women, have you ever led a guy on intentionally?

[TheFinalWord]

I don't see how you guys think i've been misinterpreting from reading my posts. I was not misinterpreting. I had a big crush on her within the 3rd day of talking to her. I never acted out on it, and while she was extremely warm and nice to me, i never reasoned that she was doing this because she was attracted to me. I had low self esteem, remember, i just told myself she was an amazing human being to be nice to someone like me(not particularly good looking, socially awkward/weird). It was only a couple months later when she started FLIRTING. sexual jokes, touching me, rubbing arms/chest suggestively, joking about going out with me and having sex, asking me to take her out on valentine's day because she doesn't have a date, saying specifically she would love to go on a date with me when i asked her out after several weeks of being shy and staring at the ground whenever she'd flirt with me. then every time i actually text her or call her, she'd have an excuse or just flat out ignore me.

 

I just want to piece the puzzle together and know what she was thinking. so you guys say it's as simple as wanting an ego boost? after all those months of sticking up for me and being friends with me when other people wouldn't, she would really do a 180 and stab me in the back? She would really intentionally hurt me even though I've seen her do so many acts of genuine kindness both for me and for others with no ulterior motives other than for the sake of being a good person?

 

sometimes I just hate life. her actions were so incongruent with everything else she's done and it's so confusing.

 

 

In your opinion, are people allowed to change their mind? Could she have liked you and then stopped liking you? Is that even a possibility in your mind?

 

You have selective sight. You only see what you want to see: her good actions. You have to look at ALL of her actions.

 

She may flirt with you and show a low level of kindness (I don't consider someone helping you at work that much of a kind act, it's part of the job). But you can't piecemeal someones actions together like that. You have to consider them all.

 

When we say leading you on, we mean that she flirted with you, but when push came to shove, she was no where to be found. That overrides each and every "good" action she showed you. And I do not consider the nice things she did for you that big of a deal. You are inflating them and giving her way too much credit.

[Anela]

No, I haven't.

[TheFinalWord]

I think every man has gone through this. It happened to me when I was younger. As far as I can tell women that do this do it for an ego boost. They love having men around them that they know like them bcuz they have lead them on. It makes them feel better about themselves cuz they are probably emotional wrecks inside.

 

Definitely.

 

OP, I went through something similar, which is why I am being so straight forward with you. A lot of women like to have options. They have several men and they play these games until they decide to go for one. At best, you were a back up guy. If she perceives you are weak, you were never her first choice and if you continue to act like that you will never be any woman's first choice. You fell for her charm and she knew it so she played that game.

 

I guarantee this woman is out with some other guy. Which is why you need to start accepting that she is not worthy of you. Instead you have placed your self-worth and validation in her hands. That is always a mistake. Your identity needs to flow from who you are as a man. Emotionally women actually like that too, as they see it as confidence. When they see they have absolute power over your mind and can control you they may act interested and flirt, but they will never fall for a man they can overpower. It's against nature.

 

Time to take your manhood back. Pick yourself up....

Edited May 25, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[udolipixie]

Probably best suited to focus on other things in your life and work on your shyness, low-self esteem, and your lacking experience with gals. Most likely she isn't a generally kind-hearted gal rather you projected this onto her as she was the first or one of the few gals to show you attention and you got confidence from her.

 

Probably better suited to seek therapy or counseling for contemplating suicide likely this isn't stemming from this one incident but a general unhappiness with yourself or about your life.

 

Yes I've led a guy on intentionally several times with most of the times. Yes I've flirted and suggested going on a date with a guy I knew had a crush on me (sexually attracted to me) while having no intention of dating him. Yes I've acted as cruel and cold hearted as your coworker. I did it to entertain and amuse myself and saw no to low negative consequences for myself. Though I'd guess it had no to low negative consequences other than not rejection for the guys with the exception of those with mental disorders and/or self-worth issues.

Edited May 25, 2012 by udolipixie

[udolipixie]

its painful when girls do that but i'm not worth much. they enjoy it.

IF you're not content with thinking your not worth much perhaps try therapy, building an emotional support base, or finding fault in the reasons for thinking such. Though if you can't find fault then thry not letting such reasons dictate your feelings of self-worth.

 

If you are content disregard above.

[Eddie Edirol]

have you ever flirted and suggested to going on a date with a guy that you knew had a crush on you, but you had no intention of dating him?

 

They can only do that if YOU let them. If you ask for a date, and you get an excuse, or stood up, you dont ask anymore, and you dont make excuses for her. Thats it.

[Eddie Edirol]

Definitely.

 

OP, I went through something similar, which is why I am being so straight forward with you. A lot of women like to have options. They have several men and they play these games until they decide to go for one. At best, you were a back up guy. If she perceives you are weak, you were never her first choice and if you continue to act like that you will never be any woman's first choice. You fell for her charm and she knew it so she played that game.

 

I guarantee this woman is out with some other guy. Which is why you need to start accepting that she is not worthy of you. Instead you have placed your self-worth and validation in her hands. That is always a mistake. Your identity needs to flow from who you are as a man. Emotionally women actually like that too, as they see it as confidence. When they see they have absolute power over your mind and can control you they may act interested and flirt, but they will never fall for a man they can overpower. It's against nature.

 

Time to take your manhood back. Pick yourself up....

 

QFT.

 

Its just like how NYC street ripoff vendors prey on the kindness and ignorance of the tourists.

[mesmerized]

How old is she? Almost all women do it when they're young.

[socrushed]

How old is she? Almost all women do it when they're young.

 

she is 30, i am 23. 3 kids, divorcee.. while i have absolutely no life experience.

 

there's such a clear power difference between us, that I always thought she would view me as a little brother type of guy. I figured she could see how weak and alone I felt, and she would never prey on that and take advantage.

 

just... can you guys just reassure me that she probably didn't intend to hurt me as much as she did?

 

i know I should pick myself up and get over this *****. i'm working on it, i do have low self esteem and confidence but for the first time in my life i'm starting to take the steps to improve myself.

 

oh and thanks udolipixie for being the only woman in this thread who's been truthful so far.

[udolipixie]

What will it do to reassure you that she probably didn't intend to hurt me as much as she did?

 

I highly doubt the other gals in this thread were untruthful perhaps you think they weren't being truthful because they weren't telling you what reinforces your beliefs of gals.

[udolipixie]

i'm not content or happy but this is the way its gonna be. i'm ugly and chicken to ask girls out. i'll get laughed at anyhows.

 

If you have the mindset that's the way it's going to be to traditional dating there's porn, prostitutes, escorts, mail order brides. Or you could try traditional dating by taking advantange of an increased likelihood of success in places where gals outnumber the guys.

[socrushed]

What will it do to reassure you that she probably didn't intend to hurt me as much as she did?

 

I highly doubt the other gals in this thread were untruthful perhaps you think they weren't being truthful because they weren't telling you what reinforces your beliefs of gals.

 

i don't know. i figured someone could convince me it's just the nature of females to lead guys on and play with their feelings. then i could be content with knowing that my coworker is a good person and she just gave in to her nature this one time. and she didn't actually mean to hurt me and i could be friends with her again if i ever work the same shift as her again...

 

i hate how whenever i tried to be friendly with her i end up acting cold because she hurts me so much inside. and she tells everyone else that i'm being cold to her and makes it out like i'm the bad guy...

[Imajerk17]

she is 30, i am 23. 3 kids, divorcee.. while i have absolutely no life experience.

 

there's such a clear power difference between us, that I always thought she would view me as a little brother type of guy. I figured she could see how weak and alone I felt, and she would never prey on that and take advantage.

 

just... can you guys just reassure me that she probably didn't intend to hurt me as much as she did?

 

i know I should pick myself up and get over this *****. i'm working on it, i do have low self esteem and confidence but for the first time in my life i'm starting to take the steps to improve myself.

 

oh and thanks udolipixie for being the only woman in this thread who's been truthful so far.

 

Yikes, 3 kids?!

 

You and she were not compatible. Some might say you dodged a bullet.

[udolipixie]

How would it help for someone to convince you it's just the nature of females to lead gals on? If it's to help you feel better thinking she couldn't help it she could still have intended to hurt you whether it was just her nature.

 

Why do you hate that you end up acting cold when you try to be friendly? If it's concern of other's thinking you're the bad guy perhaps try not letting others view of you affect your view of yourself.

[Woggle]

This is why many men become so jaded towards women and then women get mad when men just hump and dump them.

[udolipixie]

This is why many men become so jaded towards women and then women get mad when men just hump and dump them.

Turnaround: Rape, assault, humps & dumps, sexual harassment, misgyonists, being called parasites, anti-American gals movements are some reasons many gals become so jaded towards gals and then some guys get mad when gals led guys on intentionally.

[Woggle]

Turnaround: Rape, assault, humps & dumps, sexual harassment, misgyonists, being called parasites, anti-American gals movements are some reasons many gals become so jaded towards gals and then some guys get mad when gals led guys on intentionally.

 

Don't try and turn this around on me. You admitted that you play with men and are cruel towards them for your amusement then you wonder why some men become bitter towards women. I don't believe all women are like this but those who do their best to further the stereotypes should not complain about some men being bitter. It's like a cheating man complaining about how some women think all men are dogs.

[udolipixie]

Don't try and turn this around on me. You admitted that you play with men and are cruel towards them for your amusement then you wonder why some men become bitter towards women. I don't believe all women are like this but those who do their best to further the stereotypes should not complain about some men being bitter. It's like a cheating man complaining about how some women think all men are dogs.

 

I turnaround to show logical fallacies as 'This is why many men become so jaded towards women and then women get mad when men just hump and dump them' implies that gals should be held for other gals actions and shouldn't get mad when guys are mistreating them or advocate mistreatment. It's like saying guys rape gals then complain about gals using guys for money, cheating on them, etc.

 

I actually don't wonder why some guys become bitter towards gals and I've never stated, implied, or suggested that I wonder why some gals become bitter towards gals. I couldn't care less if guys are bitter towards gals as long as it doesn't affect my rights and freedoms.

[Woggle]

Well I never raped, abused or even cheated on a woman so I have the right to complain all I want.

[udolipixie]

Well I never raped, abused or even cheated on a woman so I have the right to complain all I want.

'This is why many men become so jaded towards women and then women get mad when men just hump and dump them. ' is overlooking that perhaps those gals have the same right to get mad as you do to complain because they didn't intentionally lead guys on. Hence the turnaround.

[socrushed]

How would it help for someone to convince you it's just the nature of females to lead gals on? If it's to help you feel better thinking she couldn't help it she could still have intended to hurt you whether it was just her nature.

 

Why do you hate that you end up acting cold when you try to be friendly? If it's concern of other's thinking you're the bad guy perhaps try not letting others view of you affect your view of yourself.

 

so i guess this whole time, she was a cold hearted b*tch and her friendliness and niceness was just a facade? i have a hard time coming to terms with that, that's all. it makes me very confused to accept that.

[MaxNoob]

so i guess this whole time, she was a cold hearted b*tch and her friendliness and niceness was just a facade? i have a hard time coming to terms with that, that's all. it makes me very confused to accept that.

 

I'd just call that flaky. A girl leads me on when she knows I'm crazy about her and takes it to the point where I'm alone with her in her bedroom. She'll hug me, look into eyes and smile, enthusiastically tell me that she memorized my phone number, have dinner with me, and then suddenly reveal that she has a boyfriend which she's going to see. And on top of that, she'll act shocked and ask "what made you think there was anything at all"?

 

I had a girlfriend that cheated on me, got pregnant, and tried to trick me into thinking I was the father of her child; I guess you could call that leading me on as well.

 

So based on your OP, if that's what you're calling a cold hearted b#tch, consider yourself lucky.

[udolipixie]

so i guess this whole time, she was a cold hearted b*tch and her friendliness and niceness was just a facade? i have a hard time coming to terms with that, that's all. it makes me very confused to accept that.

 

She may have been or she may not. Why does it make you very confused that cold hearted b*tches exist or that someone's friendliness and niceness can be a facade? Did you think b*tches and people who put on facades didn't exist?

[TheFinalWord]

i don't know. i figured someone could convince me it's just the nature of females to lead guys on and play with their feelings. then i could be content with knowing that my coworker is a good person and she just gave in to her nature this one time. and she didn't actually mean to hurt me and i could be friends with her again if i ever work the same shift as her again...

 

i hate how whenever i tried to be friendly with her i end up acting cold because she hurts me so much inside. and she tells everyone else that i'm being cold to her and makes it out like i'm the bad guy...

 

Bro,

 

Why do you want to be friends with this woman? She is a jerk. My initial reaction is that she wanted a FWB and sensed you wanted more so backed off. I mean what chick with 3 kids in her 30s wants a 23 year old guy? That's against social norms for a good reason. What could you possibly have to offer this woman in a relationship? Think about it! Are you looking to become her kids step dad? What did you honestly think was going to happen? Snap out of it!

 

Now she plays the victim. Pretty much every woman does this when they things go south with a guy. Most men do it too. 95% of people never introspect to see what role they played in a failed relationship. Obviously this woman has issues to begin with if she's single with 3 kids going for a 23 year old. Then she acts like middle school and gossips about you Seriously, you dodged a major bullet like Imajerk said. You don't even need to defend yourself. Anyone with common sense sees through her BS. You keep wanting to justify her behavior, but there isn't any. She's got mental issues. You don't want to become friends with someone like that.

 

You've learned three lessons:

 

1) Look at a woman's TOTAL actions before judging how she is. Don't cherry pick flirting and ignore her shady behaviors.

 

2) Find someone in your age range without tons of baggage.

 

3) Don't date where you work. Maybe when you get older, but for the love of God you're way to young to deal with relationship drama at work!

 

So what if you act cold towards her. Let people say what they want. Absolutely do not try to become her friend.

[socrushed]

Bro,

 

Why do you want to be friends with this woman? She is a jerk. My initial reaction is that she wanted a FWB and sensed you wanted more so backed off. I mean what chick with 3 kids in her 30s wants a 23 year old guy? That's against social norms for a good reason. What could you possibly have to offer this woman in a relationship? Think about it! Are you looking to become her kids step dad? What did you honestly think was going to happen? Snap out of it!

 

Now she plays the victim. Pretty much every woman does this when they things go south with a guy. Most men do it too. 95% of people never introspect to see what role they played in a failed relationship. Obviously this woman has issues to begin with if she's single with 3 kids going for a 23 year old. Then she acts like middle school and gossips about you Seriously, you dodged a major bullet like Imajerk said. You don't even need to defend yourself. Anyone with common sense sees through her BS. You keep wanting to justify her behavior, but there isn't any. She's got mental issues. You don't want to become friends with someone like that.

 

You've learned three lessons:

 

1) Look at a woman's TOTAL actions before judging how she is. Don't cherry pick flirting and ignore her shady behaviors.

 

2) Find someone in your age range without tons of baggage.

 

3) Don't date where you work. Maybe when you get older, but for the love of God you're way to young to deal with relationship drama at work!

 

So what if you act cold towards her. Let people say what they want. Absolutely do not try to become her friend.

 

thx bro.. i guess you're right. She's got issues that i filter out because i'm so infatuated. It's just i've never felt such a mixture of emotions before. Feeling so much hurt and resentment for her, yet knowing that if she would take me i'd jump at the opportunity. It feels like i'm insane.

 

I wish I could be friendly to her like I was before, though. not only because i really enjoyed being her friend before she started the flirting, but i feel like a real man wouldn't let these emotions affect his behavior and cause him to act cold and passive aggressive.