I know this has been asked before but is this different or am I fooling myself?

[lilacbear]

So the new age invention of friends with benefits is what this question is based upon. The guy has been a close friend for almost 6 years, in this time he has been married and recently separated but this started a long time ago when we were working together. I informed him that I liked him and was told that we should just be friends, I allowed myself to get a little caught up in some naughty texts he sent me and even agreed once (when I was drunk) but he said he was just messing & enjoyed teasing. Then he met his gf & often continued with said texts but I tended to ignore them, change subject or tell him to grow up and concentrate on his gf/fiancée/wife (whatever was going on at the time).

 

Having recently split with his wife, I received a text talking more and more of the stuff he has been spouting for 5 years (on and off). This time though, I am called gorgeous and was told he has always eyed me up but was too shy when we worked together as we always saw each other, he said he wants to please me (and only does that for someone he likes apparently) but goes on to say just because it is sex doesn't mean it'll change anything. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I am worried of getting hurt as I have read up on this kinda thing (FWB or his interpretation of it) and due to the fact some of my past relationships haven't been what I wanted, I know I want something real the next time I commit, which leaves me open to the hurt he says he won't cause. I even told him this but was told it was just fun and where is the harm in pleasing each other.

 

I feel like he is saying anything to get me to agree to it and even when I tell him I am quite certain we should just be friends, I am being made to feel quite boring and old fashioned as well as quite old and lonely (I am only 31) which then makes me wonder if I should give it a go. Am I being boring? Should I just go for it or am I right to consider how it would make me feel? I know it sounds like a silly question but I need to know! Any advice is good advice for me right now, his back and forth antics have confused me one too many times. I don't want to lose him as a friend but at the same time, I don't want his casual entertainment. What should I do?

[pteromom]

when I tell him I am quite certain we should just be friends, I am being made to feel quite boring and old fashioned as well as quite old and lonely (I am only 31) which then makes me wonder if I should give it a go. Am I being boring? Should I just go for it or am I right to consider how it would make me feel?

 

No, you aren't being BORING.

 

You are being SMART.

 

No, you shouldn't do it.

 

You know yourself, and know a FWB situation isn't right for you.

 

If that is "boring and old fashioned" to him, he is welcome to his opinion.

 

You be true to yourself and don't let him pressure you into something you don't want.

[pteromom]

Tell him NO, that you aren't interested in being more than friends, and ignore/delete any sexually-based texts from him. Quit interacting with him on a sexual level at all.

[d'Arthez]

He is just looking for a replacement lay. And he is trying to manipulate you to agree to his terms. Obviously you have your doubts, so no reason for you to agree. I'd tell him you are not interested, and if he keeps pestering you, to even sever all "friendly" ties with him.

[lilacbear]

Thanks for the advice, I am going to follow my head and heart and tell him I ain't interested and he can't push me to it.