Dating, getting attached early, ?

[rekinom]

hey folks-

 

brand new here, but i realized i really need a lot of advice and getting it from a lot of people seems to be more useful than getting it from a few. anyway, let me give you some background:

 

20 years old, was dating a girl who was almost 18(didn't end up working out and it was naive of me to think it would , but thats not really where my problem lies now). in the beginning of that relationship, i was a wreck. I'd never really felt like it before (in fact, i rarely wanted to do anything at all with girls i was dating a few years back), but this time around i felt like i was going to die without her for the first couple of weeks. I got a lot better at it, and when we broke up (only lasted 2 months) I was actually ok, but only because.....

 

I have another girl that i actually started talking to while dating this first girl. (well, i sort of just handed her my number and she called and we started talking), so I wasn't too broken up about losing the first girl. it still sucked because it was really abrupt, but i got by just fine.

 

 

my problem is this: now with this girl i feel like i'm almost right back where i started. not like physically sick to a point that i can't do anything when i'm not with her, but still feel kind of ****ty if i'm not always getting the response i want. It's like i need constant reassurance that she is really into me, etc etc. maybe some of you guys can let me know what you think about it? here are the facts:

 

-only seen each other 3 times so far (yeah, i know, thats why the title includes "getting attached early")

-she is more receptive to me than the first girl and maybe slightly more comfortable (tbh, i was the first girl's first boyfriend and i think this girl is fairly inexperienced as far as relationships go as well)

-i've met her parents already and they seem to like me pretty well (i took the fact that she introduced me the second time i saw her as a good thing)

-she has always suggested that we do more than initially had planned for the day (for example, go out to dinner then she suggested movies at her house)

-talks to her friends about me, was going to have one meet me the other night but she couldn't make it

 

 

these are a few of the things i consider positives, or signs that she is into me, but for some reason i'm paranoid enough that the littlest things can make me think she isn't interested at all. Like I said, i'm not nearly as needy now as even 2 months ago, and even if we stopped talking forever tomorrow for whatever reason i could handle it. but i still feel like I always want to know that she is thinking about me, or wants to spend a ton of time with me, or whatever.

 

i guess its because i feel like i lose a lot if I lose her- which is the same way i felt with the first girl. I don't have too much other stuff that I am passionate about (no other girls i'm interested in right now, not too many friends, etc), so i want to dedicate my time to a lasting relationship. I feel like i'm ready to just jump into something- which may seem absurd, but if i change how i feel a few months from now, so be it- i'll deal with it then.

 

to give you an example of how paranoid i am:

 

shes gone this weekend so i wont see her, but she even mentioned me coming with her to where she was going when we were talking about it. I can't, because i have work, so i wont see her for at least 3 days. anyway, she generally always texts me back almost immediately when i text (just texted her saying have fun and i'll be excited when you get back) and she has said nothing back for almost 5 hours. even when i last saw her (a few days ago), everything went great and she said we'll see each other when she is back, etc etc. but just because of the fact that i sent this text today and she hasn't said anything back i feel like she has just lost all her interest and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

 

yeah, even i know it sounds absurd- but i'm just so afraid of losing what i have. I want to make all the right moves right NOW so it can turn into something lasting, because i really do like her a lot, so I read into every little thing. I'm really good at coming off super confident and awesome when i'm around her or other girls, but when i'm alone its different.

 

 

I could probably write a novel just out of the thought i've put into my situation- i don't really know what i'm looking for. Reassurance that everything is fine? things point to that she is into me and that we're on the right track, but in the back of my head i'm always doubting everything.

 

 

any/all responses are appreciated. thanks for reading.

 

rekinom

[rubberduck]

I'm like that and I'm married! LOL! I think it might be because I have anxiety and BPD, but the constant reassurance thing I get 100%. I can't offer any advice as I can't even help myself with that one, but at least you know you're not alone in that everything will be fine! x

[goldengirl11]

Also, say you'd been on a few dates with a man and then had sex (on the one occasion) and were still regularly texting say, would it then be a relationship or only if you had talked re exclusivity? Perhaps it varies from different expectations though. P.S. This is similar of what happened to me but he acted like he was doing nothing wrong when he started dating someone else (after we'd got intimate) and then gave me the option to be friends! Like a fool though, I stuck around.

Edited May 25, 2012 by goldengirl11

[rekinom]

in part maybe it is because of anxiety...the last thing i want to have happen is feel like i'm alone. i just want to understand why i wasn't like this with girls a few years ago and now i am.