around 4 months in this girl starts working there, i thought she was pretty but i wasnt instantly in 'i have to make her mine mode'. so after getting to know her i started liking her alot, at first just as a colleague, then more and more. thing is, she is the opposite of the girls i usually go for, posh bold charismatic girls. she is shy, ridiculously sweet and kind hearted, affectionate as hell, not to mention one of the most naturally beautiful girls i've ever seen! anyway it turned out she had a boyfriend, bad times. BUT we always had this underlying thing, of course i tried not to do anything obvious out of respect for her man. saying that i may have pointed out the cracks in their relationship and allowed it to run its natural course, albeit faster. in the time she was going out with her boyfriend we hung out often during work or work night outs etc. and i kept falling for her even more each time. fast forward a few months and she has broken up with her man and im still in the running, i play my cards right and i could tell she liked me more. about 3-4 weeks ago i had got to the point that i woke up and went to bed thinking of her. ive never liked a girl so much without getting any notable return, in fact i doubt i've ever felt like this before. so i meet her for lunch, which turns into drinks, that leads onto dinner all the while we are getting pretty intimate. the whole time we have this back and forth talk about liking someone etc. pretty much beating around the bush about me liking her and her liking me. she just wanted me to say it essentially. so i do, i tell her i really like her, so far so good. or so i thought... she says she likes me, it was obvious it wasnt as much as i liked her. that felt a little bad but it was more to do with the fact that she was only a few months out of her last relationship. it may seem like i showed my hand a bit early but the timing was spot on, well i thought so anyway . i tell her that i didnt expect anything from her right now and then we kissed (good times!) all in all i felt pretty positive. fast forward to last night. we were out with a bunch of friends drinking etc. and again we got pretty close and i really wanted to kiss her, apparently it was obvious lol, she asked me what i was thinking and i said exactly that. we kissed and it was pretty passionate i guess. the conversation of "us" came about, which i was hoping for because i really needed some sort of indication as to if this actually something more than a one sided affair. she said she really liked me, and that she was attracted to me, BUT:( ... she couldnt see herself as my girlfriend or us together. I've hears similar things before but i swear to god, i've never felt that awful in my life. outwardly i was pretty composed not wanting to mess up my chance, if i actually have one. she said she couldnt see herself with anyone anytime soon and i said i didnt want her to jump into a relationship with me, just to tell me if there could ever be a chance of us being together. she said she couldnt see a future, or something like that (in all honesty i hardly heard half of anything after she said she didnt see an 'us'). anyway i managed to save face and make it as if i wasnt completely destroyed, i made it through the night pretending i had a good time. they all went to an after party, luckily i had the excuse of working early so i left the gang and decided to go home. there was one other time when a relationship situation has made me cry, im sort of disappointed in myself for it if im being honest, but i walked the 1 and a half journey with a heavy heart and all welled up. I need to know if i should keep up what ive been doing and maybe she is just being a bit pessimistic about the situation because the old relationship is still fresh. or is she trying to say in a nice way that, i dont do it for her and that i should move on but still be friends. although i think this would be torture. or i should man the hell up and try and move on with my life even though i think im in love with her.
dasein Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Welcome to the forum. First off, good job on expressing interest in a manly way and not hanging around forever trying to weasel a relationship out of a friendship. You did things the right way by putting your cards on the table. I know you feel bad right now, but don't beat yourself up. You did well, and will realize this in time. In your shoes, I would be friendly and light at work, maybe even a bit flirty, but start developing a different set of options than work for your social life, Don't call, text her anything outside work, just move on and get yourself some options. Let your social life be something of a mystery to her. Odds are she isn't going to do an about face after what she said, you probably already realize that. Who knows what the future holds though? Have had women blow me off then suddenly turn on a dime. The key is removing yourself from their lives in a subtle way while building visible options for yourself. If this one knows you are out getting other options, there's a chance, a small one, that she could come around. Good luck.
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