kitana2010 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'm hoping I found a safe place where I won't be judged.. I feel like garbage as it is.. I'm married and am "**** buddies" with a co-worker of mine (who has a GF who's 8 months pregnant). It started because neither of us are sexually satisified at home. My husband is.. small, and out of shape (so things get boring, and yes - I've tried spicing things up, he isn't intersted). Anyways, for the first month - things were great. It was very easy separating the emotions (work, friends, lovers) but lately.. he's been getting weird. These last few days he's been constantly comparing me to his gf (either directly, or indirectly.) He'll say things like "My GF laughed at that joke so hard" and today for example, he told me he had a sex dream about me and his GF took care of the erection I gave him. Why is he doing this? Is he trying to make me jealous? He's not - he's making me angry for complicating things. He's also been (what I feel is) using me. Asking me to borrow money (he IS broke, I don't doubt that) and wanting to come along on BBQ's but not having a park pass (so I bought him one.. it was only $5 but still). In all fairness, he has given me rides home when I needed it (and stayed in the friends-only zone) He'll text me a lot when he's at home with her. Sometimes sexual (very) and other times just friendly. I just don't get it.. I'm going to call it off (if I build up the nerve.. I want to call it off) but why is he acting like this? WHY does he WANT me to be jealous? I did ask him, and he said "Just to see how you'd feel" Is he getting off playing games with me? I dont want to lose him as a friend (he is a good friend) but I'm getting the feeling he isn't interested in being friends at all, he's just using me for sex.. which.. I'm using him too but ugh.. this is getting so complicated! Any advice please
pteromom Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Sounds like he's having a hard time dealing with the guilt he feels for cheating on his girlfriend. I would call it off. And I would DEFINITELY quit giving him money. 2
MissBee Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Sounds like he's having a hard time dealing with the guilt he feels for cheating on his girlfriend. I would call it off. And I would DEFINITELY quit giving him money. Ditto. So many times we try to "stay friends" with people who are not that great of friends anyway. He doesn't sound like it. Giving you a ride home and going places without money then expecting you to pay are very different things. If you feel like he is using you...he most likely is. I'd definitely call it off too, as it has gotten to a point where it sounds like more drama than what you bargained for. I agree that he may be feeling guilt and that's his way of expressing it by injecting her into the mix. Don't know why he would try to make you jealous...but if that is the case, it's not for a good reason I'm sure. So yea...I'd drop this situation quickly and leave him and his pregnant girlfriend to their lives.
Emme Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 He's also been (what I feel is) using me. Asking me to borrow money (he IS broke, I don't doubt that) and wanting to come along on BBQ's but not having a park pass (so I bought him one.. it was only $5 but still). In all fairness, he has given me rides home when I needed it (and stayed in the friends-only zone) HELL TO THE NO! You are giving him money... borrow - give... same thing. Stop. He's getting you for free and vice versa there is no exchange of funds. He's an ass. Friend or no friend... he's an ass. Your at fault for allowing him to tell you or comment about his life. Next time he opens his mouth... cut him off. With a straight face, not a nice sweet smile and a chuckle... a mean face, say these words... "I don't want to hear about your business, keep it to yourself." End of! He feels he can do it because you allow it. Don't act like you don't know how to put someone in their place when they make you feel uncomfortable. That's on you. His woman is 8 months pregnant. Please don't have sex with him until the child is born. Just please do that. Keep your DNA away from her unborn child. You seem confused about your emotions. If jealousy is beginning to become a part of your situation it's time to reevaluate. If you are catching feelings be honest with yourself. If you deny those emotions it will only hurt you in the end. I see no guilt.
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I'm married and am "**** buddies" with a co-worker of mine (who has a GF who's 8 months pregnant). A man who cheats on his girlfriend who is pregnant with their child is an immature and selfish man. Sorry, not judging you but his behaviour is absolutely diguisting! What do you see in him?? LOOK at how he's treating the mother of his soon to be child, why would he treat you with love and respect, or care and honesty? He is horny because his gf is EIGHT months pregnant and this is how he thanks her?? WTF. The guy is a player and I highly doubt you've been his first lay since his gf got pregnant..or even his first at all..I bet he's been cheating on her for a long time. Does he know he can pass along an STD to not only his gf but to his child as well?? END IT and forget him. And, get yourself tested asap. Your husband (if you have had sex with him since the A started) needs to go get checked as well. He is playing you though, it's called the cat and mouse game. you react, then he backs off.. He likes the ego feed and he also is letting you know in his own way NOT to fall for him (eg bringing up his gf and comparing you two). What about your husband in all this? Why don't you just divorce him since it seems you don't care or love him anymore.
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 The money thing? He is not broke. No way..He's using you and manipulating you. NO WAY is this guy broke. END IT and run. Ask yourself what it is you see in this guy as he is scummy.
SoMovinOn Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Anything I can offer would only be a guess, as there are several possibilities (some already covered in other responses). He may be emotionally immature - maybe just a step or two ahead of the little boy who trips or hits the little girl because he likes her. He may have difficulty expressing is feelings and/or reading the feelings of others. He plays he's "games" because it's the only way he can figure out to get an idea of how you feel. Whatever the case, it doesn't sound like a good relationship for you. You expressed feelings of wanting to get out, so I'm sure you already know that. However difficult it may seem, getting out is probably your best choice. 1
Radagast Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Your post is full of frustration and resentment. This arrangement is no longer working for you. Why not walk away before it becomes even fuller of resentment and frustration? Sure, he's a friend, but sometimes even friends need time out when things are not working out for one or both of them. You can get your needs met elsewhere, without the overhead of frustration or resentment. You already have a marriage that leaves you unsatisfied, why add another relationship that does the same? He's supposed to be helping you out not making things worse for you.
wellwhynot Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I think you have received some good advice here, namely listen to what your heart and mind are telling you. If you don't want to be there, don't be there. Honestly, you'd be better off with some good toys to relieve your frustration than being in an arrangement where he is trying to manipulate you that way. Please don't give him anymore money, he sounds like he may fall into the toxic friend category and you are only going to continue to feel used. Good luck! 1
Alexanda Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Well when you are in friends with benefits relationship thats what it is: sex. You two are using each other for sex. Just leave that guy alone and there is no way you two can be just friends after having a fling.
allgoodhere Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I love this because it is diplomatic, non judgemental, and as kind as possible. Anything I can offer would only be a guess, as there are several possibilities (some already covered in other responses). He may be emotionally immature - maybe just a step or two ahead of the little boy who trips or hits the little girl because he likes her. He may have difficulty expressing is feelings and/or reading the feelings of others. He plays he's "games" because it's the only way he can figure out to get an idea of how you feel. Whatever the case, it doesn't sound like a good relationship for you. You expressed feelings of wanting to get out, so I'm sure you already know that. However difficult it may seem, getting out is probably your best choice.
skywriter Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Kitana, This guy is not a good friend, despite what you believe. I can understand that it's probably easier for you to believe he is. Friends, care about how you feel and don't deliberatly say things to make you insecure. He sounds very self absorbed and even more immature. I hope you will ditch this loser and concentrate on your marriage issues and not cheating on your H.
watergirl12 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Affairs happen most when men's partners are pregnant.
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