MartinAkky Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 First of all, I'd like to say this is my first post but have been roaming these forums since the break up. First of all, a little relationship history. A year ago I met my ex over Facebook, because we had a mutual friend. We started talking and got along really well. She was going through a rough time in her life with cancer, and I was the only person there for her througout all of it. We eventually started flirting over text and we were constantly texting each other, must have sent over 1000 texts to each other in 2 days. Right, we always wanted to meet since we started talking, but the day we did actually meet was the day I asked her out. This is because we had grown to know each other so much and grown to love each other, it felt like the best thing. We were dating for 7 months, and everything was absolutely amazing. No arguements, her family loved me, mine loved her, I bought her things, she bought me things, We just never had any faults with each other. Until she hit depression. She told me she had become depressed again and I understood. I knew things would be harder now, but we worked through it. Then one day in town we had met up and she ended it. She said She still loves me with all her heart, but the depression, cancer (which has been treated succesffully), family problems and her parents breaking up was all too much, and she couldn't do a relationship right now. I was devastated. She was with friends, and I tried to talk to her one last time but the only reply I got was "I'm sorry nothing you can say can change this." So I left it for a few days. I contacted her again and she said "I'm sorry I need space to think, I dont know what I actually want right now, please leave me alone." So I left her alone again. A week later I contacted her again to see how she was, she still didn't feel like she could talk to me, saying "we just broke up, I can't do this right now." Note it's only me she won't talk to, everyone else she's okay with. Then another week passed. I couldn't take this anymore. I had to know what was going on. I know what comes next was a bad move for a few reasons. I had started to write a massive email detailing how I loved her, if she could just tell me the situation, how she felt etc. I sent it. Her reply was along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel this way I really do but i'm still depressed and I don't have feelings for you anymore. I'm really sorry I didn't want it to end like this. I don't love you." So I got insensitive and started saying things like "I understand but we can still make this work, we will get through this". She kept denying it saying "No we can never start again, I have no feelings for you at all, I don't even fancy you anymore, I don't want to start again. I can't be friends, just move on." So I pushed it and made her not want to talk to me at all. I regret this. So really my question is, is her depression clouding her judgement? I still think she loves me, because she posts songs we used to listen to and love songs all over her social networking, but she won't talk to me at all. Before the depression there was no signs of a break up at all. Is the depression making her think she doesn't love me? Or does she really have no feelings left for me at all? I'm going to see her soon so we can do this face to face. I know there's still something there, I just don't know what to do anymore.
Author MartinAkky Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Update: Okay I spoke to her and she said "I'm sorry there is absolutely nothing left feeling for you now. I'm sorry." I asked if being frineds was an option she said "Yes, but it's too soon." It's been 3 weeks and I'm worrying that, left longer seh'll just forget about me, even though she said she wouldn't. I still know for a fact she has feelings for me, but depression and her friends just make her forget about me. In 2-3 weeks I'm going to send her a subtle message again, see if we can be friends. If that works i'm going to visit her. I know she said she misses me, but in that time she could miss me even more and possibly get that spark back? If she's not moved on by then.
blotter Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Bro just stop. Just stop. What more do you need to hear than this: "No we can never start again, I have no feelings for you at all, I don't even fancy you anymore, I don't want to start again. I can't be friends, just move on." Anytime you get fantasies in your head about getting back together with her re-read that line over and over. It's over. It's not her depression or her friends that are convincing her not to see you, she is saying those things to let you down easy and not hurt your feelings. Best to go No Contact and start to move on before you make yourself look any more desperate and pathetic.
Chi townD Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 dude, when a girl tells you that she doesn't love you. It's time to listen. Find a girl that WILL love you. Believe me, she's out there somewhere.
Savage4 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Sorry for your situation Martin. I don't understand how or why it has to happen but people can fall out of love in a relatively short amount of time, and it probably has nothing to do with their significant other. It happens all the time and the stress and depression they are under definitely plays a major role. The relationship just adds to the stress and there is nothing you can do to stop that. The depression is not making her say that she doesn't love you. She is telling you the truth and you should be thankful she was honest with you instead of deceiving you. It hurts so much when you just want to talk with them and work through it, but in reality the only thing that will help is your absence from their life. I know you just want a definite answer and she gave you all she can give you. Do not contact her in two or three weeks! That is not enough time for you to heal and be friends with her... I know it's not what you want to hear but it is what you need to do to move on. You need to start focusing on yourself now. She doesn't need you to help her work through her problems and if she did she wouldn't have left you in the first place. It will probably take you many months to lose feelings for her so that's how long you need to go before you contact her again to be friends. When you don't want to be with her anymore and don't have any feelings good or bad towards her... that's when you'll be ready.
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