TheFinalWord Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 thx bro.. i guess you're right. She's got issues that i filter out because i'm so infatuated. It's just i've never felt such a mixture of emotions before. Feeling so much hurt and resentment for her, yet knowing that if she would take me i'd jump at the opportunity. It feels like i'm insane. I wish I could be friendly to her like I was before, though. not only because i really enjoyed being her friend before she started the flirting, but i feel like a real man wouldn't let these emotions affect his behavior and cause him to act cold and passive aggressive. Don't beat yourself up. We all go through this once. But now you know what the pain feels like so don't let it happen again. Thing is, you can't just be her friend. You have feelings for this chick, even if they are misguided. A man would recognize his weakness and not put himself in a situation to be manipulated again; not pretend the emotions don't exist . It's also good to recognize that you have these feelings for her b/c you want what you can't have. That is the source of these feelings you have for her. I guarantee if tomorrow she called you up and you got with her, in a month the infatuation would be gone, the reality of her drama would set in and you would be like "what the heck did I get myself into". The emotion is something that builds each and every time you continue to pursue her. It's not love or good emotions. It's essentially stress that builds. Have you ever wanted to accomplish something so bad that nothing could stop you? It's the same type of stress-based motivation. Normally with stress we can release it by accomplishing the goal. But in this situation you can't release it so the tension just sits there unchecked. The stress is probably mostly sexual tension, since she lead you on so strongly. The best way to release this stress it is to channel it into accomplishing some other goal, or by pursuing another women. The best way to get the stress to stick around is to sit around and fantasize about her and pine away...if you like self-inflicted agony then by all means, it's a free country. But if you want to deal with it like a man, find something you can channel your energy into and stop dwelling on this moron. In the future, if a woman acts interested, go ahead and make a move, but if she's a game player, move on. Don't let that tension build again. I guarantee that game playing behavior would continue in the form of drama in a relationship with her... that's why she's single with 3 kids and playing games with a 23 year old kid. Pretty sad she has to manipulate a 23 year old. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" 1
bac Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 i think it's kind of telling that not a single woman has chimed in to say that she's led someone on intentionally. i think it's just something people don't like to admit, but they do it.. you should just be truthful, this is the internet and you're basically anonymous. what she did to me hurt me more because she's such a genuinely good person and yet she still went out of her way to hurt me. so if an exceptionally kind hearted woman like her could do that to me, then what about other women, who won't be as nice as she is? It seems that you are a natural drama queen. She did you a favor that she has rejected you. If she went out with you, your next steps would be much more dramatic. She could reject you after the first date, after the first sex, after the second date/sex or after a LTR. If you cannot handle a rejection after just flirting with you, you are not going to handle it any better after a date/or sex.
Author socrushed Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 Don't beat yourself up. We all go through this once. But now you know what the pain feels like so don't let it happen again. Thing is, you can't just be her friend. You have feelings for this chick, even if they are misguided. A man would recognize his weakness and not put himself in a situation to be manipulated again; not pretend the emotions don't exist . It's also good to recognize that you have these feelings for her b/c you want what you can't have. That is the source of these feelings you have for her. I guarantee if tomorrow she called you up and you got with her, in a month the infatuation would be gone, the reality of her drama would set in and you would be like "what the heck did I get myself into". The emotion is something that builds each and every time you continue to pursue her. It's not love or good emotions. It's essentially stress that builds. Have you ever wanted to accomplish something so bad that nothing could stop you? It's the same type of stress-based motivation. Normally with stress we can release it by accomplishing the goal. But in this situation you can't release it so the tension just sits there unchecked. The stress is probably mostly sexual tension, since she lead you on so strongly. The best way to release this stress it is to channel it into accomplishing some other goal, or by pursuing another women. The best way to get the stress to stick around is to sit around and fantasize about her and pine away...if you like self-inflicted agony then by all means, it's a free country. But if you want to deal with it like a man, find something you can channel your energy into and stop dwelling on this moron. In the future, if a woman acts interested, go ahead and make a move, but if she's a game player, move on. Don't let that tension build again. I guarantee that game playing behavior would continue in the form of drama in a relationship with her... that's why she's single with 3 kids and playing games with a 23 year old kid. Pretty sad she has to manipulate a 23 year old. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" you seem very certain that she's a total villian. It definitely makes me feel better to see the situation that way, but it also doesn't feel completely true. She has 3 kids because she used to be married. and in her culture, it's common for women to have lots of kids when they're young. She's from.. well, the "hood", i guess you might say. I just figured she had a rough life, and despite that she's able to be such a friendly and positive person. that's why I thought so highly of her. well, I guess it doesn't really matter how highly I think of her if she doesn't give a f*ck about me, right? you're right, i have to move past this. going to take up some boxing classes and meet some ppl on meetup. i hope someday I'll stop longing for her because I'm still feeling it.
TheFinalWord Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 i hope someday I'll stop longing for her because I'm still feeling it. Watch this vid: Don't Stay In The Friend Zone, Bro !!!! - YouTube
nessaaa Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I did this with one guy a couple years ago. I played with him becuase he was that easy. he was new class so the teacher was showing him around and he kept staring at me, made it obvious too. I always caught him staring at me. one day for no reason really, boredom... i wrote him a note saying that I liked him, he didn't believe it he was in shock. long story short and a lot of flirting, I told him I liked someone else... and he started pouting and for a while stopped coming to class.
udolipixie Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I did so becuase guys make me sick I thought you stated it was for no reason really/boredom?
nessaaa Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I thought you stated it was for no reason really/boredom? yeah but looking back on it, that's prob when my disgust in guys started happening. lawls...he should have known better. we barely knew eachother, why would i like him? cuz he's a sucker. loser.
Author socrushed Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 I'm going to work her shift again next week. It'll be the first time in almost 3 months that I'll see her, and it'll probably be very briefly. What do I do? The whole time I'll probably be very anxious and even longing to see her, but at the same time, dreading it because i'm scared it'll bring all my feelings back. I'm in the process of getting over her and i'm scared it'll completely set me back. how the **** do i deal with this?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 i think it's kind of telling that not a single woman has chimed in to say that she's led someone on intentionally. i think it's just something people don't like to admit, but they do it.. you should just be truthful, this is the internet and you're basically anonymous. The cold, hard, honest truth is that pretty much every woman (except for the really ugly ones that no one wants anyway) has led a guy on at some point or another. It may have been for an ego boost or some other reason, but all women do it, even though few will admit it. Men lead women on too...usually not for an ego boost, but to keep girls around as potential booty calls, when they don't want these girls for a relationship. I'm guilty of doing it myself more than once. Does that make me a bad person? Not really. That's just how the game is played. Being a nice person doesn't get you anywhere in the dating world (tried that too, when I was young and naive, and learned from my mistakes).
Author socrushed Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 um, i just saw her for the first time in a long time. why is she so nice to me? you know what she did? she sat next to me and stared me in the eyes while smiling and twirling her hair the ENTIRE time we made catch-up talk. i had to excuse myself and walk away because i couldn't stand being infatuated with her again. WTF.
truth_seeker Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 have you ever flirted and suggested to going on a date with a guy that you knew had a crush on you, but you had no intention of dating him? a woman I work with did this to me and it absolutely crushed me. i actually cried when I found out that the nicest sweetest friendliest woman I've ever met went out of her way to mess with my head and hurt my feelings. I'd like a woman's perspective on why someone who is generally kind-hearted would do that to me, repeatedly. and no, i wasn't misinterpreting, she would ignore my texts and calls, then flirt heavily in person, then repeat the cycle. then when I finally stopped giving her attention because I was so hurt, she asked if i was acting cold because her and I didn't go on a date, and that she's just been really busy and would love to go out. so I ask her out again, and the same thing happened. and that's when I started sobbing for the first time in several years. the only other time I cried was when i was contemplating suicide. has any women here acted as cruel and cold hearted as my coworker did, and why did you do it? Here is a suggestion for you: The next time she asks you why you haven't asked her out, you say this "Sorry, I've been talking to this other girl. She's younger. You know, closer to my age. She's pretty and really nice. How've you been?" What this will do is tell her that you've forgetton about her and moved on to someone else. Not just someone else but someone who is younger than she is. This will be a blow to her ego and will upset her. You reject her and make her feel old. It's only fair since she was using you for an ego boost. Put her in her place!
Affliction Shirt Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 i actually cried Would you like to dry your eyes on my affliction shirt? It's fine, go ahead, you couldn't possibly make this shirt more hideous than it already is. The only reason why I wear this is because I'm just too damn ripped and good looking. I feel bad for hogging all the women sometimes, so you're welcome.
NYC-BigKat Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You seem oversensitive to natural push-pull games that happen in early dating and meeting. Based on your OP, I don't see where she did anything truly manipulative or cruel, maybe inconsiderate, but there's a whole lot of that out there in dating land. In your shoes, I'd start approaching lots of women and just talking, try to get several prospects. That way when one flakes or shows low interest, your skin will be a bit thicker and you can just call another one. Good luck. Um...call another 1? How? He can get 10 numbers & all 10 girls might likely do the same thing. Its a painful cycle .
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