Ryan86 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Hello All, I'm looking for help because every day is a struggle and I feel like I'm living a lie. It's been nearly a year after nearly 3 years of marriage that my wife cheated on me... repeatedly. While it was happening I knew something was up but I just trusted her so much I couldn't bring myself to call her out and be aggressive about it. I have gone to alcohol and video games since then to occupy my mind, but I cant get over the facts. We were fine, excellent sex life and relationship and one day this guy asked her out to IHOP. She worked 10-midnight, i worked 5 am to 5 pm, so our only time together M-F was after midnight to which I'd wait up for her. to at the minimum say goodnight. We didn't have a lot of time together but I trusted her, even after the IHOP 1 AM dinner they had... and hacking the computer history and seeing her look at his profile a hundred times a day on FB not to mention lying about IHOP... Shes a beautiful woman so I know its bound to happen, but I trusted her. I confronted her about the IHOP date and she cried and lied about it... Much drama, hacking and watching on my part found that the very next day even though she cried saying saying she didn't want to lose me she made out with him. Long story short 3 days later she had sex with him, then again 4 days after. As if that's not the worst she orchestrated it. She said I was a terrible husband, cheating on her, coming home late or not coming home at all ( even though i waited up for her every night) and that she was staying with a friend etc. The morning before their second time together she said that I didn't come home again and I locked her out of the house and she had to spend the night sweating and getting dehydrated in the Arizona weather in her car... all the while she was happily in bed with me. After ihop any time we had sex she had this get it over with look on her face... Which brings me to the next thing. I stopped trusting her during the 2nd time they had sex and I looked up his address on the white pages while she said she was talking with her boss. Once it hit 2 am I said enough is enough and I went out on my feelings with a loaded gun... and I saw and watched what no man should have to see of the woman that is his world. Thought of shooting them both, but at least I had some logic left despite the emotions. Went out to my car and waited, watched them make out in the street and followed her home from a distance and pretended I was out to the gas station as a reason I wasn't home when she got there. The next night watched them cuddle and make out, thinking the same murderous thoughts but refrained and confronted her when she got home. Especially after I had just recently found the fake e-mail she "wrote" to me saying it was over... that she "wrote to me" in his presence but according to her never meant it and (bull****) doesnt remember writing it. One letter to him said our marriage was "just a piece of paper." After confronting her she says its all a mistake and she doesn't know why she did it. What do I do... it festers in my mind every day... all day. Its insanity, she pretends it never happens... Oh and I should mention, this guy was her tattoo artist as well as her colleague (she was the receptionist) and her entire left arm is his tattooos, to which he put a signature on at the bottom... to me its a cumstain... one that everywhere we go people ask about it. As best I can do to get it out of my head... its revitalized anytime we go somewhere and someone comments on her arm.
Author Ryan86 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Perhaps I have to express what our relationship was like before... we agreed on everything, did everything together, and having both been cheated on before vowed to never do that to one another... Nevermind our marriage vows... to which she wrote off as just a piece of paper for this guy.. Not attractive or successful either... didnt even have a car... lived with his mom with no car or bank account.... It must be something I was lacking to deserve that guy having my wife right? She's my everything and I feel like nothing to her even a year of her loyalty later. How am I supposed to feel if 3 years of her loyalty means nothing after some food at IHOP takes her away?
firemanq Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 The pain and agony is just starting. Most every person here has been where you are and where you are going. Because we have been there, you will get support here, and sympathy.
Artie Lang Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 don't let sweep her this under the rug. she needs to prove to you that she wants you and NOT him! she must write a NC(no contact) letter informing him to cease and desist all communication; she needs to quit her job- as it violates NC -immediately; she needs to give you all access to her phone, e-mail, and social networking sites. in addition, you guys need to set up some counseling sessions to figure out what went wrong. if she will not/cannot abide by these stipulations, then pack her bags and send her on her way. she must do these things in order to earn your trust and love back. good luck.
Wanderer25 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 No kids? Run!! She seems to be a pathological liar and a sociopath. She got his tattoo? And then projected you as an abuser? I can never get over that. And things will get much worse in the future. Run away. This woman cannot be trusted at all. 1
bosunmate Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 No kids? Run!! She seems to be a pathological liar and a sociopath. She got his tattoo? And then projected you as an abuser? I can never get over that. And things will get much worse in the future. Run away. This woman cannot be trusted at all. I have to agree if you don't have children move on. Three years in and that's how she is treating you. Oh yeah leave the gun at home no person is worth doing time over. 2
jnj express Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 If nothing else her arm is gonna trigger you the rest of your life-----Tattoos, are OK, done tactfully---but when anyone gets their whole arm done, IMHO, it's way over the top---they just look like garbage Your so-called wife treated you like garbage, made you out to be a POS, and now doesn't wanna discuss it If you stay there has to be accountability on her part---It sounds as if you have done nothing, but just take her back---if there are no consequences---she will eventually just cheat again---cuz she knows she can get away with it She doesn't sound remorseful, or contrite,---she has to do ALL the heavy lifting to make your mge. work--- If she doesn't do the work, she doesn't care---you need to question her motives for staying---why is she staying???----she doesn't love you, so she must be staying cuz you are her bank acct. But bottom line, no matter what, everytime I had to look at her arm, I would probably wanna puke-----How much misery do you want in your life??????
RobD70 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 She hasn't giving you any choice, you have to cut bait and run. She made it so R is pretty much impossible because it would cost you your dignity and self-respect. Her lying to the OM just to get him to sleep with her tells you all you need to know. She doesn't love you or respect you and is a pathological liar. This is only the beginning of your nightmare, there is no happy endings for you here.
Cobber9 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Sorry to hear about your pain. I would recommend a separation, get your confidence back, and then proceed from there, but odds are you two shouldn't be together, given her betrayal, and worse yet, how she handled it upon confrontation. The tattoos for me take the cake, let her live with it, why should you look at that every day and be reminded? And please put the gun away.....not worth it 2
sad puppy Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 The first thing you should do is give your gun to a good friend that you trust, tell them NOT to give it back to you until you have sorted this situation out, and are in a better place in your mind. Do not take the chance of doing something very stupid in the heat of the moment that will destroy your life. Majority of crimes are committed in the heat of passion, remove that risk from your life. Second thing, end it. Life is too short, you don't have kids, why put up with it? What's the point? Here you are, a year out, and still in agony. Time to move forward towards a better place in your life. Your better life is one without her. Had you have ended this marriage when all this went down, you would've already been one year away from her outrageous lying and inapprpriate behavior. Think about it. How much more time do you want to devote to that awful marriage? Give away the gun. Take steps to dismantle the marriage. Life is too short. 3
Jethro Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Well easy, just cut her arm off, then you both can ignore it, only to have it happen again and in more dramatic fashion, and end with you shooting them both and spending your remaining days in prison driving yourself insane over it all. Or maybe this sounds just a little bit better... you can get the hell out of that toxic and false situation and find yourself someone that doesn't have the name of a man who's sperm has been inside her tattooed on her, will not cheat on you, will treat you right, and most importantly- doesn't have the horrible taste to think that IHOP is worth eating. The sooner betrayed men (or women, really) understand how many fantastic fish there are in this sea, the better off they will be!! GET... THE... ****... OUT!!!
drifter777 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 No kids? Run!! She seems to be a pathological liar and a sociopath. She got his tattoo? And then projected you as an abuser? I can never get over that. And things will get much worse in the future. Run away. This woman cannot be trusted at all. Yes - This!!! I know you are reeling from shock, anger, and sadness, but this is really a no-brainer. Your wife is a slut and is screwing some other guy openly. She has sex with him and then lies to your face. Reach down and find the courage to pack your stuff and walk away. Call a lawyer and end your sham-of-a-marriage and start your life over. The sooner the better. You will begin to feel better almost immediately because you are taking charge of your life and not letting her kick your emotions around anymore. Leave. Now.
Author Ryan86 Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I agree, and over the last year I have forwarded "your" words to her repeatedly. Truth be told she was raped as a virgin, drugged and raped. She says she has read (I haven't) several books that say her kind of behavior is a symptom of rape. On one hand I think its bull****... on the other hand how can I understand rape? She moved from Connecticut to Arizona after 2 weeks with me, we were in love... and got married 6 months later... never a disagreement til this guy entered the picture. It was like a ****ing disney movie. All of your input is what i've been thinking over the last year. I've played it out to her too, only when drunk of course. Now we're both pissed off... I just cant understand if she's pissed because of my insults or because they're true. I' m welcome to truth and a reset... but as long as she lies it pisses me off more... I hacked her cell and her PC I know everything they said and she lies to this day about things she said to him. I know sometimes if you do something wrong you should lie to save the ones you love... but she knows at this point i know everything EVERYTHING and she still lies... to save herself I think. And to the others she did cut it off immediately ... sort of... she said she was going to... then when hacking her phone records at work the day after confrontation, saw about 30 text messages back and forth.. to which she deleted when I came in the door and made up stories about what they were about. For **** sake... how much does it cost for a polygraph?
Author Ryan86 Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 don't let sweep her this under the rug. she needs to prove to you that she wants you and NOT him! she must write a NC(no contact) letter informing him to cease and desist all communication; she needs to quit her job- as it violates NC -immediately; she needs to give you all access to her phone, e-mail, and social networking sites. in addition, you guys need to set up some counseling sessions to figure out what went wrong. if she will not/cannot abide by these stipulations, then pack her bags and send her on her way. she must do these things in order to earn your trust and love back/quote good luck. She never told him the truth, she ended it, but made up more lies, or truth, said she missed and loved him but she was giving me another try.....
Bryanp Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Time to move on Ryan. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions speak volumes. Down deep she clearly has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.
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