Can long distance really work?

[k100danny]

I will give you a brief description of my situation.

 

I have been with my girlfriend just over 6 months, she told me when we started seeing each other that she planned to go away for the summer and travel italy, this was before we got serious, now we do argue a bit and are quite stubborn but for the most part we get along great, we have had our ups and down and questioned wether our relationship will work a few times but its never actually felt like its ending.

 

anyway around a month ago she was offered a job in italy where she wanted to travel and plans on staying there (it isnt a paid job but a good location to travel from on days off and free room and food ect working with horses which is what she loves) I always knew she was going away and ive never trusted anyone so much as her and felt so secure in a relationship even through the bad times. so I was supportive and tried to help her with her plans, looking up routes, ordering things she needs online ect just little things really but being supportive, around 10 days before she was due to leave we have an argument, basically i fly off the handle at something which i shouldnt have and i think maybe it was because i didnt want her to leave. I would never ask her to stay as i dont think i have a right and she could end up resenting me in the future but she did say that if it meant she would lose me she would stay. I think having the argument so close to us leaving and it being probably the worst argument so far took the shine off things. I want us too feel close but I don't feel close at all, she leaves on sunday evening for around 3 months although she didnt want to put a time frame on how long she was away i said i kind of needed to know some sort of plan.

 

I feel like im kind of being abandoned now, ive put a lot of time and effort into the relationship, ive treat her well and tried to be as supportive as possible, Basically i would do anything i could for her, she wants me to leave with her but i cant. i own a company here and travelling isnt really my thing, i like seeing new paces a week to two weeks at a time on holidays but backpacking i couldnt do.

 

She said she would like us to stay together but understands if i cant handle it and she understands that i feel angry that she is leaving. I am not angry at her as she told me all along i just feel that travelling is better than being with me, wether feeling this way is right or not. I think it would be hard not to feel rejected in this situation.

 

Do you think you can survive 3 months apart, is the fact that she wants to move away for 3 months a sign that she doesnt value our relationship and she isnt thinking of me aswell? I have told her to be honest with me and be honest with herself about what she wants as its whats best for both of us. I asked if she imagined being with me in the future ect and she said yes but she knows if she doesnt do this she will regret it and if we are meant to be then it will survive (i tend to be more of a realist and say that even if you love someone, without contact as much it can fade and you can fall for someone else you see everyday)

 

Im just looking for an outside opinion really as im right in the middle and probably only see things from my side, I dont think i would want to leave someone i loved, maybe she is doing this because she planned on doing it when she was younger and got into a relationship that wasnt happy and lasted 4 years and she feels she wouldnt give that up for someone again. any opinions welcome. thanks

[ladyabstrused]

Well I guess she just thinks differently than you do. And she's probably really being honest about what she wants. She wants that job in Italy and she wants to stay there. It also seems as though she doesn't quite care how it's affecting you though.

 

So you're saying the 3 months is not a confirmed amount of time? She could be staying there longer? I know I don't like such vagueness. You really would need to talk to her more. Maybe you could tell her how it's affecting you (if she doesn't realise it) and what you're worried about and why.

 

I'm thinking if she cares any bit, she would react one way or another and try to work something out with you.

[monca1702]

In my humble opinion 3 months is nothing.. Nothing too worry about because its not an extremely long time. if you really love each other you can both wait. I met my boyrfriend while i was on erasmus in ireland. now that im back home in Malta, we dont see each other as often as we'd like since we're both still studying. sometimes 3 months do go by but then the 2 weeks we're together are more than worth it! we still have another year of university to come, each of us in his own country, meeting at the most 4 or 5 times in a year. but we're not giving up. and neither should you!